back to article Emmerdale shoves jam rags in innocent kiddies' faces

The Daily Mail has worked itself up into a right tizz over last Friday's episode of ITV1 soap Emmerdale, in which a chalked shopping list was seen to contain the items "jam rags" and "pile cream". The offending shopping list as seen in Emmerdale PA explains that the outrage was "visible during Friday's episode as a drunk …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    I wish...

    ...they'd all just fuck off. I mean really fuck right off. Bloody Daily Fail.

    1. 4a$$Monkey

      They troll?

      I assume they just troll sometimes... right?

      Wait you mean they are serious!

      1. Marky W

        To be fair to Daily Mail readers...

        ...almost all the highest rated commentards are along the lines of "get over it, it's actually quite funny"



        <mouth opens>

        I never thought I'd EVER write a title like that and mean it. Must lie down and think about puppies and flowers for a bit. Yeah, that'll help.


  2. yomchi86
    Thumb Up

    Oh Noes

    lmao.....can't believe anyone would complain over that. Its probably the most entertaining thing I've seen on a soap for years

  3. Anonymous Coward

    I had to cover my young son's eyes

    Get a grip. She should have covered her sons ears so he couldn't hear daddy upstairs banging the nanny.

  4. Richard 39


    fighting the urge to rant at the Daily Fail and all the retards that read it.

    I guess they've never sat their kids down in front of Jeremy Kyle then!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      well no

      as jeremy vie is flagged unsuitable for younger children because of adult themes

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        Also unsuitable for any decent adult as far as I can tell too?

    2. Jason Hall

      Aw, go on...

      There can never be enough people ranting at the pile of poo called the daily mail.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    and ?

    i didnt know what a jam rag was until this article.

    1. Big-nosed Pengie

      The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

      I still don't.

  6. !!11oneeleven


    I don't get it.

    Excuse me, I'm just a dumb german, but I don't see anything offensive in the term jam rag. Sounds like some kind of cleaning equipment for marmalade or something.

    Anyhow, on second thought I really, really, really don't care.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      more like


    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I am a german too

      But I have bother to google for it, and figured that this is certainly something that a woman might need although she might not call it by that name.

  7. bitmap animal

    The joys of HD TV

    A few years ago no one could have possiby read that in TV. Bring back the fuzzy ficture and save the kids.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Enough damage is being done to children by just watching Emmerdale, it's hardly like a comedy black board is going to make that worse.

  9. Graham Bartlett

    Who noticed?

    I mean, who watches Emmerdale anyway? FFS, it makes Crossroads look like Shakespeare.

  10. Anonymous Coward

    I'm shocked - shouldn't be allowed!

    How dare any parent force a child (any child) to watch Emmerdale.

    /coat - mines the one with the printed edition of urbandictionary in the pocket. Jam rags, lol.

  11. Handel was a crank

    Three words for Mediawatch and the DM

    "Get" and "a" and "grip".

  12. Anonymous Coward


    Erm... why can't the parents just say "I don't know" or "they just write anything on those lists" or make something up - I can't imagine the kids are ever likely to remember? Or, shock-horror, just tell them the truth and tell them it's not appropriate to say it in general use?

    I thought dealing with "difficult" questions was part of being a parent?...

    1. Lee Chong Yew
      Thumb Up


      And the answer is, a Dance Dance Revolution controller mat. Since that was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard the term.

    2. mafoo

      or the grammar nazi option..

      "no darling, they forgot the comma. it's "Jam, rags"

  13. Anonymous Coward

    sanitary towels and hemorrhoid cream...

    written in chalk in background may damage a child's fragile sensibilities more than seeing a drunk irish bloke stumble around on a poor excuse for a television show?

  14. Andy Watt

    Ay oop

    Who writes on chalkboards any more? Surely they're so frickin tech savvy in the woolpack now they're all making notes about the jam rags on their iPads?

    It's the lack of _reality_ I really find offensive. I mean, honestly, it's supposed to be a soap, reflective of the real world, where real aircraft crash into small villages and wipe out half the population because things are getting boring and nobody's watching... <grumbles>

    1. Tim Almond


      Despite Phil and Grant running a car repair/servicing business, no-one but Ian owns a car.

