back to article US gov Photoshops bin Laden wanted pic

Osama bin Laden has received a makeover from the Photoshoppers at the US State Department, punishing him with the only sure justice he can't escape: age. The elusive mastermind of the September 11, 2001 highjackings and subsequent airliner attacks in the US and the August 7, 1998 bombings of US embassies in Tanzania and Kenya …

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  1. Daniele Procida

    My goodness...

    ... it's Serge Gainsbourg with flat ears.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Grenade

      Dunno about Serge

      I have seen the "photoshopped" version of the individual at least 4 or 5 times in London. Brick Lane area to be most exact.

      This probably says something... Dunno... Too much blood in the coffee subsystem... It is either that the photoshop job stinks or that the safest place to hide is London-Abi, Britanistan. Especially if you need dialisis and everyone is looking for you in some 4km high mountains in a less affluent -stan country.

    2. dogged
      Alert

      No!

      It's my father-in-law!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    that doesn't help

    I'm pretty sure he served me alcohol in my local corner shop.

    he could easily be living anywhere and wouldn't be recognised if he isn't dressed in a turban and white dress

  3. Morpho Devilpepper
    Jobs Horns

    Why stop there?

    Why not show what he might look like if he shaved his head, bleached his beard blonde and got some facial piercings? Really, if he IS still allive somewhere, there's probably no limit to how drastic his efforts to avoid capture can be.

    In fact, that bottom pic reminds me of someone I saw in Starbucks yesterday. He was really picky and threatened the baristas with some vague retribution for forgetting his skim milk.

    The Jobsmeister, because I'm sure I saw him and Osama together once...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    It can't be...

    ... Ringo Starr, can it?

  5. MadonnaC
    Joke

    Update

    Having looked at the pictures on the FBI website, I've managed to capture two of the 3 men

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    Bin Laden...

    ...is now a tall leggy blonde called Jasmine and "she's" working as an advertising executive in Basildon.

    It's true, I read it on t'internet.

    1. Ralphe Neill
      Grenade

      Not a blonde

      You can see what he REALLY looks like now at:

      http://www.astor-theatre.com/images/gen/gtimage001.jpg

  7. ratfox Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    What about if...

    He's also changed his name, gender, and became blonde?

    After all Bin Laden is from rich family too, right?

  8. bexley

    i work with two men that look just like that pic (him with no beard)

    I'm currently looking at the 25 million reward and wondering if i should turn them in, maybe just one of them.

    I'm work with lot's of asian blokes and have no difficulty telling the difference between them, i'm not a racist or one of those people that says " they all look the same to me".

    But honestly, that picture is not going to help find mr bin laden, they have simply characterised him.

    In all seriousness, he would not look at all out of place in london, and now i think about it, it's a damn good idea for him to hide out here, as said above, everyone is looking for him in pakistan.

    He could set up here and run an empire of convenience stores and textile shops (no offense intended but that is a common asian / arab business venture and there is nothing at all wrong with that, admirable in fact)

    Makes you wonder doesn't it.

    I do think that the septics credit this chap with far more ingenuity and power that he really has. Maybe if they were not so keen to scape goat someone for every bad thing that happens they might do a little better in tis abhorrent war on terror.

    Still, i dare say that this picture has given Osama and his mates a good laugh whenever they look at it. Better still it let's him know when to have a shave or change his hair style since he now knows what they are looking for.

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      shopkeeps

      > He could set up here and run an empire of convenience stores and textile shops (no offense intended but that is a common asian / arab business venture and there is nothing at all wrong with that, admirable in fact)

      I'm sure not. It's the height of Britishness, after all. At least according to Napoleon.

      Hmm.. Come to think of it, that mightn't have been meant as a compliment. Tally ho, what what!

  9. Elmer Phud
    Black Helicopters

    Seen him

    He runs our local corner shop -- and a take-away just up the road and drives a mini-cab.

    He's getting more like Spardicus* everyday

    *'cos in the fillum most of them are saying just that in thier rich USa accents -- 'I'm Spardicus', 'No, I'm Spardicus'

  10. John Irwin

    Photoshop or Kebabshop

    Sure he delivered my kebab last week, shine deep in snow he asked "why you no clear your path."

  11. DrJaymansLoveCookie

    What I want to know,

    Did the Rewards for Justice website for Poland photoshop a white guy's head onto his body?

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/26/microsoft_head_transplant/

  12. John Miles
    FAIL

    Just becareful before claiming

    as - The FBI has admitted using a photograph of a bearded Spanish politician as the basis for a mocked-up photofit image showing how Osama Bin Laden might look now.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/7004715/FBI-admits-Spanish-politican-was-model-for-high-tech-Osama-bin-Laden-photo-fit.html

    1. Trixr
      Grenade

      The biggest WTF

      Seriously, that is so f#cked up. The FBI gets billions in funding, and yet they don't have a Photoshop artist (or regular bloody artist with a few pencils) capable of drawing hair off their own bat?

      I think it's disgusting. Also, presumably they don't own the copyright for the photo of the Spanish politician, so they're breaking their own laws as well. Morons.

