back to article iPad alert: Are you a selfish elite or an independent geek?

Thus spoke a 'selfish elite' earlier today: "I think I'm kinder than the survey suggests. Tough love, largely." Apple iPad owners tick all the obvious boxes when it comes to the kind of crowd Cupertino has happily been wooing with its fondle slab since launch in March this year. They're six times more likely to be "wealthy, …


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  1. HighlightAll



    1. LinkOfHyrule


      Hotness? That will likely be a dodgy battery.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down


    You have your iPad. I'll have my life.

    Get out and live a little instead of drooling over a <strike>piece of technology</strike> toy..

    1. F111F
      Paris Hilton

      Apparently, you don't..

      have a (sex) life, if the article is to be believed...

  3. Anonymous Coward

    "you already know how to use it" from the advert

    I walked up to my boss and my opposite number (does the Winblows stuff.) They were stuck trying to get it to do something. I said, "but you already know how to use it..." and went for a coffee.

    I can see that my kids might like one. The older one could land Harold on it and the other one would love to chew on it.

    When the battery is flat someone could use it as a poor vanity mirror I suppose.

    1. RichyS
      Thumb Down

      How humorous. You must be the office joker.

      I walked up to my boss and my opposite number (does the Winblows stuff.) They were stuck trying to get it to do something. I said, "but you already know how to use it..." and went for a coffee. Alone. Again. <-- There, fixed it for you.

      1. Prag Fest
        Thumb Up

        Love it

        Quality put down my friend.

      2. Trevor_Pott Gold badge


        "and went for a coffee. Alone. Again. <-- There, fixed it for you."

        You know, the kind of people who would like me only because I pulled out an iThingy at the coffee shop aren't the kind of people i have any interest in spending time with. If you like me, you should like me for me, not how much money I make, or what toys/clothes/cars/whatever I buy.

        iThingies are great because they are a good way of avoiding a certain type of vain and self-interested person. Not so much because the people with the iThingies are vain and self-interested, (in truth I find only about 40% of iThingy owners are bad enough to make me irritable,) but more because you know to avoid those who form the clucking “cloud” of folks that surrounds them.

        While I can’t speak for anyone else, in my experience, that cooing mass of money worshippers tend to be people that set me on edge.

        1. Tom Maddox Silver badge

          I'm not a fan of iProducts

          . . . but the original poster in this thread came off as a colossally arrogant douchebag and deserved to be put down.

  4. David McMahon
    Jobs Horns



    Down with Apple!

  5. Doug Glass

    Talk about ...

    ... stating the obvious.

    They're six times more likely to be "wealthy, highly educated and sophisticated. They value power and achievement much more than others. They’re also selfish, scoring low on measures of kindness and altruism/"

    In my world the flowery language wouldn't be heard, they'd just be known as selfish turds who value form more than substance. Their mothers would be so proud.

    1. Marvin the Martian

      I read it initially as the shellfish elite.

      It definitely made more sense that way.

      1. webster phreaky ate my iphone


        I for one welcome our new exoskeleton wearing, Echinoderm overlords.

  6. The Bit Wrangler

    Meh <- My view of the iPad

    I'm almost certainly a "geek" although my "independence" is probably questionable - I guess, since I'm a Linux fan, I fit their profile but I haven't used a Fondle Pad in-anger yet either because I can't see a use for it in my life.

    I don't own any Apple products, I don't like many of them (iPods are very impressive but I don't want a separate device) so I'm probably resistant anyway but if I want a web-browser while watching telly I use my phone (similarly while out-and-about). If I need more screen-area I'll move to a computer. At what point would an iPad be a good move ? If I absolutely need to do it on-the-hoof I can (on a small screen but at least I have Flash supported). For the minute percentage of times I must use a big-screen (but not Flash) I simply have to wait until I'm not out-and-about - I certainly wouldn't want to carry another device round for this purpose.

    Who is the 'Pad aimed at ? I would imagine those that carry laptops around do so in order to use more computery functions - they're unlikely to want another device either. Sure it's sexy but... where does it fit ?

    I did notice the BBC Grand Prix team use one in the pit-lane - I expect they've moved what would have been on their clip-board onto it allowing it to be updated live by the production crew (and give access to race-track IT facilities) which is a good-use. It's fairly specific, though.

