back to article Spanish priest spunked €17k on chat lines and whores

A Spanish priest who spunked €17k of church funds on sex chat lines, internet porn sites and prostitutes has unsurprisingly been given his marching orders. Samuel Martin Martin, 27, racked up some impressive expenditure during his one year-tenure as spiritual shepherd to the villages of Totanes and Noez, in Toledo. As well as …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    Let me get this straight...

    In the Catholic Church:

    Fiddle with altar boys - move parish

    Fiddle with the cash - sacked.

    Good to see that the priorities of piety are well balanced....

    Anon, lest I be smoten.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Oh dear

      Noël Coward's little known grandson, Anonymous Coward, has just been struck down by a bolt of lightning thanks to you trying to preserve your anonymity.

    2. Beelzeebub

      Dear Anon C

      You are welcome, my son

  2. noboard
    IT Angle


    I'm sure the funds were just resting in his account.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Well hung?

    A little less than 6"? Surely that's merely average? The man must be delirious.

    Paris, because she's looking disappointed due to be misled about the man's 'talent'.

    1. Chris Collins

      Expecting more

      Perhaps the Spanish have small winkies. it would explain their disposition.

      1. Anonymous Coward

        RE: Expecting more

        My ex-girlfriend was French and she said she didn't like French men for a number of reasons:

        1, They have small willies

        2, they tend to drink a lot of wine and sometimes can't get it up

        3, they smell of garlic

        I'm not sure which (if any) of these she was joking about

  4. LinkOfHyrule
    Paris Hilton

    6 inch pianist

    15cm isn't what I would describe as "well hung", its about the average. In real money it's just under 6 inches and according the the Register's very own on-line standards coveter, it's 0.0163 double decker buses!

    Paris, cos while size doesn't actually matter (honest guys) what you do with it dose, and well i'll say no more!

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Moderatrix! Censor this please...

      ...before my girlfriend reads this and finds out 15cm is just average :)

  5. Roby

    What a strange body shape

    I wonder what happens when he breathes out.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nobody expects the Spanish prostitution!

    Our two main weapons are lube, condoms and a small penis...

  7. Anonymous Coward

    Bash the bishop for sacking him?

    Gutted the first AC beat me to it!

    Catholic church and

    Pedophile = All Ok

    Fraudster = Sin

    If the dearly deluded would only realise that they are wasting their sunday mornings talking in to thin air. They wouldnt be pre-conditioning young boy to go and kneel before the "Padre".

    AC as I'm a man of science

    1. Bill Fresher
      Thumb Up


      "AC as I'm a man of science"

      And we all know that no scientist is a hypocrite or deviant.

      1. Anonymous Coward

        But crucially

        When a scientist is discovered to be a deviant, the rest of the science community doesn't try and cover it up. I only partially blame* the catholic church for the fact that they have kiddie touchers as priests - I wholly blame it for covering it up after the fact.

        * The partial blame come from the no sex rule. This has 2 effects, firstly priests are selected from a group of people willing to give up sex with women. Secondly, the natural urges are not fulfilled.

        1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

          This is not an excuse

          "The partial blame come from the no sex rule."

          Any man claiming to be voluntarily celibate is either an outright lier or is gravely ill.

          As the probability of the majority of catholic priests being gravely ill is low there follows that the probability of them being liers is high.

          The probability of the Catholic Church not recognizing over the course of many centuries of the Church's existence that the majority of their priesthood are liers is also low. That means that the probability of the Church knowing full well the extent of the problem is high.

          A paedophile, by necessity, is a lier as he must pretend he is not a paedophile. Therefore, a paedophile will naturally be interested to become a member of a group of people among whom lying (especially about their sexual activities) is the norm.

          As the consequence, the Catholic Church must have much higher concentration of paedophiles than the society at large AND have full knowledge of that fact.

          Of course, with the majority of priests being liers (as follows from the above argument) you cannot expect them to admit to the problem.

      2. Anonymous Coward

        RE: Bill Fresher

        Scientists rarely decide to flaunt the rules of science, just so that they can "get it on" with "women and couples" (or choir-boys for that matter).

        ...and "scientists" rarely lie about things like condoms not stopping aids etc etc

  8. Liam Johnson

    €120 a pop

    So did he put his earnings back in the kitty? We need to seen the full balance sheet!

