Wrists playing up? You're shagging too much

A US researcher has suggested a possible link between dodgy wrists caused by carpal tunnel syndrome and sex, "when the hands become repeatedly extended while under pressure from the weight of the upper body". The syndrome occurs when "the median nerve, which runs from the forearm into the hand, becomes pressed or squeezed at …

[Cliff]

Hmmm my CT cleared up

After getting married - the researcher may have a point. And after a few years of marriage, my tendons are fully healthy and untroubled...

[alyn]

Do it like animals

Doggie-style is best, and you don't have to look at her face which ia a bonus.

The IT angle? about 60 degrees

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, that's surely the cause

I have clearly been having way too much unimaginative secks, rather than spending too damn long spodding on the computer...

[Tom Smith 1]

errr

Then why are my finger joints ins such bad shape then?

[dogged]

Hold on a sec

So what's causing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in women, then?

[Anonymous Coward]

Obvious really

The making of Sammiches!

[Number6]

Equality

In these days of equality, there are female missionaries as well. Why shouldn't they be on top?

[Anonymous Coward]

Doggy...

...with fat blokes.

[Matt 5]

Well obviously...

Reverse cow girl!

[Anonymous Coward]

Journalists and bogus "researcher" conspire to generate publicity and crap copy by mentioning "sex"

Personally I support my weight on my elbows. Except maybe while she was pregnant ...

[Chris Shaw]

Tonight love....

... you're on top. :)

[Andus McCoatover]

"..both hands at the same time"

Don't get it. No obvious similarity between left-handed mouse use and, er...

'Reverse Cowboy' just buggers HER carpal tunnel, and murders my ankles. maybe we're not doing it right. Perchance El Reg's "Pig Alert: Safe Sex Guide" could be reinacted with Playmobil, as an instruction manual. However the female in Lester's set does seem to have rather gripping claws.

[Anonymous Coward]

Cowboy or cowgirl?

"'Reverse Cowboy' just buggers HER carpal tunnel, and murders my ankles. maybe we're not doing it right"

Well, you're doing it uniquely... what's your missus doing that buggers her carpal tunnel while this bloke's riding you?

[Thomas 18]

Boffins recommend...

boffing in wheelbarrow

[Steve Button]

Two Backs?

I always thought the "Beast with Two Backs" referred to....errr. Well, let's put it this way. Doggy Style.

Missionary position is the one that hurts your wrists.

Perhaps I've got it wrong.

Urbandictionary.com wasn't much help.

Help? I need to know.

Not sure what this has got to do with IT though, apart from the suspected link to using a keyboard. I suppose it's stopping me from doing IT, 'cos I'm reading this cosdwallop when I'm supposed to be working.

[Richard 39]

Oh dear Steve..

You're doing it wrong if your doggy style looks like the beast with two backs!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Ahhh!

You seem to be confusing the "beast with two backs" with the "double decker dog"...

[Elmer Phud]

You Sad Man

Only the missionary position?

[Steve Button]

RE: You Sad Man

Adding doggy style....Well, that makes THREE positions. Cripes. How many do you need?

I'm married OK.

So, basically. 1) Me on top. 2) Her on top. 3) Doggy style.

What else is there?

;)

[John H Woods]

A German friend...

... (who else) ... bought me a top-trumps set for comparing the options. I couldn't find a current link but there's a pic in the G-cache of Ananova's 'quirkies' news section. But yes, there's more than 3 cards in the pack!

[El Richard Thomas]

Link requested

The cards in the picture in that article contain the url for the company that makes them:

http://www.kultquartett.de/?&aid=46

Certainly looks more fun than the top trumps I had as a child: WW2 fighter planes and fsckin steam trains!

[ravenviz]

RE(2): You Sad Man

You doing together in the same room!

[SirTainleyBarking]

What else?

4) Up the Bum: No babies!

[Anonymous Coward]

Err

Then you would expect the victims to be overwhelmingly male, non?

[Myopic Aardvark]

Down the gym....

Should I also stop doing all those pushups when I go to the gym?

(I can feel the filth emanating from sarcastic minds right now)

[Cazzo Enorme]

Re: Down the gym....

