back to article BOFH: The poncy director's cut

EXT: COUNTRYSIDE A lush pasture with snow-capped mountains in the distance. A fluffy white rabbit hops into shot, stops and nibbles on some grass. [Dissolve to...] INT: BOSS'S OFFICE The BASTARD, PFY and BOSS are clustered around the screen of the Boss's desktop machine. PFY See, he just pushes his machine off the desk …


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  1. Huey

    Ah Friday just before beer o'clock

    Peachy, nicely done.

    More classes = less beancounters marvellous!


    Draw an arrow on the lid to show which way it goes back on again.


    Or we could just remember sticky label is at the front?

    Perfect summation me thinks!

    1. unitron

      Counting beancounters

      As beancounters are countable, that would be "fewer beancounters", not "less".

  2. Anonymous Coward


    So simple. So beautiful. Priceless.

  3. HansG
    Thumb Up


    slowly working back to 52 instalments in a year then? Excellent as always

  4. Uk_Gadget

    The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

    Hehe, oh ha hee arg hee... Rabbit pie... chortle...

    1. Mike Smith

      Rabbit pie

      And fried beancounter for tomorrow.

      Superb :-)

      1. mittfh

        And if the Boss doesn't wake up...

        Baked Boss is served at the interviews for his replacement... :)

  5. Anomalous Cowturd

    What's a serial port?

    Good question.

    Nice one Simon. Have a beer.

  6. Rick Giles

    Makes me glad

    That they don't want PCs any older than three years at the place I'm at. Or I guess I would have to schedule some repair classes with the legume reckoners...

  7. Simon Neill

    This is our future...

    ..over here. 5 year old computers would be an upgrade.

    still. theres plenty of loose wire I can use to arrange for a....stimulus package....

  8. McWeasels
    Thumb Down

    Farewell BOFH

    I've been a fan of BOFH since the very, very first episode. I've stopped reading them (and reading this article strengthened my resolve) - they're becoming boring and repetitive. The first 2-3 years had real comedy in them, it's almost as if the later ones are being written by someone else.

    Thanks for the hours of entertainment, but I feel it's time to bid the BOFH farewell.

    1. Chris Harden
      Thumb Down


      10 thumbs down.

  9. Richard Jukes


    I concur with you McWeasel. However. I find that I start abusing lusers more if I do not get a BOFH fix. These BOFH's may not be the roaring with laughter articles that they used to be - but they DO save the lives of plenty of lusers.

    1. Robert Masters


      "...but they DO save the lives of plenty of lusers."


      What is wrong with you? *Save* lives of lusers? Get a grip there!

      In fact, here, let me help you... watch closely, now, see? This is how you hold a hammer...

      1. Chika

        Luser preservation

        Oh come on. You have to save a few. Propagation of the species and all that.

        I mean, without lusers, where's the entertainment coming from?

        1. Phoenixian

          Re: Lusers

          "Oh come on. You have to save a few. Propagation of the species and all that."

          They breed like rabbits....teenage rabbits...why do you think they aren't doing much in the way of work when at work? They are busy F***ing around...and bothering the admins when they can't get to their porn.

          "I mean, without lusers, where's the entertainment coming from?"

          Unreal Tournament!

  10. Bo Pedersen

    as usual a great way to end a Friday :)

    Love it

    I would describe some methods I knew of forcing upgrades but then I would have to post as A/C! :)

    1. Quirkafleeg


      Is that “Anonymous Coward” or “Alternating Current”?

  11. Duke of URL


    "Oriented" = good; "Orientation" = good; "Orientated" = NO SUCH DAMNED WORD

  12. Simon Peters 1

    Oritented says:

    Which is the correct spelling: 'oriented' or 'orientated'?

    It really doesn't matter: it's a matter of personal taste. Orientated is currently preferred use in general British use. Oriented is prevalent in technical use, and in the US.

    Our University lecturers used to get really round up about that!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Shorter OED says

      they're synonymous, with 'orientate' a recent back-formation from 'orientation'.

    2. Rattus Rattus

      Muphry's law?

      "Our University lecturers used to get really round up about that!"

      I'm sure you meant they used to get really WOUND up about that.

  13. Alan Esworthy

    oriental mystery

    If one goes to an orientation class to become orientated, does that mean one must go to an oriention class to become oriented?

  14. Chika

    Suspected crossposting?

    It's beginning to sound a bit like in here!

  15. Mike Smith
    Thumb Up

    I know I've said it before, but

    I'm trying to bring BOFH to the small screen. I think there's a lot of mileage in it. I've got three episodes completed so far, and outline stories for six more. A pilot show, a series of six plus Christmas and summer holiday specials.

    There are a few differences, though. The BOFH doesn't hate all users equally - he's smart enough to realise that some are more equal then others:

    SIMON (to the PFY). As far as service level agreements go, I have a fixed resolution time of "when I get around to it, if I get around to it." They take what they get or suffer the consequences. Now get this. There are two classes of user in this company – those that make the money and those that make work for us. The CEO and immediate team, and the people on the trading floor are the important users. We deal with their problems pronto. The other twenty thousand people in the company go through the helldesk and don't call here. Unless they want to meet the business end of this. (produces cattle prod).

    That's not to say that important users don't suffer - so far, I've got the BOFH bringing down the trading floor, arranging a week's free holiday in New York courtesy of the CEO, extorting money from a senior executive (who happens to be female, drop-dead gorgeous, as bright as the BOFH is but not so tech-savvy) and stealing two sets of Christmas bonuses from all the executives. BOFH aficionados may be able to spot where I got some of those ideas from :-)

    The tricky part is dumbing down the technology aspect to a level non-IT people can understand, while not turning it into the IT Crowd. I think I'm managing that OK. But if it ever hits the screen, apologies in advance to the DBAs and network engineers who think it's a bit simplistic.

    1. Gaz Jay


      Any ideas on who'll you'll cast?

    2. The Unexpected Bill

      What a great idea!

      I wish you the best of luck in doing this, and hopefully SimonT would be willing to go along with it. (I confess that I don't know what the legal requirements for this are. I know he's got the copyright but I have no idea how far that extends, or if it covers a given character in a story.)

      (I wrote some--okay, 90 (!!)--stories in a similar vein to the BOFH. They're unpublished and probably will remain so because their only purpose was to get me through the dry times. Most are fairly original, featuring different plots, a slightly different attitude toward users (still bad, just differently so) and different characters.)

      I'd like to see how it goes even if you don't reach the point where it's on the I hope you'll give some thought to making it available on the smaller-yet screen on Youtube or similar.

      1. Mike Smith
        Thumb Up


        I promise I'll keep everyone posted as far as I can, but it will go quiet if / when discussions with production companies start. I did drop Simon a line a little while ago, but he hasn't got back to me yet. I suppose I could go ahead regardless, but some of the best ideas are his, as are some of the cracking one-liners. Best to avoid unpleasantness by aiming to get him on side from the start.

        I also can't post much in the way of excerpts here, much as I'd like to. There can be a reluctance to put money into things that have already been circulated on the Internet, which is understandable - a lot of folks might think if they've read it on the intertubes, why watch it on the goggle box?

        Having said that, if I can't persuade a TV company to take it on - and that includes a no dumbing-down clause - then I think YouTube or something similar may well be the way to go.

        Watch this space :-)

  16. Michael Duke


  17. Midnight

    I'm sure I've seen this before.

    @Mike Smith: Perhaps you could call it "Salmon Days".

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