back to article NZ spider objects to Canadian's todger

A Canadian tourist who decided to take a quick nap on a NZ beach following a skinny-dip ended up seriously hospitalised after a venomous spider bit his penis, Oz's The Age reports. The unnamed 22-year-old awoke after his kip in the North Island's northern extremity to find his penis "swollen and painful with a red mark on the …


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  1. Huntsman


    There goes my plan to emigrate to NZ, there's no way I'm going anywhere near a place with venomous spiders. Especially ones that are partial to a bite of your chonkle.

    I thought there were no nasties over there!


    1. bluesxman
      Black Helicopters

      give it time

      That respected and authorative source of information, Wikipedia, says it's endangered. If you're lucky it'll be extinct in a few years. Or just confine yourself to "inland" locations and the southernmost the beaches.

      Black Heli- ... looks a bit like a spider with, albeit with 6 legs and a tail.

      1. TeeCee Gold badge


        Not surprised.

        This 'ere Mr Darwin says that being soft 'n squishy and also having a prediliction for a quick venomous nibble on any passing todgers is a short route to being only seen in pickle jars at the local museum with "Timberland" or "Caterpillar" stamped on you.

    2. Ess Mohican

      Don't worry about it

      I'm from NZ and in my 20 years there never saw a Katipo, neither has any of my friends or family.

      Also its the only poisonous thing in the country so you'll be alright.

      1. fred #257

        Not quite the only poisonous thing...

        ... we also have wasps (which are the usual b&^#* nuisance), bees (which aren't much bother), and centipedes (which are said to give a nasty bite, but you rarely see a big one and it's extremely rare to get bitten). Katipos are equally rare.

        So, on the whole, not much worry.

  2. Les Matthew

    This is one article

    that I won't be asking for

    "pics, or it never happened"

    1. Peter Holgate

      Careful of the Welsh Rozzers

      If you get pics of this they'll arrest you for extreme p*rn

  3. David 66

    I get it

    You're suggesting he tried to have his wicked way with a spider? Fair enough, I suppose.

  4. Steven 1


    ...I believe the only course of action is to suck out the poison....

  5. Anonymous Coward

    I say

    I think I recognize those symptoms. Didn't they have a professional on hand to help getting the swelling down?

    Mine's the dirty mac with the special deep pockets.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      All the symptoms?

      Swelling - check

      bite mark - check

      heart racing - check

      high blood pressure - check


      generalised muscle pains






      I take it that the Whangarei Hospital is a specialist unit?

  6. Anonymous Coward

    Home holiday

    Quick, tell the Margate Tourist Board. One more reason for a 'staycation'.

  7. Robert Hill
    Black Helicopters

    I thought...

    This is El Reg, so when I opened the article I thought I was going to get an article on how some NZ government organisation's web crawler found an on-line pic of some Canadian's penis on-line and decided that is should be content filtered...oh, wait, typical Yank, I've gone and confused NZ and AUS... ;-)

  8. crowsmoke


    good job they took him to WHANGarei hospital :)

    1. Stratman


      Sadly, it's only amusing when written down.

      'Wh' in NZ placenames is prounounced as ' f '

      1. Dave Harris


        FANGarei is still worth appropriate then?

      2. some vaguely opinionated bloke

        what about...

        ... the pronunciation of "prounounced"?

        Is it "prow-nownced" or "proo-noonced"?

        (before you bite back, Ididn't use the grammar nazi icon, it's Friday, I found your post interesting and informative and the typo amusing)

        1. Stratman


          I shall fall upon my pen, what with it being mightier than the sword an' all.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Up

        Pronunciation can be an issue

        Yeah, but it makes living in a place like Whakatane more amusing.


        1. Anonymous Coward


          Especially when said with the antipodean drawl and realise that Tane means Male in Maori and you can see why all the female backpackers flock there

      4. Havin_it

        Fangerei then?

        Well, under the circumstances that kinda works too.

        (Although I thought the fang(s) penetrated the shaft, not the eye)

        Mine's the one that'll be getting shaken out thoroughly before putting on, ta.

      5. elderlybloke
        Thumb Down

        Dear Statman

        I live here and I do not pronounce "Wh" as "f" .

        Probably you have been influenced by what some maori said.

  9. Anonymous Coward


    The fear of being pictured by StreetView while you're lying naked on the beach with a swollen penis.

    1. Thomas 4

      Fear not!

      They blur your face and body but leave your whangarei in crystal clear focus.

  10. Jess

    Doctor, please take away the pain ...

    ... but leave the swelling.

  11. Hieronymus Coward

    White tail?

    The White Tail is also found in NZ and gives a nasty bite. Whether it would go for your Johnson is a matter for debate...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How has no one else said this?

    "Leave the swelling doc, just take away the pain"

  13. nichomach


    You. Are. Kidding. You must be.

  14. Geoff Campbell Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    I have no comment....

    ....I just wanted to attach a picture of Paris to this thread.


  15. Anonymous Coward

    "severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing"

    Sounds like just another desperate Saturday night at any of my local clubs!

  16. Blitz

    From wikipedia

    "The katipo will only bite as a last resort; if molested"

    That explains - sick b$st$rd - tryin' it on with a poor little katipo queen.

    Mines the one with the driftwood and other natural habitats in it...

  17. Fingers

    We also have these...

    Whilst non-venomous, they do give a rather nasty bite...

  18. I'm Brian and so's my wife

    The title is required

    I, for one, welcome our new arachnid overlords.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Bites on Dick?

    Australia has the Red Back Spider - quite fond of outhouse toilets and building webs under the rim.

    Hence many man have been bitten on the cock by the said spider.

    Quite an interesting bite - it changes from throbbing, to aching to stinging - in some slow cycle that lasts for a few months.

    Would not want to get a BIG bite by a BIG spider either.

    = more venom.

    = more and longer unpleasantness.

  20. This post has been deleted by its author

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    some typo?

    Whangarei: did you mean "wang area"?

  22. VeganVegan

    2 Octopod stories in a week

    Are the 8-legged denizens (octopus/squid, spider) plotting a take over?

    I for one etc....

  23. Jason Yau
    Thumb Up

    Oh well

    cheaper than an overdose of viagra.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's a story for the grandchildren...

    While I winced when reading it, it's down right funny since it didn't happen to me.

  25. elderlybloke

    The naughty Katipo

    Ess Mohican,

    I also live in New Zealand, and this is the first time I have heard of a person being bitten.

    I have been here for 80 years , so the frequency of spider attacks is fairly low.

    Also we have an acute shortage of terrorist with connections to Al Quida (or whatever it's called)

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The only reasons the kiwi's claim to have this spider is to try and gain some status with the kangeroo bouncers...

    I have now lived in NZ for 7 years, and North London held more nasties than NZ!

  27. Mips
    Jobs Horns

    If this spider..

    ...will not bite unless attacked. Exactly what had this guy been doing to deserve that?

    And, in any case, no wonder these spiders are rare.

    And, where do I find one? I could do with some enhancement.

  28. JonW

    This is unusual how?

    ...his penis was "severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing"

    Just saying...

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