back to article El Reg marks Steve Jobs for termination

It's come as quite a surprise to Vulture Central, but we've just found out that El Reg Strategy Boutique operative Philip Mitchell has been planning the assassination of Steve Jobs. The proof comes in the form of this teaser pic of Jobs we use to illustrate our insights into the wonderful world of Apple. According to one …

COMMENTS

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  1. Kenny Millar
    Grenade

    Images

    Does anyone have a photo of John, St Louis?

    I'm sure the art dept. would have some fun with that.

  2. Dr. Mouse

    Hmm

    Sounds like a cultural misunderstanding. It doesn't suggest anything of the sort to me.

    1. Orclev
      Pint

      Nope

      Nah, the guys just crazy. I've lived my whole life in the US (barring occasional trips) and it likewise says nothing of the sort to me. It's Friday, go get a bear and ignore the moron.

      1. Alexander 3
        Thumb Up

        A bear?

        I love a post-work Friday evening bear with the lads..

      2. Wallyb132
        Troll

        A bear?

        I'm not expert on the subject, but something tells me that if one were to "go get a bear" then "ignoring the moron" would be an automatic, considering you'd have your hands full with the bear and things like surviving, paying any attention to morons would only prove to speed your demise...

        1. Orclev
          FAIL

          Beer obviously

          OK, it was late Friday, cut me some slack, I was only off by one vowel. Fail, as my ability to spot typos obviously did.

  3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Big Brother

    Well, well....

    1) Get US "unitary" president to take ombrage at Steve Jobs.

    2) Prez decides to put Steve on deathlist (no oversight required).

    3) CIA-controlled drone armed with Hellfire missiles starts from Sunnyvale AFB (violating a few dozen laws no-one cares about any longer)

    4) ???

    5) Fanboi rage!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ???

      6) PROFIT!!!

  4. Momiji
    Coat

    Whelp...

    I guess our country truly is leading the world in "fastest mass-retardation ever."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: fastest mass-retardation ever!

      It's called public "education".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Paris Hilton

        Evangelical Christian Fundamentalism.

        More like.

        Why do people laugh at creationists?

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS5vid4GkEY

        Paris, she also spends a lot of time on her knees.

  5. Chris Collins

    Not necessarily a yank

    He hasn't indicated anywhere that he is from the land obesity, so he may not be a Septic. He could be Senegalese:

    http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&safe=off&client=opera&q=saint+louis+senegal&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Saint+Louis,+Saint-Louis,+Senegal&gl=uk&ei=wi03TPzHHZLu0wTzpv3oAw&ved=0CBwQ8gEwAA&t=h&z=12

    1. Havin_it
      Boffin

      RE: Not necessarily a yank

      Somewhat less likely to be called "John" then, I'd have thought...

      http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/category-senegalese-names.html

      1. TimeMaster T
        Coat

        But ...

        Maybe that is just what he WANTS you to think.

        Drop some "local" references to give people the impression your from somewhere when your not.

        Mines the one with the Foil lining and matching cap.

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      A Yank it is, if they say so

      Well it tecnically COULD be a Senegalese using a fake name and sending mail by ssh-ing to a box in the US and referring ot the US as his country just for the fun of it, but that may be a bit of a convoluted scheme just for a rant wouldn't it?

    3. Blake St. Claire
      Thumb Down

      From the land of obesity?

      So he's from England then?

      I've seen my share of overweight Brits -- whole families of them usually. Most often I see them boarding the plane, heading to America for a bit of a holiday, or heading home afterwards. How do I know they're Brits? Well, the accent's usually a bit of give away. The fact that the plane is departing from or headed to Heathrow or Gatwick is another. Sometimes they're waving their passports around too. Not to hard to figure out really.

      And you also have that brilliant TV show: "You are what you eat," that showcases some of the less svelte Brits.

      Pot kettle, black

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You need to consider cultural differences

    The US may speak American, but the differences are soon apparent. The UK does not appear in the top 10, alongside Iraq, Iran, China & Afghanistan for gun ownership or executions.

