Nude trampolinist bounces free from court

A 55-year-old described by the BBC as a 'man' and by Scotland's Daily Record as a 'pervert' has avoided jail after being spotted by neighbours having too much fun with too few clothes on a trampoline. James Burden of Falkirk, a man of apparently hardy stock, was having a jolly good jump around on the apparatus in his back …

[Anonymous Coward]

sexual equality...hmm

Naked man in own garden, seen by female neighbour = prosecution of man for public exposure/indecency

Naked female in own garden, seen by male neighbour = prosecution of man for voyeurism/peeping-tom

Hmmm...

[Sarah Bee]

Re: sexual equality...hmm

Yes, thank you for that. Give us an example?

[No, I will not fix your computer]

I second Sarahs request....

With pictures please... to...ummmm "prove it" (no, weirdo! of the woman).

[Sarah Bee]

Re: I second Sarahs request....

That's an interesting way to illustrate a double standard, No, I will not fix your computer.

[Justabloke 1]

Title

Hmmmm.. I wouldn't have been quite so definite as that but the cynic in me does suspect he's probably correct.

:(

[Anonymous Coward]

when men are prosecuted in these cases

it's because they have systematically spied on the woman - hidden cameras, holes in the wall etc. The Register voyeuse challenge could be to find a single example in the world of a woman behaving similarly to observe a naked man

[Trevor_Pott]

@AC

Actually, I believe the challenge is to fins a woman who has had a man arrested for looking at her jumping naked on a trampoline. (Any other event in which the woman in question chooses to display herself in public would probably be an acceptable stand in.) We are not talking about a woman having a man arrested who went out of his way to sneak a peek of her nude, but having a man arrested for sneaking a peek whilst she was nude in a public space.

I suspect a lady jumping nude on a trampoline would get into some trouble, whilst the guy enjoying the scenery would get a verbal warning. The interesting question in my mind is what the average sentences for similar crimes perpetrated by members of different genders under the same circumstances would be, and if there was an actual difference. In my mind, this is research worth funding if for no other reason than to dispel myths one way or the other. (And if disparity exists, to start to combat it.) Anecdotally, I cal tell you that where I live there is a huge judicial gender disparity for certain crimes where I live. Sarah is adamant that the same isn’t true where she lives.

All threads such as this one, without proper research, are simply pointless because there isn’t anything beyond cynicism or anecdotal evidence to back any of it up.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Trever

Well, I know of three other people trying to post examples citing cases that have been raised, but their posts are getting rejected (funny enough my own got rejected then accepted then rejected again).

The thing is when you get asked for proof you'd like to show it. When you are not permitted to - even though you cite cases and can prove your statements - they get quashed quickly. Fear of the truth is a terrible thing.

[Anonymous Coward]

Non-specific but undeniable example

Women have avoided jail by the mere fact of being pregnant. Some women facing jail will knowingly get pregnant to avoid a jail sentence. I don't know of a single case where a man has been dealt with leniently for either being pregnant or for getting someone pregnant.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Non-specific but undeniable example

This argument has now reached the top three of the most annoying, tedious, cyclical Reg thread arguments. Can you resolve it once and for all or just give it a goddamn rest? You may have good points (nb the operative word being 'may') but it gets perilously close to woman-bashing the longer it goes on.

There should be a gender-issue equivalent of Godwin's... Dorkins'? The longer a gender-related argument goes on, the greater the chance of someone invoking Andrea Dorkins?

(NB No I don't bloody agree with her.)

[Anonymous Coward]

@Sarah

You asked for examples, don't complain if they don't suit you. It's not woman bashing, a label I greatly take offence at as I have on numerous occasions stepped in to physically protect a woman from aggression.

There is no "may" about it, these links should assuage your doubt.

http://tinyurl.com/pregnant-jail-1

http://tinyurl.com/pregnant-jail-2

http://tinyurl.com/pregnant-jail-3

http://tinyurl.com/pregnant-jail-4

[Sarah Bee]

Re: @Sarah

Well, good for you, but I'm just saying there's a certain attitude that emerges in these threads and while it may not be your own, all these comments tend to add up to something bordering on the unpleasant.

