back to article El Reg April Fools 2010

Word that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the most powerful atomsmasher ever assembled by the human race - caused a hyperdimensional portal leading to an inhabited parallel universe to open up deep beneath Switzerland, in what may be the opening move of a cross-continuum invasion campaign, is yesterday's news. Which is to say …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Annihilator


    Was definitely the new comments system story. I really almost fell for that one..

    Looking forward to 1/4/2011 (or 4/1/2011 for our US chums)

  2. heyrick Silver badge


    I was looking forward to the freaking out over Google People View, what with the reactions to the pointless body scanners in airports and all.

    I, for one, welcome my... oh wait, Google already know that. And my DOB. And my SSN. And my bank account numbers. And what I dream about. And...

    1. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge

      People wouldn't freak out about it.

      When Google does it, it's not an invasion of privacy, didn't you know?

    2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Hellfire and Brimstone Shock and Awe Ore

      "I, for one, welcome my... oh wait, Google already know that. And my DOB. And my SSN. And my bank account numbers. And what I dream about. And..." ..... heyrick Posted Friday 2nd April 2010 23:33 GMT

      heyrick, Hi,

      I would just like to point out to all Beings out there ..... both Real and Virtual and any Quantum Combination of the Two for the Fully Immersive Experience of Countless Others into Practically Real Play in AI Fields, Live Operational Virtual Environments and Global Operating Device Spaces and who would be either Oft, or even just Occasionally, anxious and concerned about their Own Pioneering Online Activity and/or HyperRadioProActivity and/or Others Similarly Minded, Addressing and Exploiting and Exploring ITs Internet Input Interactivity with Real Time Event Creation Teams into Prime Managed Organisation and Future Perfect Presentation of Media XSSXXXXStreaming for Great Game Meme and Alternate Reality Gene Pooled Play ...... that with regard to any other Beings and/or Organisation and/or Business also out there and Playing in Novel Cyber Mind Control Fields, but rather more Interested and Defaulted to Covert and Clandestine Full Spectrum BaseMetaData Hoovering for the Mass Pirating and Colossal Plagiarising of Personal and Private and Proprietary Information and Emerging Intellectual Property for In House Critical and Strategic Analysis and Enrichment Conversion for Stolen Core IntelAIgent Lead with Raw Virgin Source, no Matter how much they would Know of One or A.N.Other, or Think that they Know by Virtue and Vice of what has been or may have been or can be gleaned from Virtual Machinery Logs, Blogs and Online Activities/Sublime Proclivities, the Reality IS and ALWAYS WILL BE Quite Fundamentally Different whenever Analysts and Algorithms are Deliberately Targeted and Comprehensively Groomed to have that False and Perverted Opinion and Corrupted View ..... for the Thoughts which Created the Picture and which Create Pictures can Easily Change in a Split Nano Second to Present Anything Completely Different, with the Future having No Special Relationship with the Distant Past or a Burdensome Present other than them being a Crutch and Glitch in Memory, which we can Easily Choose to Forget as One Forges Ahead to Create New Beginnings in Command of Dark Void and Control of Imagination.

      "The Creation .... In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness." ..... Methinks God is a Great Game Play Programmer. What say You?

      Is the Next Future Move to be Yours and Ours, Here on Earth .... or Theirs, Out There in Space? And whatever you Bet to See, will it be Raised and Bumped to Call..... 42 Guarantee Win Win with No Losers.

      1. jake Silver badge

        hey, amfM ... a couple pointers:

        1) Fewer CAPS, please. Reads like a ransom note.

        2) More punctuation, please. Helps order your thoughts.

        3) God does not play dice. There is no god.

        Other than that, I think you made a couple pretty good points. Maybe.

        1. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge


          You don't seem to be new here. You have about a squillion more posts than I do. Yet are trying to alter amfM's comment patterns? He's been doing that practically since there was an internet. Someone with your posting history ought to know better...

          1. heyrick Silver badge

            @ Trevor

            Joke alert icon? I've never figured out if amanfromMars 1 is an oddball with a distinctive style (think ee cummings) or somebody really intelligent who leaves his wisdom as riddles. Given that decoding his messages is an almost Zen-like activity, I tend to like to think of him as Yoda... only with a better grasp on the English language.

            I was quite shocked by the most recent post mentioning God, he's not normally that direct! And while my two word quote might seem a trivial reply, if you know what it refers to, it is quite a good description of my take on all of what was covered in his message, to save typing such. And yes, that includes "God".

            So far as I'm concerned, I look forward to amfM's postings. Helps exercise the grey matter, 'cos goodness knows more reports of who-is-suing-who-over-what just makes me feel like my sanity is ebbing away... Pint icon for amanfromMars1, keep those cryptic messages coming!

            1. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge


              Once you get used to his style, he makes a lot of sense. I've had the fortune of a couple of e-mail exchanges with him, and while I can't say I agree with him on everything, he argues his points well and asks some very thought-provoking questions. It should also be said that as much as I like to think of myself as fairly well versed in a number of different scientific disciplines and various versions of history; he's much better read and a far smarter man than I.

              Personally, I think he'd be fantastic to have a pint with; to bad there's that whole ocean in the way. (IIRC, he's from blighty.) So, emulating you, a pint icon for amfM. May he continue to post for many moons to come.

