back to article Exciting company seeks Linux engineer

We thought the Linux bods among you might be interested in the following position in an "exciting and rapidly growing company". The salary's not bad but the bonus situation may leave a bit to be desired... 3rd Line Support Engineer (Linux): £34000 - £37000 per annum + Shit Bonus Lovely. We're obliged to Graham Bosworth for …

COMMENTS

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  1. Craigyb
    Coffee/keyboard

    rofl

    At least the company is being honest there, lol, unlike mine where the bonus scheme has magically disappeared over the past 2 years!

  2. Samwise
    Go

    Somewhat appropriate ...

    That seems an appropriate bonus for someone who will be "Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients ... sewers".

    Sam.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Badgers

      RE: Somewhat appropriate

      That's not all

      "strong knowledge of email systems (SMTP,POP,IMPA)"

      I assume someone has developed a successor to IMAP4 that involves the slavery of Imps and something that begins with the letter 'A'?

      Badgers warning, since that's the closest to imps I could find.

  3. Ian 31

    Sort Of Makes Sense...

    If you read the add,

    The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers

    As to why they'd want a combined Linux admin and sanitation engineer I've no idea.

    1. Jim Morrow
      Coat

      same old shit

      >>>>> As to why they'd want a combined Linux admin and sanitation engineer I've no idea.

      Simple. It's the same thing: both roles mean forever wading through shit and having unspeakable crap dumped on you all the time.

      1. elderlybloke
        Pint

        same old shit- Jim

        Don't knock shit Jim , I worked in it happily for 10 years.

        Changed to above ground Engineering after that.

        As one bloke in the "business" said " It may be shit to you, but it's bread and butter to me"

  4. vonBureck
    Headmaster

    Careful with the service tickets here...

    "The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers."

    Troubleshooting sewers? Probably a better name for it... still, IT is everywhere these days.

  5. LuMan
    IT Angle

    Er.. Just to clarify..

    Does this mean the bonus is poor, paid in shit, OR I would get a bonus for doing shits while at work?

    I only ask because I always drop the kids off* at work - after all, I'm getting paid for it!

    *other euphemisms include; going for a Thora, taking a Jedi, having an Ertha, dropping a log, pinching a loaf, creating a danger to shipping, squelching out a long one, losing weight, going to see Trevor, having a think, evacuating Bumville, etc..... etc...

    IT? logo 'cos I thought someone would put SH in front of it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      You've got me

      The others, yes, but "taking a Jedi" ?!?

      Please elucidate!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I always use

      I always use "driving the porcelain truck".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Force it?

        it does seem a bit tenuous, like...

      2. djack

        @Anonymous Coward

        Jedi Knight

        If you can't work it from there, start worrying.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Tatooine rhyming slang

        Jedi Knight ... shite

      4. James Hughes 1

        Jedi Knight

        Shite?

        Anyway, I always crimp off a length.

      5. Matt Ryan

        Taking a Jedi

        Jedi Knight ryhmes with?

        1. Boris H.
          Joke

          Two sides

          If it's on the dark side do you say "taking a Sith"

  6. gizmo23
    Pint

    Banks sell odd stuff these days

    http://www.jobserve.com/Software-Systems-Architect-Cambridge-Contract-W081658CF5CA0FD63.jsjob

    Introductory line is

    "Spring IT are currently recruiting for a Software Systems Architect to join a lager retail bank bank based in Edinburgh. "

    And I'm not sure whether the Cambridge - Edinburgh daily commute is worth it. Especially if you're paid in lager.

  7. David Gosnell

    Tell it like it is

    An honest recruitment agent?! In other news, a squadron of pigs has been observed flying over the icy wastes of hell itself.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Read twice...

    Submit once :D

  9. GottaBeKidding

    Hmm.

    You also have to work with their sewers. I'm just guessing it's supposed to be 'shift' and 'servers'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      Oh my god!!!

      Your right!!

      How could we all have been so stupid?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      Rubbish!

      Shit and Sewers go together perfectly, but since when did you hear of Servers working shifts?!

  10. Prof Yaffle
    Happy

    Job Spec

    No, the bonus is entirely appropriate, given that they're looking for someone to participate in "troubleshooting the client's hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers".

    Severn Trent IT is based in Coventry, I thought... maybe they've moved...

    1. lpopman
      Unhappy

      titular announcement

      I was going to flame you for inferring that Coventry was shite, and then I looked out of the window.

      You Sir are correct, Cov is shite.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re Cov

        C'mon, not all's bad in Coventry. At least you've got the M5, M6, M1 and others close by, all of which can bring you quickly far away ...

  11. Smifter

    Very appropriate bonus

    It's a very appropriate bonus given the work.

    "The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers."

  12. JasonW
    Coat

    Should the name of the site...

    ... not be Total Jobbies?

  13. Pete 2 Silver badge

    While your career goes down the drain.

    > troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers.

    Plus numerous other mistakes (who grinds your back?) I would fully expect their selection process to be as hit-and-miss as their typping ability

    (yes, yes. I know - _typing_)

    1. fch
      Thumb Up

      what a career move ...

      ... getting a shit bonus for your career going down the drain !

      Alas, the role has now expired. And that just when it became tempting.

  14. Robin Bradshaw
    WTF?

    Some plumbing experience required

    "The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers."

    I think that is service above and beyond, get your computers fixed and your toilets unblocked at the same time.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Troubleshooting what?

    >> The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers.