[Anonymous Coward]

as a matter of fact

I disagree, - this thread is an exemplary example of what how the reg adds value to i t news - the story generated an excellent head and sub head, and the reg has done its' own research in identifying a source showing females trampolining in the required manner.

I myself as the a/c above did indeed do a quick internet search before posting to inform my comment as I would never pronounce on such important issues as the potential gender bias in the legal consequences of nude trampolining without having some idea of what the global perspective is on the subject.

If you feel that there is a lot of pointlessness in your life perhaps you should turn to drink?

[Anonymous Coward]

Women dont have to spy

Men would oblige if asked.

[Anonymous Coward]

"approaching his neighbours house"

Unless the trampoline base was moving or they live in the flat above him, he wasn't doing this vertically. The inference that he was doing this "horizontally" brings to mind several images that might be NSFW. Is there more to this than we are being told?

[Arnold Lieberman]

Some things can never be unseen

I'm not sure that image is going to go for a while.

[JaitcH]

And, prsy tell me Sheriff, are Scotsmen ...

who wear a kilt the "proper" way also guilty of "publicly exposing their persons in a shameless and indecent manner"?

Sounds like Scotland has become a Nanny state.

[M Gale]

Re: And, prsy tell me Sheriff, are Scotsmen ...

I suppose that when they are on a trampoline then yes, they would.

Just picture it. A freeze frame, just after the apex of the bounce, on the way back down again as the whole thing billows upward in a Monroe-esque manner.

Now I bet you wish you hadn't.

[Robert E A Harvey]

size matters

"publicly exposing their persons in a shameless ..."

Would rather depend on if they had any reason to have shame, surely?

Paris, because, well, really, just because.

[Boris the Cockroach]

Sounds

a bit of a tosser to me

[No, I will not fix your computer]

what....

...a load of old wank

[Anonymous Coward]

Huzzah!

It's good to see Ms Bee's name appearing on stories again on El Reg, instead of watching her soul slowly getting destroyed by the foul creatures of the comments section.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Huzzah!

Aw.

[Anonymous Coward]

he just wants to f**k you.

White knight much?

Anywho, this crazy sexual deviant got let off.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/5014450.stm

Please actually read the article. She was not in her BACK garden but strolling down a shared driveway. Sure she wasn't actually visibly masturbating but still, there's no reason to walk, nude.. knowing you are in plain sight of your neighbours. How can anyone fail to realise that this could be offensive?

I think she's either mentally deficient or the though of being seen gets her wet..

[Anonymous Coward]

Nudity is not illegal in the UK

Only if it is done to cause harm or distress I think...

I look forward to the day when nudity laws are clarified so just being nude where someone can see you can't cause you to be arrested if you are not committing a crime!

[JDX]

IT?

Fun as it is, what's this got to do with IT? What's next, Lolcats?

[Sarah Bee]

Re: IT?

It's in the Bootnotes section you blithering cretin.

Never has so little had to be explained by me to so many so often.

[Anonymous Coward]

Suggestion

Add a highly visible note to the end of these stories saying that maybe? Then again, when people still ask that having seen it elsewhere it might not work in the slightest...

[Anonymous Coward]

the nature of bootnotes stories

has been well explained many times - can't you adjust your moderation rules to simply block these comments on the grounds that the author lacks the mental capacity to go outside on their own?

[Allan George Dyer]

Very apt Churchill mis-quote

How about Kennedy or Martin Luther King next?

[Pete 2]

Respect

This guy deserves his own reality TV show

> the boinging Burden with cigarette in one hand and - ... - his "manhood" in the other.

... and who says blokes can't multi-task?

[Identity]

Britain's Got Talent

Where's Simon now that we need him?

[frank ly]

re, Hot chicks on a trampoline

They were wearing bikinis - where can I find the naked ones?

[Captain TickTock]

First, Donkeys paragliding...

Now this..

