back to article The $20K iPad

If you're an Apple fanboi with $19,999 burning a hole in your pocket, why not spend it on The World's First Diamond iPad? Doing so would greatly please John Mervis, Digital Strategist for Mervis Diamond Importers, a third-generation family business in the Washington DC area. As Mervis told The Reg: "We've always been trying to …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    In a couple of years it'll be obsolete...

    ...just like the wankers that would buy such a thing.

  2. mafoo
    Thumb Down


    Mervis desperate for pr.

    I think these items are solely reserved for drug barons to give to each other as novelty table mats.

  3. Anonymous Coward

    One word...


  4. Anonymous Coward

    As if...

    ... the iPad wasn't pointless and expensive enough already - I think this takes the biscuit!

    1. Mad Hacker

      $499 USD is expensive?

      I have criticisms of the iPad including not understanding why I would want one (I have the same argument against netbooks) but I'm not sure price is a fair criticism. You think $499 USD is expensive for a touch device like an iPad? My 13x19" ink jet printer cost more then that and I'd say the iPad is a bit more sophisticated. Heck my first smartphone (a Samsung SPH-i500) cost more then that.

      1. Gene Cash Silver badge

        Yes it is

        My Nokia N800 was US$399, does a hell of a lot more, AND fits in a pocket so I can carry it literally everywhere. (By "does a hell of a lot more", I mean it's a doddle to write pyGTK stuff I need, and Maemo Garage was a lot nicer than Apple iStore)

    2. The Fuzzy Wotnot

      It doesn't even look very nice does it!

      The whole point of Apple kit is to look minimal and functional, this just looks like a kid's toy version you'd get with a Barbie doll!

  5. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Baron Harkonnen needs one

    ...but if the electronics underneath the diamond dust croak, he will have a little chat with Steve.

  6. Shady

    Oh FFS....

    ...The arrival of a bling-ed up apple product is even more predictable than my bowel movements.

    Instead of reporting this, we - as reg readers - should be able to safely assume that tatty tasteless expensive shite that only appeals to rappers and other various 'talents' will be on sale approximately one week after the general release to the hoi-polloi, thus freing up your journalists to write about something proper.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      and yet...

      ... you took the time to both read /and/ comment...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Would this void the warranty?

    I'm guessing so :-)

    Paris - her warranty was voided a long time ago, in several places.

  8. Anonymous Coward


    "If you're an Apple fanboi with $19,999 burning a hole in your pocket, why not spend it on The World's First Diamond iPad?"

    Because if the battery dies, you're shafted!

    Apple don't replace the battery on your iPad, they send you a refurbished model - there goes your $20k, that's if they even accept it in the first place since it's been modified.

    Anon, because the iPad is taking a beating, and every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

    I'll get someone else's coat so they can't find me.

  9. J 3


    Funny, but I thought the obscenely rich did not need to be "fooled" by this traditionally stupid practice of trying to make the price look lower. You know, why the hell does something cost $9.99 instead of $10?

    Or even worse, my favorite pet peeve the gas station: are they going to give me $0.002 of change if the gas cost $10.998 and I pay with $11 (yup, ride a motorbike, isn't that grand)? OK, so they don't even display that third number on the price you pay at the pump anymore, but the stupid thing is there in the advertised price, e.g. $2.659 per gallon.

    Anyway, how will they do if the iPad's battery croaks and they have to send the thing back to Apple, just to pay $99 and get a different unit?

    1. Disco-Legend-Zeke

      When We Had Our...

      ...little shop alongside the Old West Highway, we would frequently mis-input prices by leaving out the cents (00) when inputting even dollar prices to out cash register.

      Ending prices in .95 forced us to enter the proper number of digits, although not necessarily the correct digits.

  10. brym
    Jobs Horns

    One question...

    Will it blend?

  11. Big-nosed Pengie

    No doubt

    this'll be snapped up by the same wankers who paid $1,000 for a drawing of a ruby.

  12. Heff
    Paris Hilton

    G/H in color

    the glory of celebrity bling.

    may as well have written "is coated in low-grade machine-cut trash we couldn't sell through a diamond-centric market but feel we can get more selling it to stupid E! Celebs* rather than bunging it in the industrial market."

    * Kardashians, Paris, every other vapid whorebag I see on TV whose sole reason for celebrity is somehow just "being famous"

    Paris for obvious.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    20,000 ways...

    to demonstrate unequivocally you're a complete tosser.

  14. Sebastian Brosig


    this would appeal to its target audience even more if they were certified conflict diamonds from the Congo with actual blood sticking to them.

    Why doesn't someone build a touchscreen device with a sapphire screen: my watch is still beautifully scratch-free (well apart from the steel case) after years of abuse, and a phone that you could treat similarly with impunity would go down a treat. Maybe it'd be much more expensive because you'd have to _develop_ someting rather than just embellish an existing product by dipping it in glue and then rolling it in a plateful of diamonds, like for a fish fillet with egg and breadcrumbs.

    1. Disco-Legend-Zeke

      It Is Now Rather Easy... lay a diamond coating on optical plastic.

      Besides your pixel presenter, this would kick major diopters as scratchproof eyeglasses.

  15. A. Lewis
    Thumb Down


    That's a terrible photoshop job.

  16. DrXym Silver badge

    Hope the battery lasts forever

    It would be a shame if you sent it in to replace the battery only to get some crappy refurb as a replacement. A real shame.

  17. Cameron Colley

    Diamonds are twat's best friend.

    Are there still people out there who think that Diamonds are rare and hard to obtain? DeBeers must be hypnotising people or something.

  18. crypt


    The tastefull use of diamonds, in say, a piece of siver jewelry, can ben quite appealing. But

    frankly , seing any object covered completly in diamonds , makes it as plesant to look at as if it were wrapped in tin-foil.

    I think Id rather spend the 20k creating a custom touch screen device.

    that can do flash

    and has built in phone tools.

    and a front and rear facing camera.


  19. Anonymous Coward

    I-Pad means......

    Literally, p a d when translated in Hindi means fart ! S I-Fart , imagine when they ever market this in India.

    How appropriate .

    Mines the bulletproof and smellproof one.

  20. Xerxes

    PDA - PAD

    I remember when I got my Newton back in 1993, the joke then was that PDA stood for Public Display of Affluence, but this PAD takes the cake!

  21. Craigness


    So it was inspired by a PC. Can the fanboys accept that Apple stuff doesn't come from the womb free of existing DNA, or did Jobs invent the mp3 player, smartphone and tablet PC?

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