back to article Remote tribe discovered worshipping iPad

Anthropologists claim to have contacted a remote Papua New Guinea tribe which worships a crude effigy of an Apple iPad crafted from the bark of a sacred tree. That humans bow at the altar of Jobs is nothing new, but what makes the case of the Ka'zi exceptional is that the tribe has until now had no contact with the outside …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns


    or it didn't happen...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    3G Reception

    3G reception in the forest?

    Have Verizon done FTTT (Fiber To The Tree) and sold them a femotcell?

    1. Stoneshop

      The laws of physics

      are no match for the Powers of Steve. Such lowly phenomena will not thwart the iFad's 3G capabilities.

  3. RainForestGuppy

    Believe it when I see it!!!

    It's Friday, I demand a Playmobile reconstruction of the momentous moment!

  4. Neil 13

    Can't see the point of an article like this

    Seems to just illustrate how jealous of Apple the Register is. Obviously you're still smarting from them blanking you.

    Thing is, if you're going to have a pop by running this type of copy, then it has to be biting and funny to have effect. This isn't. It's just boring.

    Sorry guys but it's time to try a new tack.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      I claim my reward for the first sighting of iFury in this thread.

    2. Anonymous Coward

      Get a life

      1. It is Friday

      2. It is under Bootnotes along with BOFH and Bulgarian airbags

      3. Your responce proves that the humour gland needs to be excised prior to entering the Church of Apple and claiming allegiance to the great prophet of the MultiTouch.

    3. blackworx

      @ Neil 13

      Awwww bibble. Here, have a hanky.

    4. Trevor Pott o_O Gold badge


      Your post is the perfect example of both the point of this article, and why it is so very funny.

  5. Haku

    Um, Lester,

    have you had any sleep in the past 3 days?

  6. Ian McNee


    It seems that not only did I sleep through the iPad launch but the whole experience left me so underwhelmed that I've been comatose all through Feb and March...

    p.s. Lester: surely there are some photos from Prof Macbucks?

  7. Paul Woodhouse

    is this the register?

    Or the Daily Mash?...

    Daily Mash did it better though :p

  8. Kevin Thomas

    Good grief...

    Two pops at Apple in as many days. It must be a slow news day.

    We get it already, you're pissed that apple doesn't take you seriously...get over it.


    1. Anonymous Coward

      Get a grip

      It's called a sense of humour, perhaps if you could buy it as iHumour you might have one

      Anyway - Ka'zi - I liked that

    2. peyton?

      Kevin could be right

      This is very dangerous reporting. Can we really fathom the cultural and ecological damage that will be inflicted on the Ka'zi as teams of patent lawyers descend upon them?

      Have we learned nothing from Avatar??!

      1. Anonymous Coward

        You missed out the other findings

        The team were also studying the K'rud and the No'gud, two neighbouring tribes.

        The K'rud seemed to worship a small bespectacled god who they freely admitted had no abilities to bring them anything that the other gods couldn't do better (I believe his name was "Bullg-aites").

        The other tribe worshipped the God of low sales - Mntn'Vw. Millions enjoy his free hospitality but no-one is prepared to make the sacrifices (financial and mental) required to use the N'drud.

  9. DZ-Jay

    No, no, no!

    No, you can't write three articles asserting that even hardcore fans are dissappointed, and then turn around and write one saying that the Mac-faithful are worshipping the device in full pathetic force!

    Youre allowed to pick one, just one.

    P.S. Funny story, though, Lester; enjoyable as always. Thanks,


    1. Semihere

      You missed it...

      ...the point was that the Mac faithful AREN'T worshipping this, the Apple fanbois are worshipping this. The iPad a Mac is not, it's just a fat-ass iPod Touch ;)

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Amazon tribe

    And in other news an amazon tribe was found worshipping Sun thin clients...

    1. DrunkenMessiah

      Re: Amazon tribe

      Surely they'd all be worshipping Kindle idols?

  11. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Good grief...

    It's a satirical site, dear, we take pops at everyone. Including you. Although you are apparently too dreary to satirise.


    1. Shades
      Thumb Up

      Now thats...

      ... the kind of response I wanted!

    2. Simon McGarry
      Jobs Horns

      Send love to the trolls?

      Well said Sarah! Why do people like that bother? This place obviously isn't for them and that's fair enough but why not just go somewhere else?

      Ahhh, hang on a minute!?! Would life be as good without them here to laugh at?

    3. ravenviz Silver badge

      Ooh ooh ooh, it's the moderator

      Do moderator posts only have an Upvote button?

      Mine's the one with the predictive text set to off.

    4. Kevin Thomas

      @Sarah Bee

      Not to dreary to satirise, I like a good satirical skit just like the next man, but we had one funny story yesterday about this, and we really didn't need another...once is funny, twice is just predictable :)

  12. Tony Smith 1


    Is it April already?

  13. g e


    Hey fanbois, it really *is* OK to have a laugh, you know. Stop taking yourselves so seriously.

  14. MinionZero

    @"he was visited by a superhuman being with a beard" ...

    ... "a forehead of polished ivory and four eyes who described to him a magic tablet"

    In ancient times just such a being talked to all who would listen of a wonderous small rainbow labeled monolith, whilst traveling in a chariot that was known as the sea five. :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "small rainbow labeled monolith"

      You mean one of these?

