back to article Reg reader applauds World's Crappiest phish

There is we believe some kind of worldwide minimum standard for phishing expeditions, which demands at least a level of literacy, a false bank log-in page and a plausible alert to hook victims. If you really can't be arsed with all that, though, why not just throw out a quick email and wait for those intimate banking details …

COMMENTS

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  1. Steve the Cynic
    FAIL

    Well, it sounds ...

    ... pretty stupidious to me...

  2. Manas Straw
    Welcome

    I, for one,

    welcome our emergency shortlited varified problem stupidiously retrieving overlords!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not that far off...

    how a legitimate HSBC email looks and sounds!

    If his phishing career doesn't work out he could always get a job as a teacher. I hear they don't need to know how to spell either....

    1. LuMan
      Stop

      Hey!

      Don't be so rude to us teechers. I no how to spel proply like the rest of my clas. AND I can speek in Jermann to!

    2. Charlie_Spotted
      FAIL

      It's not that far off...

      ... how a legitimate HSBC email looks and sounds?

      Yeah, except for the fact that HSBC don't send emails at all.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Happy

        HSBC do send emails...

        ...to announce online credit card statement availability and to send e-magazines, but only if they have your email address and you've permitted email in their marketing options.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        FAIL

        re: It's not that far off...

        Except when they do....

        I get one every month from HSBC saying my statement is ready.

        (Fail icon for the fail icon above)

  4. Tim #3

    So...

    What's the odds that it's genuine, and not a phish at all?

  5. Robert Ramsay
    Thumb Up

    I love...

    ...the word 'stupidiously'. Any suggestions for what it might mean? Maybe we could add it to the language like 'embiggen' and 'interfrastically'

    1. MonkeyBot

      Definition

      To do something stupid very precisely and with great attention to detail.

      "After finding out that his favourite CD was scratched and wouldn't play, Alan stupidiously replicated the scratches across the rest of his CD collection to see if the results were reproducible.

      1. Pete 2 Silver badge

        It's in the urban dictionary

        stupidious - 1 definition - a truly lame act; someone that has overacheived in being an idiot.

        Like MonkeyBot's example a classic would be posting on a support forum: "When you do <this> and <this> and <that> the system wipes all your data and destroys your hardware.

        Which gets a response of: "Oh .... yeah. It does"

    2. Stu
      Joke

      "Allow me to be the first...

      ...to offer 'benno209@gmail.com' my most sincere, contrafibularities. I am anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused him such pericombobulation.".

      From Black Adder the Third. Of all the people to invent words to confuse and possibly overwhealm peoples sense of authority, I would not have thought that far off foreign scammers would!

      Truly benno209@gmail.com is an idiot of unrivalled compunctuous idiocy.

    3. Ye Cats
      Headmaster

      O can your senses be stupidious And see your selves abused thus perfidious!

      It's already in the language, or was:

      Stupid, grossly unintelligent, dull. [OED]

      Seems to have been out of use for about 400 years. Welcome back!

    4. Misoriented
      Go

      I don't know why you're concerned

      It's a perfectly cromulent word.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    bleh

    Giv mee ur monies LOL

  7. Josco
    Unhappy

    Bugger

    I can't believe I fell for it... I'm cleaned out!

  8. Stubar
    Go

    stupidious comment forthcoming

    Nice one!

    Can I stupidiously retrieve some dosh as well?

  9. lansalot
    FAIL

    :O

    Ooh, fame at last :P

    No wonder that made it through our spam filters however...... It's as clean as a baby's butt

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    This deserves more than an award

    I think El Reg readers should stump up £1 each into a HSBC bank account and then send the account details to Mr benno209. This level of eloquence needs to be encouraged.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    I hope benno209 likes gay pr0n

    'cos I just signed him up for a fucktonne of it

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      SI units, please

      That would be a megafuckgram. (Would you send that by email, or would it be a personal visit by an actor between jobs?)

      And whilst we're at it, what's the El Reg equivalent?

      1. Thomas 4
        Dead Vulture

        El Reg units

        If memory serves, the standard unit of size and weight is the "Wales".

