back to article Head App Store plod punts farts 'n' wiz

The director of Apple's App Store appears to be a tasteless boor with a penchant for bestial flatulence and extended periods of exuberant wee-wee. According to a Wednesday Wired report, the head of the App Store has dropped his own load of infantile scatology into what Wired, tongue in gagging cheek, describes as the "vast, …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. LinkOfHyrule


    I quite like fart jokes but I don't actually need an app for them, the real thing is free.

    It is messed up though that you cant have anything related to sex on the app store, but bodily emissions of a less romantic type are not only fine but probably encouraged!

    Maybe they will allow tethering if it was possible to actually tether your arse to the iPhone.

  2. thomas k.
    Thumb Up


    Wow! Makes the MooBox app I d/l'd for my N900 - select an animal's picture, flip phone so the animal's head points down and the appropriate animal sound (moo, neigh, quack, etc.) plays - seem ultra-sophisticated.

    Come to think of it, I don't recall seeing any fart apps on Ovi or the Maemo repository. Another advantage of an open OS, I guess.

    1. Greg J Preece

      For the love of God, man!

      The N900 has emulators for every system under the sun and you're playing MooBox? :-p

      Grab iNES, slap in a copy of Galaga, be obsessed.

    2. Argh


      Ovi store is as full of them as the other stores.

  3. Raumkraut


    Everyone knows that every app in the Apple App Store (AAS) is a gem of undeniable Jobsian brilliance! Otherwise, why would anyone continually use "total number of apps available" as an indication of value?

  4. Luke McCarthy
    Jobs Horns

    Crapp Store

    If I were in charge of the app store I would reject all these "apps" which any idiot could knock together in an afternoon. Eventually all this crap will drive away serious developers who want to develop actual useful applications, as opposed to silly interactive animations which are essentially worthless. Why spend serious money developing an app when you can just package some fart sounds together?

  5. Marky hearts
    Paris Hilton

    The Apple and the Original Sin

    Think about it - isn't Apple (TM) actually a symbol of puritan guilt. It reminds the user that in order to use the computer to acquire knowledge one is renacting Adam accepting the 'Apple' from the tree of knowledge. Don't feel guilty fanbois, but you've just taken the apple, re-enactd the original sin, the fall of mankind, the price of knowledge.

    If that sounds like academic toss it's because I taught the sociology of religion for a while. One of the little generalisations I seem to remember is the protestant/puritan attitude to the bod.

    Protestant/Puritans have too many hangups concerning sex. So instead Puritans laugh at their bodies. And scatalogical humour is a part of that.

    The thing is, that Apple is totally a Puritan company, fanbois are essentially puritan in that wierd minimalist chic that they do. A puritan computer is as plain as a Quaker meeting, it is pared down, it tries not to be fancy or ostentatious and glows from the inner light (TM). A 'catholic computer' is my vista machine with lots of dark corners and wierd ports, the mystery of windows crashing and all that.

    Speaking from unfortunate experience, Apple users M+F are all bad lovers but they on average have more designer tattoos than Windows users, so this is clear evidence that they have a kinky relationship with their body. But what's wrong with letting the app store cater to that?

    Paris, because you wouldn't too feel guilty afterwards...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      Are folks who use Windows computers and Apple phones, (which, I suspect, is the case for the majority of iPhone users), Apple "fanbois"?

      And what about folks with a scatalogical interest, but no belief in Sky-daddies (protestant, catholic, hindu or jewish, or any other flavor of make-believe super-being)? Where did we get that from.

      Surely a catholic computer just believes any old bullshit you throw at it? Not-very-old-shroud? "Yes, that's proof!". Fairly stories from a 14 year old French girl? "Yes, that's proof...and it'll get believers here in their thousands to pay for limitless tat!" etc.

      BTW, having a scatalogical interest + an iPhone doesn't make me want to part with my hard-earned for a fart app.

      1. Marky hearts
        Paris Hilton

        I stand by my thesis (you can stand by your faeces)

        Pay attention at the back. (ahem).. the Reg article observed that scat but not pussy was allowed by the controlfreak economy of Apple Appstore. My post said how this nicely illustrates Apple's wierdo puritanical tendencies. I didn't say I believed in any religion, I'm just observing it's legacy.

        I can reassure you that the windows computer iPhone combination doesn't necessarily turn you into a fanbois, but the fact that you've just made an issue of it probably means that you have latent/repressed fanbois tendencies.

        Anyway, I stand by my thesis (you stand by your faeces)

    2. Ari 1

      dear sir, I am infuriated

      dear sir, I am infuriated at your insinuations..

      No, actually, I found your post rather amusing (even as a bit of a fanboi). The puritan attitude of Apple towards the appstore is annoying, and I'm speaking as a parent.

      Ok, so I'm in Sweden where religion is mostly ignored and much, much less fear of the human body is evident. Heck, nudity is even considered NORMAL here in quite a few different circumstances, that's how freaky we are ;)

      T2 because of all the nudity!

  6. Badwolf


    Ovi is Finnish for Fart

  7. JaitcH

    App stands for Application

    My understanding, until Apple distorted the meaning, was that App was short form for application, some software that performed a useful task.

    Apple in claiming it has more Apps than anyone is really and Job's slight of hand. How can any software emulating human flatulence or simulating women's breast movements even be considered an App?

    Mah-jong and some other games might just qualify as they do bestow some benefits on users.

  8. thomas k.

    re: Greg

    For the love of God, man, I've only had the thing a week! Give me time, eh?

    I did notice all those emulators (along with the Doom engine port) but, unless the games are abandonware, don't you need to own copies of the originals to play them on an emulator?

    I *do* own a copy of Doom but it's packed away in a box who knows where. Is is legal to d/l a copy of something you have purchased a some point in the past?

  9. Dave The Cardboard Box

    "doltishness has no value in our canon"

    You sir, have single-handedly raised The Reg's literary credibility by a tittle. Mayhaps a jot.

  10. Faris

    The real Question

    Why isn't anyone asking about the Conflict of Interest implications of something like this? Surely Shoemaker cannot be allowed to personally profit from the app store?

  11. the future is back!

    Wait! Blue flame - I've got it!

    The Blue Flame SO fits here - The Register editors obviously have withered in an overprotective environment, one deprived of my cousin Keith. On those fun family weekends long ago when the girls all stayed in cousin Linda's room, and all the boys crashed in Keith's room while the parents partied and got polluted in the living room...

    Keith would dim the lights, drop his pj's and sit on the floor and light a match. Then he would lift his legs and roll back, holding the match by his arse and rip a fart. Now THAT'S a blue flame. A few of those brought out a richness in the air that was something.

  12. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    Conflict of interest?

    Honestly, I'm not even concerned about the stupidness of his apps (although they are stupid.) Actually, I'm not concerned at all, I'll never by an IPhone. But, it does seem like a conflict of interest for an app developer to be the head of policing which apps are allowed on the IPhone.

This topic is closed for new posts.

Other stories you might like