back to article Channel Five reborn as Channel Five

Channel Five will as of today be known as Channel Five, or rather, Channel Five has regained the "Channel" it lost when it decided that "Five" was a more happening moniker for a TV station. The Channel Five logos before and after Five years after its 1997 launch*, Channel Five spunked not inconsiderable amounts of cash to …


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  1. Matt Bucknall

    I prefer 'Chanel 9'

    Buono estente

  2. Anonymous Coward

    Ooooo goodie

    Now if they can just increase the program to advert ratio to something above 10% then I might even consider watching it.

    Oh hang on though; the programs are STILL crap, so no, I still won't be watching it.

    1. GrahamS


      Do people still watch live TV then? I'd go mad if I had to watch all the adverts.

      Thank doG for Hummys. PVRs FTW!

      1. Mark 65
        Paris Hilton

        @Graham S

        Hummys? Sounds like something Paris would issue.

  3. Elmer Phud
    IT Angle

    Five News?

    I hope we don't get the sentiments of Desmond's hate-rag the Star echoed on Five News.

    1. Greg J Preece

      You seem to think

      That Five News can get worse!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Five has news????

      It's a little known fact but the televisual car crash that is 'Live from Studio Five' is classified as part of Five's news broadcasting. For anyone who's missed it, or has blindingly fast reactions with a remote; it makes 'The One Show' look like 'Newsnight'.

  4. JimC

    When I read the phraseology of the comments

    of the people who hate it on the linked website then my opinion changes from "Who gives a damn" to "if it annoys people who think like that maybe its got *something* going for it"

    1. Elmer Phud


      The hate comes from the Star which invents and inflates stories to attack and/or degrade anything Muslim.

      The hate feeds the EDL and feeds them lies that in turn feeds their racism.

      Desmond owns the Daily Express which is a pillar of modesty and what is right. At the same time Desmond owns several websites and publications that encourage misogyny through 'porn.

      If you like it -- I can only pity you.

      1. IsJustabloke

        I refuse to enoble a simple forum post!

        @elmer phud...

        I dunno whether to be impressed by your ability to bring race into a discussion about the relative virtues of two logos that have only the word "Channel" to distiguish them or to think that perhaps you should maybe take a stroll in the fresh air occassionally and then perhaps you'd realise the world isn't always quite as black as you seem to paint it.

        Option 2 I think.

        1. Elmer Phud


          doesn't matter - what's important is not the fluffy bits but the person that owns the station and the newspapers.

          Getting hung on up on the fluffy bits is exactly what is preferred these days - never mind the quality, here's the bollocks.

          Nice to see you've been pwnd.

  5. hokum


    eth eth eth, Chris Waddle.

  6. The Indomitable Gall

    Is it just me...?

    Is it just me or does that logo look like non-descript "Channel 5 News" logos from a million and one US "TV movies"...?

  7. bluesxman

    "Desmond announced the channel would be going back its roots"

    I for one welcome the return our late night smut puddling overlords.


    I really wish I'd not stumbled in on the old man watching that back in t'day.

    1. HRH Martin
      Thumb Up

      Smut Puddling?

      I think you meant smut peddling, but smut puddling is way better!

      1. bluesxman

        RE: Smut Puddling?


        I was, erm, attempting to keep my post in line with the best tradition's of El Reg -- by leaving in assorted spelling and grammatical errors that a simple proof reading would have easily identified.

        My story; sticking to it.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fiver? Five USA

    It'll be "interesting" to see what they do with their other freeview channels in the light of this.

    Channel 5er doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

  9. ShaggyDoggy

    Oh no

    Do we have to re-tune our videos again ???

  10. Magnus_Pym

    Double Standards?

    On the one hand we have the well known (and entirely correct) Reg hatred all things whale song inspired. On the other we have the we-ran-it-up-the-flag-pole-and-no-one-saluted judgementalism of the 'vox pop' comments.

    Who cares what people think of the logo. Put on decent programs and people will watch. Put on crap and they won't. Having the latest 'branding' that makes the target demographic feel 'warm and fuzzy' won't change that.

