back to article BOFH: The PFY Chronicles part 2

Things are quiet at Mission Control. No, quiet would be an understatement. The room seems unnaturally large and cavernous, and there's an echo that just shouldn't be there... I could swear I heard the words "sleep no more" coming from the PC speaker, but I'm sure I'm imagining it. My contemplations are interrupted by two …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Steve X

    But I *liked* VT52s

    and besides, there's always WeirdStuff Warehouse, they'll take anything...

  2. Marcus Aurelius

    I keep waiting for the one

    Where PFY wakes up in the shower and finds it's all been a dream.

  3. Anonymous Coward


    SIMON IS DEAD???????


    1. Steven Knox

      Last Episode's News.

      You're a couple of weeks late, Annie.

      1. Dr. Mouse

        I'm not so sure

        'A postcard with the words "Hi from KiwiFoo" crudely pasted from letters cut out of a magazine'

  4. Lottie


    Seems the PFY learned his job well.

  5. hplasm


    this plot becomes...

  6. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Excellent colour on CRT's

    My two are 10 and 15 years old, display 1600x1200@85Hz with no moiré and have better colour reproduction than any LCD I have seen. Even though the two of them weigh as much as I do, and need a desk of their own, I am in no hurry to replace them.

    1. Nexox Enigma

      Mmmm CRTs

      I've got a pair that are about 8 years old, and do 2304x1440 @ 80hz. And much better color and contrast than I've seen on pretty much any other display.

      And since I got them used from people that had already replaced them with LCDs, the combined price was much less than a single mid-range LCD.

      Although their weight does disqualify most desk options...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        My penis is bigger than both of yours

        laid end to end

        1. Anonymous Coward

          size maybe

          But will it last as long?

  7. Danny 5
    Thumb Up

    pandora's box

    creeps open once again.

    great story for sure, can't wait for the resurrection though.....

  8. Mike Wood

    Smart Move????

    Nice to see the PFY filling in for the deceased (or living) BOFH. Keep up the good work, I certainly have gained a few ideas for my work place!

    Coat with the parachute and golden handshake in the back pocket.

  9. Tim Greenwood

    The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

    I quite like the way this is going, although the suspense is starting to get to me as well.

  10. Cheeky Chappie

    Is he still sbout?

    AHA! I smell Simon!(or stale lager, not sure which - yet)

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

    Now I wonder what is in our loft... Perhaps I should check it before trying anything...

    (I should definately be concerned that my boss does keep a load of empty boxes in the back office...)

  12. Chris007
    Paris Hilton


    'nuff said

    Paris?: 'bout time she was in a story :-)

  13. Anonymous Coward

    He's alive!?!

    "Hi from KiwiFoo"

  14. MartinBZM

    (G)rumbles from the grave ...

    Ah, how nice to see that the PFY has learned so well from his former Master.

    Makes me wonder if the BOFH isn't lurking in the background somewhere until the right time ;-)

    Thanks Simon, it's a good one.

  15. Anonymous Coward

    Nicely done

    But painful. lolz

  16. Juillen 1
    Thumb Up

    Ahh.. The fix returns..

    I was getting BOFH withdrawl symptoms.. And the users here were getting nervous because of it..

  17. Geoff 22

    The End?

    as we wait so so long for the next instalment, it may well be better that way.

  18. Tom Cook


    Have a pint.

  19. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    You are in a maze of twisty turny passages

    Well, what else could you call this?

  20. Blofeld's Cat
    Thumb Up


    "The jumping game" ... "No, the bin's on the other side of the building." - Excellent!

    7 x 6 x 6 = 180 - Sounds like my accountant .

    As for "Sleep no more" and "KiwiFoo" could it be that...


    1. Anonymous Coward

      Don't forget


      Good episode.

  21. Metabelis
    Thumb Up

    New trousers please

    "At this rate...Daleks" - nearly wet myself laughing.

  22. Walteij
    Dead Vulture

    Could it be....

    [quote] A postcard with the words "Hi from KiwiFoo" crudely pasted from letters cut out of a magazine, and the Head Beancounter. The first is disconcerting,[/quote]

    Sounds like the real BOFH is New Zealand or something like that (KiwiFoo).

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Well Simon *is* from NZ

      The both of them Simons actually.

      So wherever he might be _now_ is irrelevant, looks like it's time for the PFY to prepare appropriate countermeasures. Appropriate to _anything_

  23. Laurent_Z


    I started thinking bofh was all over...

    Thx simon !

  24. Dave P 1
    Thumb Up

    Ah, Friday and the BOFH

    Well, I now know what a VT52 is ... a very nasty bit of kit.

    1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

      But you're talking 30 year old kit!

      VT52s are ANCIENT. DEC switched to selling VT100s back in the late 70's, so any VT52s would be 30+ years old. The video components alone would probably be dangerous to power up. I'm sure that all of the capacitors would have leaked by now.

      Mind you, they were easy to code for compared to the other things that were out there then. I actually wrote a full VT52 emulator in BBC basic that could keep up with 9600 baud. I then recoded it in 6502 assembler in a day. Could not be arsed to write the VT100 emulator that I really needed.

      Bearing in mind the dodgy photo's that Wikipedia has, if the PFY had one in good nick, he could probably find a buyer, if only to take some good pictures to immortalize this important terminal.

      1. Dave 32

        Could have been worse...

        The monitors could have been ADM-3s.

        Or, they could have been 026 card punches! At least those may have had a decent scrap metal value, though.

        Sadly, I've used both....when they were new!


        P.S. Mine's the one with the 5081s in the pocket.

        1. John Angelico

          Ah! But did you...?

