Want nips like church coat pegs? Click here

Here's something practical for those women who want to make a point or two, but aren't up-front enough to do it naturally - the eye-catching Body Perks Nipple Enhancers: Body Perks Nipple Enhancers Apparently, "the natural look is back" and "nipples are in", according to the blurb down at Selfridge's e-commerce tentacle. In …

[Subtilior]

Expensive Rubbish

Why can't they buy a netbook instead?

[Alien Doctor 1.1]

Tittle goes here

Anyone seen my socket set?

[Shady]

Do they come....

...in a moob version? I'd like some please!

[Ben Rosenthal]

moob version

just going to plait a couple of those into my nipple hair tbh

[Rob]

Spares

They look like they'd work as good spare nipples for our tommee tippee bottles (probably cheaper too) on the flip side, don't buy these and use a tommee tippee nipple in the safe knowledge that your breasts won't get colic.

[Anonymous Coward]

<Pyoing!>

I think more research is required. I mean, how do they affix?

ITWSBT.

R.

[Alan 6]

Advert

Perhaps an advert for these could use The Happy Song by Shane MacGowan's old group The Nipple Erectors...

[Colin Guthrie]

Don't you mean that "nipples are *back* in"?

http://poorlydressed.com/2010/05/06/fashion-fail-different-times-the-70s/

[Bob H]

Huh?

Nothing new here, been around for years.

Meh.

[Rob Crawford]

Why oh why

Jesus you could have somebody eye out with those

[Jonathan Walsh]

Why?

Why are coat pegs in Church considered to be different than any other coat peg?

[Code Monkey]

Wet donkey jacket

If it's something generic you want, try "you could hang a wet donkey jacket on them".

[Havin_it]

Indeed

The version I've heard in the past was "chapel hat-pegs", which made a weird sort of sense: being in the chapel, you'd assume they were designed to securely hold a wimple, or perhaps even a visiting Archbishop's big pointy job, which are among your taller examples of millinery.

Er, did I over-think that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Careful, love...

...you could have someone's eye out with those.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Careful, love...

This place is such a hotbed of original wit.

[Professor Tinklepants]

I agree....

.....and we should definately nip it in the bud.....

[Dave Cradle]

You were expecting?

It's an article about the female chest area. You were expecting originality? Wit? Satirical observation?

To be honest, I only visited the comments page to see what your take on the posts would be :-)

[Sarah Bee]

Re: You were expecting?

I have no take at all. I am takeless.

The only thing is that it was Miranda who sported a pair of these, not Samantha. Hey ho.

[TheRobster]

@ Sarah

So, while Lester watches Sex and the City, it's not for the plot?

I'm shocked.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey ho

Shouldn't that be, "Hey, ho!"... which is how any woman actually wearing these should expect to be greeted.

[Anonymous Coward]

Careful, fellow commentards...

...you could have someone's eye out on Ms Bee's disdain.

[The Indomitable Gall]

So are these designed...

Are these aimed at people going au natural but without natural pointiness, or are they designed to go on top of bras and reinstate lost nipplage while allowing for extra support and shaping?

I know, I've thought about this too much, but it's Friday and my most trusted source of news is talking about lady-bumps.

[Anonymous Coward]

*That* pointed is "natural"?

Crikey... the woman in the picture could have your eye out with those.

[Andrew Bush]

Bond

Reading this made me think of Scaramanga! In fact, with these, you could even go for the 'sow look' and have a whole battery of nipples...

[Steven Raith]

Npples are back in?

This is the best news I have heard all year.

Steven R

[ravenviz]

Pink and brown

I actually am a student in the subject and 'pink and brown' means something quite different. Brown is a lot more expensive too!

[TimBiller]

Idiots

The phrase is " .... like CHAPEL hat pegs." Churches have hooks, not pegs. I ask you, honestly!

Tim

[Anonymouse 1]

eh, what..?

How can it be "the natural look" if you're sticking a set of false nipples to your body?

[Narlaquin]

Church Coat Pegs?

Surely "Chapel Hat Pegs"? Church Coat Pegs are used for the icon

[Simon Neill]

Title is required.

I don't see the point in these.

[blackworx]

The natural look

"Apparently, "the natural look is back" and "nipples are in", "

Splendid.

[Ball boy]

Nothing new here

As any fule kno, plenty of ...ahem..less salubrious women already sport this look - and have for years - but the headline 'High fashion takes a leaf out of slapper's look' isn't going to make the news, is it?

/obligatory joke: Fake nipples? What's the point? Boom, boom. Okay, okay, I'm leaving....

Paris because any mention of sticky-out bits requires her presence. Allegedly.

[Andy Miller]

Plastincine works

For the one episode of "Porridge" , Patricia Brake had her nipples enhanced with plasticine (so I've heard). What happened to good old British ingenuity?

[Marvin the Martian]

What happened to Brit ingenuity? British cuisine.

Think about, food here has come a long way since the days of Porridge --- how would you react to that plasticine aftertaste? Well, in the seventies you'd have loved it, "finally something that doesn't taste of failed salty gravy" or some such.

[Version 1.0]

I want four

or maybe six for parties ... than Anne Boleyn look!

[Anonymous Coward]

Or three...

...for the Lily Allen look.

[Cameron Colley]

As long as we're allowed to stare.

I hope any woman going around with her nipples (false or otherwise) sticking out like that won't object if a few of us can't help but stare.

And there was me thinking women wanted men to talk to their faces and not their chests?