  11. Cazzo Enorme

    Quality slippage

    I noticed the quality slipping even further than I thought possible after the Dirty Desmond takeover, when a recent documentary had a misspelling in the title bracketing the ad breaks.

    (I know that means I've admitted to watching a Channel Five programme).

    Flicking through the channels over the weekend, I was also amused to see C5 trailing an "all new" episode of Law And Order. Originally broadcast in 2006.

    1. GrumpyJoe

      I saw that as well...

      "Secrets of The Vanashing Sphinx" - right there between ad-breaks plain as day.

      Thought it was odd at the time - is our education system THAT BAD that the person typing up the ident did not realise?

  12. Tony S

    Call me crazy

    I don't believe that changing the name / logo will make a ha'porth of difference.

    However, I would suggest that the quality and type of programming being broadcast might be more of an issue for most people.

    We seem to see nothing but a flood of glossy US imports, poor plotlines, rubbish scripts, second rate acting, remakes of 50s / 60s programmes that were shite then and are still just as bad, meaningless quiz shows or "reality" shows about pathetic c list celebs. It would be nice to occasionally see something with a bit more intellectual meat

    Mine's the one with "Miserable old Fart" on the back in studs.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      Re: "reality" shows about pathetic c list celebs

      I for one can't get enough of "Super-Mega-Extreme Celebrity Cooking/Cleaning/Sitting Down/Picking Their Noses"

      What's wrong with you man? Don't you appreciate modern culture?!!

      1. Tony S

        Funnest response EVA



        KIWMCACWMB innit

  13. Ian Ferguson
    Thumb Up

    Channel 5

    I look forward to a return to Channel 5's roots, including late-night soft porn films. I'm sure the Dirty Digger will be able to facilitate that.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Of all the free channels,

    Why couldn't this have been the one sold to Murdoch and shut down?

  15. HansG
    Thumb Up

    what adverts??

    Adverts you say? Not watched an advert on "Channel Five" for a while, I do enjoy a good CSI/CSI:NY/NCIS

    - MythTV User with commerial skipping!

    1. Annihilator


      Adverts you say? SD you say? 4 months later you say?

      Or alternatively get them from the US, at 720p, with the adverts pre-clipped, 4 months early.

  16. The Fuzzy Wotnot


    Dirty Desmond, the psycho smut-peddler of old London town!

    I think I last watched the channel around 5 years ago, it was iffy then so I doubt it has got any better since. He saved money sacking everyone and probably coughed up the same amount "rebranding" the station, all those brainstorming sessions and lunches at Satchi to come up with one extra word in the name, don't come cheap!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    ... do we have a video?

    1. Olafthemighty

      @ AC

      Yes, and you owe me 500 quid.

      Harry the Bastard.

  18. Jon Massey

    Wrong section?

    Why isn't this in "Channel Register"?


    1. Andy Livingstone

      'cos Editorial staff otherwise occupied

      Too busy checking crap stories about helicopters and cars that have no place here at all. Trying to impress Murdoch?

  19. John P
    Paris Hilton

    Going back to its roots?

    So does that mean they're going back to showing low-rent softcore porn on Friday nights? Ah, the good old days! :)

    Paris - speaking of low-rent porn...

  20. davenewman
    Paris Hilton


    Bring her back!

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Idents are unneccesary

    Why oh why can't the ident visibility be left to the set-top-box? Then the consumer can be given the choice of enbling or disabling them, or enabling with control over the alpha so we can protect our expensive high end Kuro plasmas from burn in from this sort of visual poo.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Idents are unneccesary

      I think you're confused by all this telly talk.

      Idents are the bits just before the programmes, used to identify the channel.

      The annoying logos in the corner of the screen are DOGs (digitally originated graphics). It seems to have become a tradition now that whenever a broadcaster changes their DOG, they have to ramp the brightness up for a week or so then put it back to the normal level.

      And as for letting the box generate it, many set-top-boxes can't render alpha levels in images over video, and if you could turn it off completely the marketing people would have panic attacks at the thought that you might not instantly know what channel you're watching should you want to know.

