back to article Native Oz ducks being raped to extinction

Oz's native Pacific black ducks are apparently at serious risk of extinction, thanks to unwanted sexual advances by feral domestic mallards. According to Victoria University research fellow Dr Patrick-Jean Guay, the "rape" of the Lucky Country's black ducks by "big, sexually aggressive" mallards is threatening the genetic …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And just what the heck... they plan to do about it? Revoke the Mallard's pilots licences?

  2. Jan Jones


    Even before I read the article body I was laughing out loud!

    You guys should write a guest column for The Daily Mash or The Onion

  3. Prag Fest

    Duck rape

    Man, I've watched those mallards going for it on several occasions, it's brutal. Not getting my bread anymore, thats for sure.

  4. seanj

    Steven Conroy: Official position...

    Have you seen how many pictures there are of naked ducks on the internet? It's clearly behind this heinous spate of duck rapes. Ban it. Ban it I say! Won't someone think of the ducklings?!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's just what Hitler would say

    So interbreeding is a thread to the genetic purity of the species? They should organise squads to go and round up the genetically impure ones, and confine them to special camps before deportation. Unless someone comes up with a more Final Solution.

    1. Richard 23

      Final solution

      Canard a l'orange? Magrette de canard?

      Delicious! And kills two bird with one stone, so to speak.

      Ok, Ok, mine's the one with Larousse Gastronomique in the pocket

  6. Spoonguard


    Fucking ducks man

  7. Anonymous Coward


    This sounds like duck eugenics to me.

    Imagine if we applied the same to wait people already have and look where that ended up.

  8. Anonymous Coward

    How Do you Spell it ?

    Aryan Ducks ?

  9. Anonymous Coward

    Female plumbing not devious enough perhaps?

    Female mallards are fitted with confusing plumbing to confound the eager males...

    Maybe Pacific ducks are just too straight?

    1. R.P.Charlie

      Maybe Pacific ducks are just too straight?

      Nah, Just too pacific.

  10. Ken 16 Silver badge

    fowl play suspected?

    Are they sure it's not aussies in duck costumes - remember what happened to the sheep?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    it's an emergency!!

    Holy crap! Ducks mating. Genome evolving. We must prevent this travesty occurring at all costs! After we're done there, let's stop the tide coming in. Bunch of Knuts.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    Genetic purity?

    Duck Nazis.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So, Pacific ducks are "genetically pure" ?

    Is that like royalty ?

    So they're all inbred half-brains, then ?

    Mallerds. Preserving Pacific ducks from hemophilia.

  14. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

    It is instructive...

    ... to see Nature Conservation activists so much at odds with nature doing what comes naturally...

    It used to be the Puritains who were anxious that no one anywhere should be suspected of having a good time. I see that this particular religious quirk hs now well established amongst the bearded and open-toe sandaled amongst us.

    I presume they gained some satisfaction from making these observations? And isn't that illegal under the 2003 'Having sex in a non-prescribed manner' Act? I think the Bestiality Squad should be called in here...

  15. Anonymous Coward

    Don't be racist you drongo's

    We must celebrate the Duck-versity!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: it's an emergency

    Yes raidet, it is an emergency. Because if evolution, or indeed any other natural force continues to shape this planet, then it is some how our fault, and we should expend any and all possible resources to stop the laws of nature, ASAP.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Penis size and loss of biodiversity

      The problem is loss of biodiversity. And it's caused in this case by people bringing foreign species to other continents.

      It's not that hard to understand if you try.

      By the way, did you know that ducks have the longest penis relative to body size of any vertebrate and that the duck's penis evolved specifically in order to facilitate mating with females who don't want to be mated with?

      Meanwhile, the question of why humans have the longest penis of any primate awaits a definitive answer. It probably isn't to facilitate raping the planet.

  17. Nebulo

    Nearly a fortnight late!

    Because June 5th is Dead Duck Day, the anniversary of the first known observation of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard. Boing Boing had an item about it -

    That should add something to a few Friday afternoons. ;)

  18. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Ducking, the problem

    Same problem with Ruddy Ducks here IIRC

  19. Blubster


    Fuck a duck - who would have thought it?

  20. Anonymous Coward

    I'm counting the days...

    Until rabid feminists start protesting the penis size of imported ducks.

  21. Nigel 11

    Surely they must be the same species?

    If they naturally interbreed and produce fertile offspring, surely what one is looking at is two strains (or races) of the same species doing what comes naturally? (Of course, there were once people who thought that there was more than one human species, distinguished by skin colour ... 'nuff said).

    Hybrids subjected to natural selection often end up with the strengths of both parent strains and few of the genetic screw-ups of either. This is evolution in action!

    Loss of biodiversity? Scientifically, one would have to study whether any genes have been lost from the hybrid population, that were present in the parents. With large populations, this is unlikely.

    1. Gianni Straniero

      Don't call me Shirley

      "If they naturally interbreed and produce fertile offspring..."

      Look up "Species problem" with your search engine of choice.

      Also, this is good for biodiversity, no? We have mallards, we have Pacific black ducks, and now we have the unholy offspring of their matrimony.

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