back to article BOFH: Pepper-packing bot plot

Isn’t it always the way that the moment you get down to doing something important that requires a large part of your concentration, some idiot rolls up with an inane problem that just can’t wait? Like now, for instance, when the PFY and I are trying to quietly drill a small inspection hole in a recently delivered crate to …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    haaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaa

    Another one that had me laughing out loud.

    Keep up the good work, Simon.

  2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    I'm liking this new weekly BOFH

    Almost makes Fridays worth getting out of bed for.

  3. Danny 5
    Thumb Up

    i miss

    the old robot wars shows that used to be on TV :(

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      RE: i miss

      They're re-running them on Dave or Virgin or something.

      Just the other day I had the pleasure of watching Hypnodisk obliterate an arena full of foes.

      It was cool.

  4. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Re Blackwall Tunnel

    How do we deserve this: Friday after Friday, BOFH after BOFH... The best to end a week!

    Erm, I'll tell my friend to close his windows. His flat is right besides one of the ventilation towers of Blackwall tunnel.

    1. Annihilator

      Ventilation tower

      I walked past that thing for about 2 years before figuring out what it bloody was. Glad I don't walk past it any more though!

  5. call me scruffy

    I don't like the look of this arms race.

    Simon has CS gas and lusers, the other guys have shop dummies and rail-guns.

    Shop dummies are far more versatile than lusers. Rail guns beat CS gas...

    I dread to think what the BOFH has up is sleave for the next round...

  6. Daniel Snowden
    Thumb Up


    How long before one side hides a tactical nuke in the bots case?

    1. Anonymous Coward
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      tac nuke?

      Y'know, a kiss on the hand may be quite continental, man, but tactical thermonuclear weaponry is a guy's best friend.

      1. Dave Ross


        DR and Quinch, love it :)

  7. Lottie


    I can't wait to see how this all plays out.

    BOFH is getting VERY inspired these days.

  8. Huey

    Back to the robots =)

    “Yes indeedy,” I say. “Nothing quite like the absence of all GPS signals to indicate that a vanload of robo-geeks – in a confined space – has just entered a busy road tunnel with no safe means of escape.”

    I need a new keyboard and monitor!

  9. Wize

    If this goes off in public,...

    ...the robot people might get mistaken for terrorists. Mechanical remote weaponry and dangerous chemicals.

    All it normally takes is a baggy jacket and a fast run.

  10. Sir Runcible Spoon
    Thumb Up


    It's about time this series was animated

  11. eJ2095

    I want to see

    That Harry potter version with the sun loungers lol

  12. maniax

    “Railgun powered Shuriken launcher,”

    First it got me laughing, then it got me thinking. Should be easily doable...

    1. Markus Imhof


      doable, but easily? How do you impart sufficient spin on the shuriken when launching it from a railgun?

      Just for the interest, though - I don't want to start an international terrorist cell....

      1. barfridge

        Imparting Spin

        That's easy, you just put some kind of wear plate alongside the path of the shuriken, so the friction of rubbing against it gets transmitted into spin.

        1. Luiz Abdala

          re: Imparting Spin

          That's what mythbusters faced when spinning CDs to oblivion-y RPMs. No eletric motors they had could go over 10k-50k rpm.

          The solution? Compressed air. 10 bar on the edge of the shurikens on a really narrow launch tube should do it.

          Using air turbines simply maxed out their measurement apparatus. Plus it could help on the launch itself.

      2. Disco-Legend-Zeke

        The Availability Of...

        ...supercapitors ($200 US for 50 Farads) greatly eases the challanges of building a shuriken rail gun.

        Spin? Retard the pulses on one side.

        GREAT BOFH!

      3. tim 4


        not all shuriken are "star" shaped. there are specific varieties with individual names , several types are 'arrow' or 'rod' shaped. those would be fairly easy to launch using a sabot-assissted system, or a vapourising aluminum collar....

        1. Charley 1

          Good God

          Sometimes the Reg scares me.

          Maybe a railgun powered grenade launcher?

  13. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Sheer genius!!

    evil genius, of course

  14. Fred Flintstone Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    Applause, applause

    Oh yeah, da man is back..

    This has turned into a min-series all by itself - the first sequel I actually *love*.

    Anyone enquiring for the filming rights yet?


  15. nordwars
    Thumb Up


    Has someone found a new muse?

    Weekly updates and the best theme I've seen - Robot Wars!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Railgun powered Shuriken launcher

    WANT! NOW! It's so fluffy! GIVE ME IT NOW!

    Best one for a while too - love the dead-mans GPS switch, and the lager and and and and...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Learning from the master

    "Isn’t it always the way that the moment you get down to doing something important that requires a large part of your concentration, some idiot rolls up with an inane problem that just can’t wait?"

    Indeed. I had just sat down to read my BOFH, when someone came running to say that the accounting server is down, weekly reporting, yadda yadda.

    The ambulance has just left the building.

  18. SigKill

    Yes, ALWAYS

    "Isn’t it always the way that the moment you get down to doing something important that requires a large part of your concentration, some idiot rolls up with an inane problem that just can’t wait?"

    AYE-MAN brother!!!

  19. KLane

    Life imitating BOFH?

