back to article Voice of America chap ejaculates over Paris Hilton

Our revelation last week that the US of A will attempt to win Middle Eastern hearts and minds by pumping out a weekly celebtastic show featuring the antics of Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears didn't go down too well at the Voice Of America. It appears we were too quick to condemn Splash News and Pictures' …


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  1. JayB

    Pop Culture?

    A large interest in American Pop Culture does NOT mean they are in favour of it.

    Honestly, where do they find these muppets?

    POP - Pretty Obviously Purile/Pointless/Pathetic.

    Badgers, for no other reason than I like Badgers.

  2. Richard 81

    Oy vay

    "...attempt to win Middle Eastern hearts and minds by pumping out a weekly celebtastic show featuring the antics of Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears"

    That'll go down well with the clerics. I can't imagine many things that'll have a more polarizing effect on Islamic cultures.

  3. Anonymous Coward

    Primary objective fail

    “present a balanced and comprehensive projection of significant American thought and institutions.”

    I'm sorry, I thought that the primary objective was to make the peoples of other countries like America?

  4. Bill Neal

    Once again Lester...

    Thanks for making my day!

  5. Anonymous Coward


    What moral VOA has to make such a supid comment?

  6. Naughtyhorse

    furry front bottom???

    that's like so 1980's

    1. Gordon 10
      Thumb Up


      Kudos for using both Front Bottom and Grumble flick in the same article. 2 Sets of words guaranteed to amuse the 14 yr child in me.

    2. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: furry front bottom???

      I know. I'm so old I can almost remember what one looks like.

    3. Marcus Aurelius

      Re: Furry Front Bottom

      I thought most of them come totally depilated nowadays

  7. Jon Press

    For a moment I read...

    ... Vice of America.

    But it seemed an unlikely singular.

  8. S Larti
    Paris Hilton

    It's a cunning plan, I tell you!

    They're not aimed at defusing potential al-Qaeda suicide bombers. They're designed to make them go off prematurely.

  9. jake Silver badge

    Speaking as a Yank & (sometime) world traveller ...

    About the only thing I ever found useful about the VOA was the occasional baseball broadcast. In my mind, the VOA is a caricature off all that's bad about American broadcasting.

    And that is saying a lot, innit.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A long time ago in a land far far away

      Well, Edinburgh late 80s.

      I was back on campus during the holiday's to catch up on some lab work ( ie a sort of practical resit as a result of wasting too much term time on Gauntlet)

      My only comfort in the evenings on a effectively shut down site in my room on campus was a radio. The only two stations I could pick up effectively were VOA and radio Luxembourg.

      Despite the fading in and out and the endless repeats of adverts for foot powder, the latter just about kept me sane. The former did nothing for my understanding of the USA.

      (At some level that story sums up how I wasted my university years, and I do mean wasted)

  10. JaitcH

    VOA is no BBC International

    VOA is stultifying, boring, broadcasting by committee. It is only bettered by the commercial religious transmissions for power wastage.

    These religious types are running 500,000 watt transmitters in the AM band in the Philippines to China and VietNam where the most popular receivers are FM! Same with VOA, except they use shortwave.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Gentlemen, I think we have ourselves the first cat fight between the Register and the American government. This could run and run (hopefully)

    Let's hope Lester didn't have any plans to visit the Land of the Free any time soon.

  12. Peter Simpson 1
    Paris Hilton

    VOA has an obligation to report on it, explain it and give it context.

    Or, they could take the higher road and not give Paris and her associates the publicity they crave.

    I can't wait to hear how Paris is explained and given context.

    //who else but...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    bunch of arse

    VoA is a propoganda tool of the CIA. And do they really think this dross will help in "The War Against Terror" (T.W.A.T.) More likley to prove the point that the United States are in fact the great satan and utterly devoid of positive attributes.

  14. Dumple McWhartingcock
    Paris Hilton

    Butthurt, Vacuous, Gossip-Pedaler is Butthurt

    LOL it amazes me how dropout scum that get paid from wittering on about inane celebtards behaviour can become so defensive and angry when their vapid way of life is challenged in the slightest manner. I especially enjoy how he has tried to justify his pathetic reports with such an attempted argument, that at first sounds very forthright, but then you are remided about the shallow content of what he is banging on and pity this lifeless cretin. It's hilarious that he thinks commentary of Lady GaGa's latest twitter post requies "editorial judgement" roflmao ect.

    Paris because she gets butthurt regularly.

  15. Chris Hunt
    Paris Hilton

    First time for everything

    This must be the first time Paris Hilton has found herself associted with "significant American thought".

    1. Marcus Aurelius

      Not quite

      If I recall she did a thoughtful election video during the last campaign

  16. Kwac


    Of course, Paris Hilton being top of the pile in Hollywood.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton


      Top of the pile? The shag pile, I presume.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I wonder if he had to check the spelling for that before writing the email, because I doubt it's a word many staff at VOA have encountered often. If they have, they evidently decided not to let it pollute their programming, most of which resembles what would happen if you left the Tellytubbies in charge of Fox News for a year.

  18. George Nacht

    I am afraid...

    ...that the last paragraph of the article pretty much sums up 90% of today´s media. And I am not talking USA only. The remaining 10% are hobby magazines and El Reg.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      re: "I am afraid..."

      Bollocks to you mate.

