Sam Mendes to helm new Jesus Phone ads

As the world restlessly kicks its heels ahead of the 7 June launch of the next manifestation of the Jesus Phone, it's been revealed that the Church of Jobs has recruited American Beauty director Sam Mendes to helm a series of TV ads for the miracle device. The revelation comes courtesy of Engadget, which spotted evidence on …

[Fred 5]

Fred

OMG!!!!!!! Apple have now invented video calls!! Is there no end to their genius? I hope they patented it.

Where's my Apple-embossed wallet? The one with the spring loaded catch that pings open every 6 months as they drip feed me a feature and bleed me dry..

[Giles Jones]

Who says it's for video calls?

It might actually be for webcam style chat as well?

Video calls were the big gimmick for 3G, I've yet to make one in the three years I've had a 3G phone. You can only make one with really good coverage.

[Anonymous Coward]

no flash so.....

It's a bit pointless having web cam chat if it won't work on chat roulette.

[TeeCee]

Video chat?

So the new commercials will feature actors pretending to be real people apparently doing their own thing with a shiny tech product on web-quality video.

"I'm an iPhone and video chat was my idea.", how novel.......

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Video chat?

Couldn't agree more - except it'll be called "iSee" or some-such piece of marketable nonsense.

Unless ... they incorporate parts of the Apple ethos. For example, the video call won't connect unless the device deems you "attractive" enough. Or the call will be disconnected if you lapse into expletives (****, Microsoft, etc).

I dare say that the iPhonies will hail it as the second biggest event of the year (behind the iPad launch), and the rest of us will look it, go "my old phone could do that" and go back to doing something more interesting than salivating over the latest "shiny-shiny" from Cupertino.

Personally, I'd be more interested in details of the new phone OS revision and what stuff they've fixed.

I've used video chat on my Nokia and it's "interesting" but no deal breaker.

[Malcolm 1]

Does anyone actually use those?

I had a front facing camera on my two previous phones, used it once to see what it was like (to a mate on the other side of the table at the pub - hey, 3G was new). Utterly pointless as far as I can tell.

[Annihilator]

Used it once

Got a close up of my mate's ear as he didn't know what a video call was and answered it like a normal phone.

[Sean Timarco Baggaley]

Whoosh!

The sound of Apple's design philosophy passing you (the article writer) by at speed.

"That's right - the new iPhone has a forward-facing camera and VIDEO CHAT."

Yes. And the iPhone 3G introduced *3G* technology! And the original iPhone DIDN'T HAVE MMS! We get it already! Grow the f*ck up.

Apple are all about the *user experience*; they do not—and never have—given much of a shit about the technology itself, except as a means of enabling some new user experience concept. (Hence their work with multitouch.)

The first question they ask isn't "What new features can we throw into the box, regardless of their usability?"

Their first question is: "How can we INTEGRATE these new features in a seamless experience?" In short: they're *design-led*, not *technology-led*. It's why Apple only ever make one damned phone model every year, instead of dozens. It's why people *still* by iPhones in droves.

Just one, single, solitary phone model has a *quarter* of the "smartphone" market? That's f*cking *amazing*, no matter how you try and pretend otherwise! How many Android phones are there utterly failing to dent that product's market share? Right. And how much profit do you think all those phone make, compared to the margins on the iPhone?

Apple have almost a diametrically opposing philosophy compared to those of most IT companies, including Microsoft and Google. Apple don't even *care* if Google mops up the low-end, low-margin market—Apple aren't competing there, and probably never will. (How many cheap-and-nasty Rolls-Royce or Mercedes-Benz cars are you aware of? Exactly!)

Get it now? Understand the difference?

Apple haven't been keeping any of this a secret over the past 13 years. If *I* can work it out, why the hell can't you? (I won't comment on your readership. Many of them genuinely believe Perl to be a human-readable language.)

[Paul Naylor]

I applaud you sir!

Could not have put it better myself and the best comeback I've heard on here fr'ages!

[Code Monkey]

So the difference is?

So the difference is Apple make pretty phones that may or may not do what you need a phone to do?

Roll on the day they decide they can't offer a "seamless" phonecall experience and drop the ability to make and receive calls, showing you iObsessed masses as the credulous fools you are!

[Anonymous Coward]

That's not what he said...

Still, being the sort of cretin that posts things like "...showing you iObsessed masses as the credulous fools you are!" it's hardly surprising that you are being a deliberately obtuse troll.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Code Monkey

Wow, you can leap far, I expect to see you in London 2012 with a skill like that?! I'm putting money on you for first place in the illogic leap, illogic vault and setting the world's record for the illogic triple jump!

Excellent!!

[Anonymous Coward]

@Sean Timarco Baggaley

You're funny...

[Maliciously Crafted Packet]

@AC Yes STB is funny...

but he is also right.

[Anonymous Coward]

Delusions?

Video chat is hard to do and the simple fact is it has taken Apple this long to get it right. They are fairly new to the smart phone market and it will take them a long time to catch up with the established players in the technology stakes if they ever do.

For example, all the BS about multi-tasking and flash being 'design' decisions when the blatant, obvious fact is that battery life on the iPhone is awful and it simply cannot guarantee even a single day of operation if those were enabled.

The one good thing is that they wait until things are 'fully baked' before releasing them.

This whole "design" led thing is a smokescreen for technical inferiority. All the iPhone owners who once told me "but I don't need multi-tasking" are now "but it does multi-tasking!" and the same will be for this.

