back to article New drug spray 'makes men as soppy as girls'

German boffins say they have developed a miracle nasal spray which can make men into big girls' blouses. Dr René Hurlemann of Bonn Uni's Klinik für Psychiatrie, working with colleagues in Germany, Arizona and Blighty, has just announced successful tests of the new girlification spray - whose active ingredient is the hormone …

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  1. Anonymous John

    Do they

    Put the toilet seat down after being sprayed?

    1. Number6

      Who needs a spray?

      Once you've accidentally dropped something into the toilet and had to retrieve it, or had a pet who likes to drink from the toilet bowl, you tend to get into the habit of not only putting the seat down, but the lid as well.

      1. Gav
        Boffin

        Only Reason Required

        You don't need any of these reasons to get into the habit. You just need to consider what happens every time you flush. Some people don't care to have the bowl's contents aerosoled throughout the room.

    2. A J Stiles
      Coat

      Toilet seats: reality check

      If you find the toilet seat down after a man has been in there for "little business", it's most probably because he went in the sink.

    3. JohnG

      Stehpinkler vs Sitzpinkler

      German men are pussy whipped - they are not allowed to have the toilet seat up and stand whilst peeing - they are supposed to sit. Hence signs like this:

      http://shop.stickyjam.de/product_thumb.php?img=images/FK11009-Stehpinkler-web.jpg&w=235&h=235

      I kid you not. I found a sign like this over the toilet in the house I bought in Germany.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    letters and/or digits.

    "The boffins consider that their oxytocin spray might be handy as "medication for diseases such as schizophrenia""

    Nonsense. Just admit America paid you to make it for them so that they could spray it on enemy troops.

    1. HollyX
      Badgers

      Great idea

      Then the enemy troops only need to behave like mothers protecting their young and America is defeated!

      Excellent idea :-)

    2. benj5386
      Coat

      Weaponised

      Tear gas perhaps.

      1. Dan 7
        Grenade

        Us Brits were there first

        Accordingly to Lee Evans us Brits have a better military deterrrant. A line of pregant women to face charging enemy troops who will tell them to "F*CK OFF !!!!" What man is gonna mess with a homicidal pregnant woman ?? :)

  3. ratfox
    Thumb Down

    Sexist

    Show me Cute Overload any day, and I will coo and blubber too!

  4. Pete 2 Silver badge

    We've had this for a long time

    but it's normally called "beer".

    Does this new spray change men's driving skills, too?

    1. Disco-Legend-Zeke
      Pint

      Beer Contains...

      ...hops, which mimics estrogen.

      That's why beer is so unlike wine (yeast alkaloids) or distilled spirits in it's effect on humans.

  5. R.Moore

    As I expected.

    This has only been seen to work on Germans. There's no evidence it would actually work on us.

  6. Robert Hill
    Pint

    Withdrawal

    "The boffins consider that their oxytocin spray might be handy as "medication for diseases such as schizophrenia, which are frequently associated with reduced social approachability and social withdrawal"."

    So, in short, finally a way to treat what ails most El Reg regulars...

    Pint, because that's the ENGLISH way to treat social withdrawal...and it's Friday!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You ought to be asking for trouble

    With lines using "girl" and "cat"... but no takers yet. Is everyone at the pub?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Not in the pub

      we just want to avoid a vist from those nice people at CEOP

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Ah but....

    ...is there a reverse one that stops a woman constantly asking what's happening during a film?

  9. Sordid Details
    Joke

    Nothing new here

    There is anecdotal evidence to suggest the Germans have been testing this for years. I believe they started in 1945...

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I thought a spray...

    "...which can make men into big girls' blouses." had already been developed, and was being used regularly by Man Utd, Arsenal, and Aston Villa fans!

  11. pootle
    Paris Hilton

    Wow - a My Point of View gun, I didn't expect that

    Stunningly effective as explained in Hitchhiker, but of course it only works on men, so now armies will have to be all female?

  12. Jimbo 6

    The control group "reacted normally, either unemotionally or with mild discomfort"

    Yup, that's definitely normal. It perhaps even classes as 'designed functionality'.

    But show us a pic of a babe in a bikini, toting a heavy machine gun...

  13. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    keep it out of the hands of the entertainment industry

    Else men will be wandering out of relationship flicks feeling strangely moved and not knowing why.

  14. Tanuki
    Thumb Down

    PMT?

    And when the men are no longer being sprayed with this and the effects wear off - presumably they become profoundly bitchy, irritable, suffer with hot flushes/stomach-cramps and are entirely unable to park a car properly for the next week?

  15. Huntsman
    Pint

    I'm pretty sure

    that my missus secretes this substance into my brews. Whenever I'm on the internet and see a sweet girl stroking her cat, I immediately empathise, whip out my cat and give it a fast stroking.

    And by cat I mean throbbing member.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      WTF?

      You do look at some strange things..

      'a sweet girl stroking *her* throbbing member (cat)'

      1. Stone Fox
        Coat

        in the words of a certain admiral

        It's a trap!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    use against aggression?

    could be used in prisons or gang-fuelled violence situations? this could be an interesting 'cure' rather than the obvious and rather personal alternative of castration? ;-)

  17. Ginolard
    Paris Hilton

    Is this all it does?

    I bet the testees (*snigger*) suffered from some pretty strong side-effects that have been hushed up.

    Things like:-

    Completely mis-interpreting an innnocent remark and having a hissy fit for the rest of the day

    Constantly asking whether the lab coat made them look fat

    Mysterisouly all needing the toilet at the same time

    Paris because she also likes putting stuff up her nose. Allegedly.

  18. LuMan
    Paris Hilton

    Other effects.