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Not, or course, to be confused with the standard unit of fail

          which is the Jimbo

          1. TeeCee Gold badge
            Coat

            Re: ...standard unit of fail

            Aha! Fails Wales, I think I've heard of that.

    2. John H Woods Silver badge
      Happy

      metric, or ...

      imperious?

  12. SK

    As it says on the tin

    Well they did say it was "stupidiously"

  13. Richard C.

    Bet they still get some responses

    I bet there are still some fools which would fall for that. I pity those fools.

  14. Colin Miller
    Alien

    greyhat?

    Would it be unethical for a greyhat to send out phising emails like this, just to see how gullible J. Q. Public is?

    Of course, such research isn't helped by the whitehats to make it their duty to reply to phisings with plausible junk, just to make the phishers life harder.

  15. Mike Smith
    Thumb Up

    Stupidious

    I guess the varified problem will turn out to be the customers who are stupidious enough to fall for it. I'll bet there's at least one.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    What?

    You mean I've been conned, ah crap, better contact Watchdog then let that annoying whiney voiced old cow sort them out.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Matt Allwright?

      Hes not that old.

      I know... Old joke...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    I imagine

    the Nigerian Homer Simpson is responsible for that one...

    "where's my Tab.... no time for that now, the computers starting"

    "look Margumbo, I tripled my productivity by using a dipping bird to type my emails"

  18. S Larti
    Coffee/keyboard

    WTPh?

    Next it'll be the boneidle virus email:

    "Thank you for reading this email, now delete all the files from your hard drive."

    1. dr_forrester

      Actually...

      That's been floating around the web for some years now, as the "Amish Computer Virus." One incarnation here: http://www.upperregister.com/~charlie/AmishVirus.html

  19. DaveB

    HMRC are good as well

    I like the one that I get from the Inland Revenue which nearly says "Dear Valued Customer" by adding "Regards" at the end of the mail. I just try and remember the last time HMRC gave me money.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Funny That

    I got one this morning, too a little bit better, in the post! Is the internet cafe's there getting so expensive its cheaper to send from Africa by post?

  21. Nigel 11
    Black Helicopters

    Hidden in plain sight?

    There is always the possibility that it is not what it at first sight appears, that it is in fact a steganographically concealed or prearranged signal to agent(s) unknown. The fact that it has been sent to untold millions of others is of course cover for the agents.

    So it could be quite clever, not at all stupidous.

    1. dr_forrester
      Black Helicopters

      I forget which book it was...

      But I remember reading something where the main character either places or receives a coded message in the homosexual male section of the personal ads. The character finds himself wondering how many of the other personal ads are in fact coded messages to other secret agents. Today, spam email would be a good replacement due to their ubiquity and invisibility by Purloined Letter methods.

      1. Dave Cradle

        Nice idea.

        I wouldn't mind a bet it's being done already. Have to be careful of spam filters, though.

  22. Code Monkey

    Wow

    All that's missing is a "kthxbai".

  23. Tony Smith 1
    FAIL

    Why Do I Need A Title?

    I liked the one I got some time ago supposedly from EBay

    Very convincing layout/look and feel of a genuine eBay page. Only problem was....

    ... It was all in French, which I don't speak or read.

  24. Gregg Stuart

    my most enthusiastic contrafribblarities to the sender of this mail.

    I'm sure they are anus-peptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused us all such pericombobulation.

  25. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    Ha ha!

    My bank account doesn't seem to have any "enqiures", does this mean I'm not vulnerable to this scam?

  26. HSBC Banking Internets Servings
    Alert

    Emergency hackings!

    Thank goodness I have founded you all here in one place. I am afraid that the internet has been hacked and we have had to lock all your bankery details to prevent frauad. Please be posting your bank details on here (IN PRIVATE WAY) for us to reinitialising your accounts and make ready your funds.

    Best Retards.

    HSBC

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coffee/keyboard

      Brilliant!!

      Thank you for that :-)

  27. Andus McCoatover

    Isn't that..

    ..what you expect from out-sourcing? The English (using the term very loosely) is believable, nowadays.