    1. Gaz Jay

      iPad - Sports uses

      Apparently Stuart Pearce used one during the World Cup too. Presumably to show real-time stats about the players or to help in making tactical decisions. Looks like it worked a treat!

      You could be on to something here. Are there any actual decent uses for the iPad where a Internet enabled phone/laptop wouldn't surface/offer more functionality?

  7. Jolyon Ralph

    Well, I had to ask Steve whether owning an ipad made me an asshole...

    "Yes, your an asshole. Not that big a deal.


    Sent from my Flying iCar"

    1. Tim Hale


      But being unable to tell the difference between your and you're makes you an idiot.

      I am so sick of the haters! I only ended-up in the comments section out of force of old habit, I don't generally read them any more.

      You don't like the iPad? Don't buy one!

      People aren't listening to your stupid provincial opinion and are buying iPads? It's not because you're the only one to see your vision of tech utopia, 'oh if only others could see the world as I do, their tiny blinkered lives would be so much better'. It's because you're an idiot (see my initial point. 'Initial' means 'first' by the way; you seem to need help with the language), and your opinion is invalid.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Tim Hale

        At least your rant doesn't make you sound irrational, that's the main thing.

  8. Jonathan White

    So Much For Surveys

    I am "interested in video games, computers, electronics, science and the internet", I don't own a single polo short or pair of jeans and I wouldn't be seen dead in a pair of 'sneakers' but I own an iPad.

    I also think all this fanboi nonsense (in either direction) is pretty tedious in the main.

  9. Anonymous Bastard

    "quantitative qualities"

    Anyone else spot the oxymoron?

    (Mines the duffle coat with the penguin in the pocket)

  10. Si 1
    Jobs Horns


    "They prize self-direction, shun conformity, and are interested in video games, computers, electronics, science and the internet,"

    "iPad Critics do tend to be young men. To add even more colour: they tend to have no children and little interest in family."

    "One of the strongest single indicators of being an iPad Critic is a preference for the Linux (a do-it-yourself operating system for super geeks) over Windows or Macintosh."

    For someone that shuns conformity, I conform scarily close to their profile of an iPad hater. I do have one spanner to throw in their works, I still love my iPhone 4...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    iPad is not for geeks

    In general, stuff from Apple isn't for geeks, its for artists and normal consumers.

    The price of the iPad is more than I want to pay for what I want from a mini tablet, but I'm sure there are lots of consumers who would be (are) happy with it.

    The whole Apple elitist attitude has bothered me since a young age when that other kid (now an artist) "who was reading Time magazine when he was 5" demonstrated it with an Apple II.


      Power users versus Consumers

      > In general, stuff from Apple isn't for geeks, its

      > for artists and normal consumers.

      Yes. It's not for people that want control of their own multimedia. It's not for people that want control of their own photos. It's not for people who are organized and have their own ideas about how things should be sorted out.

      It's not for people that want to optimize video for every little last bit of quality and compression or just might want to play some oddball bit of content that they found on the web or got from friends or family.

      "artists" indeed.

      Apples are "consumer" devices that are fine so long as you are cool with the limitations.

      This is where something like an overgrown ipod turns off geek. It's not about how this tech has been given to the masses. It's how LIMITED it is and how restrictive it is. I can't just connect to the device directly and add and remove things. I need a special proprietary app that's terribly crude and limiting in it's own way.

      "geek" used to be someone that wrote their own stuff or built their own stuff.

      Now it has been redefined to the sort of person that installs Plex on a Mac.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    You asked the question:

    "Meanwhile, not all the Reg hacks at Vulture Central have properly fondled an iPad yet. So what does that make us?"

    Immune to hype. A fine effort sirs.

  13. Anonymous Coward

    because you are yet to be sober?

    "Meanwhile, not all the Reg hacks at Vulture Central have properly fondled an iPad yet. So what does that make us? "

    Just a possibility. :o)

  14. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    I know

    Someone with an iPad and he sure fits into the 'selfish elite' box since he's the factory owner's son.

    Nothing he likes doing more than wandering around the place with his iPad trying to look important, which is why I written a special routine into one of the robots that it will snatch it up and jam it into a 10 ton power press if the stupid git leaves it lying on the bench near the robot.

    As for El reg's iPad, surely you can forgo a lunchtime drinking session in order to save enough money to buy one of your own?