Bottom line: Apple simply cannot compete on hardware and so come off with a load of BS about being "design led", I mean, it's so obvious.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Delusional AC

"This whole "design" led thing is a smokescreen for technical inferiority."

Said of people who find that feeds and speeds are what life is all about, and having a modicum of technical knowledge makes you better people than everyone else.

"It does this." Your response, "yes, but how fast does it go?" "and it does this." Again, you insist, "yes, but how fast does it go?" I'm reminded of every idiot in the neighbourhood having a peek under the hood of the latest car on the block pointing and trying to one-up each other in their knowledge of "under the hood". A lot of throwing bits and nibbles of buzz words and phrases around in an effort to prove your c**k is bigger than the other idiots next to you.

Grow the f**k up and stop waving your stupid little wieners around - your bolstering your own position with empty and stupid attacks amounts to no growth in that area. It's still just as small as it was before, mind and wiener.

[joshimitsu]

true say

One does get rather bored of the millions of HTC Android / WiMoPho variants coming out every month.

[Richard 45]

Actress

The one doing the praying is Vi Flaten: http://www.modelmayhem.com/1222840

As for the forward-facing camera, yawn. Catching up with the rest of the world? It's what's in OS4 that's going to be most interesting for me.

[Ralph B]

Don't Worry

Calm down ... like tethering before it, video chat on the iPhone probably won't get activated by the networks for the foreseeable future.

[chr0m4t1c]

I think

You're thinking of AT&T in the US. For everyone else in the world all of that stuff was available almost as soon as the phone supported it.

Don't forget: Crap network != Crap phone

(Yes, yes, but iPhone is crap, Android is better, blah, blah.)

[Trevor Marron]

Would that be an innovitive new iVideo Chat

Would that be an innovitive new iVideo Chat (shortened sequence shown)? Or just the same video chat that all the other handset manufacturers had on older devices and have now dropped because no one was using it?

[Anonymous Coward]

tum-te-tum

Of course nobody uses Video Calls. The question is why? Is it because the experience is a complete pain and is not handled well? In which case Apple may be able to improve it to the point it's not such a hassle.

On the other hand if it's because of carrier costs or that people just don't like the concept then there's not much that can be done. Doesn't mean it's not worth a shot though.

Apple have already shown they can take something that is a niche area and use a good (or at least better) user experience to take it more mainstream - such as the smartphone itself. How much bigger is that market since the iPhone was introduced? Be honest, smartphones were generally awful before then and definitely aimed at people who think being able to ssh into your solaris box while simultaneously background compiling while reading an ebook on the train is what normal people do. iPhone changed that - perhaps they will change video calls.

Time will tell.

[SuperTim]

James bond phone

Maybe Sam can release some of his creative energy into these adverts now that they have cancelled "Bond 23". What better way than to advertise a bond-like gadget that does what no other phone does*

I can picture it now.....Daniel Craig's well-pummelled face lights up as he gets a video call from M.

"Good morning Bond, your next assignment is in Moscow"

"No problem M, I will leave immediately"

"And Bond, take off the gimp suit, it isnt professional"

"Gumph!"

Maybe i should write adverts!!!!

*by that i mean what almost all other 3g phones do.

[Jeff Clarke]

Here's hoping...

I'm hoping that the inclusion of a forward facing camera on the iphone will instigate free video calls being included in most calling plans, much like the original Iphone/3G iphone pushed operators to include bundled data plans. - before iphone there was precious little bundled data plans available here in the UK (except W'n'W, as far as I remember).

At the end of the day Video calls are considered useless and only a fringe thing because you have to pay 50p/min for them. Once the are free, or at least "no more expensive than voice calls" then we will see an explosion in their use - if there is interest in inane home shot video (youtube prooves there is) then there will be interest in realtime inane home shot video.

What do others think?

[Thecowking]

I think I'm the only person who ever initiates video calls

I've got 30 minutes of them each month in my package and I'm damned if I'm not going to use them.

Also the forward camera makes an excellent mirror. Not that I'll buy an iPhone, just that someone out there does make video calls. And it's me.

[L 4]

but..

'someone out there does make video calls. And it's me.'

Surely there's at least two? :)

[Anonymous Coward]

@L 4

Yep, 2 of them, the only two left who actually still use fax machines.

[Andrew Norris]

How about other directors?

Perhaps apple could start a series of adds from other directors/films?

Quentin Tarantino: "With this here iPhone, you can video chat and kill Nazis! "

Peter Jackson: "Thiss iPhone is my precious. Must get it back from nasty ATT hobbits"

[paulf]

There's an app for that

> Also the forward camera makes an excellent mirror.

iMirror* - for the extra vain fanboi?

yeah yeah alright, getting it now

*Probably can't use iMirror as that violates some naming rule. "Just change Apps name" and all that.

[Bill B]

Meaningless Void

"Now sit down, take deep breaths and contemplate just how you're going to fill the meaningless void between now and 7 June."

That's easy .. I'll be reading the increasing number of El-Reg articles speculating on the feature set and cost of the iPhone, commentating on the pros and cons of the iPhone and Apple, ranting on about the greatest gift God gave to man (Steve Jobs) or the Devil Incarnate (Steve Jobs) and of course the well reasoned and sound comments from your readers on all these articles.

Not sure how I'll survive after 7th June though.

[pctechxp]

Surely

M Night Shayamalan would have been a better choice considering its supposed to be a device that borders on the supernatural.

Mine's the draped over the Motorola brick

[Chris Lowe]

scarey

The Appening. Fart apps start communicating amongst each other to release toxic (and rather smelly) fumes, bringing about the demise of humankind...