  9. peyton?

    Is that a first?

    He was paying for his prostitutes... with prostitution?

  10. Jim Coleman


    It's great to see more confirmation that these Catholic priests are as subject to human impulses such as sex and avarice as everyone else is. As though anyone really thought they were "higher" beings. They do like to place themselves above their congregation but time and again they end up being exposed as no better, and in some cases, far worse. The best way to not be betrayed by your leader is just to not follow in the first place, eh?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      RE Hehe say nothing of the fact that their big "sky fairy" is watching everyone ALL THE TIME.

      Including pre-pubescent boys in the shower!

  11. asiaseen

    I wonder

    what penances he dished out in the confessional. Three BJs and a rimming?

  12. No, I will not fix your computer


    Given the role models, can you blame him? Alexander VI had loads of mistresses, illigitmate children and afaris with married women, just one in a long line of immoral leaders, forget support of racisim, anti semitism, homophoba etc. don't forget "Ineffabilis Deus" means the pope is infalable.

    The whole organisation is a sham.

    1. wayfarer

      Papal BS.

      The belief in Papal infallibility is one of the most pathetic aspects of Catholic dogma - it doesn't withstand a moment's serious examination. Half the world suffering unnecessarily because of the edicts of one sad old man. Though to be fair, as much from people's sad acceptance of preposterous dogmas.

      If the Pope is infallible, then all Popes must have been infallible - don't Catholics ever read a history book?

      Religion!!! Why don't people ever learn?

  13. Lloyd

    Well hung (15cm)???

    My arse! No, that's not what I meant, get away you filthy Jesuit.

  14. Mike Holden


    A warning about that photo wouldn't go amiss on the front page! Not what I want appearing on my monitor while I'm "working".

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Maybe 15cm while flacid ?

    or he may be talking about circumference or even diameter

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    stop me if you've heard this

    Women have trouble judging distance because all their lives they've been told that "this" (holds hands apart) is 20cm.

  17. Anonymous Coward

    With a title like..

    "Spanish priest spunked €17k on chat lines and whores"

    do you really think it really needs a NSFW warning?? really???

  18. Anonymous Coward

    Not NSFW

    But certainly NSFE (not suitable for eyes).

  19. jules 4


    He was using EClear for his escort business and therefore was forced into stealing the Church funds to pay for his jollies. Another victim surely ?

    Scull & Crossbones because Ellias is a pirate !

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I'm sorry the statue is Jesus is away for a repaint today, but its ok I've washed my feet as a replacement....

  21. Anonymous Coward

    No sympathy whatever...

    ... for any of those who feel betrayed or lost money.

    Organise your life around unelected people, based purely on their claims to personally represent the Great Sky Fairy, and you deserve all you get.

    No doubt by now, they're all already kowtowing to a similar representative of organised religion, and leaving themselves - quite voluntarily - as vulnerable as ever.

    Thumb Down

    Excellent Journalism

    Sorry, has El Reg turned into the Daily Sport this afternoon. JournalismFAIL!

  23. Daniel B.

    Gah! My eyes!

    Forget about the lack of a NSFW tag, even with the small window I had open, my eyes are on fire. HEEELP!

  24. Etrien Dautre

    Feb 2010: Optimism @ IT Market Registered

    A dude, drunk as always, enters his home and goes to the bedroom. He finds his wife sitting on a bed with a calculator in her hand. "Look", - she says, - "my kitty's depth is 8", your d*ck is 6". We do it once a week, for ten years, it's 52 weeks by 2 inches, and it seems that I'm not f*cked through for 1040 inches. So dear, either f*ck, or f*ck off.

    Well, no kidding now, because something scientifically interesting happens here, all forum members (-: show an excellent mood (only upvotes, no downvotes). Experts unite in explaining reasons of such behavioural event. It went up on the latest news and data from the religious d*cks market, which criticise an investment tool, and also show a considerable operational debt. The IT market, in comparison, appears to be optimistic.

  25. John Stirling
    Paris Hilton

    I was ruined by the Catholic Church

    As a choir boy and altar boy in the Catholic Church, I grew up with a stain on my conscience.

    I was broken, distraught, and upset.

    The local priests never touched me, leaving me with the unanswered question...

    ...what was wrong with me?