It's been a long week.

[Anonymous Coward]

Nothing...

...indicates that he was being a dick as far as neighbors go, trimming the grass with loud lawnmowers at 4:00am or listening to loud music.

1. "You should do it on spring". He got it wrong.

2. Who was having a dick time? He or the neighbor?

PS. Having a nice time with the missus on trampoline should be really interesting. Gonna try it sometime. If I ever find a trampoline.

Mine is the trenchcoat. The one with "insert pervert here" written inside.

[No, I will not fix your computer]

...If I ever find a trampoline.

...or I suspect, a girl

[Anonymous Coward]

RSI

"PS. Having a nice time with the missus on trampoline should be really interesting. Gonna try it sometime."

It has it's ups and downs.

[TheOtherMe]

Trampolines and the missus

I've done that with a missus, not mine at the time, and it is lots of fun trust me. Said trampoline was fortunately in a spot where it would be damn near impossible for any neighbour to spot us.

Unfortunately now that we are together, we got rid of the trampoline.

[The old man from scene 24]

Playmobile reconstruction, etc.

Really, I mean it. There are important questions that need answering. Like what kind of loser calls the police rather than just going back to bed and forgetting about it?

[CADmonkey]

Not possible

At least one elbow would be required

[F111F]

What The....AHHHHHHH MY EYES!

I suspect with one glance the image was permanently ingrained in his neighbor's retina. Reconstructing via Playmobile could risks secondary effects like mass temporary blindness, a dramatic increase in calls to the fire department from smokers attempting to have imitation trampoline sex in their bedrooms, etc. No, I think this one is best just left to the imagination.

[Steve Evans]

Sad...

I'm very sad that the BBC doesn't appear to have a stock photo for this incident.

[Anonymous Coward]

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits

Great neighbours ei?

[Anonymous Coward]

Sex offenders register?

Wasn't that for people who, you know, actually committed sex-related offences?

I mean, yes, poor judgement to have a good toss and bounce at five am and expecting nobody to be around to spot you in your own back yard as opposed to, I don't know, parliament square at noon. But does that warrant putting a massive "sex mark" on someone ensuring he'll be branded for life and will have to fess up to this event every time he's looking for a job, gets a parking ticket, whatever?

This is function creep, making the register creepier than all the people on it together. And though not all are that creepy*, there are some righteous creepy people on it. Even the Victorians weren't that creepy.

Thus, this sort of blacklist I can't help but feel is yet another overarching database that is doing more harm than good. Besides, it was pretty superfluous already if you assume that the judicial system works as it should. Which, true or false, either way, is pretty damning on the people running that show.

* Is the guy who thought he'd had good fun with a 16yo only she turned out to be only 10, and _the judge agreed with him_ that she looked mature enough to be mistaken, really such a criminal that he deserves to be on that list? Well, he is, for life. So to be sure to stay off, what do we now do, ask your friend for the night for an ID card before? What?

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Sex offenders register?

*Ten*? Dude. I think that merely reflects quite poorly on the judge, who should have looked a bit beyond the photo and questioned what sort of idiot couldn't tell a ten-year-old from a 16-year-old after talking to them for any length of time.

[Daniel Wilkie]

Well tbh

You obviously haven't spent any time in Gosport or Portsmouth, the vast majority of the population sound like 5 year olds till they're well into their 50s

[Anonymous Coward]

*Ten*.

ISTR she was present in the court room, and he'd picked her up at some bar. So even if he didn't spot the obvious because he was a bit tipsy, then perhaps the presumably sober doorman, if any, should've noticed. Or any of the other patrons, or personnel, wondering what a girl of 10 was doing in a bar past the watershed. So perhaps it wasn't obvious after all.

Not something that you'd expect or happens that often, but that doesn't make it impossible. I recall she didn't want to press charges, didn't even want to tell her parents, but they, ah, disagreed after they figured it out afterward.

Can't find the article though, natch.

[Anonymous Coward]

sex offenders register

The sex offenders register isn't worth the paper it's printed on for protecting people.