  15. Red Bren

    Effing Hypocrites

    "I was stunned when my son, who is only seven, turned around and asked me what a jam rag was."

    As stunned as she was when her 7 year old started asking about infidelity, same-sex relationships, domestic violence or any other adult-themed staples of the genre?

    "Jam Rag" can be explained away as a cloth for cleaning up spilled preserves. She should be proud her son could read.

    1. Geoff Campbell Silver badge

      Well, perhaps.

      ""Jam Rag" can be explained away as a cloth for cleaning up spilled preserves"

      But I rather think a better response would be to explain that it's a colloquial and slightly derogatory term for a sanitary towel. Lying to children just to avoid a bit of short-term embarrassment is a) setting quite a bad precedent, and b) rather pointless, as you will always be found out, especially in these days of easy access to Google, which has now replaced the school playground as the fount of all seven-year-old knowledge.


      1. Marvin the Martian


        Your kiddo will effortlessly pick up on your sudden flinch and hesitant, semi-coherent explanation, and then google for the actual meaning (and find far worse stuff all around, using that keyword!). So the truth is the simplest way out...

        It's the same as it used to be, I could tell when my mom was lying --- but then there was no google (nor altavista), and running to your friends got you an even less probable (but more colourful) explanation.

  16. Anonymous Coward

    I say


  17. Alan 6

    Do people still

    watch Emmerdale?

    I stopped watch that shit when Amos Brierley left...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      I stopped watching it...

      ...when it stopped being Emmerdale Farm

      1. shane fitzgerald
        Thumb Up

        Yeah those were the days...

        ..Ay up Amos!.. Oh Ay up Mr Wilkes...... Cut from the pub to a lost sheep...and cut. Shows over again for another week....

      2. Annihilator


        "...when it stopped being Emmerdale Farm"

        Just to make you feel depressed and old, that happened 21 years ago...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Never watched it

      Never will

  18. JonHendry


    Just tell the sensitive kiddies that it said "Lad Mags".

    Same thing, really.

  19. Richie Hindle

    Vox pops

    Is it just me, or are those unrelated quotes suspiciously similar?

    "I couldn't believe my eyes" / "I was stunned"

    "it's not the kind of language" / "It's not the kind of thing"

    "my young son" / "my son, who is only seven"

    "one of our oldest soaps" / "a programme like Emmerdale"

    No, I'm sure it's just me.

  20. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    they let a 7 year old

    watch soaps, then complain about some dirty slang?

    don't know about uk, but in the us soaps have people behaving badly, back stabbing, murders, deception, and on and on. If i were a prude i would not want my kids to watch them.

  21. Adam Salisbury

    Call the NSPCC

    Surely there's a law against inflicting soap opearas on 7 year olds!

  22. adrianww

    If I knew...

    ...who had managed to sneak those on there, I'd buy them a pint. I'm prepared to bet that there were high-fives all round when that went to air.

    As for the poor shrinking violets who are getting their knickers in such a twist over it, well, what can one say? FFS? Get a life? Aw, diddums, did da nasty man make rudey words in your poor ikkle eyesies?

    There really are just too many human beings on this planet. I suggest that anyone who gets themselves into such a state of high dudgeon over "jam rags" (or, indeed, "pile cream" or anything similarly mild and inoffensive) should be assigned to the first batch to be culled when the fossil fuels and food really do start running out.

    Hypersensitive eejits.

  23. Jelliphiish

    hardly compluslive

    viewing if they are bored enough to notice the back ground scenery..

    wasn't there something similar a few years ago from 'stenders?

  24. Anonymous Coward


    if its removed from the TV, i certainly wont complain, pile of crap.

  25. Sampler

    "It's not the kind of thing you want your kids seeing"

    Pretty much applies to Emmerdale full stop doesn't it?

  26. Wibble

    And the advertisers...

    Don't they flog jam rags & pile cream during the breaks?

  27. Mike Bell

    Give me an onion so I can shed a tear

    It's not beyond the bounds of possibility that a similar shopping list in the home of a DM reporter might end with essential items "KY" and "Rent Boy".

    Sadly, were such a list to be broadcast, it would likely go right over the heads of the Blue Rinse brigade.