[No, I will not fix your computer]

Sexist pig!

>>I hope any woman going around with her nipples (false or otherwise) sticking out like that won't object if a few of us can't help but stare.

How would you know the difference? it's very important to only stare at womens nipples if they are false ones, if you end up staring at womens nipples when they are not false it may be that she doesn't want them stared at.

"Are you staring at my nipples?"

"Yes, they are false aren't they? I assume they are there for display"

"NO! they are real, how dare you stare!"

"Sorry."

"Are you staring at my nipples?"

"Yes, they are false aren't they? I assume they are there for display"

"Yes, what do you think?"

"Nice."

"Thanks"

"Are you staring at my nipples?"

"No, sorry, well, I might have glanced but, I didn't mean to, at least not consciously"

"It's OK, it's quite chilly in the freezer section and it's a natural reaction from both of us."

"OK... errr... I'll be off then..."

"Are you staring at my nipples?"

"Yes, quality tent pegs you have there love"

"Eh? are you some kind of pervert?"

"Don't be stupid, don't blame me, if you don't want me to stare then cover up better"

This evil invention is just another way to confuse men (and their roles in society), sigh.

I think there used to be something called nipplettes (now some inversion correction doodad) which did the same things from a few decades ago.

What's next? "moundettes" for when your camel-toe is not very well defined?

[JC 2]

@ Sexist pig!

Men aren't going to be confused. Some will stare either way and whether a controversy arises out of it depends on whether the woman goes into attack mode for something that is relatively innocent.

Really, staring at a nipple shouldn't be taken as more offensive than any other body part, like looking someone in the eye continuously when talking to them. OMGWTF, he looked at my eyeballs. Does it reduce women to pieces of meat? Of course, humans are made of meat.

[Matt Bryant]

RE: Sexist pig!

LOL! Just imagine the fun - strip naked, pop some Viagra, and then walk down the highstreet, glaring at any woman that looks at your manhood and shouting: "Oi! Are you looking at my hardon? You disgusting pervert!"

[Cameron Colley]

@No, I will not fix your computer

Damn you...

I just snorted beer on my keyboard.

[Goat Jam]

See "Camel Toe Cup"

"What's next? "moundettes" for when your camel-toe is not very well defined?"

http://www.skateboardingsucks.com/images/camel_toe_annie.jpg

[Liam Johnson]

church coat pegs

I thought the expression was "Chapel hat pegs"?

[EddieD]

Nothing is original...

In a book by John Brunner called Stand on Zanzibar, written in about 1970, and set in 2010, a fashion designer Guinivere Steel, had introduced something she called "Nipicaps" - which are what these are. Maybe his estate can sue for plagiarism.

[Fr. Ted Crilly]

oh and another thing

ahem......

nipples like_ " Scammell wheel nuts"

[Fr. Ted Crilly]

ah ha! trackpoints

thats where me stink nips have got too.

Mine are the red ones..

[Cazzo Enorme]

Unisex

These are perfect for a lot of male body builders. Those that don't subscribe to the natural body building approach (in other words, the ones using crap like anabolic steroids and HGH) have problems with their nipples becoming hard and crusty. As a result, professional body builders often have their nipples removed because they become so unsightly. Rather than following up with expensive surgery to create fake nips from the surrounding tissue, they could get a pair of these instead ...

And the icon? A certain politician, action film star and former body builder is rumoured to have had his nips removed.

[JaitcH]

How about NIPple LESS?

In Japan they sell the reverse of these - the NIPLESS - which conceals the nipples so women can better conform to Japanese culture!

[RW]

What _real_ men use

https://www.nipplefunwear.com/products/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=0&products_id=17

RD&H

[100113.1537]

I'm confused

(not an uncommon occurrence) - only last week I saw (smooth) nipple covers designed to hide nipples when going bra-less.

Can someone tell a poor male of the species what is going on here?

[Anonymous Coward]

Technology

Seems like it'd be better if they had some LEDs in them to make them light up. That would certainly attract more attention.

[Eduard Coli]

For the city

Bumper protection with character!

[disgruntled yank]

finally

The Register finds a sensible tech response to global warming.

[sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD]

/facepalm

/facepalm

...

[SirTainleyBarking]

Wherever I hang my hat

Its quite likely to stay in place whilst jogging.

Also can be used as a distraction when smuggling tic-tacs

[Tron]

Funky.

Bulgarian secret policewomen will be priming them with ricin. Clearly a threat to national security.

I might get a pair, despite being a bloke. Kind of funky. How long before someone does a pair that light up, or with a built-in MP3 player.

[Anonymous Coward]

why are they the same size?

If women really want us to stare at their chests, they should wear a size six on the right and a size eight on the left.

[Anonymous Coward]

trouser enhancers

What about the boys? I've heard it said that some of you other guys have had to resort to unconvincing rolled up socks in your Y-fronts. Selfridges: You're missing an opportunity here, what about a adding to your range with a male enhancement vinyl trouser sausage - maybe inflatable so the girls know (think) the nipple enhancers are appreciated.

And for us more modest guys how about some kind of elasticated legging to stop the damn thing flapping around my knee.

[Equitas]

What's the use if they're not real?

Of course guys are interested in nipples, as more daring flat-chested girls have known for decades. A flat-chested girl with good nipples can attract every bit as much attention as a busty girl can, if she lets her nipples be seen through her top or wears a loose open-necked top that gives the occasional glance of a nipple.

False nipples don't sound like much fun.