back to article Middle-aged sex: The X-rated photo guide

Our recent sobering piece on middle-aged sex, indicating that after 45 it's downhill all the way between the sheets, prompted some of you to request, nay demand, the traditional El Reg guide. Naturally, we're happy to oblige. Those of you who are already spiralling uncontrollably towards old timerdom will probably greet what …


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  1. Sekundra

    Thank Vulture it's Friday :)

    NMTS (Nothing more to say)

  2. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Dead Vulture


    Young children might be able to see this filth and what of the poor people taking part???

    I demand you tranfer your address to the new .sex domain where your perversions will never have to be seen again by decent people.

    Except when they want to crack one off

  3. M 6


    this brightened my day :)

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Saturday-night 22 minutes of hot luuurv action

    According to the this mornings Telegraph 10 minutes is ideal, more than 13 excessive and 3-7 acceptable. They also have an article that claims yawning is a sign of sexual attraction. In one day I've turned into a super stud pussy magnet.

    1. John G Imrie

      Re: Saturday-night 22 minutes of hot luuurv action

      Yeah, but just how old is the editor of the Telegraph?

    2. Anonymous Coward

      13 minutes excessive!

      I'm finding it takes longer and longer as time goes by (certainly more than 13 minutes!) Not that the missus seems to mind. I do worry about my cardiac health, however.

      1. Disco-Legend-Zeke
        Thumb Up


        ...was developed as a treatment for congestive heart failure. Those annoying erections are merely a side effect.

  5. Anonymous Coward


    Pure class.

  6. Pete 2 Silver badge


    If Lester is writing from personal experience, all I can do is offer my sympathies and a reference to Wired Magazine's article from some years back entitled "Hard Drugs" (geddit?). As an <ahem> 50-year old myself I can say that my perfect partner is someone my own age, or failing that: 2 * 25 year olds.

  7. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
    Thumb Up


    Excellent stuff!

  8. frank ly


    Thank you! :)

  9. Juan Inamillion


    One of the best - EVAR!

  10. Graham Marsden
    Thumb Up

    I just had to give this article...

    ... one up!

    (That's one upward rating...!)

  11. James Thomas


    I didn't know Lego make 'Perv Scanner' sets!

  12. oldredlion
    Thumb Up


    'nuff said.

  13. Code Monkey


    Where's the standing ovation icon?

    1. Captain TickTock

      Don't you mean...

      standing ovulation icon?

      Yeah I know...

  14. Anonymous John


    It's Friday!

  15. S Larti


    Made my day!

    Which shows what a dull, sagging middle ages Friday I'm having...

  16. Anonymous Coward

    One question,...

    where's the Moderatrix's dog while all this is going on?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      You really, really, don't want to know.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    slow news day...


  18. Bob Sanders

    Great way to end the week

    In the future the Pervinator P3000 will come back to the past and make sure this article never happens.

  19. Fred Mbogo

    @AC 12:00

    Most likely savaging the intern that they assigned to write further BOFH episodes...while she whacks him in the head with her steely ruler. We really need a Moderatrix icon :D

  20. Martin 49

    One for the guys

    Ever wondered why she prefers it with the lights off?

    Put a mirror on the floor and assume the missionary

    (press-up) position with your face over the mirror... handsome dog you...

  21. Cunningly Linguistic

    The Lifestyle

    Hmm, if this were the case then how come my local swinger's club is stocked full of carnally interested middle-agers?

    Looks like the survey only covered long-time married middle-class middle-agers.

    Long live the 50-something horn dog!!

  22. Mr Grumblefish

    Pure Brilliance

    that last pic!

  23. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    Best Playmobile re-enactment yet!

    What, you can't put a blank comment in, even though the title says it all!

  24. Graham Bartlett


    And you know this for why...?

    1. Cunningly Linguistic


      <placeholder mode="lascivious grin">NWWBCS (Now What Would Bill Clinton Say?)</placeholder>

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've still got it.

    As a > 40 man, I take exception to the tone of this article. Furthermore... um, what was I talking about? zzz....zzz...zzz...zzz...

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Where is Optimus?

    Thought Optimus would have got involved in on the action...

  27. LuMan

    What The FUDGE!!

    WTF is that dog doing on the second pic on page 3??? Are we looking at the bestiality with two backs here???

  28. heyrick Silver badge

    Great photos

    I liked the illustrative photos. Oh, the magic of Playmobil...

  29. Jeremy 2


    Second time I've used that title on an El Reg comment in the space of a week, I think...

  30. Anonymous Coward

    Surely one of the best

    And yet, not a single brewski offered for such fine work. I'm impressed.

  31. Trevor_Pott Gold badge



    It's friday. Go El Reg!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    A work of art

    Centuries from now, people will still admire the genuis that inspired these incredible and powerful playmobl images. Unfortunately, we'll be dead by then and unable to explain how funny it all was at the time.

    Great stuff!! Whoo hoo

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    That was really good

    Clever, Funny and technically brilliant.

    Kudos to the artist.

  34. Solomon Grundy


    This is my favorite Playmobile reenactment yet!

  35. Pirate Dave Silver badge


    use of Playmobil equipment ever. Genius. It's Genius I tell you.

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