back to article Verity Stob's App Store

You have had your Sweet iJesus NexPreDroidBerry smart-like-hell-when-you-get-the-statement-phone for a month or so now. Perhaps the novelty has worn off a device that's much more difficult to use than its primitive predecessor, and which eats its battery charge faster than a New Year's resolution breaker munching an economy- …


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  1. John Smith 19 Gold badge

    "Quickie sickie"

    Quality software.

  2. alyn

    teenage rampage

    The teenage tamer idea is good but can we also have a teenage translator which can translate the many variations of the word "Unggg" into the queens english.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Superb use of pithy humour to pith on Palm. Keep it up!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Teenage Tamer

    Joyful (and rare) reading, as always.

    Now being decades beyond my teen years and despite some sound volume excesses in the very same era I can still hear these annoying teenage repellent frequencies you mentioned and no, I don't mingle with bats.

    1. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge

      In that case

      You must be a primordial dwarf AICMFP!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward


        I'd hardly be alive by now. Rest assured, I'm well developed and everything's in the right place at the regular size. No, no dwarfism here but that brought me to another conclusion: maybe it's just another form of hearing voices? Dammit!

  5. Elmer Phud

    Greengrocer's Zodiac updated already

    With Greengrocer's Zodiac 2.0 you can now use the RFID chip that is underneath all tiny fruit & veg stickers on the actual item. Just wave your iPhony in the direction of the supermarket shelves and a 3D map is produced of where the best stuff is. For assistance in reaching the plum items an additional payment provides a TwatNav-type interface with "up and bit, left a bit" and " warmer, no - that's colder, really hot" etc.

    The same company is working on the companion app "Fuzzy Fruit" which uses the data and predicts how many weeks in the frigde it will be before you really, really have to bin it. To help identify the now, possibly, unrecognisable item you can use the 'scratch and sniff' option, just stuff the phone in to the mess for a diagnosis - assuming it has been cleaned after the children have played at 'Vets in Practice'

  6. spiny norman

    Travellers' Companion

    I really think this needs an option to simultaneously ring every phone in the carriage. On answer, each phone should be played the recorded message "Where are you? When will you be home?" in an appropriately spouse-like voice.

    This would, of course, be completely pointless in a plane just after landing.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Greengrocers Zodiac's

    Not like Verity to miss a trick.

    / Paris, 'cos she knows a thing or two about tricks

  8. J 3
    Thumb Up

    lowering the register of your voice by a minor third

    Good stuff, heh. I give you a triumphal fifth for that!

  9. Mr Larrington
    Thumb Up


    Well up to the usual Stob Standard.

  10. Hombre sin nombre

    Teenage Tamer

    Should allow you to use the capacitors in the camera flash as a makeshift stungun.

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