    Putting a cross on the photo of someone may well be a request to have them killed if you live there.

    1. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

      ...and pernicious PC

      From personal experience - working there, visiting and a Merkin gf (long dumped) - this cross nonsense seems more like the common USian disease of pernicious, ingrown and cancerous political correctness.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Oh come now...

        It's not political correctness, it's just plain old nutjobness. (no, that's not an incitement to headbutt Steve Jobs...) Either that or stupidity

  7. David Adams
    Badgers

    Oh come on!

    You just have to redo the picture with telescopic cross hairs on it now.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Must be Friday

    He kind of has a point -- it's a bit rude and not exactly a badge of unbiased journalism.

    Suggested alternative: Maybe you could go all Rene Magritte, and illustrate Apple stories with a picture of an actual apple. Ceci n'est pas tres objectif.

    Gravestone, obviously.

    1. IR

      Not really

      If anything, a cross over the picture of someone means they have already been eliminated (and not necessarily meaning they have been assasinated, they might just no longer be a suspect, have dropped out of a race, no longer in contention for a prize, etc)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Do Tell !

      "Suggested alternative: Maybe you could go all Rene Magritte, and illustrate Apple stories with a picture of an actual apple".

      Nah.....

      Placing an apple on top of his head,

      would be a far more appropriate incitement.

    3. Radelix
      Pint

      1 question

      As a USian and long time El Reg reader, when has El Reg been unbiased? Especially in relation to His Jobsness! Also I guess I have worked in IT in California for too long but I have not seen this political correctness in quite some time.

      Beer cause 2 hours is far too long to have to wait for one

  9. Steven Knox
    Stop

    No.

    "but in this country (US), that kind of photo is an indication you want someone injured."

    No, John, it isn't. A great deal of us in this country see that as a picture with a red X on it, with no further meaning without context. Please refrain in future from projecting your opinions onto an entire country. You make us look bad to the rest of the world.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Steve

      "A great deal of us in this country see that as a picture with a red X on it"

      That's sort of obvious, but it does have meaning. What I'd like to ask you is, "what does the big red X mean?"

      While I don't necessarily believe it is encouraging someone to assassinate him, I don't believe for a moment that it's a badge of civility either. IOW, it's just not very nice.

    2. CADmonkey
      Heart

      "You make us look bad to the rest of the world."

      I'd been wondering who that was.

  10. Taters
    Unhappy

    It wasn't?

    Then I suppose I'll have to cancel my plane tickets. Darn :(

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    Anyone have a picture of

    John ,St. louis. Just want to what happens if it gets a red cross painted on it

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      @AC re: big red cross

      Then he's surely targeted, for condemnation.

  12. Muckminded
    Thumb Up

    Maybe it means thar be treasure

    I say the big red X just means there's gold dubloons hidden behind his face. If he laughs too hard, get a bucket under his nose, and quick.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Please, Please, Please, Please, Please,

    replace the cross with concentric circles.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    qwerty

    Just to shut up John's 'pathetic grab bag of bitchin™', please remove the red X of termination, and apply the cross hair of 'give Steve a hug™' or 'the laser pointer of love™' between his eyes. Thanx.

  15. DZ-Jay

    Title

    Just don't read The Register. It's not a big deal.

    Oh, and get a life, mine's fine.

    -Steve

    --

    Sent from my iPhone

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Ah, err, not exactly

      I think you'll find that the cannon mantra is "not that big of a deal"

      1. Brutus
        Headmaster

        Hmm, actually

        I think you, Pierre, will find that you're after 'canon', unless you were thinking about the 30mm loading mantra :)

        1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

          Erm, as a matter of fact...

          ... now that you mention it the email-firing habits of Stevie J. do share a few characteritics with the 30 mm garden variety cannon.

          But you are right, I might have loosed control over my letter-repetition disability in this case. Is it to late too say its the spell-checker's fault? I mean these things are not very reliable. You could even say that their intentionnally bobby-trapped. Damn, I guess its to late for that excuse now, I should of though of it earlier. Etc etc...