  28. blackworx


    Daily Mail readers read the Daily Mail to get good and angry at whatever contrived injustice/moral transgression the Daily Mail chooses to feed them. Makes them feel superior.

    I, on the other hand, sometimes read the Daily Mail to get good and angry at whatever Daily Mail readers are getting good and angry about. Makes me feel superior.

  29. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    So there I was making some jam...

    Well it might have been marmalade actually, if I recall... Anyway it was for the next WI jumble sale, to go with my coconut macaroons. And I spilled some on the worktop. I was just popping to the shops to get some rich tea biccies anyway, so I jotted down a quick list to remind me to get some jam rags to wipe up the spilled marmalade with.

    What, did you think I meant something else? Why you have a filthy mind young lady! You should be ashamed of yourself!

    Oh, and if you haven't tried a strawberry-pile cream-cake you haven't lived. The recipe? Well you need a pound of fresh strawberries, piled on top of about 2 dozen butter scones, and a some whipped double cream to top it all off. Delicious!

    1. Lee Chong Yew

      Urban dictrionary defines it as

      A piece of towel stained with jam after you consume a jam-filled doughnut and wiped your face with said towel.

      Close enough I guess.

    2. Roger Kynaston
      Paris Hilton

      and the remaining items should

      have been




      Epsom salts

      PH because she would be very familiar with the items under discussion

  30. adrianww

    To be fair... the people commenting on the Daily Fail website, many of them seem to be seeing this as the fun and frolicsome thing that it undoubtedly is.

    More importantly, someone on there has pointed out that the first letters of the first four items on the list spell out a naughty word.

    I then noticed that the fifth item on the list was "Biscuits". Which follows on beautifully from the afore-mentioned naughty acrostic.

    Then you get to the jam rags and pile cream.

    Whoever came up with that shopping list is just going up and up in my estimation with each passing moment.

  31. Neil Shepherd


    ...what do Daily Mail readers call them?

  32. ricotansky

    Didn't they spot the arse bisuits?

    I am shocked and appalled...

    1. CatNinja

      I did mention it earlier but ....

      they deleted the post :o(

      I thought that he subtly of that plus the medical cream was appropriate.

      Especially with everyone getting their nickers in a twist over a realtively inoffensive term.

    2. MJI Silver badge

      LarseNS Biscuits

      I think they forgot the L and NS.

      I think my favourite TV programme has been indentified

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I prefer the term

    "fairy hammocks"

    That is all...

  34. Code Monkey

    I LOLled

    That is all

  35. Liam Thom

    That is the best story...

    ... I have read here since you discovered people urinating in the streets on Google Streetview.


  36. Chris Holt

    I for one welcome our new j...<stop!>

    whoa hang on, thats not an appropriate meme for this thread now I think about it. Neither are playmobil reconstructions for that matter

  37. Anonymous Coward

    now if it said..

    Lube as well, that would be fun explaining..

  38. Sir Runcible Spoon


    As for "I can't believe a woman wrote that", well let me tell you that it was my wife* that introduced me to the term many years ago.

    She nearly shat herself laughing when she saw what they were getting in a tizz about. Mind like s sewer my wife :)

    *Yes, I'm married, even though I'm techie enough to post on El Reg. Go figure.

  39. mittfh

    Off to Urban Dictionary...

    Not being acquainted with the colloquialism myself, I did what any sane individual with access to the net would do - look it up on Urban Dictionary.

    Right, so it's a box of tampons. Excuse me, Daily Wail, but I would think that's a perfectly reasonable item for a female to put on their shopping list - and pretty much every post-pubescent female would know what they are (if listed under their proper name), and probably have used such devices themselves, regardless of their attitudes to sexual relationships.

    I assume "tampons" would have generated similar outrage, as would the related product "Sanitary Towels" (unless they wrote a term also used for a certain electronic device...)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      Trouble is there is nothing at all sanitary about sanitary towels, after use.

  40. Paul Slater

    Catch up

    I thought I'd check it out on ITV Player to see how long the "offending" stuff was there. Surprise surprise, that particular episode has been pulled!

  41. Tigra 07

    Menu at the Dingles?

    I find it disturbing they wrote them on the menu alongside apples and biscuits

    That's one hell of a weird meal!

