back to article Apple rejects crazy canuck's seal bludgeon game

Apple has rejected an animated seal-clubbing game, in a move that many may consider to be a smidgen inconsistent. iSealClub allows the happy bloodthirsty user to batter the bejesus out of blubbery aquatic mammals. The clubbing of seal cubs is illegal even in Canada, so the game knocks off points for any attempt at that while …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Sean Timarco Baggaley

    Wrong defence.

    The designer's *Intent* is a key element here.

    GTA does *let* you do some pretty nasty things, but that isn't the *point* of the game. Killing a police officer to watch him die isn't something you'll be rewarded for: in fact, it just makes the police try harder to catch your avatar.

    iSealClub is clearly making the clubbing of seals the *point* of the game. This changes matters: in GTA, the player is actively *penalised* for behaving badly.

    The developer's game is both derivative and tasteless—he would have had the same result from Apple if he'd made a game about raping children. Sure, no *real* children would have been harmed, but it's hardly a game Apple could put on their iTunes Store until they have airtight age ratings and parental control systems in place.

    Contrary to popular belief, games, movies, TV and stories *do* affect the consumer. That's the whole damned point of making them in the first place. Spielberg didn't make "Schindler's List" for shits and giggles.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      Pocket God

      Maybe so, but the *point* of pocket god is to "harm" the pygmies. And you do get awards for doing so. And that got approved.

      Along with the hunting games and such - the point of a hunting game is to kill, I think we can all agree on that...

      1. Sean Timarco Baggaley

        Didn't you hear?

        Killing brown people in faraway lands is acceptable. (The re-elections of both the G. W. Bush and Tony Blair governments was proof of the tacit public support for these wars.)

        Hunting is still perfectly legal in the US—Apple's home country—so why would they ban it?

        But seal clubbing? There are laws against it and everything, and the people love nothing more than to be distracted by non-issues like animal welfare while members of their *own* species are dying by the thousands every day.

        I'm only pointing out that Apple's behaviour makes sense in the context of modern society. I'm NOT claiming that modern society isn't a bloody great hypocrite.

        1. ian 22

          So no Seal of Approval?

          Killing people (brown or otherwise) is always acceptable, even required by some religions.

          It is the Prime Directive, after all.

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre


      «Contrary to popular belief, games, movies, TV and stories *do* affect the consumer. That's the whole damned point of making them in the first place. Spielberg didn't make "Schindler's List" for shits and giggles.»

      I don't quite get your point (and it seems you don't, either). Are you saying that, if released, this game would make US suburban teenagers go club baby seals on week-ends? Or that it would deter them from doing so? Are you suggesting that Spielberg made "Schindler's List" as an enticement to send jews in concentration camps? Or *not* to send them? Or to prevent others from sending them there? What would be the relevance in today's world? (by the way, philanthropic as he might seem in the flick, in real life Mr Schindler happily made wads of money off the free captive labor he "saved". Not unlike today's "kind hearts" who "save" miserable people from Africa, Easter Europe or Asia to make them work 15 hrs a days in a basement in Leyton). Or are you saying that mass-killing innocent people is bad (I might agree), and that attempting to hit a (virtual) feral beast with a (virtual) stick is at the same level (WTF)?

      What if the seal killed the poor kid's parent right before? It seems that we only have half of the story there. Would it be OK then?

      Would the game be acceptable if a (virtual) cop cuffed the (virtual) kid for his (virtual) attempt at poaching?

      Perhaps more importantly, what would happen if I was even *more* bored than I am now?

    3. ElFatbob


      Broadly agree with your assertion that <what is portrayed through the various> (the) media we are exposed to influences us in some way, but...

      The *intent* in GTA is to let you indulge in some pretty disgusting activities - same as the controversial scene in MW2 (shooting innocents in the airport terminal).

      The fact that you *may* be penalised in terms of progression in the game does not actually nullify the intent.....

    4. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Equip flail

      «GTA does *let* you do some pretty nasty things, but that isn't the *point* of the game.»

      Yes it very much *is* the point. That's even the only bloody point of that game.

      «iSealClub is clearly making the clubbing of seals the *point* of the game.» except that you do lose points for doing so.