              1. jake Silver badge

                @Trevor &@heyrick

                "Yet are trying to alter amfM's comment patterns?"

                Of course not. There is a RealLife person behind amfM's posts, but I'm not entirely convinced that the vast majority aren't some kind of ELIZA-esque project. If it's an AI sim, it's a good one. My posts are both "salting the bot" and patting it's herder on the back. Hopefully it knows that ... even if the bot is wetware, not software[1].

                I too would probably enjoy a pint or two with it.

                heyrick ... Not a joke, really. More of an inverse troll. Now I'm outed, I'll play it straight with amfM after this post.

                Quantity of posts ... Usually, the Wife & I breed one or two mares per season, and we do a litter of puppies every third or fourth year. The last couple years, though, we have delivered 34 foals[2], and had six litters of pups[3]. I'm a night-owl by nature (I only need three or four hours sleep most days), so I take the graveyard shift. ElReg is one of the things I do to keep quietly amused.

                [1] Software doesn't really exist. So-called software is merely the current state of the hardware.

                [2] Not all ours ... We were boarding mares for other people because we have a modern, up to date facility for the purpose. It has almost payed for itself ...

                [3] All bred by us. One more litter on the way, then we're done for awhile. It wasn't planned, but they are all well bred, placed in good homes, and most are doing well on the show circuit, as well as their various disciplines (racing, herding, hunting ... as well as agility, flyball, obedience, etc.). The most recent collie pups are starting to go to their forever homes as I type (we keep 'em with Mum & the rest of our pack until they are 10-12 weeks, seems to socialize 'em better in the long run).

      2. heyrick Silver badge

        @ amanfromMars 1

        Only one thing to say...

        "Harô Navi".

  3. Ian McNee


    You're saying that this is true: ???


    Now where is that inter-dimensional portal? I've clearly strolled into the wrong universe by mistake...

    1. anarchic-teapot

      You're not alone

      Personally, I still don't believe that one. Of course, it could be *Microsoft* doing an April Fool's, I suppose.

  4. Paul Gomme

    Oh you lot are such a tease...

    Next thing you know, Lester Haines will be running the country, Chris Williams will be defending our cyber-shores..

    And Sara Bee...? She'll have never had it so good...

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Strip Tease .... For to Reveals the Naked Truth

      "Oh you lot are such a tease... Next thing you know, Lester Haines will be running the country, Chris Williams will be defending our cyber-shores..

      And Sara Bee...? She'll have never had it so good..." ... Paul Gomme Posted Saturday 3rd April 2010 00:00 GMT

      I'll second that, Paul .

  5. jake Silver badge

    Presumably ...

    ... my post Re: "Porsha" at 07:07 GMT was rejected because I managed to catch it five minutes after it was posted, not because it was actually something that would normally have been nixed?

    Honestly, I wasn't waiting for AprilFools shenanigans ... My nursing mom Collie nose-nose-nosed me awake to keep an eye on her puppies while she went outside to do her business. (I'm the acknowledged pack leader around here, and I like it that way. Unfortunately, rank has it's responsibilities ... being at the beck & call of lactating bitches in the wee[1] hours is one of 'em.)

    [1] Pun unintended, but amusing nonetheless :-)

  6. bothwell
    Thumb Up


    You mean you guys were posting silly articles masquerading as news? I didn't even notice a difference.

  7. Anonymous Coward


    They were all a bit obvious apart from the iHTML one.

    HOWEVER that was posted after noon (even going by Pacific Standard Time). Whatever happened to the convention that April fools must be inflicted before noon?

    1. MeRp

      The Noon convention...

      The before noon convention does not apply in the US, thus, if it was submitted by an American author one would expect that it would be submitted/posted at some time on April 1st, local time to the author, which it was, in this case.

    2. TeeCee Gold badge


      I like to think that that one was posted using the new iAprilFool standard from Cupertino which omits the midday cutoff, as it is outmoded in an iWorld that cuts across iTimeZones.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I fell for it; but how long will it be before Apple try it??

  9. Anonymous Coward

    Thank God

    I was on holiday and wasn't reading El Reg or I would have made a fool out of myself of a couple of occasions.

    An 'April Fool' if you will.

    The snow in St. Anton was fantastic by the way, although Darling's budget brought pints to £5 after it dropped us against the Euro. Thats why I'm voting Tory next month.

  10. Tom 13

    As a wise person has noted in a different forum

    the difficulty with April Fool's jokes is that today too many things which ought to be unbelievable either aren't, or attempting to spoof them is impossible because of how spoof-like reality is. He missed the third which is the great danger they might be taken as serious recommendations for future developments.

  11. Ihre Papiere Bitte!!

    Caught, Well and Proper...

    <-Fail on my part!

    The comments one got me. Completely and Utterly. I could say that I found it entirely believable that El Reg staffers needed some extra beer money, but that would likely get me smacked, so I won't....

    I actually spent some time thinking about some of the effects, and posted a comment showing the world just how badly I was caught out.... 24 lines of deep reflection on the matter. Oops? Oops. Definitely, oops....

    (for those who would like to point & laugh at my expense!)

    Ah well. Just you wait til next year, El Reg!!!

This topic is closed for new posts.