back to article If internet had existed before we were born would we be here now?

Today is tomorrow and yesterday is today in this online world where we all bump together along the way. The web is where everything is possible. If the newspaper is today's fish and chip wrapper then the internet is tomorrow's pizza box. But looking for scraps of news in the pepperoni can be hazardous even for those …


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  1. Alan Douglas
    Thumb Up

    More like this!

    This is the kind of insightful look at technology that we need, taking us to one side and looking from another angle. More articles like this please! I've been waiting at least a year to see something so good.

  2. Finbarr Saunders
    Thumb Up


    An important point, well put. Could not agree with you more.

  3. Stuart 18

    April Fools

    "Bad Krautspröse" - there are some fantastic German poets, honest!!

    Stuart -or is it?? Who can believe anything on April the 1st?

  4. JonP


    Read like a Verity Stobb stream-of-conciousness-piss-take and then it stopped. Hmmmm.

    Still, beats Topeka.

  5. The Original Ash
    Jobs Halo


    So, the internet makes old media obsolete? Wow. Welcome to the dotcom bubble.

    Allow me to don my berret and poloneck sweater, and sip a lightly sweetened double-skinny-upside-down-iced-cafemachilatechino with nutmeg sprinkles.

    I'm sorry, but this "revelation" was insightful a decade ago. It's just that News Corp. and Big Media have billions of dollars stockpiled, and has been throwing it all at lawyers and congresscritters to keep themselves afloat. Plus, sheeple will buy anything you put honey glazing on, or drape scantily-clad women over.

    Maybe we'll hear about that in the next installment though, eh?

    1. Tom Maddox Silver badge

      Allow me to mock you roundly

      That's it, really.

  6. Liam Johnson


    Well, I put it through Google translate, but I still can't work out what it's about.

    1. I didn't do IT.

      Re: Liam Johnson

      I didn't know there *was* a translater for Googlese to English (UK) or (Amer)!

  7. Anonymous Coward


    What a load of crap! What's going on El Reg, trying to get all high brow are we?

  8. Anonymous Coward

    If IBM had not made two mistakes .....

    Imaging if IBM had not made two mistakes when designing the original PC. If they had not taken a processor that was cheap because no one else was buying them, and then been stuck with a low grade OS to go with it.

    ANY other processor of the day would have given us a much better base today :(

  9. Jason Togneri


    Is Porsha on drugs? This is less like El Reg and more like a random, drunken Friday-night blog.

  10. 46Bit

    That was random...

    Now that article was about as lucid as "if you immediately know the candlelight is fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago"....

    (that's a quote from an SF show)

  11. Noons


    Nice one. 'Fail' because there must somewhere in the UK where it is pronounced close to 'fool'.

  12. sandman


    Man - I must have had some bad acid, either that or the author is so far away with the fairies they think they are Titania. Did that article contain meaning, was it an April Fool's joke or a series of loosly connected monoku?

  13. Roger Paul
    Thumb Up


    The first hit on my April news trawl.

    Well done Reg, well done.

  14. JWS


    Did I miss something? I know it's April 1st, but really? Maybe some more coffee will help me make sense of the words...

  15. Steve Medway
    IT Angle

    newspaper is today's.....

    Newspaper isn't allowed to be used for wrapping up chips anymore :-( Something to do with ingesting minute amounts of print ink.

    Yet another win for the health and saftey Nazi's I'm afraid - bring back British Fish and Chips in Yesterday's paper - they always seemed to taste better!

    IT? - cos' fish n chips have nout to do with it ;-)

  16. lglethal Silver badge
    Thumb Up


    ... for a moment there you actually had me hoping there really was a Bad Krautspröse with which i could make fun of my Austrian friends... sigh...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    If the quality of this article is the future of journalism, I feel very sad.

    Poor grammar and pretty cliched concepts too.

    1. Tom Maddox Silver badge

      This comment

      If this comment is the present of commentardism (yes, it's a real word--due to a series of ubiquitous misprints, you can find it in the dictionary right after "gullible"), then *I* feel very sad.

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Virtual Machinery @ ITs Very Best ...... Vorsprung durch AITechnICQ .

    Welcome Porscha Kling. You make more sense than most of the real contributors here.

    Oh, and can you imagine what would happen if VW got Virtually Interested in Internet Mobility and TeleTransportation? You do know what happened the last time another complete stranger decided to engage with them in something completely different on a peaceful venture, don't you? ...... World Domination with Virtually Faultless Products for the Masses ......

