back to article World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape

Lindsay Lohan is said to be "devastated" that a 47-second video of her indulging in "adult activity" with a member of the opposite sex is about to get a worldwide internet release. The perpetrator of the kiss-and-tell outrage is reportedly "a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant" who has punted the clip to Hustler for £ …


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  1. David Webb


    48 seconds worth? Wish I could last that long, lucky girl!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    is Lindsay Lohan?

    1. Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face


      assume some kind of celebritard?

      1. Ian Michael Gumby
        IT Angle


        She's an adult now, was child 'Disney movie' actress.

        She was at one point in to girls, now back to men?

        Maybe that's why she's embarrassed?

        But where's the IT angle? Other than it might show up on an off shore site?

  3. yoinkster
    Thumb Up


    keep us updated el reg ... it'll be a crap tape but the lulz will still be there at least.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Does anyone really care?

    When there is a near unlimited stream of free porno available from multiple adult youtube type sites?

  5. blackworx

    So it's a blowjob vid

    Which means what you're really watching is 47 grainy seconds of some gonzo's manky cock.

    Hold me back.

    1. richard 69


      "gonzo's manky cock"

      wasn't that a muppets sketch?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    You are being short sighted

    I keep hearing how Paris benefited from her sex tape, but to be honest I don't see exactly what she has gained that is so great and that she couldn't have had otherwise: A couple of shitty and flopped films here and there, some low-rating shows for retarded teenagers with no hope in life other than winning the lottery and that's about it. You forget that she was very rich to begin with, so it wouldn't have been too hard to get these opportunities anyway, as money can buy you connections. The fact of the matter is that in the long run, the 'unsuspecting victims' of such tapes get burned by these things in my opinion, as they establish a slutty image.

    Although for hopeless individuals like Lohan I think that indeed a short burst of fame is better than nothing, so this could well be staged.

    1. blackworx
      Paris Hilton

      At a guess

      "to be honest I don't see exactly what she has gained that is so great and that she couldn't have had otherwise"

      Media attention. Not so great to you or me but apparently some people need it quite badly. Or the gossip-mag-buying public need quite badly for them to need it quite badly. Or something.

      Paris 'cos I'm about as insightful as she is.

    2. seanj

      Short sighted?

      Or just going blind?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      As in, well-known enough to make a killing with mediocre designer-handbags, perfumes and whatnot? Forget the movies etc., she's one very rich girl these days, even disregarding handouts from daddy.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    47 seconds?

    I'm not suprised she's pissed off, She's entitled to expect a bit longer than 47 seconds surely?

  8. Penguin

    You can't say things like that on the internet!

    Dear The Register,

    Hopefully you will have now received the bill for 1x Lenovo T61 that your wit has cost me as with your statement of, and I quote "it's Lohan who gets the eyeful" it is now coated in a mouthful of coffee (although the quality of the coffee is questionable, even before it was deposited onto said laptop.)

    Crude? Yes. Funny as hell? You bet. El Reg, Bravo.

    1. Bob H


      Pah, it'll take more than a coffee based attack on a Lenovo ThinkPad to kill it.

      My R61 had a large glass of water knocked over it by SWMBO, the drain holes in the keyboard saw that minimal impact was achieved.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Up

        I can go one better

        I had a Samsung X20 which was inoperable because some unidentifiable sticky goo had gummed up the keyboard.

        I removed said keyboard, put it in the dishwasher (economy cycle) and hey presto - after 2 days drying out on a radiator it worked fine.

        By the way - I don't think the unidentifiable goo was jizz, on account of it being a strange orange colour. But you never know with laptops do you?

  9. ShaggyDoggy

    Huh ?

    "a spurious, unofficial website"

    You don't own the world my dear

  10. ShaggyDoggy


    Lohan is self-Streisanding.

    She's making a fuss about it, in the hope that it has a "Paris" effect on her "career"


  11. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: You are being short sighted

    I believe Paris accrued what is known as a fuckstack of cash in the years since the vid. She really made it work for her - she's very nifty in playing up to people's preconceptions about her. Not that I think she's secretly a classical scholar - she's just embraced a certain public image in a clever (and quite brave) way. She was lucky because she wasn't very well known at the time, and wasn't trying to be taken seriously as an actress. Since people's opinion of her is generally low, she plays to that, and knows that it can be an advantage - when people expect little of you as a frivolous slut, you can only surprise them.

    It's sad for Lohan because she's trying to clean up her image and doesn't have that clean slut-slate advantage that Paris did. She's going to have to just er, take it on the chin, and wait for it to blow over.

    Oof, I see what I done there. What a mess.

    1. Maverick
      Thumb Up

      @ Moderatrix

      awesome stuff :)

      HOWEVER that's ANOTHER keyboard drying out in the airing cupboard now <sigh>

    2. N2

      Lets be friends?

      AFIK LL is a lesbian,

      & theres not a (real) man alive that dosnt lust for a three way with her & her girlfriend.

      1. Anonymous Coward


        Yes there is

      2. Peter Kay

        No, she's bisexual..

        You don't stop being bi just because you're in a monogamous relationship..

        Not all of us lust after threesomes, incidentally.

        I'm still trying to calculate exactly how much a 'fuckstack' of money is - is it more or less than a shedload?

        I feel slightly sorry for Lindsay, but she is very much in the public eye. Sometimes you just have to face the hard things and suck it up. An alternative is diversification into the publishing or fashion worlds - which would be better : book, khaki? ;)

        1. blackworx
          Thumb Up

          Weights and Measures

          Shedload < Fuckstack < Fuckton < Metric Fuckton

        2. Ben Raynes

          Please please please...

