back to article Loud sex ASBO breach woman spared jail

The Tyne and Wear woman found guilty of breaching an ASBO requiring her to refrain from indulging in unnaturally loud sex has been spared hard time, the Telegraph reports. Caroline Cartwright, 48, was cuffed three times in short succession back in April last year for failing to adhere to the order, which insisted she and hubby …

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  1. g e

    Hmmmmmm

    Surely you can't order someone not to have sex (unless it's one of the varieties still outlawed) ?

    If she can't help the noise she makes during, then should it not be treated as a disability? Being a fat git is treated as a disability and all many porkers need do is walk a mile or two each day and lay off the pies and maybe cook for themselves instead of eating packet crap AND they'll live longer and arguably happier lives for it. You can't control the noises you make when you're bonking like you can control what you stuff in your face.

    Ordering folks to have crappy or no sex - which is surely the true mandate in this case - does seem like some kind of human rights issue to be fair, regardless of what tortured animals they sound like when they're at it.

    If it were classed as a disability then they could likely apply for a soundproofing grant too!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmmmmmm

      1. She claimed she couldn't help the noise, and you may believe her, but the judge didn't believe her ("it's quite clear ... you made no attempt to silence yourself"). The judgement was presumably made on that basis.

      2. Even if she couldn't help the noise she could do it elsewhere, live somewhere else, get soundproofing, or whatever. She's not really being banned from sex.

      3. I don't think sex is a human right. If it were, prisoners would be allowed to bring spouses with them to prison. Arguably that should be allowed, but I don't think that's a mainstream opinion just yet. (If you read Russian novels you'll have come across the character who is sentenced to hard labour somewhere in Siberia, accompanied by his wife. )

    2. Paul 4
      Thumb Down

      Read the story background.

      People in the street and the postman complaind to the polce FFS. This isen't being a bit loud, but making peoples life hell.

      1. steward
        Stop

        Another specious argument from an AC

        Liberty is considered a human right. Prisoners are deprived of certain human rights; that's part of their punishment.

        Tell me, would this make any sense:

        "I don't think liberty is a human right. If it were, prisoners would be allowed to leave prison whenver they wanted to."

      2. Jim Morrow
        Paris Hilton

        sex in prisons

        > I don't think sex is a human right. If it were, prisoners would be allowed to bring spouses with them to prison.

        why? even without their spouses, prisoners have sex all the time. as knuckles and his bodybuilding chums will be happy to prove when they make you their bitch the next time you get banged up.

        besides, there are many films of lesbians having sex behind bars. you must have seen some of these documentaries.

        paris icon because i think she's featured in some of those films.

    3. Just Thinking

      Surely the whole point of an ASBO

      is to let them jail you for things which aren't against the law?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Just Thinking

        You'd think that breach of the peace laws would have sufficed, wouldn't you?

    4. Sally 4
      Stop

      Re: Hmmmmmm

      Surely bigoted idiots can control what they type then...

  2. Michael Smith
    Thumb Down

    Eight weeks (suspended) in prison?

    For having loud sex and upsetting the (presumably sexless) neighbours? What do you poms do to people who commit real crimes like taking pictures in Trafalgar square?

    1. Steve 149

      Just the job

      We send 'em to OZ...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      Clearly you have never had this problem

      If you had, you wouldn't be so dismissive or quick to brand everybody else as somehow prudish.

      I had to chuck my lodger out because of his girlfriend. Nobody (including the neighbours) could get any sleep. It was not in the least bit funny.

      In the case in question, her noise actually breached Health & Safety regulations on loud noise.

      Perhaps you should recommend that she be allowed to emigrate and live next door to you down under? No, thought not.

    3. Sooty

      i think

      the bigger problem was that parents, with their children, out in the street could hear them.

      If she can't control her vocalisations, I'm sure the small price certain specialist shops would sell a gag for, would be better than 18 months in jail, with the added kinkyness value.

      1. Oninoshiko
        Paris Hilton

        extreme porn?

        Are these still legal in blighty?

        Or is it ok as long as you don't take pictures?

        Paris.... figure it out...

      2. Michael Smith

        Well actually

        "Perhaps you should recommend that she be allowed to emigrate and live next door to you down under? No, thought not."

        Maybe she needs to be in a country with a lower population density and more open space.

  3. Andus McCoatover

    Lester, Lester - how do you come out with these?!

    In a BT Radio Station - (Leafield, Oxon). on a training course, the overnight accomodation was little more than pre-fabricated wooden "Terrapin" huts, designed for single occupancy. Walls of plasterboard. Think early Butlins. You could hear your neighbour in the next room fart. The courses were usually one week, maybe two.