Just a tool the powers at be can use to ruin your life.

But i'm glad I'm safe from people having sex with their bikes in a locked room and men masterbating in on their own trampoline at 5am.

Stupid world we live in run by ----s

[Fluffykins]

Bounce and Toss?

Isn't that a bit like Pitch and Putt?

[teebie]

Better examples of people who were/were threatened to be put on the list who shouldn't be

People caught urinating in public, the schoolboy who was twanging bra-straps, and teenagers sexting each other.

(No, I don't have references, but I don't think I've fallen for something a tabloid made up)

[blackworx]

Ah the Daily Record...

...The only rag that regularly pulls off (sorry) the feat of managing to be more reactionary, self-righteous, puritanical and downright hypocritical than the Daily Mail.

Of our protagonist all I can say is I'm not surprised - he is after all from Falkirk. This is the town that suffered a heroin epidemic shortly after a major bust caused the local cannabis supply to dry up.

IIRC central Scotland was experiencing a bit of a warm spell round about March. Of course when I say "warm spell" I mean comparatively speaking and I am in no way attempting to detract from Mr. Burden's exploits.

[Anonymous Coward]

You cannot be serious

Sorry, wrong sport.

I just wonder who would have been in the dock if the sexes had been reversed, more than likely the perverted peeping tom, for spying on his neigbour.

[dogged]

5am in March in Scotland?

This judge should be shot. If that doesn't count as "privacy", it's hard to imagine what does.

[Anonymous Coward]

A cigarette?

That's disgusting!

[Martin Glenn]

New take on the abbreviation TWoC.

Rather than Taking without Consent, Police were called to a new kind of Twoc, Trampolining Without Clothes.

At all wouldn't we all like a TwoC everynow and then, You know you would if you could!

[Cameron Colley]

Disgusting and abhorrent behaviour!

To march into a man's property and incarcerate him then potentially ruin his job prospects for the rest of his life, and to lump him in with people who rape children just because he wanted to have a little fun in his own garden is the work of a sick society. I hope the scum who did this get what they deserve.

[the spectacularly refined chap]

You could call him a disgusting pervert...

...or equally just a harmless eccentric. What real damage has been done? So he had a jolly on a trampoline. So what? His neighbour spotted him but it sounds unintentional, indeed he has taken some precautions to prevent being spotted.

Regardless of any offence that may have been caused he has surely paid more than high enough a price by the simple embarassment of this being dragged to court. Being placed on the sex offender's register and given probation seems disproportionate on top of that.

I was going to say a simple discharge would have been more appropriate but then I noticed the unavoidable double entendre which will no doubt amuse many here.

[Richard Jukes]

EH?

Whats so bad about having a nude bounce on a trampoline in your own back garden at 5am? I dont think this chap is the pervert, I think his neighbour who was watching was.

[Dave Cradle]

Well....

According to the article, he wasn't just having a bounce but cracking one off at the same time.

And the neighbour was so shocked she had to continue watching and eventually call the police rather than shut her curtains and go back to bed.

[flying_walrus]

"Hot"???

Being not really qualified to judge these things myself, I have to ask the author how he was able to determine the temperature of said birds.

[Tron]

Prudes.

If he'd have been playing deafeningly loud music, the police wouldn't have bothered.

If his kids had been vandalising the neighbourhood , the police wouldn't have bothered.

And if his cat had been crapping in his neighbour's garden, the police wouldn't have bothered.

So, your neighbours can ruin your sleep, drive you insane with noise, let their kids run riot and allow their pets to leave crap in your garden that can cause blindness to toddlers. But a bit of early morning monkey spanking on a trampoline when you'd assume your neighbours are asleep brings down the wrath of the law and gets you banned from half the jobs out there.

Pathetic.

[Anonymous Coward 3]

Mock-up!

Can I assume from the lack of supporting pictures that Playmobil do not have a trampoline in their range to provide a mock-up?

[envmod]

personally

i can only blow my power whilst on a trampoline. once you get into it, you can never go back.