  15. Neil Shepherd
    Paris Hilton

    Take Note Apple...

    Hope the Cupertino people are watching as these guys, deep in the jungle, seem to have solved the iBook licensing problems, battery life *and* come up with a material that will keep Greenpeace happy.

    The real questions are though, does it come in black and does it require a virgin sacrifice to make it work (oh hang on, that usually only applies to Windows)?

    Paris because she knows all about wood

  16. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge

    Is is April already?


  17. Graham Bartlett

    Date shift?

    If it's April 1st already then it's my birthday, so buy me a pint, Lester!

    1. Andus McCoatover

      Date shift???

      I had a mate who proudly, and repetitively announced his birthday was January 1 (It was New Years eve, and we were waiting for the 'Bongs' from Big Ben). He was a piss-head, and expected folks to buy him a drink in a few moments time. Couple of seconds of mental calculation later, I announced to the gathering "Apt, Johnathan. That means you were conceived on 'All Fools Day' ". Funny, he didn't mention it again.

      PS. Nice one, Lester!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    As "Biting the hand that feeds IT" it is an acceptable article.

    On the other hand as a valued, considered and thoughtful analysis it weighs in with minimal mass if any at all.

    Humorous all the same in a sort of demented, twisted, pained and painful sort of way.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It has began!

    On a more sinister note, there are unconfirmed reports that a number of Amazon tribes committed ritual suicide, when the iDemon revealed his iPad.

    1. Semihere


      Surely when you said iDemon you meant iDaemon?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They wouldn't believe it even if it f jumped and bit thier ass

    Did no one spot the satire or heaven help us the iRONY ?

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. Peter Clarke 1

    My God, its full of stars ....

    Screen is 4x3 but it can't do two things at once. If its Apple then I doubt its black

  23. DI_Wyman

    One word...

    'kin BRIL!

    OK I know it's two words but WTF?

  24. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
    Thumb Down


    I have seen better comments :P

  25. Richard 120


    iMust iSay ILike

  26. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Acceptable?

    Thanks for that thoughtful review, AC. Would you like a job?

  27. The Vociferous Time Waster


    that was OK trolling I suppose

    Where's Ted? He'd probably have done a better job with more swearing, if he wasn't busy being a wanker.

  28. RichyS
    Jobs Halo


    Indeed, in the Ka'zi is one of the many places I intend to use my mythical iPad when it's bestowed upon me (by the nice home delivery people).

  29. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Up


    That has to be one the most tongue-in-cheek articles I have read in a long while.

    More !

  30. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Send love to the trolls?

    Yes. Yes it would be as good.

  31. Gordon Grant

    All that's missing

    Is some dolphins and a man who said he was from guilford but is in fact from somewhere in the vacinity of Beatlujuice for it to be any more tounge in check and off the wall.

    Lester brilliant

    What you all forgot is that the great iPad is going to solve world hunger, world peace and find a cure for cancer and that's just this weekend.

    If Douglas N Adams were alive today he'd have one but he'd be laughing his head off at this.

    It does required a sacrifice to run, a gallon of extra virgin olive oil for it's eco-friendly charger.

    Sarah I love the witty retorts.

    1) It's bootnotes - not to be taken seriously

    2) it's the register bootnotes - why the heck would we do anything but laugh at the stuff here.

    3) It's apple / microsoft and at least 5 minutes since they last got "upset" but the other camps fanbois

  32. Anonymous Coward


    Erm these tablets you're on about ... where can I score some?

  33. JayB

    When do....

    Blendtec get one!!!!

    That way we can blend it, snort it and then just get the f*** on with our lives.

    Cheers for the Friday giggles Lester!

  34. OldDogNewWalk
    Thumb Up

    Excellent MinionZero!!!!!

    'Tho methinks it was too subtle for some

    1. Pigeon

      Sir Clive

      I drove from Cumbria to Watford with a Sinclair fanboi to buy one of the first Sinclair scientific calculators. We were schoolboys, and I couldn't afford one, and had to rely on my 'magic brain' tin calculator and Slide rule. I won't say 'Sinclair Sucks', even if it is alliterative.

      1. Andus McCoatover

        Sinclair Scientific?

        I still have one somewhere. It still works (well, did a couple of years ago). Unfortunately, I can't afford to fire it up at present - it sucks PP3 batteries faster than my dole cheque can replace them.

  35. J 3
    Thumb Up

    Cupertinus fanboisia

    I've mostly worked on microorganisms only so far, but if I ever need to name a new species of plant, I'll keep that one first in line!

    So, the Ka'zi are from PNG? I would have expected them to be from the island of Pundora, actually...

  36. Paul2724
    Thumb Up


    Classic :D

  37. the Jim bloke

    the article was OK

    but like most stuff by, from, and about Apple, no where near as creative, entertaining or useful as the author would want you to beleive.

    Isnt that what Post-Modernism art is all about?

    1. John Angelico

      Dear Jim, little Jim (with apols to Bluebottle)

      Sounds like the article went right over your head.

      Suggestion: grow a little taller: you might get the joke - right between the eyes!

  38. heyrick Silver badge

    Oi! Fanbois!

    Amusing article. Get over it.

    Anti-Apple article. Get over it.

    Woz likes the Google phone. Get over it.

  39. Frank Bitterlich

    The real question... Does it run Flash?

  40. tim 4



    SO....what's for afters? and loved the article by the way!

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