      Last I checked, BBC Radio 4 was neither of those, with better news, current affairs, drama, satire and angry commentards than almost anywhere else.

      If you will insist on consuming Sky/ITV/Fox/CNN/wutevars, then you get what's coming to you.

      1. BlueGreen

        and Bollocks to you too

        if you consider R4 all that, what with its moral maze, thought for the day, woman's hour, etc. it's pathetic OTT drama (all performed by actors who haven't sussed that real people don't sound like that, screenplay by people that ditto), and its 'let's poke it with a stick' newscasters (including that silly cow caroline quinn who can't for the life of her work out the difference between asking a hard sensible question and giving someone a hard time), and their obsession with the minutiae of westminster politics ('red gobshite said pointless X about the opposition but blue gobshite responded vacuous Y and we'll have an interview with the both of them later because floods in pakistan are getting booooooring'). And their science program? Have you listened to the shallowness of it, larded with 'jokes'?

        It's news is ok, its comedy is outstanding, that's about all I have to say. Then again, familiarity breeds contempt and I *have* seen fox news but I guess my brain actively tries to wipe the memory out of mercy, so my recollection is fuzzy.

        Flame on.

        1. Anonymous Coward

          re: Bollocks

          Agreed squire...

          R4 lefty fascist bollocks... All of it.

  19. Anonymous Coward

    Did he really write

    "...indicate an large interest..." or was that a typo?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      He probably did write "an large interest". It's something I've come across in stupid people. Many people think that because "an interest" is correct the letter "n" should remain even if you stick an adjective between "an" and "interest". It's because they don't realise what the "n" is there for.

      1. MonkeyBot


        ...given the grammar in the rest of his email.

        "...people who come from the regions VOA broadcasts are directed."

        Missing an "in which".

        "to be ensure standards are maintained."

        Should be "to be sure" or "to ensure", surely.

  20. Ally J
    Paris Hilton

    "significant American thought"

    Just beautiful. I have been snorting and snuffling with repressed giggling at this article - a great mix of unintentional irony and traditional smut.

    Poke them again, go on. I want to hear them talk about Ms Hilton some more.

  21. Blake St. Claire

    Where's Ms Bee?

    She needs to explain the other meaning(s) for "ejaculate."

    The same way she explained yesterday -- in the article about the Playboy centerfold -- that a "stiff one" sometimes means something other than an alcoholic beverage.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Where's Ms Bee?

      Sorry! Here I am! Using the word 'ejaculate' to describe an effusive verbal outpouring is funny because 'ejaculate' also means 'to spunk everywhere', do you see?

      Ha! I'm glad we all understand. Wordplay is fun.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    V.O.A. 0 - Lester Haines 1

    Excellent use of the phrase "furry front bottom". We should see more of it.

  23. Anonymous Coward 3
    Thumb Down


    Oh bugger! For one beautiful moment I thought it must be Friday.

    1. Jonathan Richards 1

      The Weeks Headlines...

      are your friend. For me, it IS Friday

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Enthusiastic thumbs up!

    Love the commentary. :-)

  25. Pirate Dave Silver badge


    "Hollywood, its celebrities and American media are among the United States’ largest institutions and exports. "

    Really? That would explain a lot. I thought we were known for Democracy, Science, Industry, and Agriculture, and all this time we're really just famous for producing pictures of whores and weirdos. I've never been so proud of my country as now...


    1. Vic

      Our fiends across the pond...

      > I thought we were known for Democracy, Science, Industry, and Agriculture

      Well, you're known for Science, Industry, and Agriculture...


      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

        Democracy, Science, Industry, and Agriculture...

        More like science and agriculture these days... most things you can find in the US is made somewhere in Asia. And the rest sucks.

        Although come to thing of it European agriculture is more productive actually so make it just science. And Japan and various European countries might have an objection there, too.

        OK, so you're really famous for an aggressive military approach of international affairs, commercial cinema, and finance.

        And software/ITservices. (Also hardware? As seen in Boston last week: "Boston is home of the first computer in the world (MIT)". Yeah, you keep telling you that.)

        1. Pirate Dave Silver badge

          I dunno

          I've been taking welding classes of late (midlife crisis, I think, as IT is getting brain-numbingly boring to me), and we still make good welding machines here in the US. Better than the stuff from China, at least. Although I don't doubt the best welders probably come from the Swiss or Germans, but, as the instructions aren't in American English, we can't use them. heh.

          And our "aggressive military approach" has a purpose. We pay scads of money in taxes which are used to buy weapons and we want to see those weapons USED, not rusting away in storage. Our Constitution pretty much precludes us from using them on ourselfs, so...

      2. Pirate Dave Silver badge


        point taken.

  26. foo_bar_baz
    Thumb Up

    Another one bites the dust

    Yet another *tard trolled by Bootnotes ... Bootnoted. Or is it Lestered? LesHained? Registered?

  27. Anonymous Coward

    I don't think we get enough coverage of these

    'howling Lesbian prison gang ordeals' you report Lindsay Lohan undergoing.

    Do you have a white paper on this?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Do you have a white paper on this?

      Yes but its a sticky tissue...

  28. FozzyBear

    Do you have a white paper on this?

    Damn someone beat me to it

  29. Trevor_Pott Gold badge


    You are fantastic.

    Keep 'em coming.

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