NZ spider objects to Canadian's todger

A Canadian tourist who decided to take a quick nap on a NZ beach following a skinny-dip ended up seriously hospitalised after a venomous spider bit his penis, Oz's The Age reports. The unnamed 22-year-old awoke after his kip in the North Island's northern extremity to find his penis "swollen and painful with a red mark on the …

[Huntsman]

Nooo!

There goes my plan to emigrate to NZ, there's no way I'm going anywhere near a place with venomous spiders. Especially ones that are partial to a bite of your chonkle.

I thought there were no nasties over there!

Gutted.

[bluesxman]

give it time

That respected and authorative source of information, Wikipedia, says it's endangered. If you're lucky it'll be extinct in a few years. Or just confine yourself to "inland" locations and the southernmost the beaches.

Black Heli- ... looks a bit like a spider with, albeit with 6 legs and a tail.

[TeeCee]

Endangered?

Not surprised.

This 'ere Mr Darwin says that being soft 'n squishy and also having a prediliction for a quick venomous nibble on any passing todgers is a short route to being only seen in pickle jars at the local museum with "Timberland" or "Caterpillar" stamped on you.

[Ess Mohican]

Don't worry about it

I'm from NZ and in my 20 years there never saw a Katipo, neither has any of my friends or family.

Also its the only poisonous thing in the country so you'll be alright.

[fred #257]

Not quite the only poisonous thing...

... we also have wasps (which are the usual b&^#* nuisance), bees (which aren't much bother), and centipedes (which are said to give a nasty bite, but you rarely see a big one and it's extremely rare to get bitten). Katipos are equally rare.

So, on the whole, not much worry.

[Les Matthew]

This is one article

that I won't be asking for

"pics, or it never happened"

[Peter Holgate]

Careful of the Welsh Rozzers

If you get pics of this they'll arrest you for extreme p*rn

[David 66]

I get it

You're suggesting he tried to have his wicked way with a spider? Fair enough, I suppose.

[Steven 1]

Nurse....

...I believe the only course of action is to suck out the poison....

[Anonymous Coward]

I say

I think I recognize those symptoms. Didn't they have a professional on hand to help getting the swelling down?

Mine's the dirty mac with the special deep pockets.

[Anonymous Coward]

All the symptoms?

Swelling - check

bite mark - check

heart racing - check

high blood pressure - check

but

generalised muscle pains

fever

headache

photophobia

vomiting

Nope!

I take it that the Whangarei Hospital is a specialist unit?

[Anonymous Coward]

Home holiday

Quick, tell the Margate Tourist Board. One more reason for a 'staycation'.

[Robert Hill]

I thought...

This is El Reg, so when I opened the article I thought I was going to get an article on how some NZ government organisation's web crawler found an on-line pic of some Canadian's penis on-line and decided that is should be content filtered...oh, wait, typical Yank, I've gone and confused NZ and AUS... ;-)

[crowsmoke]

Owwww

good job they took him to WHANGarei hospital :)

[Stratman]

title

Sadly, it's only amusing when written down.

'Wh' in NZ placenames is prounounced as ' f '

[Dave Harris]

Surely...

FANGarei is still worth appropriate then?

[some vaguely opinionated bloke]

what about...

... the pronunciation of "prounounced"?

Is it "prow-nownced" or "proo-noonced"?

(before you bite back, Ididn't use the grammar nazi icon, it's Friday, I found your post interesting and informative and the typo amusing)

[Stratman]

title

I shall fall upon my pen, what with it being mightier than the sword an' all.

[Anonymous Coward]

Pronunciation can be an issue

Yeah, but it makes living in a place like Whakatane more amusing.

Simon

[Anonymous Coward]

Whakatane

Especially when said with the antipodean drawl and realise that Tane means Male in Maori and you can see why all the female backpackers flock there

[Havin_it]

Fangerei then?

Well, under the circumstances that kinda works too.

(Although I thought the fang(s) penetrated the shaft, not the eye)

Mine's the one that'll be getting shaken out thoroughly before putting on, ta.

[elderlybloke]

Dear Statman

I live here and I do not pronounce "Wh" as "f" .

Probably you have been influenced by what some maori said.

[Anonymous Coward]

Photophobia

The fear of being pictured by StreetView while you're lying naked on the beach with a swollen penis.

[Thomas 4]

Fear not!

They blur your face and body but leave your whangarei in crystal clear focus.

[Jess]

Doctor, please take away the pain ...

... but leave the swelling.

[Hieronymus Coward]

White tail?

The White Tail is also found in NZ and gives a nasty bite. Whether it would go for your Johnson is a matter for debate...

[Anonymous Coward]

How has no one else said this?

"Leave the swelling doc, just take away the pain"

[nichomach]

"Whangarei"?

You. Are. Kidding. You must be.

[Geoff Campbell]

I have no comment....

....I just wanted to attach a picture of Paris to this thread.

GJC

[Anonymous Coward]

"severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing"

Sounds like just another desperate Saturday night at any of my local clubs!

[Blitz]

From wikipedia

"The katipo will only bite as a last resort; if molested"

That explains - sick b$st$rd - tryin' it on with a poor little katipo queen.

Mines the one with the driftwood and other natural habitats in it...

[Fingers]

We also have these...

Whilst non-venomous, they do give a rather nasty bite...

http://internet-pets.blogspot.com/2008/10/call-exterminator-quick.html

[I'm Brian and so's my wife]

The title is required

I, for one, welcome our new arachnid overlords.

[Anonymous Coward]

Bites on Dick?

Australia has the Red Back Spider - quite fond of outhouse toilets and building webs under the rim.

Hence many man have been bitten on the cock by the said spider.

Quite an interesting bite - it changes from throbbing, to aching to stinging - in some slow cycle that lasts for a few months.

Would not want to get a BIG bite by a BIG spider either.

= more venom.

= more and longer unpleasantness.

[Anonymous Coward]

some typo?

Whangarei: did you mean "wang area"?

[VeganVegan]

2 Octopod stories in a week

Are the 8-legged denizens (octopus/squid, spider) plotting a take over?

I for one etc....

[Jason Yau]

Oh well

cheaper than an overdose of viagra.

[Anonymous Coward]

That's a story for the grandchildren...

While I winced when reading it, it's down right funny since it didn't happen to me.

[elderlybloke]

The naughty Katipo

Ess Mohican,

I also live in New Zealand, and this is the first time I have heard of a person being bitten.

I have been here for 80 years , so the frequency of spider attacks is fairly low.

Also we have an acute shortage of terrorist with connections to Al Quida (or whatever it's called)

[Anonymous Coward]

Spider

The only reasons the kiwi's claim to have this spider is to try and gain some status with the kangeroo bouncers...

I have now lived in NZ for 7 years, and North London held more nasties than NZ!

[Mips]

If this spider..

...will not bite unless attacked. Exactly what had this guy been doing to deserve that?

And, in any case, no wonder these spiders are rare.

And, where do I find one? I could do with some enhancement.

[JonW]

This is unusual how?

...his penis was "severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing"

Just saying...