back to article Apple swaps good iPhones for bad, say fanbois

Today's rumeur du jour concerning Apple's ongoing antennagate fiasco: Cupertino has secretly fixed the Jobsian handset's Death Grip defect, and is now quietly collecting the bad phones and replacing them with good ones. This is the type of tinfoil-hatted twaddle that could only be inspired by the actions of a company as …


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  1. VeganVegan

    Placebo effect?

    Ye Olde Sugar Pill & Snake Oil.

  2. Anonymous Coward

    Ok I can't tell you how I know this, but it's the truth...

    We found the antenna problem after production had already started. Obviously production starts well before launch day otherwise how do you get a few million phones out the door in a few weeks! Well anyway, I'm not privy to the exact number but QA found the problem with a ground short /body contact in the external antennas after probably several hundred thousand phones are off the line. What are we gonna do, scrap all those phones? Not a chance. For the percentage of people who this problem would ever affect (most consumers use a protective case anyway), we're not going to dump several hundred thousand phones. So don't worry, just go get your phone replaced and you'll get one of the new ones from after we tweaked the production.

    1. rcdicky

      Yeah right...

      Is that Mr Jobs??

    2. Pavlov's obedient mutt


      Why around your mouth there my friend, there's still a trace of horse shit on your lips

      1. Anonymous Coward

        Believe whatever you want

        Believe whatever you want about my comment but i took a big gamble posting it. It's only because I'm such a fan of El Reg that I let the information out.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      lol at the down checks

      Gave you an upcheck

      You have probably written total crap but its funny anyway

    4. Rogerborg

      Ok I can't tell you how I know this, but it's the truth...

      The 'new' phones have better reception as they're network termination feeders for the Perfect Citizen leaf of the Total Information Awareness branch of the Sigma trunk meta-program run under Majestic 12 aegis out of the Area 51 division relocated to the Dugway Proving Grounds 'Eternal Vault' underground mega-complex.

      Also, Steve Jobs is one of the Reptoid Overlord Cabal, but I think that was already common knowledge.

  3. Irné Barnard
    Black Helicopters

    Now say with me:

    Cover UP!

  4. David Edwards
    Thumb Up

    Hold a press conference

    There is a comment on that Reuters thread that says.

    Hold a press conference "What if they don't hold it correctly?"


    1. Benjajim


      they'll get a bad reception

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. Mage Silver badge

    Either way

    It's still a rubbish design where function is playing 2nd fiddle to appearance.

    1. Willum08
      Thumb Up


      Precisely! No other comment needed........

    2. Anonymous Coward


      How wrong you are, you couldn't be more wrong.

      Form vs. function. The problem is that you think that usability and user experience are form, when in reality they're function, so Apple does the most perfect job of balancing form and function. They are beautiful devices that provide a great user experience, and they aren't commodity crap (like so much out there) - they hold their resale value and continue working for years.

      Function isn't playing second fiddle to anything, your perception of the world and form vs. function is simply wrong.

      1. Anonymous Coward


        Explain why the phones don't function properly?

      2. Arkasha


        No, *you're* wrong. This article is about the dodgy reception of the iPhone (and the dodgy proximity sensor too, incidentally.) Mage was saying that the aesthetics of the case design took precedent over the function of the antenna. Mage didn't say anything about the usability or user experience.

        The design choice to have bare metal antenna and too dark a bezel for the proximity sensor in an effort to make the phone look good, seriously affected permformance of a pretty critical function of the phone. Therefore, Mage was entirely correct in their opinion.

  7. Dale 3
    Thumb Up

    Thanks very much... all the early adopters who queued on Launch Day. Your sacrificial beta testing effort is highly appreciated by everyone who will be getting the fixed release version.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Change of Plans

      So now my plan is to wait for the next, next version to acquire a stable working phone

  8. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    Simple fix!

    Sounds like they've just lacquered the antenna so you don't touch the metal. If this is the case, I wonder what they will do once it starts wearing off?

    Oh. sorry, it's not a problem as most users will have upgraded to the iPhone 4GS or iPhone 5 before this happens!

  9. Rob Moir


    I would take anything they say about Apple (or vice versa, to be fair) with a pinch of salt as Gizmodo have been acting all butthurt about Apple ever since their alleged theft of a prototype came about.

