Tiger Woods' alleged mistress publishes X-rated texts

One of Tiger Woods' alleged mistresses has published (NSFW) a series of explicit text messages she claims the errant golfer sent to her between July and October 2009. Joslyn James, a former porn actress who has of late "been seen on Inside Edition, Playboy Online, Hustler Magazine and in the public eye speaking out about her …

[Vladimir Plouzhnikov]

How embarassing

Her Bulgarian Airbags seem to have deployed from all that spanking.

But poor Tiger - he must have been so desperate to fall for her...

[Elmer Phud]

airbags?

Nah, it's a police Identitit picture.

[Anonymous Coward]

Tiger, this is God speaking.

You're pumping Elin Nordgren --- and you went for that? Wake the fuck up!

[Steven Cuthbertson]

Not the only numpty...

What is it with these people.. remember Hugh Grant and the hooker who looked like she'd been smacked by a bus, and he was seeing Elizabeth Hurley at the time? They say the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but really!

[Groucho von Bismarck]

@Steven Cuthbertson

Perhaps Tiger looked elsewhere because Elin Nordegren failed to be enthralled by such come-ons as those mentioned. Strangely, some women actually have too much dignity to accept degradation even at the hands of a very rich man.

[John H Woods]

Ashley Cole ...

... nuff said

[Greg J Preece]

Product endorsements??

"Hi, I'm Tiger Woods' bit on the side. I sell both of us for my own profit because I'm just a whore like that. Buy our products!"

[I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects 1]

Oh Greg you are so romantic

What does romance sound like on a porn video? Like a golfer getting screwed?

Not Shy For Woods. Never sighs for Woods? Ah, got it: No secrets for Woods.

[Flugal]

Oh dear Tiger

I'm absolutely appalled by what Tiger has written. For example:

Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009: "Ok. Now your talking."

It's "You're", Tiger, "You're". Not "Your".

Man alive....what kind of example is he setting for the children?

[Tom 7]

If golfs a good walk spoiled

not doubt this will be a similar typo

[Eddie Edwards]

This time you really did mean NSFW!

Oops.

[Anonymous Coward]

needs the cash?

If she's looking for cash she should sue her cosmetic surgeon. That pair just *have* to be fake, and bad fakes at that.

[Mark 65]

Not sure

Not entirely sure but I don't think they really give a shit about whether they look real or not in the porn industry. Hardly the most pressing concern.

[Pirate Dave]

true..

they have to concentrate on dialog, not authentic boobs.

[jake]

Four words:

Who the fuck cares?

[Anonymous Coward]

The site was unavailable most of yesterday

which raises the amusing spectre of the crippling bandwidth bills wiping out any profits she may make from her kiss'n'text exploits.

[Graham Bartlett]

Oops2 - *very* NSFW

Could you add a "we really mean it this time" to the NSFW? Or at least a strategic blur? I *really* hope IT are busy doing other stuff today!

[Ben Tasker]

I agree!

Most NSFW's on El Reg are quite tame, this one was a definite NSFW. Could we have some form of warning? Like DNSFW or even have the article description as

WARNING: BOOBIES INCLUDED!!!

Something to differentiate between articles that seem to have been marked as NSFW purely to increase the number of views, and those that are marked as NSFW because they are NSFW.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: I agree!

NSFW means NSFW. Maybe not your work, but we're not about to start some kind of league table. As if any of you would agree on the categories - it would be a whole world of tedium.

Everything is SFW here. Envy us.

[Ihre Papiere Bitte!!]

A league table is a GREAT idea!!!

I suggest:

* NSFSW: Not Safe For Strict Workplaces (naughty words, maybe some text describing naughty things)

* NSFW: Not Safe For Work (something you would click off if the boss walked past)

* NSFW-R: Not Safe For Work - Really! (mild nudity / violence)

* NSFW-WRMI: Not Safe For Work - We REALLY Mean It! (stronger nudity / violence)

* NSFAWE: Not Safe For Any Work Ever (big boobies in ya face)

* DNCUAITS: Do Not Click Unless Alone In The Shed (tenuously-linked porn)

* IYCTYMBA: If You Click This You May Be Arrested (criticism of politicians / police)

"Envy us."