    1. Mr Young
      Thumb Up

      The factory owners son?

      They really can be the worst of the inept. Try not to think too much about that 10 ton press when he's around - you might do something you regret! Har,har.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    GWB Quote

    That GWB quote is taken from the Al Smith Dinner - an event where the Presidential candidates joke and banter for the evening. Poor form from El Reg to quote it completely out of context..... especially when there are myriad legitimate examples which could be used!

    1. Kelly Fiveash (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: GWB Quote

      Yes we know, dear. He was such a jester.

  16. Glen 9

    This title is required, and contains letters and/or digits.

    They appear to have taken a picture of me, stuck it on the wall and said "This is an iPad critic." I even have Ubuntu installed on one computer but I prefer Windows 7 for the GUI and gaming. Now please excuse me while I adopt my tin-foil hat.

  17. Steven Knox

    Full Disclosure

    "Meanwhile, not all the Reg hacks at Vulture Central have properly fondled an iPad yet."

    Leading to the obvious question: How many of you have improperly fondled one?

  18. Anonymous Coward

    ... so what does that make me?...

    I'm a geek, I used to shun conformity, then decided I just couldn't be bothered trying so hard to shun conformity that I ended up conforming to non-comformity.

    Now I just don't care.

    I'm not selfish. I just got an android based phone. I have a MacBook Pro, a bashed up ubuntu based laptop & use windows at work. It's all good.

    If someone *gave* me an iPad, I'd enjoy tinkering with it till I got bored. I just can't see it being useful to me.

    I admire it as a polished bit of hardware with an excellent GUI. I don't hate it, don't love it, couldn't care less.

    Whilst I'm a geek, I enjoy gardening, dead-tree books, walking, photography.

    Hmm, I think I just ticked a lot more geek boxes there ... ;)

    I also have a life, so that's a box unchecked.

    That's the problem with these polls - tiny market segment + people lie.

    ... also, as a 40-something, struggling to pay bills bloke with a partner, but no kids, I don't actually fall into any desirable marketing demographics...

    ... which is really rather wonderful.

    Make mine granddads pad & pencil ... I'll get my coat...

    1. Gaz Jay
      Thumb Up

      RE: ... so what does that make me?...

      ... A well balanced individual I'd say.

      You sound a bit like me. When I was younger, I would be what you'd call a typical geek. Shunning conformity, not giving a damn about popular music/fashion etc. Then when I entered my early 20s, I started to care about things like that (probably because I was trying to get a girlfriend!).

      I now feel that I'm a well rounded bloke, my geekiness from the past has helped me get a good job that I enjoy, the conformity from my early 20s has given me a lovely girlfriend and 2 gorgeous kids.

      I still have linux on my pc. I still watch Sci-Fi, and I still build PCs and I am usually the first port of call from friends or family when they need an IT expert (or at least someone who can fix something without having to pay PC world to do it).

      Like you, if I was given an iPad, I'd have a play, enjoy messing around with it (trying to find ways to customise it like a geek would), then get bored of it and forget about it.

  19. Cunningly Linguistic

    An iPad user must have good imagination...

    ...whereas I don't. I can't imagine a single use I would/could have for an iPad.

  20. Anonymous Coward

    sex appeal

    Angelina Jolie is SO sexy... she reminds me of an ipad.

    1. Tom Maddox Silver badge
      Paris Hilton


      Made entirely of synthetics and appealing to the mass market?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    Meh, outliers

    I fit the 'hater' profile - although, actually, I loathe Linux, the real open source is BSD - but I love my ipad, it has virtually replaced my home computer. Yes, it's an oversized, overpowerful ipod touch, but the increased size makes it actually usable for all sorts of things. I've read more books in the month I've had it than in probably the last year.

    Yes, it's locked down, but you have an awesome browser and being a web programmer, I've written many many web apps utilizing the increased size of the fondlepad. No-one ever bitches that their monitor isnt open source, or that they want to jailbreak their keyboard. For me, its an interface to cloud systems, including my own cloud.

    Uber geek? No friends? Yes, but that was true before I had an ipad.


      Really Really bad analogies...

      > No-one ever bitches that their monitor isnt open source, or that they want to jailbreak their keyboard.