    Confucius say: He who work in sewers get sh*t bonus

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    mm, nice

    that looks pretty good to be honest, a shit bonus has got to be better than no bonus, right?

    at least they're upfront about it, unlike the lying sacks of shit i currently do exactly the same thing for.

  17. Havin_it
    Coffee/keyboard

    When you read further...

    ...it all makes sense:

    "The Engineer will also be responsible for Supporting maintaining and troubleshooting the clients hosting environment, network, IP traffic and sewers."

    If these are bona fide typos and the whole thing isn't a subtle joke, it's a beautiful double-blunder.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Horns

    Every man and his dog is a recruiter

    Saw one last week, think it was a featured role in an email from Jobsite, the excellent salary was up to £0.

    It seems that every man and his dog is a recruiter. Maybe not the dog, as the dog would do a better job.

    The average recruiter dumps on jobs websites in a similar way to how the dog would dump on your lawn using the same scattergun approach that the dog uses against walls and lamp posts for its other business.

    I wonder if they manually scrape companies' websites for roles that they all then post to every job website under the sun? It's not easy to find a genuine job advert these days unless you have an encyclopedic collection of bookmarks for every company in your sector.

    Jobs because he would pay Foxconn assemblers up to £0 if he could.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yeah, OK, we get it.....

    Blimey, how many times do we need to be told about the typo in the job ad...?!?

    *rolleyes*

  20. Gwaptiva
    FAIL

    And this is news?

    Sorry, but this is exactly the kind of thing that has been pissing me off for years. Recruiters having the gall to demand "eggzelunt comnunimication skils"...

    Par for the course, I'm afraid.

  21. Velv
    Pint

    Life ?

    Just goes to prove the old adage - "Life Is Like A Sewer"

    What you get out of it pretty much matches what you put into it.

  22. Doug Glass
    Go

    Well Damn!

    I guess me having them work in the basement was a promotion of sorts seeing they actually work in the sewers. Guess it's true; stuff does roll downhill.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    That used to be my Job!

    Hahahaha, that used to be my job :)

    I would say that the description is pretty accurate...

    :)

  24. Cameron Colley
    Coat

    Linux support/plumming -- the same thing.

    Either way you'll be dealing with dumps, flushing pipes and dealing with overflow conditions.

    I am deeply sorry but I had to post that.

  25. Camilla Smythe
    WTF?

    Feck....

    The job is located in....

    Location:

    Gloucester , Gloucestershire.

    Huh....

    http://www.gchq.gov.uk/second/find.html

    1. max allan

      I would guess Fasthosts

      It's not asking for clearance, so probably not GCHQ.

      I would guess FastHosts who are in Gloucester not Cheltenham, but their own website doesn't have the vacancy, although it wouldn't be the first time I've seen a job advertised by an agent that doesn't appear on the company's own external job advert page...

      Fasthosts do have "EXTERNAL CUSTOMERS" (sic), GCHQ tend not to.

      And Fasthosts would probably use SMTP, POP and IMPA (sic) and run a lot of "clients hosting environment".

      This is a bit of a cracker as far as bad adverts go. 3 errors, 1 admittedly might be hard to spot unless you know your IMAP from your POP3...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Grenade

        Dodgy Recruitment Agents...? Surely Not!

        Agreed - I tend to recuitment agencies somewhere between estate agents and car park wardens on my "worthy of a Christmas card" list.

        When I was last searching for a job all of the recruitment agency muppets wanted to know which other companies I'd applied to as well as the position advertised, so that they could try to convince the company to use them instead of their competitors. Needless to say, I didn't volunteer that kind of information.

        They'd also blatantly make jobs up simply in order to get your CV on their books... when I first started out looking for jobs, I was naïve enough to fall for this trick.

        Thinking about it, the agencies weren't particularly nice to me back then due to a lack of experience - even though I have a degree, which I thought would be enough to get me on the first rung of the ladder. Now that I have lots of experience, however, they're a lot nicer and not just dismissive. Just a shame for them that I've got a good memory and can remember when they were shysters to me.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Wow!

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/wtf_32.png

    'Shit Bonus' - does that mean being able to sit on the jacks with a netbook on the lap (wifi enabled of course....) Gives a whole meaning to 'negotiating a release of chocolate hostages!'

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    not Fasthosts

    I'm guessing it's Messagelabs.

  28. Nigel 11
    Alert

    On the 0.1% chance it wasn't a typo ...

    There is the interesting, or horrible, possibility that the client has installed their fibre optic cable plant using the pre-existing large-bore pipework. I imagine that rat/excrement proof fibre costs a bit more than the usual weatherproof sort, but the installation cost might be considerably lower.

  29. BooHoo
    Jobs Horns

    its fasthosts...

    it be fasthosts...in the center of Gloucester Shitty...

  30. Andus McCoatover
    Coat

    Oh, this may have been outsourced to Mahatma Kote...

    "...strong technical back ground..."

    So, you need computer trees planted in the garden, or what, FFS???

  31. jon 72

    Sounds Like Fasthosts

    but probably not, some big banking data centers on the outskirts of town.

    Then again it's an agency ad so could be for anywhere in country.

  32. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    @On the 0.1% chance it's not a typo

    I just have to know, what typo would it be? I'm not taking the piss, do they have "shift bonus"es in Britain or what?

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Why are they paying at all?

    Those Linux geeks *really* believe that IT people shouldn't be paid at all. Ever.

    Don't they?

    Or do they just believe that *programmers* (ie: 'other people) shouldn't be paid for their work?

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