      There's also the small matter of whether it is more or less condemnable to kill a critter or a human being. Plenty of games have for sole purpose to squash mosquitoes or other bugs, should they be barred?

      Where Apple might have a point, is that the theme of the game might be considered derogatory (against Canucks).

    5. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

      There is a big difference...

      Between paedophilia and just killing seals.

      Do you eat meat? Wear leather? You kill animals somewhat indirectly and acquiesce to it. Where do you think veal comes from?

      Consider that we human beings evolved clubbing things and then eating them afterward... I think this undeniable. Paedophilia however, is an abberancy and perversion, if I were permitted an opinion.

      At any rate, I don't really think a seal clubbing game is all that different to something like MW2 to be honest.

      Anyway, more seal clubbing trivia only vaguely related to this but nevertheless, entertaining:

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Do Apple drones who make such decisions sleep well at night?

    Clubbing animals bad, killing people good. Hmmm....

    1. Mad Hacker

      You got it wrong

      Shooting things ok. Clubbing them, not ok. Makes sense to me.

      1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

        Unless, of course, ..

        .. you use an iClub. Coming to a shop near you shortly.

        The sealskin one, thanks..

    2. Ammaross Danan


      In Montana, stealing a horse was punishable by a longer jail sentence than 2nd-degree murder.... Some places/people do value animal life more than human life. Or in the case of Oregon/Washington tree-spikers (the "conservationalists" that drive metal spikes into tree trunks so-as to kill/maim loggers when their chainsaw backfires), "nature" is more important than humans.

      We know Apple drones don't sleep well at night. They're drones. They never sleep, they just run really slow all the time.

    3. Captain Save-a-ho

      That's the PETA PoV

      Even though they euthanize more than 60% of the animals they rescue, PETA is a cult of whackjobs, nature-worshipping idiots. I guess Monsewer Jobs is a person-killing, research bombing seal saviour. How lucky for seals.

      Fuck PETA and fuck Apple. I keep telling myself that the level of bullshit can't go any higher, but they keep finding ways to stack it on top.

  3. The Indomitable Gall

    If you want to know what iThink...

    iThink it was just the name they didn't like -- all your I is belong to Apple!!!

  4. Sean Bergeron
    Jobs Halo


    ♥ baby seals, not ♣ them.

  5. Greg J Preece


    <Insert snarling noises here>

    Even the mention of their name is enough to send me into fits of apoplectic rage...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reflects our society

    Yep - inconsistant, but reflects the state of our society. Would anyone be surprised if Apple allowed the game and then were bombarded with bad press about how they supported the clubbing of cute little seals? They're currently being slammed for allowing poker/gambling machines. It's a kind of selective blindness/deafness that people of all generations have suffered from, frantically trying to control some behaviours while completely ignoring others that seem far worse (to later generations that is).

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    nope, GTA makes apple lots of lovely money, thats why its still in despite gloryfing violence and death.

    Remember the third rule of the cult of jobs, only do wrong if its worth it financially.

  8. Eeep !

    Apple - Putting art into action

    Savour kindness because cruelty is always possible later.

  9. ratfox

    This is inconsistent indeed, but...

    The whole society is inconsistent in this precise manner. Nothing to do with Apple, really.

    In fact, Apple is rather consistent in the sense that they are inconsistent at all times.

  10. Anonymous Coward

    Video preview

    After seeing the preview, one thing struck me - this game looks like it has a five second appeal. Now that I've seen the video, there's no need to play the game, so no-one needs to worry!

    1. multipharious

      No doubt.

      That is some super dumb shit. I think the point of the game is not to club anything, but to show off what a moron you are to all your friends. That only takes a couple of seconds.

    2. Pirate Dave Silver badge


      after seeing the preview, the game looks really rather tame. No blood, no gore, no fractured craniums, no flying gibs. Good grief, how lame.

      Perhaps the game should be sold as a game where you stroke the seals on the head with a turkey drumstick and it puts them to sleep. They wouldn't even have to change the graphics...

  11. ZimboKraut

    Steve Jobs pathetic arrogance and the lemmings following him....