  16. Lloyd
    FAIL

    Wibble

    And will Mr Mitchell be getting his brother Grant to do it?

  17. Dan 10
    Thumb Down

    Well, he's unhappy...

    ...but it hardly qualifies as a flame of the week, does it?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I hope I'm the first to say...

    TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

  19. steward
    WTF?

    Maybe he sent the letter to the wrong place

    It looks more like something that should have been sent to the Onion, not to Vulture Central.

    Or else John of St. Louis has a seriously warped mind and should seek professional aid immediately. The red X is commonly used to mark people who have been dropped or should be dropped from contention for a position, cf. http://www.spudart.org/blogs/randomthoughts_comments/A4441_0_3_0_C/

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    lol

    lol what a retard, I hope he doesn't breed.

  21. Uk_Gadget

    LOL....

    ....now where's my shotgun...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wut??

    A bit too much imagination going on there. Perhaps replacing the double-expresso's with some camomile tea might help.

  23. madmattttt

    grrr

    fanbois are all the same - they whine about everything.

    I bet the irate yank uses one bit of toilet paper (or bogroll as we call it in blighty) at a time after splashing it with aloe vera and sticking flowers up his nose to get rid of the smell of digested Vegemite sandwiches (rye bread, obviously). go find some trees and hug them, prefereably in Rothbury.

    PS - I don't find my last joke raoulmoatly funny.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      @madmatttttttttttt

      "fanbois are all the same - they whine about everything"

      So are offensive gits - they attack everyone.

  24. Lamont Cranston
    Jobs Horns

    Now I can't see the red-cross photo of Steve Jobs,

    without seeing Eastenders' Phil Mitchell. And he got shot.

    It's a conspiracy!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Riiiiiiiickeeeeeeee

      duf,duf,dufdufdufdufdufduf

  25. DaveyDaveDave
    WTF?

    It's the what now?

    "...pathetic grab bag of bitchin..."

    Does this mean anything to anyone? My best guess is "picture", but I can't be sure...

    1. Orclev
      Boffin

      Translation

      He's saying el reg is filled with a bunch of whingers. Maybe el reg should put out a USian to Brit and Brit to USian guide to help those of us on different sides of the ocean.

  26. burnard
    FAIL

    Death threats ok, innocuous picture not

    "that kind of photo is an indication you want someone injured" hmm...

    What about the death threat emails to climate scientists after the so-called "climategate" incident? The US police aren't doing anything due to so-called freedom of speech laws. As usual the American interpretation of freedom is somewhat flawed. Perhaps if the Reg emailed Steve Jobs a death threat that would be ok, but an innocuous picture.....thats just too far! lol

  27. Gerard Krupa

    Speaks volumes

    I think it says more about a country that it HAS a well-known symbolic representation that they want someone dead than it does about El Reg's inadvertent use of that symbol. I wonder what they make of that big red St George's Cross on our flag.

    1. John G Imrie

      Re: Speeks volumes

      Well, St George is already dead. So I guess it works.

    2. Havin_it
      Joke

      RE: Speaks volumes

      "I wonder what they make of that big red St George's Cross on our flag."

      Not a thing. Ask most of them to draw "the English flag" and I bet over 90% will draw a Union jack. The remaining percentage will wound themselves fatally with the crayons.

      1. Mr Brush
        Coffee/keyboard

        WIN!!!!!!

        > The remaining percentage will wound themselves fatally with the crayons.

        I don't have a cup of coffee at the moment, but that line is so wonderous that I may go and make one specially to pour over my keyboard.

      2. heyrick Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        ...wound themselves fatally with the crayons...

        (that's all)

  28. stillious
    Jobs Halo

    Oh lawd

    Please post more Playmobil perversions, just for me.

