back to article Manchester cops hit Twitter - spoof feeds fall down stairs

Greater Manchester Police decided to show the world just how tough it is policing England's third city by tweeting every report it receives for 24 hours. The results so far tell a story of stretched resources, organisational confusion, police communications hijacked by criminals and pranksters, and coppers ending up in jail - …


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  1. Anonymous Coward


    Can't respond to calls as all our officers are tied up.

  2. PsychicMonkey

    was it

    the man or the dog that didn't like bridges?

    but really they are moaning that they have too much to do then decide to tweet about every bloody thing they are doing, thereby making their workload even higher.....

    1. Richard S

      press office

      The interviewee on Radio 4, presumably an high up officer, said "just some people in the press office" were tweeting. Which shows that no officers are tweeting, but also an indication of the respect they have for the people that have to type out the tweet.

  3. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Why did GMP attempt theft of a caravan?

    Are they short of office space, or do they need another holding cell?

  4. irish donkey

    Been watching this all morning

    Still no mention of them finding my laptop.

    Its been three years now. You would tink they would at least have a lead?

    1. NogginTheNog

      A lead?q

      For your laptop? Try eBay mate ;-)

    2. Olafthemighty

      @ Donkey

      But if they only had a lead how could you prove it was one that originally went with your laptop? Did it have a name tag?


    3. Tigra 07
      Thumb Up

      RE: Irish Donkey

      Well if they can get you the lead then the criminal can't charge the laptop anymore

    4. mmm mmm

      Stolen laptop lead

      You need dog section for that.

    5. David 45

      Mains lead?

      Well, the lead is no good to you without the rest of the beast, so that's why they haven't been in touch. 'S obvious, really!

  5. Graham Marsden

    You've just got to love the irony!

    Once again the authorities demonstrate their complete lack of competence in dealing with modern technology and end up having rings run around them by everyone else.

    I wonder if there's been a tweet of "drunk bloke driving jaguar crashed. he gave me funny handshake so i let him off with a warning"?

    Or "saw bunch of chavs burgling house but was too busy nicking car driver for 33 mph in 30 limit on empty road"?

    1. Danny 14
      Thumb Up


      but if they stopped the chavs then they might have been underage so identifying them is hard, proving burglary is hard enough so probably a hit to the detection rate and lots of paperwork. 33 in a 30 is statutory so an instant plus on the detection rate and the paperwork is a lot lower.

      The custody sargeant is also a prick so he never likes underage chavs being brought in.

    2. Anonymous John

      Nothing changes.

      "Could they not, demanded another, give up trapping speeders on the Lingfield road and bring their mighty brains to the elucidation of a mystery that was to cause every household in London the gravest concern?"

      Edgar Wallace - The Three Just Men - 1924.

      1. David Cantrell

        Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

        That's silly. The Lingfield road is full of grannies who don't know how to drive, so it's impossible to speed.

        1. PirateSlayer

          Really simple...

          ...don't fucking speed then the coppers won't stop you.


  6. Real Name

    Call 384

    This has made me laugh all day since they tweeted it. Its brilliant.

    I love this. They should keep it on!

  7. racingcadiz

    Third City??

    Cradle of the Industrial Revolution, internationally recognised brand, creative powerhouse, continuing centre of sporting excellence. Manchester is the nation's second city, and only a brummie or whoever at the GPO (as was) determined the area codes would argue otherwise.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Second city

      In purely geographical terms (how big it is!). Of course we all know it's the UK FIRST city in all other respects!

    2. Anonymous Coward

      Certainly not the second city... anyone who's actually been there. Maybe 5th, or 4th at an absolute push.

      Anonymous. As I don't fancy being shot.

      1. Red Bren

        Actually it's 7th

        According to

        London 7.2 Million

        Birmingham 992000

        Leeds 720000

        Sheffield 512000

        Bradford 467000

        Liverpool 440000

        Manchester 420000

        1. Robin Tong

          Population facts...

          According to that website the London figure of 7.2 million is Greater London (not the city it self). So in that light, Greater Manchester has a population of 2.6 million. I hate the way they always have to portray London as so far ahead of everywhere else in everything. Make sure you include all small print with your arguments!

      2. Anonymous Coward

        I thought that comment would get the mancs backs up...

        To be honest you're lucky the report said 3rd.

        Strictly speaking Manchester is the 9th (yes NINTH) largest city in the UK and only the 7th in England. I would be more annoyed if I lived in Liverpool, Leeds, Sheffield, or Bristol...all of which are larger than Manchester. People 'think' Manchester is larger due to the footie teams and airport.