    Did the subjects also start to crave chocolate, soap operas, Josh Gronin, Jeremy Kyle, shoes, handbags and Hello magazine, while talking endlessly about absolutely nothing in their 3rd bubble bath of the day before taking 6 hours to get dressed and totally losing their ability to drive a motor vehicle?

  19. Graham Dawson Silver badge

    Another way to look at it

    Introducing a large dose of a particular hormone into a relatively balanced system will create a severe hormonal imbalance, resulting in a subsequent inability to mediate emotional responses. They're screwing with these guys brain chemistry and creating an emotional imbalance.

    Showing more emotion doesn't equate to increased empathy any more than lacking visible emotion equates to less empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and identify with others and most people (yes, this includes both sexes) are more than capable of demonstrating high empathy without showing highly visible emotions. The fact that women tend to show more visible emotion when they're empathising is just a quirk of nature. Each behaviour is desirable within its own setting, but the idea that you can turn men into more empathetic creatures by disturbing the chemical balance of their brain strikes me as a little disturbing as it assumes the female way of showing emotion is the better way in all situations. It isn't.

    1. Wayland Sothcott 1 Bronze badge
      Boffin

      Re: Another way to look at it

      Profound.

      The sort of thinking these 'scientists' exhibit is typical of very smart people who have no wisdom.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    I'd be more interested in...

    a miracle nasal spray which can GET men into big girls' blouses.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Boffin

      Actually...

      It might work for that too.

  21. Identity
    Boffin

    Sorry for the lack of humor

    but this is old news. Oxytocin is also known as "the trust drug." People (men AND women) when subjected to it tend to trust and love everybody. (I know, some imbibers react like this, but others get nasty, morose or just fall asleep.) This would be dangerous stuff for someone with bad intent to have!

    1. deadlockvictim Silver badge
      Happy

      Soma

      Siomething like soma from Brave New World, perhaps?

  22. The Original Ash

    Finally!

    Maybe I'll be able to figure out why, exactly, romantic comedies are so fuggin' popular!

  23. madmattttt
    Alert

    so...

    it's basically "gay spray" ?

  24. deadlockvictim Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    kawaaaaiiiiiii......(squeal)

    Following this revelation, I can see Sanrio entering the air-conditioning business.

    1. Oninoshiko

      Sanrio

      you mean they don't already make a window unit?

      I figured they kept them next to the "personal massager"

    2. TeeCee Gold badge
      Stop

      Be careful what you wish for.....

      ......even in jest.

      There's a Sanrio store in Milan. It's like a sort of insane version of John Lewis, with every single sodding item in there pink and Hello Kitty branded. Since they had a 50cc scooter, a washing machine, a suite of bedroom furniture and a 50" LCD telly in the window, I wouldn't mind taking a punt that there was an airconditioning unit squirrelled away in there somewhere.

  25. Hollerith 1

    Leaving a big gap to fill...

    Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?

  26. oddie
    Coat

    Title Schmitle

    To put some tech back into this... if we used this on ladies, do you think they would somehow experience an emotional signed integer overflow and switch over to being able to read maps* and play computer games?

    (Yes, I'm jumping on the stereotype bandwagon while the going is still good)

  27. Elmer Phud
    Flame

    Pah!

    I don't care, I'm still not going to go and see Mama bloody Mia!

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Seriously though...

    Could this be given to convicted criminals? A lot harder to reoffend when you just can't go out today because your hair is doing that thing again and your jeans make you look like a heifer.

  29. thomas k.
    Joke

    @ "interested in ..."

    Well, you can lead a man to the women's blouses department of the clothing store but you can't make him put them on.

  30. Robert Ramsay

    "Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?"

    I believe this has already been distilled from the bodily fluids of Margaret Thatcher.

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      "Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?"

      I think what your looking for is called a 'lasting relationship'.

      1. Wayland Sothcott 1 Bronze badge

        Easy with that spray!

        I think you have sniffed so much of the stuff you have gone from girlie to bitchy.

  31. JShel
    Black Helicopters

    GW Shrub missed out

    Why waterboard? Give your "Guest" a shot of this and then threaten to put a sack of kittens in the drink if they don't tell us everything we want to know.

    Other bonuses, leaves no marks, and if the video gets out, it will create a whole new meme on YouTube - blubbing terrorists

  32. VeganVegan
    Alert

    Much more ominous

    There are two species of voles: one that is polygamous (like most male mammals), the other is monogamous (!). The difference is that the latter has higher levels of oxytocin. Injecting the polygamous ones with oxytocin makes them monogamous.

    Will human males, who are naturally inclined to be polygamous, react the same way? Is this the actual intended use of the nasal spray?

  33. Captain Save-a-ho
    IT Angle

    So instead of OTR...

    men will be "On the Drip"? "On the Spray"? "On the Darkside"?

    Don't suppose this becomes the foundation for OTR-based data centers, where the apps are able to freely move between infrastructure components based on how they feel? Maybe this is the next evolution of SOA? We'd have to call it Feeling-OTR-Oriented-Base-Architecture-Reporting (FOOBAR).

  34. Britt Johnston
    Pint

    no news, good news, bad news

    Oxytocin spray has been on the market for longer than I've been working at the manufacturer, over 30 years, and all the information in the article is well-summarised in wikipedia. What has grown over that time is a general interest on how medicines affect personality. It is rather nice to discuss one that doesn't push you towards depression or suicide.

    In another relevant side-effect, it also causes erections in men.

    It is available on prescription only. I can imagine that persuading a psychiatrist to prescribe it because you are a cold-hearted, unloving so-and-so will be a hard sell.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    who needs a spray...

    Just lock people in a room with the following films on;

    I've seen grown men in tears from watching Forest Gump / Homeward Bound and I defy anyone to not be a bubbling wreck at the end of Watership Down.

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