    - Steve

    Sent (just) from my iPhone4

  29. ash etchell
    Jobs Horns

    assassination?

    looks more like the broken image link from the next version of safari to me, or what will appear on sites that have flash embedded in them on the iphone....

  30. Diane Miller

    On behalf of Americans everywhere

    ... I'd like to apologize for my fellow countrymen without senses of humor. Or, I suppose, senses of humour. Take your pick.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Ahah! A Missourian

    I'm afraid that the state of his origin serves to explain quite a lot,, as far as, "How can this person possibly be so daft?" Missouri is quite the special state, it is.

    I feel I should apologies, though I had nothing to do with it.

    Heck with it. Beer o'clock....

  32. paulf
    Heart

    "...pathetic grab bag of bitchin..."

    Its why I love El Reg, and keep reading!

  33. Goatan
    Grenade

    Blow it up. . .

    Can el reg please make a commemerative high def blow up version of this pic for a poster? I'd buy that just to miff off John St. louis

  34. Dave Murray
    Grenade

    A big red cross

    Doesn't that generally mean "don't shoot, we're medical personel"? Exactly the opposite of what John thinks. But then the yanks are known for their friendly fire incidents.

  35. Steen Hive
    FAIL

    "I may be wrong"

    No shit, Sherlock.

  36. Simpson

    It's true

    X means "shoot me".

    For proof, go take a look at any rural railroad crossing sign.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Do hicks and hillbillies

    come from st. Louis?

  38. snafu

    It's all true

    That's the Mutants Red Cross.

    Surely.

  39. sisk

    Good grief

    The guy's a crackpot. I'm an American and I can assure you that the red X means no such thing. We really aren't the gun happy kill-on-a-whim country the rest of the world seems to think we are.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Hmm,

      Your firearms murder / injury rate tends to suggest otherwise.

      Lets be fair, the right to bear arms is constitutionaland i really dont ever see that being repealed.

      Nothing personal, but you lot really are gun obsessed..

      1. Parax
        Boffin

        Right to bear arms:

        the Second Amendment -- "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed"

        So basically you can own a gun if you are to fight for the country. Which is pretty much the same as saying the military or the National Guard. However federal law still says every able-bodied American man from 17 to 44 is a member of the United States militia. Hence anyone.

        What this actually means is that guns are not a 'right' for self defence or sport, but really only for national defence.

  40. mafoo
    Heart

    Umm... beer

    Writing ranting emails after a sizeable quantity of alcohol ftw!

  41. LinkOfHyrule
    FAIL

    FANBOI ALERT!!!!!!!!!

    Haha, is the red cross over his face putting you off masturbating over his image?

  42. Muckminded

    Thinner

    It isn't a marksman the Reg sent after Jobs.

    One would think Stephen King would appreciate other Steve more.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I think

    John's reading of your use of signs and symbols suggests to me he is professor of applied semiotics at the university of lousianny.

    respect where due.

    hey john, jobs is chopped liver.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Such well informed comment...

    ...obviously from someone who saw a film about gangsters once and now knows all about them.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    @ John, from St. Louis

    "that kind of photo is an indication you want someone injured"

    No it does not. Maybe if it was reticle, I could try agree, but not in this instance.

    Sorry world, once again I must say "this kind of thinking does not represent the US".

  46. Parsifal
    WTF?

    Must be the little voices in his head.

    Wow what a looser, guess he was having PMS issues and needed to rant either that or the voices in his head tell him to kill anyone who's photograph have a red 'X' through it.

    Just to keep him happy change the color/colour to Blue :)

  47. Rombizio
    Stop

    In my country...

    That X means you cannot park on top of Steve Jobs.

  48. I didn't do IT.
    Boffin

    Not an X

    I never saw an X there... I always thought it was a red highlighting with four translucent arrows around on left, right, top and bottom, pointing to the center.

    Perhaps that is the thought of some kind of telescopic/infrared shooting scope?

  49. Morpho Devilpepper
    Jobs Horns

    Taketh not the name of Jobs-hova in vain.