    1. Liam Johnson


      >>You make more sense than most of the real contributors here.

      High praise indeed from this poster!

  20. Crash!


    I believe it's relevant to say that on local German radio this morning they announced that the post office would be taxing all emails to .de addresses.

  21. Anonymous Coward

    Waaah waaah

    Waah, I want free content. I don't want to pay for anything. You're a bloody journalist, you should be welcoming the fact that somebody wants to guarantee your income by selling your content. Not moaning about the death of free information or other pathetic freetardisms.

    The sooner the Times paywall goes up, the better. People who want quality journalism will pay a small fee to get it, and they'll be able to interact with it in a whole new way. All the freetards and whingers can bugger off back to the free online papers, but they probably won't be free for long once the other publishers see the revenues that the paywall will bring in. Sure, a few subscribers will leave and online readership might drop, and the Grauniad will probably see a massive upswing in online readership; but I would bet on the Graun implementing it's own paywall as soon as they figure out that ad revenue doesn't automatically scale with online readership numbers.

    Don't forget, it's business. Not charity.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      calm down

      It's April the first. Clearly this article is not intended to be taken seriously. Have a beer or increase your meds...

  22. TimS


    The internet *was* around when I was born. And I'm 26!

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thing about pizzas

    You know what you ordered, but are you really sure it's what you've got? Look closely at that brownish mush they call hickory steak.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    let me google that for you

    Apparently journalism still has a glorious future ahead, as there is a huge need to figure out stuff for the general public. Everyone seems confused but apparently nobody bothered to google "Hans Krankl", "Porsha Kling" or "Bad Krautspröse".

    Look forward to the article on body building. Any further news on that dimensional portal btw?

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Ich bin ein Anmerkungverzögerung (not a doughnut)

      Hans Krankl is an Austrian singing football player according to wakipedia. Bad Krautspröse is made up, but I searched the internet for Bilje and found a village in Croatia - I was a bit disappointed because there normally someone selling "the cheapest <insert search key here> online". No hits for Porsha, bit I found her sister Paula:

      1. Anonymous Coward


        I'm going for...

        Hans Krankl = Hand Crank = Wank

        Bad Krautsprose Google Translates to Bath Cabbage Prose

        But according to Google Kraut also translates to Herb / Herbage, so...

        Bad Herbage Prose

        Bilje I guessing is a homophone for Bilge "Slang Stupid talk or writing; nonsense." as well as a bottom of a boat

        1. Anonymous Coward

          Food-based slang: krauts, limeys, frogs, beaners, etc.

          I assumed "kraut" was a reference to the traditional dietary-based derogatory slang word for people of a certain nationality. Or are we not permitted to discuss such topics? ;)

          That aside - nicely done article. It had me going for a little while! Good April Fool's work :)

      2. Baskitcaise

        Porsha Kline is

        Probably far to late for this and everyone will claim they knew it anyway but:

        Anagram of Porsha Kline = April shonk

        shonk is slang for "to fool" "to pull a quick one"

    2. I didn't do IT.

      US 2010 Census

      I would also like to add that there are eight (8) people by the name of "Prosha Kling" in the US, as of the latest Census figures (so far).,PORSHA


  25. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    I was actually thinking,

    "Shall I make a joke about 'Bilje, a peer reviewed journal' for journalists, no it's too obvious and I bet they get enough of that all the time... oh."

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The future of...

    Journalism, the Internet and BODYBUILDING?!?!

    How random is that?!


  27. waarg

    Um, facebook login anyone

    This thread is beginning to resemble the readwriteweb facebook login hilarity. I JUST WANT MY REG ARTICLES TO BE GUD!!!!!!!1!

  28. The_Police!


    fool! You guys have got to stop taking some of these articles seriously!

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I want what he's smoking

    this comment requires no additional text

  30. Jolyon Ralph
    Thumb Up


    Want more

  31. IR

    Is this

    Is this an attempt at doing something different on April Fools Day? Since Reg readers are all such cynics and spot regular ones from a mile off, something that is just plain confusing will at least have a better effect than the obvious stories of today.

  32. disgruntled yank

    It's not just near Innsbruck, it's everywhere!

    Bad Krautprose, that is.

  33. mmm mmm

    I thought

    they'd banned mephedrone.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Leaving aside the fact I almost - on April 1st - commented 'This is an April Fool's joke, right?' as though it wasn't, this read so much like NME did back in the days when it was moving from being about the coolest rag on the block (in no small part thanks to Benyon and Lowry) to utter shite.

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