Use those push up stand thingys. Not only do you prevent carpal tunnel syndrome, you can dip that little bit lower to bring more of the back muscles into the push up.

As for the missionary position, I knew there was a reason why I like Mrs Enorme (or Tette Enorme to give her full name) to go on top.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Two Backs?

I think Shakespeare probably meant any position. There are still two backs involved, no?

Anyway, I think half you beasts don't deserve a second back, on the basis of your comments.

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't need a title

Imagine if you will a monster whose front looks like a back and whose back looks like a ...back

get it to lie down and bounce around on the bed/sofa/floor (take your pick)

now split that monster in half (like that cow thing in that art gallery) the bottom half is the woman, the top half is the man

granted it's not the best explanation in the world but I got the picture

[Cornholio]

The old days

"Sexual intercourse can explain the increase in the overall incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome seen in recent years"

Oh yes, of course. We never used to do anything like that in the old days. Sex is clearly a new invention and any older people that you meet are the products of a fevered imagination.

I thought that young people were actually too busy with FaceSpace and fragging on their PlayStations to engage in such carnal activities.

[Robert Carnegie]

But I'm single.

And before you ask: yes, both wrists. But at first, the hands.

(But it may not be carpal tunnel. One of many ailments I get in the wrong way. Another, leg cramps at night [I'm 43 and obese]. They are supposed to cause pain and wake you up, I don't get pain until I try to move. I speculate most sufferers move in the night and apparently I don't.)

In the seventh decade you probably retire from typing, if you type for a wage. Possibly also from cycling; I had a bicycle that I hunched over a lot, bought an Electra Cruiser instead: torso weight no longer resting on wrists and hands.

[Anonymous Coward]

I agree with the conclusion, but not the mechanism

last year after some particularly heavy snowboarding tumbles my wrists exhibited all the symptoms of CPS, which took the best part of 8 months to clear up (good job I was wearing wristguards, or I might not be able to type this). There has been no recurrence during heavy shagging, and I'd actually contend that, in this case, the missionary position had a therapeutic effect, over and above that of the usual endorphin release.

[Anonymous Coward]

Can we expect some Playmobil instruction

as to some positions which lessen the stresses placed upon the wrists?

Paris, as she's placed stress on far too many wrists, for some reason

[lawndart]

Cue the government

Surely we need proper governmental advice in this matter.

Another Public Information film?

Eh up, Petunia....

[The Beer Monster]

Is...

Three backs ok?

[Chris Williams 1]

Pedantry on Beast With Two Backs

When face-to-face, a la missionary position, the resulting bodily mass actually has two backs to the blurry-eyed observer, his and hers; respective fronts are hidden on account of being pressed against one-another.

Far be it for me to think I can go any better than William Shakespeare, but how about "Beast With Four Buttocks"?

I can only imagine the IT angle to be that women naturally find us geeks irresistable, which is why when we're not slaving over a hot keyboard, we're to be found slavering over (or under) a hot female; never (as common folklore suggests) testing our carpal tunnels with repetitive mouse gestures and PS3 button-pushing, and certainly never relieving the same with copious amounts of alcohol.

[Anonymous Coward]

Sex tips ...

Why would you be propping yourself up so far away from your lady love? Use your forearms or elbows ... !? She might like the odd bit of lip or body contact not just genital.

Like AC said, why no mention of the obvious? There should be a massive disparity between genders. Was this observed?

[Oz]

Sex tips

Why be so far away? Easy. Having a large weapon (or possibly a massive beergut)!

[Annihilator]

Man discovers sex

"Sexual intercourse can explain the increase in the overall incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome seen in recent years, since it is the most widely practised activity that uses both hands at the same time"

Hang on, let me just clear up what this dingbat thinks. He believes that CTS has increased in recent years, and it's because people have started having sex in the missionary position?

Sorry, I didn't realise sex was a recent invention. Let alone the missionary position.

Dingus. My own personal theory is people not having sex are probably more likely to develop CTS. Just in the one wrist mind.... Or maybe it's all this keyboard/mouse stuff that IS a relatively recent invention and generally speaking the bog standard ones (like we all get in an office environment) aren't very well designed from an ergonomic point of view.

[CD001]

Re: Two Backs?