      Monitors and keyboards are PERIPHERALS. They are IO devices you plug into a computer. They aren't the computer. They don't need to be jailbroken. They already conform to the relevant industry standard for devices of their kind.

      I don't need to "crack" my monitor to allow it to work with FreeBSD.

      I would have to do that to allow an iPad to work with FreeBSD.

      If you haven't jailbroken your iThing, you really don't know what you're missing. There could be some killer app out there calling your name but you will never hear the call. You can't because you've chosen to stay inside the garden.

  22. Prag Fest
    Jobs Halo


    It's all true, I love my iPad. I'm also wealthy, successful and value power. It means I'm the one that gets to palm off the shit jobs to the typical lowly IT gnomes that post bitter anti Apple rants on the Reg.

    Man, I love doing that shit.

    But lack of kindness? Not true, I positively adore kittens and puppies.

    1. Laurie


      I too am wealthy, successful and powerful. I use a PC - and I've shagged your Mum.

  23. Jimmy Floyd


    The "self-direction" comment is interesting.

    I suggested to an iPhad owning friend that he must have voted Labour, since he prefers to be restricted in what he does by someone else and that nanny looking after him is better than finding out for himself.

    He wasn't impressed (in fact he got quite upset), largely because he fits into the category of wealthy, educated and appreciates power. He is though, to be fair, quite friendly.

    And also a staunch Tory. That's probably what upset him.

  24. Greg J Preece

    Amusing language guffaws

    I love some of the factors for belonging to a group criticising the iPad are being interested in computers, electronics and the Internet. :-)

    And as a Lintard, this kind of BS always annoys me:

    "Linux (a do-it-yourself operating system for super geeks)"

    Uh-huh. As well as phones, in-car systems, networking kit, half the Internet's infrastructure, etc, etc, etc... You know, all that shit you non-geeks use every day?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @ Greg J Preece

      "half the Internet's infrastructure" is kind of stretching it. After all, the BSDs are more popular than Linux in the high-end networking gear.

      1. Greg J Preece


        ""half the Internet's infrastructure" is kind of stretching it. After all, the BSDs are more popular than Linux in the high-end networking gear."

        I didn't do a survey and come out with precisely 50.0%... It was just a phrase!

    2. fred #257

      I'm not complaining...

      ... this is probably the first, last and only time in my life I'll ever be called a 'super-geek' :)

      It would be ungracious not to be flattered even if it's outrageously wannabe optimistic. Cool!

  25. Retired Geek

    Attribution, please?

    Where and when did this happen?

    ... George W Bush, who once said:

    “This is an impressive crowd: the Haves and Have-mores. Some people call you the elites. I call you my base.”

    I would love to be able to use this quote, but I would also want to defend using it as being both accurate and in context.

    1. The Bit Wrangler

      Here you go...

      It's like Google never happened...

  26. Stuart Jones

    Jury is out

    I own an IPad because we got given them at work. I have mixed feelings about it and I definitely think they are over priced.

    For me at the moment the killer app is as an ebook reader. I generally read big tech books so they are lighter and have the benefits of things like search, colour etc so the reading experience can be better than paper or e-ink readers (subject to reading indoors)

    They are useful for casual browsing when looking stuff up but not as good as a laptop for serious work

    The email client is appalling. I am trying to use my ipad in meetings instead of a laptop because it is less obtrusive but I have to say I struggle if I need to refer an email.

    I do use it for the notepad application fairly successfully. Typing is almost as quick as on a laptop and it is nice to have electronic notes ready straight after a meeting without having to type them up.

    Overall - interesting but not worth £500. I think £200 is probably the right price

  27. Tim99 Silver badge

    Click Tarts

    A quote from the orginal MyType authors' website: "MyType is a personality based social networking application that allows you to explore your personality using several popular personality assessments such as the Jung Typology and and a survey with questions drawn from the International Personality Item Pool. Please keep in mind that MyType is an entertainment service and is in no way a substitute for the services of a psychological professional. You come to MyType to have fun and, perhaps, to learn a little bit about yourself and your friends."

    Another soft-science statistician's meaningless drool-fest, but this time linked to a commercial site. Why is it so hard for even 'professionals' in this field to come up with good science? Perhaps they are not taught cause and effect - Like if you have the traits "wealthy, highly educated and sophisticated", and "value power and achievement much more than others" and are "selfish, scoring low on measures of kindness and altruism" you actually have money to spend. Are you likely to have made an effort to makea lot of money if you are "interested in video games, computers, electronics, science and the internet"?.