          ...use the 029 card verifiers?

          Data integrity, always the data integrity!

  25. MarkP

    Why so long?

    Come on Simon I was dying to know what was happening to the PFY and how the BOFH would get him back? Please don't make us wait so long for the next instalment.

  26. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Smart is as Smart does.

    New Labour's Tale in a Nutshell, Simon. Bravo. And someone definitely needs a new calculator if their simple arithmetic is so bad ...... ""How MANY monitors?"

    "I... well lets see, seven wide by six deep by six high. How many's that?"

    "A hundred and eighty.""

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    KiwiFoo is real

    Not sure what it means, but:

    1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

      Kiwi Foo

      This years camp finished four weeks ago. Does it take that long for the post to get a card from NZ?

      My thoughts are that Simon could not get the leave, or get the Boss to allow him the time to attend, so he faked his own death.

      My guess is that when they get round to interviewing for his replacement, there will strangely be only one applicant, who will turn out to be Simon's 'long lost twin brother', separated at birth and sent to Australia (or possibly New Zealand).

      Alternatively, Sleep No More may be referring to a Greg Iles story dealing with Transmigration of the soul. Maybe Simon is coming back in another body! Or possibly has had plastic surgery, and he will just appear to be someone else.

      I can't wait!

      1. JBardey

        Your username and/or password are incorrect.

        I still have my fingers crossed for the René Artois ending (with Simon coming back as his long lost twin brother).

        Grenade, for fighting off ze germans.


        The Scottish Play

        "Sleep No More" is a quote from Macbeth :

        Methought I heard a voice cry 'Sleep no more!

        Macbeth does murder sleep'...

        ...Still it cried 'Sleep no more!' to all the house:

        'Glamis hath murder'd sleep, and therefore Cawdor

        Shall sleep no more; Macbeth shall sleep no more.'

        Macbeth is recounting his nightmares follwing his murder of Duncan, the King of Scotland, so that he may take his place.

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      I'm sure what it means

      KiwiFoo has nothing to do with the camp you mention. Kiwi stands for New Zealander, and foo is the well-known "anything goes there" placeholder in IT. KiwiFoo therefore stands for "a random (anonymous) New-Zealander". Simon (AKA The BOFH) is from NZ (i.e. a Kiwi), which would have me worried if I was the PFY.

  28. A. Coatsworth Silver badge

    so he's not dead...

    He's in New Zealand since February!

    Yay! I'll drink for that

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    sniff... sniff...

    Hmmmm, I smell a rat. I mean, a kiwi.

    After all, PFYs (the surviving ones, I mean) must become BOFHs eventually. My bet is on Simon having gone BOHFing someplace else and letting his heir fly with his own wings.

    Use the Force, young Steven. And pass the chalice(s).

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    how many sheds?

    Wait, what was in shed 4?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward



  31. Gordon Grant
    Thumb Up

    Oh My Monitors and VT-52's

    Oh boy, a poisoned chalice for sure I think Simon had this one planned for months, demise or not.. They do say Revenge is a dish best served cold, or in this case ice cold.. Class

  32. Anonymous Coward

    KiwiFoo connections?

    The 1st Baa Camp was at the same time as first appeared. Coincidence or work of a PFY that wasn't invited?

    Mines the one without the velcro gloves in the pocket.

  33. Il Midga di Macaroni

    The Head Beancounter...

    ... caught on very quickly. He's one to watch. I wonder if Simon put him in place deliberately... and if so, what else he's doing. For instance, Simon may have decided that fiddling with electronic kit is a game for mugs, and wanted to retire to study the effects of alcohol on the mind. The head beancounter might have been put in place to ensure his pension (drawn from the CEO's personal superannuation contributions) is paid punctually.

    As for the poisoned chalice, I'm sure the PFY will be able to prove (in ten minutes' time) that the fingerprints evident on the sheds and most of the boxes belong to the Head of IT's secretary, which makes it a clear cut case of an official wink-nod to avoid dumping fees.

    Have at it, PFY.

  34. Bill Cumming


    ... I can feel One Awsome April Fool's joke or a Tax Dodge in the works with the BoFH's absence..

    Too close to April to be anything nice for the PFY....

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Shed 3 .....Dalek's... I think I woke my neighbors up when I read that one.

    Thanks again, Simon.

  36. Lykofos


    Shed three...Daleks. Hmm, those sheds sound like the racks in the backroom of my now ex-employer. While we did not have anything as ancient as the VT52s, there was some interesting relics. Now the Daleks, well, don't look in the closet...

  37. Rutger


    Simon @ Baa Camp? That would explain a lot! Eh... not?

  38. Michael 62
    Thumb Up

    All is well! ANOTHER DOSE!!!

    I missed the BOfH. This was perfect. I snickered and laughed my ass off.

    I'm loving that poison Chalice. Now...I need to set up something similar!

  39. DsrtWolf


    I'm thinking that the Bastard uploaded himself into the 4 dodgy life support systems, and has become a free roaming AI. Not to sure aboot the KiwiFoo thing.

  40. ElReg!comments!Pierre

    ARRRGGHHH enough already with Baa Camp or New Zealand holidays!

    Simon is not at Baa camp or anywhere in NZ, you silly you!

    Foo is here as the ubiquitous "anything goes there" placeholder. Kiwi stands for New Zealander. i.e. KiwiFoo means "an anonymous New Zealander". i.e. Simon. Wherever he might now be.

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      I mean, you fools...

      should know better than believing the BOFH when he implies he might far away, unable to harm you and at the mercy an unfortunate plane cancellation + anonymous tip-off to the border agency... That's what he would want you to believe!

This topic is closed for new posts.