        PS. Birmingham is over twice the size (and population) of you have a long way to go before you can moan about not being second. And all of the above have some way to go to reach London (even if added together).

        For the record...the 4rd largest city in England is Liverpool (followed closely by Leeds, Sheffield and Bristol).

        1. gurner


          The list is nonsense - the population of the city of London is 7900.

          Compare like with like - don't compare cities with conurbations.

          1. PirateSlayer

            Any such thing as...

            ...Greater Leeds?

            Manchester + Greater Manchester = large!

    3. Anonymous Coward

      Manchester, also known as

      Strangeways open prison wing

  8. ciaran
    Thumb Up

    Can we have more pranksters

    Those tweets were good, can't help chuckling. Makes me want to go and look at twitter! Nah ;)

  9. Anonymous Coward

    I blame "The Bill"

    Having spent a year in the Met Police (some 30 years ago now) when I was younger I can confirm that you get a number of very weird calls.

    Can remember getting a call about Goats running around some flats in inner London eating the bushes, as there used to be a occaisional "wind up's" of newbies from bored radio operators I went to this one with an "ok, let's let them have their fun" sort of attitude, was only when I got close to the location I ran into a very harassed looking guy shouting "back in a minute, just got to get some ropes to tie my goats up", sure enough 3 of them nibbling the privet hedges.

    Some of the older guys later told me they'd chased all manner of unlikely creatures including a wallaby, and the unforgettable tale of the guy who kicked a known villains door in to be confronted by a lion (before the dangerous animals Act, beats a pit bull any day!)

  10. Anonymous Cowherder


    I'm sure a large number of us on here are used to seeing IT support requests submitted from people who do not know one end of keyboard from the other - this has been a real opener into a world of people raising "support" requests who do not know one end of life from the other.

    Stabbed horses, car handles smeared in shit, sexual assaults, harassment from ex-partners, burglary, fighting, car crashes, theft, drugs, dog attacks...

    It has been enthralling.

    It has also been soul-destroying, I bet this is an average day for the call handlers, it really is sickening to see what kind of a society we actually live.

    We've messed up boys and girls. We might have 2TB harddrives, wireless internet, suspension bridges, self driving cars, rockets built in sheds et al but scratch the surface we've got:

    call 1425 Threat by ex-partner #gmp24

    call 1430 sexual assault #gmp24

    call 1423 Suspicious man in the garden on Tuesday night in Wigan #gmp24


    It will be the same again tomorrow and the day after and the day after...

    1. Martin 19

      The reason

      "Stabbed horses, car handles smeared in shit, sexual assaults, harassment from ex-partners, burglary, fighting, car crashes, theft, drugs, dog attacks..." - Just another day in Manchester

      "soul-destroying" - like I said...

      "We might have 2TB harddrives, wireless internet.." - not there they dont.

      /coat, obviously

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    "England's third city"


    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Or more correctly..


      1. Peter Brown

        or even 3rd

        the way most people would define Manchester

  12. John Browne 1
    Thumb Up

    Twitter is actually funny for once.

    Another first for GMP ;-)

    Seriously, though, a lot of American police forces post the blotter on their websites. Maybe GMP should have tried that before braving the jungle of social networking.

  13. blackworx


    Call 242 - report of broken window (both sides) #GMP24

  14. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    Am I naive or... letting the world eavesdrop on police live data somewhat less than a good idea?

    Or maybe the idea is to trick naughty boys and girls into incriminating themselves.

    "Arrested Dixons truck driver for DUI in Muggins Road. He says I can't bcs some1 will probly nick all the HD TVs out the back. I say don't worry I'll come back in an hour 2 check ok."

    Some other fine Two Ronnies should-be moments:

    "Call says a deep hole opened up in the middle of the high st. squad car 5 team are looking into it."

    "Toilets are blocked in the cells. Lady next door says she has seen inmates going over the wall."

    "Prison van 2 court collided on motorway with a cement mixer, be on lookout for 5 hardened criminals"

    "Boat on the canal with a load of red paint has hit another boat shipping purple paint. both crews were marooned"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re eavesdopping

      Back in those ancient days when I was a child, the magic of getting one of the new "VHF" radios was not the clarity of reception of the home service, it was being able to listen in to the police car radios.

      I'm told that this was actually used by, err, older people for more than just fun.

  15. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    There are those US Internet Police Scanner streaming sites..

    These are oftentimes hilarious, sometimes not.

    Also, the operator ladies let loose with some really lowbrow wisecracks.

