No penis pumping for Papuan plod

Papuans whose todgers have been unnaturally enhanced are as of right now barred from joining the police on the grounds that such members are a "hindrance during training". According to local media, Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto confirmed that an aspiring plod "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged …

[Stuart Elliott]

Inquisitive minds.

.. want to know where we can pick up one of those trees.

For purely academical purposes of course.

[Aaron Em]

Not hard to find an equivalent, I think

They have stinging nettles in England, right?

[Ken Hagan]

Re: Inquisitive minds...

...also want to know more about the training that a large penis inhibits.

[S Larti]

Is that a truncheon in your pocket...

inspector Wang?

[Neil Barnes]

Papual plods...

Am I the only one who read that as 'Papal Plod' and raised a slightly quizzical eyebrow?

[Fred Flintstone]

Nah..

.. you're not young enough.

The cassock, thanks..

[Anonymous Coward]

Makes sense...

After all, you already have to be a c*ck to want to be a cop. Why exaggerate the matter?

[Christoph]

That's all we needed!

Now we all have to update our spam filters to block adverts for "gatal-gatal"

[Code Monkey]

"Naturally talented in the trouser department"

People who are "naturally talented in the trouser department" (cracking turn of phrase there, Reg) aren't copper material at all. They don't have that need to order people around.

[Craigness]

Suppliers?

Where can I get some leaves?

It's for a friend.

[SlabMan]

Baby's arm of the law

Cue the truncheon jokes

[The March Hare]

regulation size truncheon?

What?... What?... oh, OK - I'm going....

[Anonymous Coward]

Cost Cutting

Surely this is a bonus, they can reduce their costs by not supplying truncheons to such well equipped officers.

[Graham Bartlett]

All very well, but...

Let's say you've just wrapped your todger with leaves from the itchy tree so that it swells up like a whole bunch of bee-stings. That's got to hurt some. Anyone who's in the mood for action with a mutilated member probably has more serious mental issues - and in that case, stopping them being coppers is probably a good idea.

Mind you, it gives whole new life to jokes about "private dicks".

[Robinson]

err

In my humble opinion, you've clearly spent too much time thinking about this issue.

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe not, eh?

"..wrap their wedding tackle in leaves from the gatal-gatal (itchy) tree, causing it to expand "like it has been stung by a bee".

Just how phallicly challenged do you need to be to think this is a good idea? Remember guys, just say "no".

[Eddy Ito]

Mind you

This is simply a matter of "he said, she said", no wait... "mine is bigger than yours"? yes, that's it. I can't but wonder if the commissioner wasn't itching to get this matter resolved.

[Anonymous Coward]

Gatalisation

The Gatal effect or Gatlisation must be temporary. Otherwise this will render many plastic surgeons jobless.

[alyn]

Dont try this at home!

I was stung by a bee (or wasp) when I was six years old. It did no permanent damage (as far as I know), but I cried my eyes out all the way to the doctors surgery.. Also it made no permanent improvement.

[Majid]

Always wanted to use this icon..

and it was never as well suited to a post as it is in this post.

[Anonymous Coward]

you're kidding, right?

IT folks are always interested in Hardware!

[The_Police!]

My

what a big truncheon you have officer! Is that yoru third hand? Now please don't give me a ticket!

[Equitas]

Of little significance

I thought that the average equipment size among the population of PNG was amongst the smallest in the world. It doesn't seem to be any major disadvantage to them.