back to article BOFH: Look out!

“So what do the following have in common?” the Boss seethes “My desk drawer, the complaints box at reception and the boot of the deputy CEO’s car?” “They’re all places you can take a dump?” the PFY asks, pouring a little petrol on the flames of the Boss’ annoyance. “WHAT!?” “You’ll have to forgive my assistant” I interject …


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  1. DI_Wyman


    Friday is now perfect!

    Well it will be at 12:45 Z when I will be in the pub.


  2. Anonymous Coward

    when you need to go...

    ... and you can't find a toilet, the drawer and even an empty bottle start to look like a nice option, heck, the rubbish bin looked attractive few times!

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Surely not for 2

      A bottle o.O I don't know whether to be concerned, disturbed or impressed.

      1. Just Thinking

        Never heard...

        of a ship in a bottle?

  3. eJ2095

    Sounds about right

    Amount of time people stick a note under keyboard with password on is amazing.

  4. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge


    Rise of the not-so-Stationery Cupboard?

    Have a beer from the vending machine.

  5. Darren Murphy

    Another boss "learns" the hard way

    “Yeah” the PFY says sadly “Though did I show you the one I made which looks like one of those hospital cupboards? The door’s razor sharp and can cut through a drip line, a monitor and a patient call cable....”

    The company must have the most expensive Public Liability Insurance with the amount of "accidents" they have.

    you have made my friday once again Simon

  6. LesC

    Don't Blink...

    Excellent Stuff. Must be Friday afternoon at last!

  7. nuster100
    Thumb Up

    Another excellent episode!!!

    I should have learnt a long time ago not to read BOFH whilst drinking coffee, but Hey-Ho, lol

    Keep up the good work, Knowing this is coming on a Friday gets me through the week…

  8. Sandra Greer
    Thumb Up

    PFY scored well this time

    Excellence in project planning for contingencies:

    "The door’s razor sharp and can cut through a drip line, a monitor and a patient call cable....”

    It's 7:57 AM across the pond and I am giggling my head off as I get ready for work.

    1. M Gale

      Wouldn't work.

      Patient alarms are wired like house alarms: if you cut the wire or pull the lead out it goes off.

      Yeah, I'll go fetch it.

  9. Cyberhythm
    Thumb Up

    And so it is...

    "...that the boss has timed out of the conversation."

    Made me laugh. If I had a pound for every time I saw that egg-timer stare I wouldn't need to work any more.

    Well done Simon, another classic.

  10. Lottie

    superb as usual :-)

    Also, the time between updates is shorter of late, plus the stories are longer. This is excellent!

  11. MartinBZM
    Big Brother

    Cupboards, Vendingmachines and Shredders. Oh my!

    Ahhh, this just made my weekend.

    I'll have a naughty thought and a smile whenever I pass these around the vewy qwuiet building this weekend when I am doing upgrades and such.

    I believe I have some spare parts lying around somewhere and they will not be missed, I'm sure.

    Thanks Simon!


    P.S. I do not make threats, I make promises...

  12. Jacqui

    bhindi bhajji and beer (3B) vending machine

    I am waiting to find out what they do to the boss when he finds out about the vending machines modified to provide essential supplies (curries and beers) - but only when the PFY's NFC doorcard is close.

  13. The Gopher
    Thumb Up

    Good One Simon

    One of these days the "boss" is going to learn to keep quiet about these things and just let them be. Liability insurance they have that maybe that's why the banks collapsed really they had to bail out the BOFH's company. Jacqui - I do like the 3B vending machine, but how would you make sure the beer was cold and the Bhajji's hot? Why also do I think it is also time for a reshuffle at beancounter central or did they finally learn to just stay quiet?

    Now where did I put that barebones linux build just right for embedding.

    1. Dennis

      Re: Good One Simon

      "how would you make sure the beer was cold and the Bhaiji's hot"

      That's what Thermos flasks are for. They keep hot things hot and cold things cold.

      At the moment I've an ice cream and two cups of coffee in mine.

      1. Anonymous Coward


        They keep hot things hot and cold things cold.

        Yeah, but how do he know?

  14. Your Retarded

    Wireless Ian

    He's friends with wireless Sam, dontcha know.

    1. Alan Esworthy

      "Your retarded..." which?

      I have a retarded uncle and a retarded brother-in-law-in-law. To which do you refer? Oh, I see. We have another apostrophe-challenged person projecting or otherwise being self-referential.

      1. Steve Roper


        Is that your sister's husband's brother or your brother's wife's sister's husband?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ok, what did Simon

    do to the PFY's complier?

  16. D. M
    Thumb Up

    What, the boss survived

    this time? Something isn't right here.

    Now I would never look at those multi function printer the same, every again.

  17. bugalugs


    whatever could " the cleaner " have been up to before locking the boss's drawer and safe, re-sealing the complaints box and (after depositing a heap of incriminating evidence no doubt ) locking the Deputy CEO's boot ? Anything will happen !

    Sipping in rapt anticipation !

  18. Herby

    Shredder by BOFH??

    Doesn't it have a "pre-scanner" included. Just to make sure that nothing "valuable" gets shredded. That would be an excellent option!! Wireless, of course, and located near the "executive office". That would make an interesting device to have around!

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