  13. James O'Brien
    Joke

    His weight?

    "he's between six-foot-four and six-foot-six (193 - 198cm) but weighs a mere 160 pounds (71kg)."

    Shouldnt he be closer to 200 pounds, what with the dynamite strapped on and all? :)

  14. MoreFun
    Big Brother

    spanish bin laden

    http://www.thereader.es/en/spain-news-stories/1550-spanish-politicians-photo-used-by-fbi-to-identify-bin-laden.html

  15. Russ Tarbox
    Coat

    I'm pretty sure he's working in my local chippy...

    He and Elvis make a great team.

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      @I'm pretty sure he's working in my local chippy

      Well he's a liar, and I'm not sure about you...

  16. Christian Vandendorpe
    FAIL

    Not very original...

    Actually they used as a base for the new photo, the photo of a well know Spanish politician - the leader of the UI party. Check the facial characteristics and specially the hair is exactly the same.

    http://www.elpais.com/articulo/espana/Zapatero/pedira/explicaciones/embajador/EE/UU/foto/Llamazares/elpepuesp/20100116elpepunac_4/Tes

    The person in question says he is not traveling any time soon to avoid problems at the border. It must suck to be in his position. How professional from the FBI...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Flame

      It is more images

      There is another problem with the image. The beard on it has cigarette smoke staining (not surprising if it is grafted from a Spanish smoking donor).

      Bin Laden does not smoke so there is no way in hell he can have that. That is a basic fail even at that stage showing that whoever was cut-n-pasting had no clue.

  17. Peter Simpson 1
    Black Helicopters

    Watch out

    After you call in your find, I'd advise rapidly increasing the distance between you and the "target".

    Those Predators can be anywhere, and you can bet there'll be some bloke in a trailer in Nevada pushing that button as soon as he gets the word.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Dissapointed

    Is it wrong that I think they should have Photoshopped him onto Paris Hilton's body? I mean surely that would rile him up a bit being derided getting out of cars and showing explosives in his muff....

  19. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    He's been dead for years

    I'd hate to see a 'photo' of him now.

    Our leaders just need a bogey man to keep the proles scared.

  20. Jim 6
    WTF?

    Holy crap!

    Why did they put Ringo Starr's beard on the Bin Laden?!?

  21. Alexander Vollmer
    Troll

    Miracle - New hair growing

    The older photos show him with a receding hairline, normally he must be bald nowadays. But a miracle happens, the US government thinks Osama is capable of growing new hair or visiting a hair transplant clinic in Boise, Idaho.

    But the real Osama would do what every smart guy would do, hide amongst other of his kind. He is an elder arab, so where would he hide ... Madinah, Mecca ... or in the hookah cafes of London? Look out for a bald man.

  22. raving angry loony

    there's an addendum...

    Except that they used the photo of a Spanish politician to create the photoshop composite.

    He's... not happy about that. http://bit.ly/5OCNuO

  23. David Pollard

    @AC - It can't be Ringo Starr, can it

    I'm reminded of the scene in the movie 'Notting Hill' (where Martin, William's assistant at the bookshop, says, "I saw Ringo Starr once.").

  24. David Pollard

    Post hoc propter hoc?

    Looking at Google Trends, in the hope of elucidating the connection between the obvious similarity of the FBI's image of Osama bin Laden to Ringo Starr, it rather looks as though the increase in interest in "Ringo" preceded the increase in interest in "Osama"; and that the association was, therefore, possibly primed.

    http://www.google.com/trends?q=osama%2C+ringo&ctab=0&geo=all&date=mtd&sort=0

    This raises again the question of whether Hollywood is aiding the FBI, subverting it, or driving it. Ringo, of course, will be one of the presenters of the 52nd annual Grammy awards later this month.

  25. Sean Hunter

    Too much hair

    OK it's clearly Alan Yentob. His day gig as a BBC arts bigwig and Melvin Barg rival must just be to bring in the benjamins for his hobby as a terrorist supremo and scourge of the western world.

    I did a positive ID when I saw him leaving the Sainsbury's local in Muswell Hill, and it's definitely him. However, in real life Botney/Laden is a little balder than that photoshop job.

  26. TeeCee Gold badge
    FAIL

    What are they smoking?

    Bin Laden sporting a beard with a length of less than "the width of the prophet's fist"?

    That's slightly less likely than him walking into the nearest US embassy and giving himself up, all the while apologising profusely for his misguided actions as a result of his having found salvation in Christ.

  27. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
    Joke

    Oh what a supprise

    'merkins falsify data about the war on terror, talk about weapons of mass deception.

    Joke alert, use of oxymoron “military intelligence”

  28. Will Shaw
    FAIL

    I'm your boogeyman, that's what I am.

    Hmmm, should I be surprised that the identikit version looks a bit like Mahmoud Amadinejhad??? Are the 'merkans becoming so hysterical that all their "enemies" are starting to blur in their collective consciusness into one all-consuming, non-white, non-christian boogeyman?

    Perhaps. Perhaps not.

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