  42. Anonymous Coward


    The "soaps" are so full of mindless cack already, hardly think seeing a few rude terms written at the back of the set would offend.

    Why are Daily Fail readers watching Emmerdale, so they can feel superior about the "little people" living out in the sticks?

    Oil spewing into gorgeous beaches, dead wildlife, domestic violence, homophobia, happy-slappers killing OAPs and getting 6 months for murder and these mindless twatf**ks that read the DM complain about a few silly words? Christ on a bike!

    Get a sense of perspective FFS!

  43. Anonymous Coward

    Why not...

    ... just tell the lad what a 'jam rag' is? Don't project your embarrassment onto him, that's a sure way to make the poor chappie believe that bodily functions are disgusting and never to be discussed.

    Do you want your children to feel guilty and repulsed because of your insecurities?

    1. Jason Hall


      Completely agree.

      It seems half my daughters friends are scared to death by spiders and all the little bugs that their mum's don't like. Oh yeah they all seem to be 'allergic' to all the food they don't like the taste of too.

      Dumbasses projecting insecurities onto their offspring.

  44. Skrrp


    Where exactly do these women think that their precious snowflakes came from anyway?

    They're going to find that out one day.

    The horror!

  45. Anonymous John


    The 7 year old son of a Daily Mail reader being able to read.

  46. Toothpick

    But does this..

    .. Daily Fail article mention that it will affect your house price?

    Mines the coat with the Preparation H in the pocket. Ahhh... me fucking Chalfonts.

  47. steogede

    Explain to her kids?

    >> "I couldn't believe my eyes when it appeared on screen - it's not the kind of language you expect to appear in one of our oldest soaps. I had to cover my young son's eyes because I didn't want to have to explain that kind of crass language to him at such a young age.

    Do kids ask their parents these awkward questions anymore? I would have imagined they would just google it?

  48. Da Weezil


    Oh come on people.. outfits like mediawatch exist to be offended. They get off on the moral indignation its almost a form of self pleasuring for them.

    I feel sorry for the kids that have such a sheltered upbringing..

  49. Anonymous Coward

    Most kids are probably ahead of the adults...

    Search for the XKCD cartoon titled "Swimsuit Issue"!

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oi Moderator!

    Seeing how many posts have been binned by the moderator on this thread has given me an idea. How about something along the lines of FOTW (that was), but with all the rejected posts instead.

    Make it a log in deal if you're worried about the fallout.

  51. Anonymous Coward

    Do i hear an ODFO?

    The ayes have it. ODFO it is. The motion is passed.

  52. Anonymous Coward

    Offensive T-Shirt

    I suspect that Jam Rags was on the chalk board because the character was going to buy a T-shirt. Google it!

  53. Mike Kissane
    Thumb Up


    That has just made my week. Whoever did that should get a promotion.

  54. Anonymous Coward

    Arse Biscuits?






    I'd seen this article on another site, and thought the fuss was about about Arse Biscuits, seems they'd photoshopped out the last two items on the shopping list.

    Oh! well at least Sharon Kennedy's son will now find out what a jam rag is, I'm sure everyone at school will have told him by now! LOL and now the little fella will sorry he asked when he'll be sent off to the pharamcy to get some jam rags for her every month!

  55. Anonymous John

    Another Daily Wail classic here.

    Seven complaints! Who got little sympathy from the commentards mostly AKA Clarkson fans either.

    Highest rating 7211

  56. asiaseen

    The correct response from ITV

    should have been; "If any viewers were offended, Fuck Off".

  57. Sir. Bernard Forsythe Dunstable Montague
    Thumb Up

    ARSE Biscuits





    ARSE Biscuits lol

  58. heyrick Silver badge

    Oh... okay...

    Being an ex- twit southerner, I had to go Google to find out what that expression meant. That's actually quite funny. About as funny as trying to imagine how many of those fuming self-righteous people actually watch the programme.

    Reminds me of that weather forecast where they carefully picked names of towns which were... a little bit dubious.

