back to article Forget the Jesus Phone, here's the Rude Phone

It costs $78, it is available in black, red or white and it is called the WANK E5. No, not an personalised number plate, but the name of a Nokia handset on sale at SoloMobi, a Chinese retailer. Going Solo? That sounds about right. We guess the name will change soon enough; and before sniggering too hard, we happily …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    Hope it's better built than the website.

    Microsoft JET Database Engine error '80040e21'

    The Microsoft Jet database engine stopped the process because you and another user are attempting to change the same data at the same time.

    /viewproduct.asp, line 209

  2. Ian K

    Looking at the full specs...

    ...very good to see that it comes with a handshaking function.

  3. Chris Miller

    Not forgetting

    Deportivo Wanka of Peru (featured in ElReg back in 2006).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not forgetting

      Very good, I shall add a link to article.

      1. David Gosnell

        And of course...

        Lake Minnewanka, of prairie-dog photo-op fame.

    2. Aremmes

      Place names too

      Curiously, "wanka" means "thorn."

      One wonders if Deportivo Wanka plays at the Wanka Wasi ('house").

      The one with the Quechua dictionary in the pocket, please.

  4. It wasnt me

    Even more impressive...

    ... is the fact the the judasphone advertised on the same page comes with a "gravity inducer".

    Stop looking for the higgs boson, it looks like we already found the jobs boson.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Even more impressive...

      There sure are a lot of gravity inducers out there. And they appear to be mainly in Chinese phones. I have consulted our resident phone expert Bill Ray, and we are agreed that it is almost certainly a mistranslation of gravity "sensor".

      Many phones these days have some sort of gravity sensor, it allows one to reject calls by flipping the phone face down and things like that. And It can also be used to auto-rotate.

      Shame, really. Gravity Inducer is so much more exciting.

    2. Arctic fox

      Not interested unless..... generates antimatter internally - that would do something about battery life.

  5. Robert Ramsay

    dunno what it is about the Austrians

    whilst leafing through the European atlas on a long car journey I discovered the little Austrian villages of "Wank" and "Piss".

  6. HuwLewis
    Thumb Up


    Don't forget that the swiss team "Youg Boys" are based in Wankdorf...

  7. John Moppett

    Love the Spec!!

    Says it has a full QWERT keyboard. Y no Y?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Or Finnish, now we think of it."

    May I suggest the Pillun F7?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Or Finnish, now we think of it."

      David, my Finnish is not up to much, or anything. But I can phone a Finnish friend.


  9. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Required spec

    - A _really_ strong vibrate function (a la IT crowd)

    - Liquid-proof

    - Unlimited data tariff

    - Web browser limited to .xxx domains

    - Easy-to-hit Mute/Screensaver button

    - Video camera with zoom that works well in low light levels

    All for $78 - Sounds like a bargain!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Title still required.

    I thought it was a no-brand knockoff with false branding, but then it turns out to really exist. No wonder nokia is circling the drain.

    On another note, why does that site require javascript to show anything at all? It doesn't appear to have smarts worth mentioning, and anyway, if it needs client-side scripting to build up a static page, then it's being overly complex for no good reason at all.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      I call knockoff. The fact that it's dual-SIM (evident in one of the pics), has full signal even though there's no sim (evident in the same picture) and a filmsy TV 'tenna, plus the suspicious looking box that doesn't say Nokia anywhere on it. Also, it looks rather different from a real E5, featured here: . The specs listed on Solomobi's site does not match up with Nokia's official specs either. Given how many strange iPhone knockoffs there are in the market, this comes as no surprise as Chinese knockoff factories work to get a share of the lucrative businessphone market share.

      Fire, because.

  11. g e

    or Brian Wankum

    ... the new series of 'V'

  12. Doogie Howser MD

    Not forgetting...

    The Wankdorf Stadium in Austria, though I notice HuwLewis kind of beat me to it. Still, he always did have "The News", eh?

  13. Bumhug

    But how do you hold it?

    Is it able to withstand a good firm grip without going limp?

  14. justkyle

    Am I the only one

    old enough to remember Wang (funny on this side of the pond) computers, especially mainframes?

    Running reports on "The Wang"

    Of course, since it was a mainframe-

    "Is the Wang Up?"

    "Is the Wang down?"

    "Is the Wang working?"

    I'll get me coat, the one with the "Wang Operator's Manual" in the pockets...

    1. skeptical i

      Remember the WANG HQ building?

      It was fairly nondescript except for the large word 'WANG' in the center of the top of each side, and whenever we drove past it my brother and I would snicker -- "heh, heh, it says wang!", "look, its wang is showing!", "does that mean it's full of wang?", &c. We were unparalleled wits, I tell you.

      1. Alan Newbury

        At the local office..

        we always drove past before the sales force were out on the road, so the carpark was full of WANG cars

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          penny arcade

          "Can you guys say anything without 'wang' in it?"

          "Of course we wang. Can. Can wang."

          *uncomfortable look*

  15. JaitcH

    The best cell phone they sell is the iphone

    F22 running Android < >.

    Their Old Man phone is interesting, too.

    Web site is hosted in the US by Ecommerce - within reach of Jobs,

  16. Matt Bradley

    Knock off merchant

    I'm loving the fact that this site watermarks all the images of the knock off phones they sell, to prevent anybody stealing their intellectual property.

    Oh the irony.

  17. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

    Am I the only one to ask..

    .. if it works handsfree?

    The dirty Mac with the tissues, thanks.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    In Denmark

    There is a place called 'Slettenstrand'

    Which in Dutch means 'Beach of sluts'... and yes, I went there (how could I resist?)

  19. Big-G

    Those Austrians again!

    Austria permits personalised number plates, with the proviso that it must be preceded by the first letter of the city where the vehicle is registered, i.e. WElREG-1 if in Vienna, or SELREG1 if Salzburg. So when the international greetings card co. Anker International had 5 cars in Vienna registered, they read WANKER 1 through WANKER 5. Somewhere there's a photo of all 5 parked in line in the company parking lot!

  20. Giles Jones Gold badge

    Appropriate name

    Quite appropriate, Nokia's have been w*nk for quite sometime. Can't even do a sliding phone without the screen dying after a while (cable metal fatigue).

  21. Anonymous Coward

    And oldie back from the days of Wang Laboratories.....

    What I want to know is what their receptionist at their branch in Cologne, Germany, says when she picks up the phone....

  22. This post has been deleted by its author

  23. tonycole

    And the French Answer to STD's?

    Never to be forgotten, the smallish, but exciting town in west France.... Condom.

  24. max allan

    Near Wank...

    Somewhere near the Wank berg is a campsite, run by the "Hell" family. (Hell is German for light or bright.) There is a roadsign to their campsite, it uses typical German efficiency and has only 2 words :


    Makes me laugh more than the photo somewhere of me and a mate pretending to pleasure ourselves in front of the Wank Bahn cable car station sign.

  25. Jolyon Ralph
    Thumb Up

    Don't forget the Jizz mouse

    Got one of them when I was in Hong Kong recently.

    Proof? Oh ok...

  26. Kevin Aquilina

    Just viewing ur link made me a hacker.

    Microsoft JET Database Engine error '80040e21'

    The Microsoft Jet database engine stopped the process because you and another user are attempting to change the same data at the same time.

    /viewproduct.asp, line 209

    Click a link and you're not viewing but CHANGING data :)

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