    Really...sounds like the kind of thing Tom Cruise might say to someone who criticizes that other scamlord supreme, L. Ron Hubbard. Lots of parallels between Scientology and Macophilia:

    -Similarity in dress code

    -Monomaniacal ideology

    -Relative incompetence in subject matter (ask the average Mac-adamian what a PCIe bus is and you'll get a blank, drooly stare)

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Don't...

    Don't feed the fanbois, they bite worse than trolls...

  51. Martin Usher
    Alien

    Welkum to 'merika

    Tinfoil helmets are de rigeur among the more right wing of our number these days. Conspiracies are everywhere, they usually involve the guvmint treating some hapless multinational oil company or bank in a less than deferential way being proof that we're in the midst of a Marxist takeover.

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Septic spotting

    Always easy, as the language used* by US based Fotw candidates seems to be accompanied by a strong waft of testosterone, the great outdoors and the the scent of recently discharged firearms. Which is odd really, because the bloke is probably the poster child for Charles Atlas' 'seven stone weakling', with that bluish tinged skin that comes from an eternity licking his bosses arse in a windowless office just below street level, and a pay grade that only allows him to indulge his outdoorist/survivalist fantasies vicariously through re-runs of "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams", and the odd night time foray into the undergrowth at the local park armed with his prized Swiss Army Knife.

    * Apologies to those on the left and right edges of the US, who I'm sure are quite unrelated to the ones in the middle, and do realise that there is a "g" at the end of "bitching".

  53. David McMahon
    Jobs Halo

    Without Jobs...

    The whole industry of Fart apps, will disappear! Bored office drones won't have things to show off to bored office drones!!! What will be do?

  54. Lael Rapier
    Boffin

    It never crossed my mind...

    ... to assert that the red 'X' over the pic was a call for harm.

    My take is:

    1. signifying irrelevance

    2. choose not this one

    I could be just not seeing the big picture, though.

    I like this blue icon.

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Want to assassinate Steve 'Big' Jobs?

    ..there's probably an app for that.

  56. Captain Thyratron

    Silly man.

    Replace the "X" with a set of iron sights. I'd pay a couple of bucks to see that comment.

    If this is enough to get him excited, I wonder what he thought about all the pictures of bullets with "Obama" written on them that made their rounds on 4chan in 2008.

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I agree with his concerns, totally...and while we're at it

    Please remove the following comment icons:

    Grenade - incentive to commit terrorism

    Penguin - incentive to commit beastiality

    Pint - incentive to abuse alcohol

    Flames - incentive to commit arson

    Escape key - incentive to break out of prison

    Go - incentive to jump lights (if reading El Reg whilst on the move)

    Megaphone - incentive to disturb the peace

    Jolly Roger - incentive to commit software piracy or breach of copyright

    Thumbs down - incentive to put a gladiator to death

    Big Brother - incentive to voyeurism and stalking

    'I'll get my' Coat - incentive to pick pockets

    Reg tombstone - incentive to kill and bury somebody called Reginald

    Thumbs up and Paris - erm...I'll leave that to your imagination

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  60. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    The guy's probably a gun-tard....

    ....with a bad conscious.

  61. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
    Jobs Halo

    A response from Apple.

    Fix my face. Not that big a deal.

    Steve

    Sent from my _iPhone_3G_

    ( Because I don't have an iPhone 4 as I have made the supreme sacrifice of foregoing mine so one more of you out there could get one. See, I 'm a pretty cool guy )

  62. Craig 2
    Joke

    @ac 14:45

    "unbiased journalism."

    Funniest thing I've read all day!

  63. Lottie

    The cross

    I though X marked the spot and was ready to go dig for gold on his forehead

  64. mulder
    Grenade

    2 words

    Tea Party

  65. wookiee2008
    WTF?

    Hmm

    No stopping signs must be confusing. How do I assassinate blue?

  66. Callum Winton
    Grenade

    X-Phuctor

    Must be true... every time I get a glimps of X-Factor I want to rip a hole through my TV

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