  16. Stratman


    Surely it's no coincidence this appears, showing the world how overstretched our wonderful boys in blue are, at the same time a Public Spending Review is imminent.

  17. Huey


    Call 3026 Suspicious man wearing cape in Bolton - police attended and no sign of man #gmp24

  18. mhoulden

    Stranger than fiction

    It's difficult to tell the difference between the spoof accounts and the real ones. Here's some genuine ones from, complete with typos:

    Call 2597 A group of five young boys drunk, officers attend. They were just five scouts walkking past a takeaway, Trafford #gmp24

    Call 2841 A suspicious man was whistling in the street last night in Chorlton #gmp24

    call 1634 suspicious men carrying a snake, Bolton #gmp24

    call 2698 possible sighting of wanted man. Police stop man and find he is not wanted. #gmp24

    1. Gianni Straniero

      Re: Stranger than fiction


      Call 3113 Noises from empty property. It is believed property is being removed. Officers attend. Nobody seen. #gmp24

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I hope they introduce a delay between reports and tweeting them or the get-away driver will be sitting outside in the car watching his twitter feed on his smart phone for any mention of a silent alarm at the bank he's waiting outside!

    My local Fire brigade have been doing this with a feed on their website for quite some time (i.e. >140 characters). As a photographer this has resulted in some great photos, and some of the reports are barely able to disguise the amusement of the operator. Such as the guy who tried to deal with a spider for his girlfriend with a can of hairspray. When the sprayed spider retreated out of sight he chose to illuminate the dark corner with a cigarette lighter... The resulting rapid combustion of the hair spray propellent swiftly removed him from the bathroom and dumped him on the landing!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    TBH, I already know lots of this, a close family member is a copper and with a little nudge they'll often tell us of the utter chavvy futility of much of the work they do. Anyone who read Inspector Gadget's blog or Copperfield's blog will also know how screwed we are.

    Of course, the best reason for it was to follow GMP24_0.

    Call 049 - PC Bob's at the chippy now. What do we want? #gmp24

    Call 051 - PC Bob informs us of lacking cod. Will haddock do? #gmp24

    Call 052 - Chip shop owners report male customer has become abusive over lack of cod and is refusing to leave. #gmp24

  21. Loki 1

    Great stuff

    Call 3113 Noises from empty property. It is believed property is being removed. Officers attend. Nobody seen. #gmp24

    What? Someone trying to steal an entire house?

    And in 24 hours they made 341 arrests? Ok, i know manchester is a city, but doesn't that strike anyone as a rather large number of arrests... is Manchester such a criminal city? Ok, ok, don't answer that one.

  22. JaitcH

    Typical of police the world over - we need more money even if you are cutting!

    This is just an attempt to persuade the public that police need yet larger budgets, even whilst the rest of the country is suffering from cutbacks.

    Happens in the U.S, Canada and Australia, etc. Let them make so with what they've got - which is generally much more than they had only two years ago.

    They also should monitor those 'sleeping patrols' who seem to find out of the way spots to hide in.

    My late Mother never was a deep sleeper and the beeps from the Plod radio's, from the local 'sleeping patrol', always woke her and she occasionally called in a 'suspicious noise' complaint which often resulted in the shift sergeant catching the sleepers who, despite repeated incidents, never did figure to sleep elsewhere.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    3200 incidents in 24 Hours.


    "Greater Manchester Police currently employ over 4,000 police staff "

    Wish my job only had 1 task per man day...

    anyway what was the point again?

    1. PirateSlayer
      Thumb Down


      Are you a New Labour supported? You can't measure the success of a police force only on the number of incidents it deals with. Remember...they're nice to have even if there are no incidents!

      Please don't become either an NHS manager or a Police commissioner.

  24. dirgegirl

    Something in the water

    Call 3003 Reports of four foot doll or robot on Princess Parkway near M56 - officers attend but nothing there #gmp24

  25. G Wilson

    Bring on "The Cuts"

    It's so unlikely the police will ever accept that such propagandizing is not part of policing, it appears the most effective way of slowing them down will be starving them of the funds they waste.

    (If they can bring themselves to sack the assorted marketing-driven idiots rather than getting rid of actual police, that is...)

  26. Harry

    "Police stop man and find he is not wanted."

    Please send our sympathies to the unwanted man.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: "Police stop man and find he is not wanted."

      I know, I felt a bit sorry for him myself.

      1. Anonymous John

        Re I know, I felt a bit sorry for him myself.

        Who are you and, why are you using Sarah's ID?

  27. Stefing

    A genuine one:

    Call 674 confused man reporting his tv not working #gmp24

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