  10. Plymouthian

    Swapping good for bad?

    The wording of the title here implies they are taking the working ones off you and giving you a duff one in return. Surely that should be "Apple swaps bad iphones for good ones" - even if not, that sounds more right to me...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      New lamps for old

      Nobody in Aladdin thought they were getting a bad deal, so why should you jump to the illogical conclusion?

  11. Ben Cowings

    but what about my Paddy Power bet

    I really want this official, I've got £45 with my name on it :P

  12. Maliciously Crafted Packet

    The problem for Android is...

    the people who buy iPhones don't read tech websites, magazines or even the tech sections in the popular press.

    So despite all the noise here and the rest of the tech focused media about the reception issues... They are not hearing ya!

    The question they ask is "But, does it work with my iTunes?" if the answer is no then there is no sale. End of.

    The kids asking these questions grew up with the iPod. They have hugh collections of media on iTunes. They are not tech savvy, its too much of a pain to move their stuff onto something else. Why do you think Palm was so desperate to get the Pre on iTunes?

    Android may do well in emerging economies where margins are thin for hardware and app developers. But in the wealthy west -where all the money is to be made- Apple is entrenched and I wouldn't be surprised if Android has hit its ceiling.

    With the new Windows Phone 7 Series on the horizon which Im betting is more likely to take market share from the new Android rather than intrenched iPhone. Things are a little less rosy on the Android front than they may appear.

    As a side note the iPod market share in the west is still around 70% the iPad is selling around 1 million units per month. And despite reception issues the iPhone 4 is still selling by the boat load.

    1. David Chambers

      Android and iTunes

      I've put my iTunes library onto Android simply by using DoubleTwist. So that argument that you loose you music collection when you change to Android is out of the window.

      1. Maliciously Crafted Packet

        @David, You are technically competent...

        and thats where the problem for Android lies. You are one of the small minority of people that know about this stuff.

        Generation Hollyoaks and most people that are not involved in IT -the vast majority- don't have a clue and are not interested. They seek the path of least resistance. And thats what Apple gives them.

        Most iTunes users will not install utilities on their PC so they can transfer music to another platform. They will just go out and buy another iPhone, reception issues (which they probably haven't heard about) or no.

    2. KrisM

      no problem here, just move along...

      Android quite happily plays with the music collected through iTunes without any problems at all. As others have pointed out, you can get Android apps which intergrate with iTunes, but if you happy to plug your phone into your computer, and move songs and albums from computer to phone, then it works fine. I only recently found out iTunes removed DRM from all of their (new) songs early last year, so have been happily moving stuff from iTunes, almost at will, without any problems. Even picks up the albums coverart!

      So if the question is"But, does it work with my iTunes?" then the answer is yes, it will happily play music brought through iTunes...

      1. Anonymous Coward


        By your argument, Android outselling iPhone in the first quarter of this year in the US has nothing to do with Android being about to fail then?

  13. Anonymous Coward

    As if Apple will admit fault!

    Let's see how Apples going to spin this on Friday hmm...

    "We discovered after the phone was made that Foxconn foulded up and didn't make them correct. All minions involved have been thrown of the Jobsian tower and all phones now shipping are working ones. Those who have the mk1 phone will still need to buy a over priced piece of rubber to hold it in, or pay £70 p&p to return it for a swap. Again, nothing to do with the almighty Apple, not our fault, you can't prove nottin".

  14. Jon Double Nice

    At the press conference, they will...

    ...announce the iPhone 5, or 4Gs, or something, and it'll be upgrade mania all over again!

    Personally I hope they try and pull off the 'invisible gorilla' trick, only using Steve Balmer jumping around the stage like he did that time.

  15. Anonymous Coward


    "as would be true if Occam's Razor were applied" - Occam's Razor doesn't say anything about truth, it simply tells you which explanation to prefer.

    1. Ragarath


      But to apply Occam's Razor would mean that the scenario the author was talking about would be the one chosen.

      Therefore out of the options mentioned it would then be true that the one this sentence applies to would be the one chosen.

      A stupid way of saying it is a correct sentence. It is not talking about the semantics of Occam's Razor.