      1. AndrueC Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        There might be some truth in that

        >And as for letting the box generate it, many set-top-boxes can't render alpha levels in images over video, and if you could turn it off completely the marketing people would have panic attacks at the thought that you might not instantly know what channel you're watching.

        As an inveterate time-shifting PVR owner they may have a point(*). I'm barely aware of the concept of 'channels' these days. I have an EPG with a few hundred lines of text on it and I browse that looking for stuff to mark for recording but that's as far as it goes. The closest I come to the concept is knowing that when I reach the first gap I have to jump to 520 to get to the rest of the good stuff.

        (*)Although frankly I'd be happier not being reminded I can see how the idiots that work in marketing might be wetting themselves about that.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        So up the tech

        Current STBs may not be able to generate alpha images, but doesn't mean they can't start building that into newer tech. In fact I most current STBs can in fact do alpha as most can do alpha EPG, so they are capable of it.

        As for marketing, they can go F themselves. There is no place for them in the age of time shifting and tailored programming.

  22. William Towle


    ...ling Thunderbirds.

    <-- Brains, obv.

  23. Len Goddard

    Who cares?

    So the logo is changing? Big deal - I doubt I would have noticed if you hadn't told me.

    Actually, I'm positive I wouldn 't have noticed as I never watch the channel.

  24. King Jack


    They went through a phase with no logo at all. Then just as I began to warm to the station they brought it back. I have never watched a program on it since. Torrents are my friend. Thanks Five, or whatever you are called.

  25. quicksilver
    Paris Hilton


    So to save money they spent money on re-branding the channel?

    Is it just me or would it have been more cost effective not to re-brand and to keep using the existing idents for another year or so?

    Paris, because it's really not that difficult to work out ...

  26. Peter Clarke 1

    @William Towle

    Damn, you beat me to it!

    My vehicle is the bright yellow submarine.

  27. Paul Shirley

    The CSI Channel

    The CSI Channel would be a more honest name...

  28. MJI Silver badge

    I hate logos and they drop viewing figures

    I used to watch a lot of C5 during their dogless period, now I don't even watch the Gadget Show and that was the last one I did.

    Poor channel, knows how to annoy viewers.


  29. burundi

    Saving Money

    Surely the best way to save money would be to not splurge any on having a new logo and just leave the old one in place.

  30. Bunker_Monkey

    Just gimme!


    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      All Channel Five's money has gone on a brand new series of 'Hitler's Gardens' which will be followed by an entire season of Steven Seagal movies - forever.

  31. cheesey_toastie
    Thumb Down

    five - no wait...

    Just flicked onto "Channel Five", no sorry, "five" - oopps no, I do mean "Channel Five" and they started the Justin Lee Colins thing with the old 'five' dog - it was quickly removed and there was no dog until after the break. Well if they can't get it right then how am I supposed to?

  32. BeachBoy

    Fifth Channel?

    There is a Channel five I thought everything after 4 belonged to sky. Never watched it my self.

    If I want to see badgers in a state of undress Channel 4 is good enough.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      There are other good channels

      Freesat 108 109

      Freeview 9 15 80

      Most of what we record are on 108 and 109

  33. BillboBaggins

    A title

    So long as they don't play with their viewer topping Pepa Pig, they will not be loosing me or my kids as viewers.

    "I woke up this morning.

    The sea was still there.

    And so was the sky"

    Oh how we laughed. Those of you without kids will be wondering what the hell I'm on about.

  34. Dave 125

    Nude cheggers

    Channel 5 is dire; I don't know why they even bother. Last time I accidentally switched to 5, there was some sort of bizarre program where Keith Chegwin was the host. What's the problem with that? He was naked. Yep, a naked Cheggers. Unbelievable. And very sad to see his career has sunk to a depth where he would even consider accepting that assignment.

    BBC1 and BBC2 are pretty good. ITV is BBC without the good bits; Channel 4 is ITV without the good bits, and Channel 5 is Channel 4 without the good bits. And Sky is bazillions of adverts that you have to pay for, with occasional brief program breaks.

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