    And you thought the 'sky fairies' comment was inflammatory... not anonymous, because unlike you lot I don't herd cows.

  26. Anonymous Coward

    Why Christian religions?!

    How come this sort of thing only happens in Christian type religions and not the Eastern ones like Buddhism, Sikhism, etc?! You don't find your average holy yoga lad standing around in his pants offering his, one must say less than adequate, services to the "laydees", just to finance a smut-line addiction!!!

    1. Liam Johnson

      Not really

      You missed the story recently about the chinese model and the lorry driver?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'm afraid... DOES happen in other religions. Quite a lot. But it tends not to get into our newspapers so much.

  27. Lars Silver badge
    Thumb Down


    Do we actually need stuff like this on the Register.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Why

      Comments, you mean, Lars? I wonder that myself every day.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's in Bootnotes

      which has historically featured stories of tangential at best relation to IT. You don't like, don't read.

  28. Steve Roper

    While you lot are busy

    toeing the media's anti-religious line and bashing believers, I'd like to point out a few things.

    While the big "non-religious" charities like World Vision and Unicef are contributing to global overpopulation by feeding starving kids in Africa, the religious bunch are quietly getting on with the job of looking after the poverty-stricken at home. St. Vincent de Paul (Catholic) provides food and clothing for those who can't afford them in my city. The Salvation Army goes around in the poorer areas offering support, living needs and shelter to those who need it. Hare Krishna (yes, the orange-robed bongo-bashers!) run a restaurant in the city where the food is *free*. And when I looked for a non-religious charity supporting the poor in my city to donate to, I couldn't find one. That's right, the ONLY charities supporting the poor in my city are religious ones. So I ended up donating to them. Where are the atheists helping to help look after the poor in Western cities?

    And the fact that this article is newsworthy shows that it doesn't happen that often. Out of the millions of parishes in the world, one priest has been shown up to be a fraud and you lot are eagerly beating the shit out of religion. Way to win people over, guys. Did nobody ever tell you that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?

    Oh, and I'm agnostic myself - which is why I went looking for a non-religious local-help charity in the first place. I don't believe in mystical saviours or sky-pixies, but I respect the right of those who wish to, to do so. And before anyone says agnostics are actually atheists - no, I'm not an atheist. I have a belief system - that I don't know enough about the universe to hold whether it is the product of intelligence or not. I don't know if there is a god. I don't know if there is NO god. Get it?

    No doubt I'll get a lot of downvotes for this post. But all that will do will prove to everyone who reads this column how offended you atheists get whenever anyone dares to point out anything good about religion. I don't get Catholics, Salvation Army or Hare Krishnas telling me what to believe or not to believe. I don't tell anyone else what to believe or not to believe. But my experience with atheists is that they are comparable to Jehovah's Witnesses and Assembly of Godders (yes, some religions preach, while many others don't) in their efforts to convert me to their belief (or lack-of-belief) system!

    1. Andus McCoatover

      Gets an upvote from me, Squire!

      OK, where I live, the 'religious' are generally the main helpers of the 'down-and-outs'. e.g., Sally Army, Lions, Rotary, Finnish Lutheran Church (to which, if you're a member you pay Church Tax to fund it. I was stunned that so many folks do. Quick googling shows about 80% of the population voluntarily give about 1.5% of their income).

      There are a few non-religious charities also, which do soup kitchens, essential food bags, etc. Finland aint poor, it's just that some unemployed spend their dole money on booze in the first week*. Social will give them a top-up if they're stuffed, surprisingly. Upto €250/mo.

      Incidentally, which town do you live in? The "orange-robed bongo-bashers" sure know how to knock up a good curry! Worth a visit!

      * My local pub owner _loves_ 'KELA (dole) Payday'! Police don't, however. Not helped by the new gambling machines, which accept chip and pin bank debit cards.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down


      Are you serious? There are litterally thousands of non-religious charaties helping people at home. And the main culprit of population explosion in third world countries is the big daddy of religion: the Catholic Church. It's a sin to use a condom or any other form of contraception apparently. And if you do get pregnant (by any means - even rape) it's a sin to have an abortion.

  29. Neur0mancer

    Kevin Smith

    Retweeted the link to this article. Obviously this is what he thinks he will look like with the gastric band in place.

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