  59. Davey Bee

    daily fail <yawn>

    Fair enough - we're all a bit laddish in here. But just suppose it had been something especially offensive to the left wing, and The Guardian had kicked up a noise. Just suppose it had been some racist slogan. Would we be hearing the "Daily Fail, Daily Fail" stuff here? I don't think so. Fine. Be consistent. Some things offend people, so don't be hypocritical.

    1. John Bailey


      If we laugh at yet another over reaction by the daily mail, we can't then take offence at genuinely offensive stuff.. Don't know about anybody else, but I see a slight flaw in the logic here.

      Daily fail standard practice seems to be outraged at the slightest thing. As it seems is the default settings of many of the morality watchdogs.

      It's a perfectly natural bodily function. If anything the nonsensical level of taboo is the thing to be embarrassed about.

  60. Arctic fox

    Faking it.....

    ....the indignation I mean. I find it very hard to believe that this got more than a very few very sad sosial retards upset. I am old enough to remember the term being used in the playground at my junior school in the sixties for crying out loud. Yes, thats right, it was not exactly unheard of that eight year olds were perfectly familiar with that term 50 flaming years ago!

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jam rags ...

    Is there an app for that?

    1. D@v3

      indeed there is...

      but is only available on the iPad

  62. Chris Donald

    Excellent list...

    I have to thank Adrian for giving me an extra laugh on this one. Jam Rag was good enough, the added bonus being the outrage of the moronic, sappy nanny types that complained.

    To add such a delicious helping of aforementioned **** biscuits has made my morning. Ta very much.

    I love it when folks that support censorship are provoked towards a stroke...

  63. Anonymous Coward

    The REAL question here is ......

    Do Jean Walker and Sharon Kennedy really actually exist?


  64. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Davey Bee

    Yes, yes we would be slagging of the Graun if their complaint had been equally whiney and pathetic.

    I think your correlation of a non-profane colloqial term for a very common and arguably necessary product that (as already mentionsed) is itself sold in the breaks during the programme to racist slogans is a little, well, Daily Mail, really.

  65. Alfred 2

    Maybe the people who did the blackboard

    .... should write the scripts.

    the program might be worth watching then.

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahhh ha ha ha haaa

    ha ha ha aaaaaah, eeeh hee hee hee heeeeeeh, aaaah hahahahhaaa ha ha

    sorry, *ahem* ...

    ... bwwwaaaaahahahahhhaaaaaa


  67. Fred 5

    Not bad

    Not bad, but surely better to be a bit more subtle. Leave it at the biscuits and get away with it.

    I remember seeing a film once where they were in the hallway of an apartment with the number 3276 clearly painted on the outside of the glass door.

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      That's why it's now Emmerdale Farm^H^H^H^H

      3276 = FARM (T9)

  68. TeeCee Gold badge

    "A shopping list featured in the background..."

    I hate to point it out, but it actually says "Menu" at the top.

    I shudder to think what the a la carte option is.........

  69. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ha ha!

    Jam rag is a term you'll only ever hear coming from the mouths of children. It's a juvenile term invented by kids so if a kid knows what it means they won't be offended by it. OTOH if a kid doesn't know what it means they won't be offended.

    Secondly Emmerdale does not specifically deal with "adult" themes, but it's still not a programme for children. Children of an age that could possibly be offended (however unlikely) shouldn't really be watching it. Actually I'm amazed that any children would want to watch any soap dross, when I was a kid I always did my best to avoid almost all the stuff my parents watched. From what little I've seen of soaps over the years anybody would have to be brain dead (Daily Fail reader?) to watch it.

    Like as not and 'appen as maybe, but not on these licensed premises Mister Wilkes.

  70. Arclight

    Missing the obivious

    So seeing the words 'Jam rags' will traumatise a child, but images of rape, murder, drugs, drunken beatings, kidnap, which are all staple material for soaps these days are perfectly acceptable?

  71. Anonymous Coward

    It's better than...

    ... writing anything similar to "skid mark". That made me laugh, when I found out it didn´t have anything to do with high performance driving, in the context of that particular conversation.

    And yes, a bit of grossing out was involved.

  72. Mike Rodgers

    Why not just tell the kids "I don't know"?

    The kids are young, just say "I don't know what that means" and they'll forget about it. Jeez.

  73. Anonymous Coward






    I'm shocked nobody else has noticed le biscuits de derriere!

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