    (Does it come with an offer of a free onion bhaji)?

  28. Paul Burke
    FAIL

    Pot / Kettle

    I'm just glad the classic has been "shortlited".

  29. Mike Green
    Thumb Up

    This is why I come to el Reg....

    For the witty commentaries after the stories! Thank you all for the entertainment!

  30. James 5

    Almost worth...

    ... having gmail as a service for !

    I think I'll close my gmail account if google allows people this stupid to use it!

  31. Blue eyed boy
    Boffin

    Is not understanded please.

    Not the bank with HSBC but please to indicate if Royal Blank Scotland has a same stupidious problem, for which I will send the detail of my account if providing. But iis not the problem, please to decease all massage of bank.

  32. Andrew Parsons
    FAIL

    I had an even better one last year...

    "HSBC" wanted to verify something with my account, but unfortunately referred to themselves as Alliance and Leicester in the body of the email.

    Consistency was not their strong point.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Hmmm......

    I'm now getting 2 or 3 very similar phishing emails a day, whereas I've previously had none for goodness knows how long.

    Elections have been held recently in Nigeria.

    Coincidence?

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I think I'd better email benno

    cos I'm an HSBC customer and I haven't had one of these. does the email address actually work?

  35. Hugo Rune
    FAIL

    Not quite as bad but..

    Here's one that was waiting for me when I got home from work.

    We are pleased to inform you again about your UK NATIONAL LOTTERY

    NEW YEAR BONANZA price of £1,000,000.00 Equivalent to=

    $1,831,922.00. Usd.

    for claim contact:

    E-mail: thomasches1@yahoo.com.hk

    Phone:+44 702 408 4762

    VERIFICATION FORM BELOW:

    *Name of Winner:

    *Address:

    *City/State:

    *Nationality:

    *Sex:

    *Email Address:

    *Phone no:

    *Occupation:

    *Age:

    *Amount won:.

    Yours Truly,

    Meerbergen Jef van

    Co-ordinator (The Uk National Lottery)

    Nice one Jef or Thomas but I won't be paying that price

  36. David 45

    Blimey

    This is priceless. Would ANYBODY be so stupid as to reply? Plenty of evidence to track down the would-be phisher - probably in nursery school, as we speak!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Blimey

      Would anybody be stupid enough to reply?

      Sadly... Yes! Yes they would, this will probably even end up profitable!

  37. J 3
    Heart

    entirely and stupidiously

    I must use that phrase somewhere now. Entirely and stupidiously brilliant.

  38. Darren Davison
    Boffin

    doesn't even come close to the world's worst

    I received this in my inbox about 18 months ago, kept it for posterity...

    We recently determined that various computers connect on your account

    Lloyds TSB, Password and of multiples checs taient present before

    connection. We now need assure you again information of your Lloyds TSB

    account. If this n' d' is not completed; here on October 29, 2008, we will

    be constrained to suspend your account indefinitely, Because it can have

    uses d' fraudulent ends. We thank you for your comprehention in this

    manner. To confirm your online banking of the files, click on the

    following bond:

    [link removed]

    Thank you for your patience. Lloyds TSB service customers. S' you like it

    do not answer has this e-mail because c' is only one notification. Email

    to send has this address cannot be answered. 1999-2008 Lloyds TSB. All

    rights reserved

    1. Jimmahh
      WTF?

      Has AMFM gone into scams?

      "We thank you for your comprehention in this manner"

      Erm... I think they're aiming a bit high hoping for people actually comprehending that email =)

  39. Mr Larrington
    FAIL

    Phish Phail

    I had one this very morning, apparently from "Rt Hon David Cameron MP". It starts:

    "I am The Rt Hon David Cameron MP,Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service British Government."

    OK, no arguments there. Posh Boy then says there's an ATM card with my name on it and two million quid on offer. I have asked Dave the Chameleon to leave it under the brown wheelie bin as the thought of passing my personal details to space peanut William Hague makes me feel slightly ill.

    However, the thing which *really* makes me doubt its veracity is right at the bottom, where the message concludes:

    "Regards,

    The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP

    Prime Minister"

    Oh dear...

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