    A couple of student engineers, one male, one female got it together. Same problem - no-one could sleep. After a couple of days, BT mercifully housed them in a nearby hotel.

  4. Tony Green

    Sounds like...

    ...she's already been banged up.

  5. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    Seems harsh.

    Couldn't they just have issued a gagging order?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    To be fair

    It's not exactly difficult to control it. My housemates OH is noisy as fuck, yet if she knows I'm there the only noise I can hear is the rather disturbing creaking of the bed and his very deliberate loud noises designed to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible.

    When she doesn't realise I'm there, I can hear her in the living room.

    It's quite capable of waking you up/keeping you awake wihich I think was the complaints the neighbours were making, so I can see why it would be a problem. On occassion it's fucked me right off.

    And no I'm not sexless :p

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just a suggestion...

    She could take up s/m and use a gag.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just because I don't make noise doesn't make me sexless

    nor does it mean I am enjoying it any less.

    Has anyone tried making off-putting sounds? Like music with a drum beat slightly out of synch with them throwing them out of rhythm. Or various (crying baby at full volume does the trick)

  9. g e

    @Just because I don't make noise doesn't make me sexless

    Or police sirens!!

  10. Moz
    Badgers

    Footballers Wives

    Surely asking a extra around for a good roasting would solve the problem? You can't scream if your throat's blocked...

  11. Egons Proton Pack
    Grenade

    I had to endure..

    Endless nights of my stupid neighbours shagging at 1:00 in the morning and waking me up.

    Not to mention the partys till 4:30 / 5:00 in the morning.

    Why go to bed at night (and sleep) when you have no job to get up for and can sleep all day???

    I was glad when the scrote bags could'nt pay thier rent and got evicted.

    I have a lot of sympathy with the neighbours of this loud mouth

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    headline says

    'Loud sex ASBO breach woman spared jail'

    'Will not go down'

    Well if she did there wouldnt be nearly as much noise now would there.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Welcome

    Kids today, bah!

    When I lived in a shared house, much kudos would be gained if you brought home a screamer!

  14. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    It is difficult ...

    ... I can sleep - and have slept - through explosions, vast storms, and burglary. My wife wakes at the sound of a sparrow farting in the next county. This means I have sympathy with the woman, my wife has sympathy with the neighbours, and I suspect that is how this is measured by most people. However, if there are many genuinely suffering as a result of this person's pleasure, then something needs to be done.

    Perhaps she simply needs to give up the missionary position and adopt the "pillow-biter" instead ...

  15. Andus McCoatover

    Funny to reject my last (joke) comment...)

    Does it depend on the persuasion of the mod. on duty?

    Oh, well.

  16. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Funny to reject my last (joke) comment...)

    Yes it does, Andus. Generally my own rule of thumb is that if it makes me slightly uncomfortable, moderately irritated, or inclined to run screaming into the street brandishing a machete, it gets rejected. You and everyone else just have to accept that there's a chance your hard work won't see the light of day on these pages.

    You lot are being especially difficult today.

    1. Andus McCoatover

      You lot? Ta muchly!

      I am a fairy. My name is Nuff.

      Fair enough.

    2. Red Bren
      Paris Hilton

      Well it is Blue Monday.

      In more than one sense, apparently!

    3. Disco-Legend-Zeke
      WTF?

      @SB

      I don't recall ever seeing so much commentary from you in a single day.

      Are they threatening to make you use a tablet?

  17. SimpleUser
    Happy

    Sarah Bee,

    Love you for that!! Keep the guys at close quarters, there seem to be quite some spring in the air already. You're doing great here - get them where it hurts.

  18. Blubster
    Grenade

    @Gagging order

    Or better still, a full gimp mask. Having seen her in the flesh (so to speak) she should wear it at all times when venturing out in daylight.

  19. SimpleUser
    Happy

    Oh Sarah!

    Love you for that!! Keep the guys at close quarters, there seem to be quite some spring in the air already. You're doing great here - get them where it hurts.

  20. Lucretia Borgia
    Megaphone

    I can't keep it in, can't keep it in I gotta let it out...

    I just wanted to use the Shouty, Shouty icon. Being a vocal lady of a certain age myself, I do worry that I'm bothering the neighbours. They have never complained, though so I guess it's OK....

  21. JaitcH
    Badgers

    Still waiting to have one?

    I imagine that Judge Beatrice Bolton is a confirmed follower of the missionary method.

    Even her name puts her in a class of prune-like entities.

    Bloody British law - screwed up.

  22. Dave Murray Silver badge
    Megaphone

    Younger sister?

    Think I slept with her younger Glaswegian sister a long time ago. She was so loud I got evicted by my landlord!

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