  16. Jimmy Floyd


    Question not the actions of Jobs; for it is he who bringeth light from the dark. It is Apple who can do no wrong; and if fallibility be shown, let word of infallibility instead go forth across the lands. Those unbelievers who do not 'get it' shall be smited; and the smiting shall be merciless; and shall be conducted at Internet cafés, and at comic-book conventions, and by those fanbois who understand not other technologies that provide equally good experience but at a cost of fewer shekels.

    Yay, for it is written that Jobs of Cupertino is the One True Steve, The Real Steve, All You Other Steve Jobs are just immitatin'. Death (or at least, a less evangelical following) to the heathens of Google; and of Microsoft; and of those from the far off lands of Nokia. Apple will take care of it. You are free, to do as they tell you.

    Believe in Steve, for it is He.

    [Hmm, didn't the Bible say something about a poisonous apple? Ah no, that was Sleeping Beauty]

    1. Matthew 25

      No But...

      ... we did get kicked out of eden for having one!

  17. Willum08

    What a load of CRAP!!

    Apple are now saying it's discovered why there's what it describes as a "dramatic drop in bars" when users hold the phone in a certain way.

    It turns out that throughout its history, the software used by the iPhone has been exaggerating the strength of the signal. "We were stunned to find the formula we use to calculate how many bars of signal strength has been wrong," says the letter.

    It goes on to explain that iPhone 4 users who've seen their signal drop away from five bars to nothing may actually have been in an area where they were lucky to get any signal at all. Now Apple is promising a software update for all users which it says will give them a much more accurate read-out of reception.

  18. Alain Moran

    Quality Control

    I recently had my MBP fixed due to the nVidia graphics chip bug, it's a known problem so Apple replaces the main-boards for free.

    Mine was serviced by a third party service agent listed on Apple's site, and it took them almost three weeks to fix the problem due to Apple repeatedly sending out already fried main-boards!

    Talking to the service agent this is a pretty common problem - it's cheaper for Apple to just keep sending out unknown quality boards than it is for them to kick their suppliers into touch and have them sort out their quality issues :s

  19. Thomas 18

    supplier-management practices

    Did the quality testers work at Foxconn maybe?

  20. JaitcH

    Why should The Register get an invite?

    The Reg, along with Gizmodo, Intomobile, etc., are disbelievers. You question the Gospel of California Job, you challenge, nay even mock the words of Job.

    Only the anointed, the unquestioning, rabble of publicity supplicants are permitted to attend at the Church of Apple to receive The Word.

    Which is why we all read The Register so we can learn The Truth. Keep up the good work

  21. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Omnipotence or impotence?

  22. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    @ RegisterFail...

    You are an idiot.

    I'm not going to bother explaining why, as being an idiot I fear you just wouldn't be able to understand.

    Okay? Okay.


    1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  23. Christopher 1

    Not a single issue with my July shipment iPhone...

    I've not had issue one with my iPhone, but then I was in the second wave of shipments, so they may well have done some corrective fixes, or indeed it could have been a bad Lot that shipped on the launch day. Either way, been having a great time with this Shiny, Black Obelisk.

    Beer because well... Beer!

    1. Willum08

      @ Christopher 1

      Quote "I've not had issue one with my iPhone" Then, in the words of the great God Jobs 'You are not holding it right' !!!

  24. richard 69

    i have his keynote speech....

    "we've got some really great news for you this morning.....the iphone is selling out everywhere....there was a problem with the first batch...we've thrown some people off the roof for this.....the problem is now's a free blu-ray disc to watch on your mac.........oh"

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can see the future

    and I see more iPhone 4 dissections coming.

  26. Anonymous Coward

    Android vs iPhone

    All the calls I get from folks with an Android phone are really crappy. Therefore Android is crappy.

    But the owners feel like techie bad-asses because they have on.

    Apple's iPhone is pretty and therefore will sell regardless of what the technical issues are.

    Honestly, do you folks really think that buying decisions are made on technical merit??????

    Decades have passed to make windows somewhat less crappy but folks still bought it because that is what they were used to. They will pass away the hours relating stories of how they were able to make the latest mess from Redmond do something useful and still lambast Apple for being "proprietary".

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