    From the Register itself!

    Robot goes berserk in Balkan lab: 6 boffins given dead arms

    Vending-machine repair unit's violent rampage

    1. MartinBZM

      imitating ?

      I'd say there was one geeky boffin been truly INSPIRED !


  20. Fractured Cell

    *puts on sunglasses*



  21. The Gopher

    I hope you....

    remembered the backup power supply just incase the geeks got smart and pulled the power. You are right just when your about to get into something interesting someone rolls up and demands action...

    I'd gave gone with CS Gas and a small flash bang just to make even more fun.. Gassed, disorientated and blinded totally.

    Would work :)

    Hmm more money for our hand crafted imported beer - hmm I want one of those but only for the bottle :D

  22. MartinBZM
    Big Brother

    Blessed we are ...

    ... with 3 brand-spanking-new epic episodes in just as many weeks.

    I love the development of this plotline; increasingly mindfull violence and malice aforethought.

    There shouldn't be a law to prohibit concealed arms integration in seemingly innocent apparatus.


    If you planning to go on a tour and visit The Netherlands just let me know and I'll introduce you to some really good beer.


    oh, and... Big Brother 'cause we're ALL watching for the next installment.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Good beer?

      The Netherlands?

      Are you kidding?

      1. ViagraFalls

        Beer from Limburg ftw!

        Limburg (the small appendix province at the south-east of The Netherlands) actually has some excellent brews. Alfa, Hertog Jan, Brand. All of them suprerior to the big brands most people tend to know from The Netherlands.

      2. MartinBZM

        YES! Good beer

        We might not make it, but we sure know how to drink the imported ones!


  23. Anonymous Coward

    I love shenanigans

    EVIL shenanigans!

    Well done!

  24. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    Oh Yes.

    The BOFH is really enjoying the competition. I thought he would, but I wonder if 'the others' realise just what they've got into.

  25. John Riddoch

    Thank you...

    for continuing the "Robot Wars" plot - highly amusing :)

    Keep it up!

  26. filthyjason
    Thumb Up


    Thanks for all the recent posts Simon!

    Cheers mate!

  27. Don Rickert

    Thank you

    This stuff brightens my life like an exploding sodium light bulb that's been hidden behind a thin sheet of robotic skin...

  28. Stephen Michael Kellat

    Film Grants?

    Has anybody optioned BOFH yet to film a series of programs? There is enough source material...stretching back to 1995 at the least...which would make this something that would have a decent on-air audience.

  29. Hombre sin nombre

    The robo-geeks may be able to turn this around

    I'd think getting the box into some manner of Faraday cage before opening it would prevent the activation of any remotely controlled devices, with the added bonus of unwittingly setting off the CS trap early. The robot folks may have thought of it, they made a shuriken railgun after all.

  30. gimbal

    British innovation at her finest

    Years down the line, we see that the same country in whose home was the Enigma-breaking enigma of the WWII era Enigma-breaking kit - that I don't know the name of - is also home to this fine work of High Literature, the BOFH.

    I see that the tradition of innovation is being proudly continued in the UK - BOFH, when self-advertising tech-heads have really shown their mettle ;)

    1. Svantevid

      Land of origin

      "we see that the same country in whose home was the Enigma-breaking enigma of the WWII era Enigma-breaking kit - that I don't know the name of - is also home to this fine work of High Literature, the BOFH"


      Ah yes... that would be Poland and New Zealand, respectively.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        That would be Alan Turing and the Turing machine.

        Yes, the Polish did break the Enigma code on pre war machines, but the cyphers and the machines were radically changed when war broke out.

        Mr Turing in Hut 8 was the prime force for breaking the new codes, oh and not an American in sight either ;-)

  31. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    You know...

    ..I always put Simon down as an ale drinker.

    Two mentions of that hideous brew called 'lager' in a single episode. I suppose I can forgive the last one, if it was an instrument of financial torture used on the PFY.

  32. Dan_Hibiki

    arms race

    how long till someone rigs it with a makeshift neutron bomb?

  33. Richard Bragg
    Thumb Up

    Simply return a harmless device

    with something delicate and valuable to the opposition inside. By this time they'll likely use one of those bomb disposal robots to deactivate and end up ruining their own possessions.

  34. djwayne

    is it just me?

    or does simon seriously need to publish an anthology of all his material as it would be a best seller and cheer up all us hopeless it geeks for years to come :)

  35. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

    If I were the other side...

    ... and had the kit to make a railgun, I'd have made some sort of HERF/EMP thing instead... Smoking 'puters everywhere,not to mention the support calls, would REALLY suck..

  36. Anonymous Coward

    BOFH Insipred Goodness

    I am wondering when the "Good" Master BOFH or the "Humble" PFY is going to hook up the Z-Pitch to the Robot and unlease the Robot upon the robo-geeks. Maybe with the introduction of some spare parts from the BOFH-Bot.

    Now if you'll excuse me i'll just grab my coat with the Z-Pitch Development papers and Skynet Plans and divide myself by zero...


  37. Big-nosed Pengie


    Black or white? Freshly-ground or pre-ground?

    Or perhaps you meant capsicum. Tch, Simon!

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