It would make more sense for "the beast with two backs" to refer to missionary position since the two "fronts" would be together in the middle leaving a back on both the back and front of the new conjoined beastie? no?

[Eddie Edwards]

Two backs

Only if he and she are face-to-face does the gestalt "beast" created have "two backs". Not rocket science, shurely?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, it's not rocket science...

...and don't call me shurley!

[alyn]

rename it carnal tunnel

It should be called carnal tunnel syndrome. So CTS is now an STD?

[Anonymous Coward]

Cure

Try positions other then missionary. This can be fun for both him and her, and lower chance of carpal tunnel.

Personal favorite (if this passes moderation) , male laying on side and female laying on back , about a 70 degree angle.

It has its benefits, especially for people who may have other health issues that prevent standard positions, and you have easier access to other areas of stimulation. So far all my g/f's I have tried this on have loved this.

*Paris for obvious reasons. (and suprised to not see anyone else having done it yet)

[Narlaquin]

@ AC - Cure

I believe that permission is known as the Starfish, allegedly very orgasmic for the lady. It's also a rollover from / to the spoons positions.

Could any member of the "Scarlet" team provide confirmation ?

[Andus McCoatover]

Chuckle!

When my firstborn was due to be born in 6 weeks, sex - obviously - had to be done with care.

We went, with several other parents-to-be, to a pre-natal group.

I snorted when the counsellor (mis-)suggested the "Spoons position, which means 'back-to-back' "

I replied, natch, "If we'd done it that way, we wouldn't bloody well be here!!!"

[TeeCee]

Stereotype time.

"...since it is the most widely practised activity that uses both hands at the same time."

Nah. Any real IT geek knows that if you use both hands you run the risk of friction burns to the bell end.

Cue endless "not a problem here" responses......

[Anonymous Coward]

Dr John Zenian is an idiot...

""Sexual intercourse can explain the increase in the overall incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome seen in recent years, since it is the most widely practised activity that uses both hands at the same time.""

This is just bad science and a stupid statement.

So he has reason to believe that sex is on the increase? Or that people are increasingly using the 'missionary position'?

While sex may be a contributing factor to CTS, it could not be the cause of a 'recent increase' unless it also had increased.

There would have to be another factor which had increased in recent years, such as body weight, meaning it's not sex which is the cause, but FAT PEOPLE HAVING SEX!

[Dale Richards]

Well shit the bed...

"A parallel decrease in the frequency of sexual intercourse and the incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome between the sixth and the seventh decades of life suggests a possible cause and effect relationship between sexual intercourse and carpal tunnel syndrome"

Correlation implies causation? Who knew?! To think all us "proper scientists" have been doing it wrong all this time!

[Anonymous Coward]

Fat people having SEX

And just what's wrong with fat people having sex? Trust me when I say that bigger is always better! More cushion for the pushin'! More bounce to the ounce! ;-)

Besides, once you reach a certain size, you no longer need (or even can) use your hands to support yourself.

It's just hard to appreciate life until you've had a 400 pound gal on top, going for the gold.

[Beelzeebub]

He heh

Must get one meself, can't be that hard, cannit?

[Les Matthew]

I'm so gutted

that I won't be getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

[Marina]

Didn't I know it!

None of my colleagues (male every one of them) has CTS. Now I finally know why!

Well, I don't know if they are not doing it, or not doing it in missionary position, but for simplicity I'll assume the first. Sounds likely to me!

[markp 1]

I know it's been sort-of said already...

But one can't help thinking the poor chap is missing the obvious.

Rise in availability of free grot online, more leisure time, more family groups spending said leisure time off out of the house taking part in various and often seperate activities...

Plenty of time to visit Mrs Palm and partake in the oldest form of wrist strain known to man (and woman, for that matter, though I'm led to believe the different contortions involved may be less stressful on the joints).

It's not called wankers cramp for nothing after all :D

[Richard 81]

"both hands at once"

Ambidextrous are we?

[Anonymous Coward]

Bastards...

Wrist damage caused by the use of vibrating hand tools and sex? I'd suggest a manual handling course but I suspect that would cause CTS as well.

New monitor and keyboard please, the usual address.

Paris. Just Paris.

[David 45]

Strain

Now I've heard everything!