Queue much Southparkish Spontaneous Human Combustion!!!
Malawi is determined to “mould responsible and disciplined citizens” with a law banning the breaking of wind. The Local Courts Bill of 2010 is set to be presented before a forthcoming parliamentary session by Justice Minister George Chaponda. The legislation also targets ne'er-do-wells "disturbing religious assemblies", " …
Population density is high.
Infant mortality is high.
Infection rate of HIV/AIDS and other infections is high.
Life expectancy is low.
And as the old saying goes:
If you don't fart, you don't shit, and if you don't shit - you die.
If is this their government's way of enforcing population control, someone should tell them this is 2011, and there are better ways.
somebody who - like me - saw the post and groaned "Oh, god, another sad git who thinks that the height of wit is endless misquoting of snippets of a damn-near-forty-year-old film spin off of a TV programme that was starting to run out of ideas"
I mean, Holy Grail was funny.
When Cleese, Palin, Chapman, Idle, Jones did it. (Gilliam's bits weren't)
The first few times.
Now? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... STOP! STOP NOW! NO MORE!
And as for the Goon Show... <yawn>
Beanz Meanz Fatrz
How long a prison sentence do you get for being found in possession of a Jerusalem Artichoke?
As mentioned above how will they tell who did it? It's well known that the silent ones are the worst.
Though really if they are going to ban involuntary, unavoidable actions they should ban coughing which is known to spread diseases rather than fats which merely smell.
And it's quite likely any prisoner will have their sentance extending while farting in prison.
I can just see the Tory's putting some fart meters into our bottoms, if you've paid your fart tax, your fart comes out smelling like one of those automatic air freshner type smells, no pre-paid tax would mean it would smell like you've eaten loads of beans and a extremely high fibre diet, causing British Gas to come around looking for a gas leak lol
If we had it here, what if it like the smoking ban and you have to pop out in the fresh air to fart outside instead? Sounds like an idea to get out of doing a lot of work :-)
The Tories would install a fart tax meter and bill you on the methane content, although you'll be able to sign up for EU fart credits which you can write off against income tax. Labour would set targets for farts, you'll be fined if you don't fart enough, and get ASBOs (Arse-Supplied Body Odour) for excessively smelly farts. The LibDems will insist that everyone be free to fart, but encourage you to choose your diet to be fart friendly, and will end up agreeing to install fart meters provided the tax is on a sliding scale linked to smell. The DUP will ban farting on Sundays, and Sinn Fein will expect everyone to light their farts in the presence of legitimate targets. The BNP will deport any immigrant caught farting in public.
Oh boy, those chaps in the Malawian government are just ASKING to have their lunches topped off with a dusting of farting powder, followed by (of course) what every right-thinking and decent Malawian citizen would feel is their partiotic duty - a quick call to the boys in blue to tip them off about the indecent & criminal activities of the ruling classes ;)
Grenade because you can bet that politicians in Malawi dont have to go outside to smoke ... KABOOOM! (Guy Fawkes should have thought of this first)
.. I have a mate who was raised in Zimbabwe and knocked about with Zulus growing up - apparently farting was the number 1 social faux pas and was considered the most offensive thing you do in front of another person. As he tells it 'you can shoot his dog, f**k his woman and burn his house down - but never fart in front if a Zulu'
Should be captured and used as fuel to make electricity. I can envision receptacles all over, maybe right next to water fountains and fast food places. Imagine the money to be made by mass producing the first commercially viable fart universal capture and kompressions system: FUCKS.
It's bad enough being forced to nip out into the hall regularly when afflicted with unpleasant arse syndrome. Having to trek over the border into Tanzania every time the urge to drop a ripe snorter overcomes one could be considered excessive. For a start, you're unlikely to make it back before the end of the advert break.
Just out of interest, does that count as business or pleasure?
Likewise, finding that one's Zambian visa has expired just before a night out on the curry could be a bit of a downer.
"Every man loves the smell of his own farts." Indeed, 'tis so.
So the malawian pols Do Not Love The Common Man's Farts. But surely the do love their own!
Nature calls; no need to vote. All gone from here; I'll get me coat...
Methane flame for reasons the same as for all the others. In farts all are brothers!
And that is all! ;)