    I can't believe it...

    granted, I don't think the game is right, and I totally diagree with the author of it, but never the less the arrogance if this pathetic arrogant a..hole, is unbelievable.... and the following of huge number of lemmings, who just accept any and every condition.

    there are brilliant environments, frameworks, etc around, but they all want to develop on the most restrictive and abnoctious device, where they are not even guaranteed, that their software will be permitted on it. talk about a bunch of gamblers....

    and best is, the fact that most of them complain about the severe restrictions.

    now how daft can you be?????

    On one had, I do agree, it goes against everything that apple used to stand for, but on the other hand, if you developers are stupid enough to sign an NDA, that basically states you are allowed to do nothing that we don't like, then I would say simply suit yourself.

    it is your call.

    If those developers had just said... steve, you are such an idiot, we don't want your pathetic license, and you can go and screw yourself, he would have eventually have capitulate.

    But instead you bunch of numpties have made him one of the biggest in the arena and actually permitted numerous other vendors to act in a similar fashion.

    I totally disagree with what this little A. H. (Everyone can think up for themselves what/who I mean.... ;-) ) of the IT world, but in the end, all those brainless lemmings are going along with it.... so suite yourselves.

  12. Adam T


    Is this newsworthy because it has an anti-Apple slant to it?

    Because judging by the game itself, it looks like exactly the kind of crapware that people around here complain about in the App Store.

    And hunting is legal. Clubbing seals with a beano costume, isn't (even if it is when wearing other attire).

  13. Barry Rueger
    Paris Hilton

    Fact Checker Off To The Pub?

    "The clubbing of seal cubs is illegal even in Canada"

    The seal hunt is still very much alive in Canada, and given the extreme neo-con government in power, will likely remain so for quite a while.


    (Paris coz she probably would love a pair of sealskin boots, and prob also like cods tongues!

    1. Gerhard Mack

      Clubbing seal cubs is illegal in Canada

      Clubbing adult seals is legal in Canada but the clubbing of cubs (baby seals) is not.

      1. John Tserkezis
        Thumb Down

        Clubbing seal cubs is illegal in Canada

        "Clubbing adult seals is legal in Canada but the clubbing of cubs (baby seals) is not."

        So: Killing small cute furry creatures is out, everything else is fair game?

        Makes sense I suppose. Where you have games that enable the killing of prostitues and police (along with the odd pedestrian that gets in the way) gains you no points, but that doesn't matter, the pure joy of doing so makes up for it.

        Yep, that spells Apple in any language.

  14. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD


    Ever played this, anyone?


    Mountain-out-of-a-molehill much?

  15. Lewis Mettler 1

    simple quote from Anthony Kennedy

    As many readers know Anthony Kennedy is on the US Supreme Court. And it turns out that Mr. Kennedy ends up being the deciding vote in many decisions due to his centrist position on many issues.

    Years ago Kennedy was know for a rather profound observation. It may not have been his quote originally but he does think that way. The quote?

    Every time someone suggests that censorship (ala Apple) is an acceptable idea they have no problem suggesting they should be the ones to apply their rules.

    Apple is engaged in censorship. And it is unacceptable. It does not matter if you agree on some decisions or not. Apple should never be the one to decide what customers should get or not get. Period.

    Only fools and idiots think their own quidelines must be applied to others.

  16. Anonymous Coward

    The Church of Jobs Has Spoken, So Let It Be Writ.

    I think that the first mistake was in supporting a product in which the manufacturer holds an imperial sort of control over the application base.

    I think that the second mistake was in assuming as if one could find *any* grounds upon which to rationally found an expectation as if Apple would not behave in a presumably popular, essentially touch-feely manner, about it.

    I think that the third mistake was in designing the software such that the user would have to physically shake the phone, to elicit the clubbing action. That seems to me that it was the worst mistake of all.

    So, tallying those up: It makes two out of three against the developer. If this was supposed to be some sort of trivia game, then I guess he would loose, at least by virtue of statics, nothing to say of poor taste.

    Anonymous, because who knows what they'll do with apostates, though?

  17. Ned Ludd
    Jobs Horns

    As a proud Canadian...

    ...let me just mention that out on the ice floes it's hard to tell the difference between seal fur and a black turtleneck. I'm just saying...

  18. yeah


    hm..for parental control I use ActyMac DutyWatch, I have mac...

  19. solt


    agree, ActyMac DutyWatch nice app...

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022