    I run a couple of Debian boxes, a MacBook Pro and an iPad. so I must be a wealthy/sophisticated/selfish/independent/young geek. What might get up some geeks' noses, is that when this retired old/fat/bald slob whips out his iPad, it (but alas, not me) is a girl-magnet.

    The iPad is lovely. It, or its successors, are likely to be what most people will actually use.

  28. Raspy32

    So where do I fit in?

    I don't hate the iPad, in fact I like it as a piece of technology, I just can't see the point of it, with the exception of some very specific (and limited) fields of use. If you already own a smartphone and a netbook/laptop then it would be hard to justify the need for an iPad.

    It's sort of a "middle ground", but as you can't make normal phone calls on it (ignoring VOIP-type apps) then you still have to carry a mobile as well - plus you'd look a bit weird holding an iPad up to the side of your face. While it has most of the Apple app store to choose from, I can still do more with my netbook.

    Unfortunately for me, the iPad is one of those things I'd quite like to own but I just cannot justify spending the money on one, given that I'd have to spend time trying to find uses for it rather than using it to fill a void.

    Does that make me a Selfish yet independent elite geek.....or just odd? No wait, don't answer that! :)

  29. Kleykenb


    People should watch out for polarisations like these. As Unfortunately people DO tend to stump themselves into boxes, stop thinking.

    It's not a coincidence that bad publicity is known to be better than no publicity : for even it polarises. For once people are aware, some of them will care - no matter what.

  30. neverSteady

    Jake Humphrey has an iPad

    He carries it around with him during every Formula 1 race, although he never seems to use it...

    1. Greg J Preece

      Yes, I noticed this...

      Not only does he wave an iPad around in front of the camera as much as possible (not that the Beeb would ever break their charter and directly promote a product), but he had the bloody thing two weeks before release! They deliberately imported one just so he could parade around with it.

      Never seen him look at it even once. In fact, I've never seen it turned on. I can't imagine wi-fi reception is brilliant at the end of the pit lane, so WTF is it for? Just a thing for him to hold and go "wooo, I've got one!"

  31. Ascylto
    Big Brother


    Tell you what ... let's have a poll of 20,000 users of the KIN and 20,000 users of the Nexus One.

    What do you mean there aren't enough of them?

  32. Geoff Mackenzie

    a do-it-yourself operating system for super geeks

    No longer interested in anything these people have to say to be honest. What is this, 1995?

  33. AceRimmer

    What the graphs tell me...

    ...3% of the population are iPad owners, 11% are iPad critics.


    86% of the population don't care

    11% of the population need to get a life

    3% of the population have plenty of surplus cash to buy an iPad

    1. Galidron


      Along this line, the data originated from a FaceBook poll. Although I'm sure that doesn't change anything.

  34. Kevin Bailey

    It's been completely, utterly perfect for me... recommend to a non-techie friend.

    After I set up the WiFi for him he's been absolutely independent - and I presume will be for the next 5-6 years at least cos that's the minimum lifetime of the Mac's I've seen.

    Just think five years free of:

    Do I need an anti-virus?

    My browser seems to have stopped?

    Why's it so slow?

    I installed xxx and it doesn't work - why not?

    It's telling me to buy Anti-Virus XP 2003 - shall I buy it?

    Why's it even slower now than ever?

    I can't access the internet?

    I clicked on something and it's all gone funny.

    There's a blue screen with gobbledegook all over it when I try to start it.




    Multiply this by about 10-20 friends family and I might even see a life of serenity ahead!

    OK - I'm joking - but for users who just want to look up recipes, theatre times and soap opera plot lines or email (like my friend) it is absolutely ideal.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shun conformity?

    So they all conform in that their non conformist. Anyone see the irony here?

    1. Gaz Jay
      Thumb Up

      Like Goths

      They try to be different but all end up looking the same.

      Oh the irony.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Misanthropic principle

    Because I hate everyone in the world, I bought an iJammyPad just to keep even the most innocent and kindhearted away. Almost worked, the addition of black nail varnish and an Anna Varney tee finally did the trick.

  37. Anonymous Coward


    This forum should be included in the next edition of the OED as an example of irony...

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