Obviously, I envy everyone in that office as they get to spend their days basking in the radiance of The Moderatrix's glory...

[Chris Collins]

Tits

It's only some tits. Just keep your hands out of your trousers.

[The Indomitable Gall]

The ultimatly geeky solution

NSFW++

[Anonymous Coward]

Do not worry, they are reading it

They are most likely reading the same pages so they are probably greatful that you have preloaded it in the proxy cache.

[skeptical i]

Since they're clearly fake, I can not imagine anyone taking serious offense.

The societal issue of how the media and its celebutards perpetuate body- image issues among yoofs is another discussion for another day.

[Andus McCoatover]

OK, I'll try again..

(Last version rejected by Moderatrix, so I'll moderate it a bit...)

Look a bit closer.

Her breasts remind me, both in relative dimension, shape, and positioning, of the twin bells on an old-fashioned clockwork alarm clock I gave my son recently. On the clock, the bells were copper, but it wouldn't take much of an airbrush jobbie to turn them into East European airbags.

Plus, the conjunction with body and 'bells' seems a bit too blurred.

Of course, the positioning of Tiger in the cover is plainly blatantly arranged to show the compositor thinks of him in a different light..

Not so 'lovely jubbly' IMHO.

Personally, I'd rather play golf.

Now, Sarah, is that OK for you?

[Sarah Bee]

Re: OK, I'll try again..

No, Andus, I'm not accepting your silly comment. Stop trying and naff off.

[Andus McCoatover]

Wrong time ...

..of the month?

Naff off yourself.

(Revision got accepted, natch.)

[Number6]

It is...

The week before payday is always the wrong time of the month.

[Anonymous Coward]

Confused

Anyone else thinks she looks a little like David Bowie?

Glasses because maybe I need them.

[Gil Grissum]

Texts?

Cheating wonkers worldwide are now figuring out was to magically erase texts from their phones as well as their lovers. If you own a blackberry, there is such a program. For the iPhone? Nope. Not at all. Another reason to avoid the iPhone for philandering wonk-miesters... LOL!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Blackberries encrypt

I would think that if I own a Blackberry, and have compromising texts, that I would simply activate Content Protection so that the SMS stash will be nicely encrypted, so that no curious eyes would happen to find 'em. ;)

[chr0m4t1c]

What's the fuss

I your name is "Tiger" and you're not doing a lot of shagging there really is something wrong with the world.

[ShadowedOne]

RE: Four Words

Apparently you care, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to leave a message.

[mmm mmm]

I'm surprised

Tiger managed to text so well. If I was meeting her I'd need to be paralytic.

[Anonymous Coward]

As I scrolled down...

... I thought she must be a lady-boy as there appeared to be a dick poking out of the top of her pants.

And then I scrolled a bit more only to discover the dick was actually infront of her pants.

[Chris Shaw]

PAYG

all he needed was a cheap PAYG phone to flirt/arrange encounters and chuck it in the bin when finish with the totty. PIN the phone for privacy.

Mine's the one with the cheap phones in the pocket.

[Anonymous Coward]

unless of course

you happen to be sharing the messages that a famous person sent to you.

<- bit of a "Blond moment" I think

[Mr Brush]

Required

The difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three hos.

[Anonymous Coward]

Thank christ i have a corner desk

FFs, that pic nearly got me fired. It's only cos i was quick on the mouse that i didn't get caught by my (female) supervisor looking at a pair of wabs in the office.

Put XXX warnings up, please.

[Anonymous Coward]

its says NSFW

NSFW = not safe for work.... that was the hint *not* to open it at work.

dumbass

[Anonymous Coward]

So you normally click on the NSFW items anyway?

That would seem to be a curious game of roulette to be playing.

[TJ 3]

Twats!

Since when did NSFW become argumentative?

NSFW is NSFW, So don't open NSFW if you are AW.

You twats. Don't get mad at the reg out of your own ignorance.

[Anonymous Coward]

NSFW

Just do what I do. if it says NSFW... pull it up on your phone...

anon because I'm at work.

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow

Dreadful boobjob....