back to article Ball player gets Beaver ban after drunken naked tasering

An up and coming football player has been kicked off the Oregon State University team after local cops were forced to tase him after he was found "naked and intoxicated" in a stranger's home. Tyler Patrick Thomas, a 19-year-old lineman for the Beavers, as the OSU team is known, was found by cops responding to reports of "a …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Neil Greatorex
    Coat

    Righteous Tasering?

    21 Stone of pissed-up pillock running at you? Aptly put..

  2. Jelliphiish

    playmobil or it never happenned.

    although, finding a lookeelike might prove fun.

  3. Dan 55 Silver badge
    WTF?

    A "smart person" who had done something inexcusable

    He was obviously there studying biotechnology.

    1. Captain Save-a-ho
      Coat

      More likely...

      that he was there studying booze and poon-tang. This is an American university, after all. Have to maintain those standards.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Badgers

    Damn!

    That rug really tied the room together. Am I wrong?

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Did it provide somewhere to lie down

      While drinking white russians?

      1. I didn't do IT.
        Happy

        Re: White Russians

        Obviously, you're not a golfer.

  5. Mark 65 Silver badge

    Description

    The news article linked to describes him as an "offensive lineman". At 136kg and suitably bemulletted, I should say he is.

    1. Tony S

      Small Fry

      At 6' 2" and 300 pounds, he is not that large for an offensive lineman at college level. Some high school teams have whole interior lines larger than that.

      Still a big bugger to have to subdue if he is drunk. I'm not surprised that the police tasered him - damned if I would want to try to wrestle him to the ground!

  6. Arclight

    Is it

    Icing on the Beavers cake? Does this mean that without their star player the Beavers will go down? Will they be given a mighty thrashing by close rivals the mighty Cocks?

    Filmatleven

    1. MeRp

      er...

      I suppose Cocks isn't that far off... the Ducks are their big rivals. I guess Drake doesn't have quite the same connotations, though.

  7. Chris de Jongh 1
    WTF?

    title

    "The damaged articles apparently included a computer and a rug."

    How do you damage a rug???

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Unhappy

      "How do you damage a rug???"

      Considering he was pissed, naked and improperly using a computer, I don't dare speculate.

    2. John Lilburne

      One can speculate

      that puking and pissing on it would suffice.

    3. James O'Shea

      rug damage

      I can think of several ways that a drunk Merkin Feetball linesape could damage a rug, mostly in the categories 'disgusting', 'extremely disgusting', and 'incredibly disgusting'. Offensive linesapes are generally of a somewhat less refined nature than most of the others on the gridiron.

    4. D@v3
      Coat

      easy

      you piss on it

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      How to damage a rug...?

      tasering does lead to involuntary muscle spasms.... perhaps the turtle poked his head out ;)

  8. basa48
    FAIL

    Ball playing beaver!

    There's got to be a pun in there somewhere!!!

  9. irish donkey
    Thumb Up

    No drink rehab course?

    Last time I heard a story like this it was George W's daughter and she had to attend a drink-rehab course as she was under aged drinking?

    Funny, if this was an English Rugby Team this would just be his first match welcome to the team

    1. Anomalous Cowherd Silver badge

      Really?!?!

      George W Bush's daughter was found drunk and naked in a strangers bedroom, before turning and charging the police? Sweet Jesus, what do they feed them in Texas?

  10. Moz
    Paris Hilton

    Surely

    "Naked Beaver Found With Rug" should have been the headline?

    Paris because... oh, do I have to spell it out for you?

    1. Daniel 1

      More like...

      "Naked beaver, on ravaged rug, overwhelmed by hand held electrical device, leads to discharge"

      It's nice to see that when asked to string a coherent sentence together for the record, American Football officials - like their UK equivalents - are capable of coming up with something that looks like it might make sense played backwards.

  11. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Come on someone has to say it

    Footballer?

    Oh you mean AMERICAN football.

    Bless.

  12. N2 Silver badge

    Perhaps he was

    Investigating naked beavers?

  13. Mad Dave

    local cops were forced to tase him?

    So, presumably before they allowed the police to use implements of torture on people, there would have been no way of dealing with him?

    1. Nexox Enigma

      Sticks

      """So, presumably before they allowed the police to use implements of torture on people, there would have been no way of dealing with him?"""

      That depends... is a club a 'implement of torture' in your book? How about guns, fists, boots? As far as I know, cops have had weapons, for use on criminals, for a while. At least a taser won't break any bones, cause concussions, bleeding to death, etc.

      I know, I know, what if the 19 year old giant had a pace maker! Looks like we got lucky, this time.

      1. Mad Dave

        Well

        It's not just me who says so.

        http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/breaking-news/tasers-a-form-of-torture-says-un/story-e6freuz9-1225758523986?

        >At least a taser won't break any bones, cause concussions, bleeding to death, etc

        Apart from all the people who have died after being tortured to death by these barbaric weapons, obviously.

  14. Col
    Coat

    Three point stance!?

    I hope by that you mean two feet and one hand. The mind boggles.

    He should at least have got his coat.

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021