back to article Monkey squad sent in to secure Commonwealth Games

Indian authorities have drafted in a crack troop of monkeys to guard foreign athletes amidst the ongoing carnage of the Delhi Commonwealth Games. AFP reports that New Delhi council has drafted in ten langur monkey handlers fielding as many as 38 of the fearsome primates. While the key image of the Games so far is of …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    As usual Briatin is a world leader in this field.

    We've been employing gangs of roaming monkeys in this country for many years.

    We give them a uniform a clip baord and a peaked cap. Then they work as Security Guards, Bouncers (aka Entrance Executives) , Wheel clamping Operatives, Parking Enforcement Officers or Wardens and / or as Police Community Support Officers, some of the less intelligent ones find employment in local government as Outreach Co-ordinators, Social Workers and in the Refuse and Recycling Departments.

    One council even employed some chimps in their finance office. You may have seen them recently in the news regarding a transfer of money to some 419'rs.

    However generally we eschew the smaller breeds tending to concentrate on the Gorilla / Baboon variety.

  2. Code Monkey

    I'm actually going to watch the Commonwealth Games

    The comedy potential is increasing daily.

  3. Annihilator Silver badge

    Monkey News

    Has Karl Pilkington, no longer having his podcast channel, resorted to putting stories in the Reg? Sounds remarkably like one of his Monkey News.

    Oooh, chimpanzee that, monkey news.

  4. Rad

    Western jobs

    Western programmers are relieved to get back 38 jobs

  5. Scott 19

    And after

    And after the games the monkeys and there handlers will going back to there day job as wheel clampers.

  6. Anonymous Coward

    I guess

    It's a monkey eat monkey world out there.

    This is the kind of problem that Q-Basic was suited to.

  7. Nev Silver badge

    Monkey Tennis Please!

    I'll watch the games if they put it on as an event.

  8. s. pam

    Where's Lord Ha-Ha when you really need him?

    Guys and Gals,

    Welcome to a preview of London 2012, get your tickets here!

  9. ian 22

    "overflowing toilets"

    Monkeys are brilliant at throwing poo. I see them correcting the excess athletic effluent problem in record time.

  10. FozzyBear

    I'm with code monkey

    I'm definitely watching the games now. put one of those king cobras on the starting line for the 100M I'm sure you will see a new world record.

  11. Mr Larrington
    Thumb Up


    Monkey butlers!

    That is all.

  12. andy gibson

    How many monkey security guards will there be?

    Nelson: "How many monkey security guards will there be?"

    Bart: "One at first, but then he'll train others"

  13. Chris Seiter
    Thumb Up

    The monkey stole the title

    I have a new idea for physically securing server rooms now.

  14. Gerrit Hoekstra
    Thumb Up

    And then redeploy the monkeys as programmers

    That should fix all our offshoring problems!

  15. NemoWho

    Playmobil Recreation

    ...of the Delhi Mayor being overthrown by primates or it didn't happen.

    Mine's the one with a pocket fulla feces...

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