[Anonymous Coward]

Not quite his own back yard

He was actually in the shared gardens in a block of lo-rise flats, using a trampoline belong to neighbouring kids.

So, not quite the police/nanny state, "do what you like in your own back yard" issue that is being moaned about by some.

[Anonymous Coward]

Me? The 13th Duke of Wybourne?

Naked on a trampoline?

Wanking?

At 5 o'clock in the morning?

With my reputation?

What were they thinking of?

[Alfred 2]

It does seem a bit of an overreaction

Surely the police could have just had a quiet word with him and let everyone getr on with their lives.

Gotta admit though the bit about the ciggy in one hand and thestaff of life in the other whilst on a trampoline is impressive ....

[yomchi86]

Image says it all

err...

[Professor Tinklepants]

How long was he out there?

Because, at 55 yrs old, 2 wanks on the bounce would be impressive......

Mines the one with the spring shoes and slightly crispy velvet glove in the pocket.

[Mr Young]

But...

Is it ok to do it in your own garden? Maybe not - I guess I better keep my heid doon for the meantime?! Ok - I'm going now

[JohnG]

What is it with the Scots?

Here's another one:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-10818168

[blackworx]

Re: What is it with the Scots?

Lol that one is a classic - "A man, also believed to have been naked, was also checked over at the scene but was uninjured. Grampian Police said the incident was being investigated".

They get extra nutcase points for it being Aberdeen, but have points deducted for it not being March.

Lots of tenements and town houses in Scotland have double-peaked roofs with fairly easy access. Great places to go if you want a bit of peace and quiet. I've also heard (ahem) that they can be especially attractive for partying purposes - clothed or unclothed - after a few midsummer shandies.

[Raving]

Picking up Penguins for 75 years

Here is another one as well

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-10794227

[I didn't do IT.]

Re: BBC link

Reports that it has been moved or removed... Not surprising, really.

[Subliteratus]

Alarm and distress? Really?

If I woke up at 5am, looked out my window and saw some oldster giving it the beans on a trampoline out the back I'd pee myself laughing. The complainant must have had a way sheltered life - so sheltered it's amazing that she even knew what she was looking at.

Of course, given the Daily Record's tendency to rip the arse out of any story with even a hint that social orthodoxy has been transgressed, and a large section of the Scottish population (I'm Scottish btw - glad to be out of it right now) willing to believe their inflammatory proclamations are holy writ, it's amazing this guy wasn't chemically castrated and sectioned.

A spank on the wrist from the coppers would have done the job, not an entry in the sex offenders register. And what ever happened to mens rea?

[Anonymous Coward]

A simple explanation

James was just trying to "un-Burden" himself.

[proto-robbie]

Perhaps he should ...

get together with the transvestite stately home mutt-shagger to see what they can come up with?

[Anonymous Coward]

That would be awesome

...and he's on the register now...might as well get his money's worth.

[James O'Brien]

ROFL

"A neighbour who got up to go to the toilet happened to look out of the window and observed the boinging Burden with cigarette in one hand and - as Falkirk Sheriff Court heard - his "manhood" in the other."

That is all.

[Jonas Taylor]

Really?

This man was added to the Sex Offenders Register for being naked in his own back yard. Really? The MOST that this deserves is a caution; and I can't help but feel a simple friendly warning would have sufficed. Our legal system has completely lost the plot. If the guy was doing this repeatedly in front of children or neighbours then it would be a completely different matter but this is a disgusting abuse of the law.

What the hell happened to common sense?

[Anonymous Coward]

Oo ...if i was his neighbour

and saw him bouncing on a trampoline naked at 5am, i`d have video'd it and got my 250 quid from you've been framed.... or made the geezer the new Tron Guy. sex offenders register bit harsh

<3 to share the love :)

[Atonnis]

Really...

Unless you weren't an overly sensitive, hyper-sheltered, dudley-do-right wouldn't you just slap a video camera up and see how many hits it gets on Youtube?

Seriously, people need to start laughing more and stropping less - it'd be a better world.