          ... tell me this was an intentional pun!!

          "Sometimes you just have to face the hard things and suck it up. "

        3. Anonymous Coward

          what about..

          What about jewellery as an alternate business line? I hear pearl necklaces are back in vogue.

        4. neb
          Thumb Up

          @Peter Kay

          don't mention sheds, they'll all be coming out of the woodwork now

          1. Peter Kay

            Sorry Neb

            It's happened before - they awl hear about it and nip on a plane. After standing in file to collect baggage, it's past customs to check for vice. The route is long and torturous and more frustrating than a jigsaw, so fortunately many give up and varnish into the mist.

      3. heyrick Silver badge

        Eh? 3-way?

        Her "girlfriend" looks like an android to me.

        Now Willow and Tara, that's a different matter. :-)

        Yeah, I know, they aren't real people; less litigeous and equally likely to happen in reality - I mean who'd wanna have a threesome with LL & co? End up on some cheap glossy magazine. And what, show it to your friends? Is that how you'd classify having "made it"? Sheesh! There's a LOT more to life than that.

  12. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    Don't worry, Ms Lohan

    Everybody ****s.

    (Well, my apologies to people who want to **** but haven't yet found the right person. Or animal. Office furniture. Whatever.)

    Maybe your popularity with some prissy to freakish Americean moral organisations will take a dive. But it will blow over. In perspective it'll be just one little hump in an otherwise successful career.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    Was she pampering herself with a facial?

  14. Tom_

    What the hell?

    Since when does giving a blow job make someone a slut anyway?

  15. chris 169
    Paris Hilton

    We don't want Paris no more!

    Can we get a Lindsay post icon now please?


  16. Jason Togneri
    Paris Hilton

    @ You are being short sighted

    I believe Paris benefitted by a sort of immortality, through the commentards on El Reg using her as an icon.

    Paris, 'cos... well...

  17. Sceptical Bastard


    Moderatrix, we saddoes love it when you talk dirty - even if it's only by innuendo :)

    As to that 'particular sex act' perhaps there's a clue in the next paragraph... "Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing..." Ahhh, Fergie enjoyed a good footing didn't she? No. It can't be that because El Reg reveals that "it's Lohan who gets the eyeful."

    Hey! Have you guys *seen* the clip?

  18. Robajob

    I may be stupid, but...

    surely getting a private facial is less shocking than getting out of cars with no knickers on?

    1. Eponymous Cowherd
      Paris Hilton

      Commando Limbo

      A number of years ago Mrs Cowherd and I were holidaying on St Lucia. During the requisite limbo competition one young lady was *most* reluctant to join in. The reason became glaringly obvious when, after much haranguing by the host she eventually did.

      The *really* funny bit was the bloke next to us filming it all on his camcorder. He didn't bat an eyelid, just kept on filming. I assume the viewfinder didn't have the resolution to show what had been revealed, and as there were no TVs in the rooms he wouldn't see her in all her glory until he got home.

      I get this image of him inviting all of his friends and elderly relatives round to look at his holiday vid......

  19. Harry the snot gobbler
    Paris Hilton


    Oh boo hoo. Didums, I can't imagine the mental torment she must be suffering, the poor wee lass ... after all, we've all seen her beaver getting out of a car.

    If you're going to allow yourself to be filmed bestowing an intimate blessing upon a rather long member of the opposite gender then don't be surprised if it rears its ugly head on the internet for cash, especially if you become as famous, hot and slutty as - say - Lindsay Lohan.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      "a rather long member of the opposite gender"

      So you've seen the video?

      Or are you just projecting your own homosexual desires?

      Enquiring minds would like to know.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    47 seconds of dodgy video for a blob or two of nut custard? You can ptertty much get that on Channel 4 after 11 pm.

  21. LinkOfHyrule


    Why are sex tapes still referred to as such? Surely 'sex bluray', or 'sex mp4' or 'sex flash' etc (depending on the format) would be more appropriate. Yet more proof that the public are not tech savvy!

    Mines the one with a VHS "mucky video" poking out the pocket!

    1. Anonymous Coward


      iSex Webzine 2.0

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    When will 'celebs' learn?

    Don't film anything in the bedroom. Never go topless anywhere outside. Wear knickers when climbing out of a taxi.


  23. John I'm only dancing
    Thumb Up

    Preemptive strike

    How about a playmobil reconstruction on el Reg before said short grumble flick see the light of day?

  24. Aortic Aneurysm


    I cannot wait for this video. Only way to describe this, would be awesome.

  25. Martin Milan

    A little perspective, people...

    So she (who is she anyway?) has been videoed having oral sex with some guy, who has then released the footage - and she's concerned about the effect on her image?

    Let's be adult about this (unintended pun) - she's given a blow job. Big deal. Happening up and down the nation as we speak! Does this make her such a bad person?

    Personally I think whoever released it just needs a bit of a moral ass kicking - but I don't see how this reflects on her.

    I don't know what came over you all lol...

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Suppose no harm in looking

    Least the company which is next door and there unsecured wireless connection will come in handy (no pun intended).

    Paris as she was the 1st :-)

  27. Graham Marsden


    ... who?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    RE: D'oh

    They have learned. And learned well.

    A quick nip slip, tit flash, beaver shot, bikini-rearrangement or "homemade sex tape that was never intended to be seen" gets exposure*, column inches* and their face (etc.) back in the news which gets them talked about and from that gets them work which gets them money.

    Why do you think "celebs" have a tendency to wear black tops and no bras? under normal lights everything appears nice an respectable but under a quick burst of light (like a camera flash maybe) the top becomes see-through for enough time to get on film but not enough for anyone actually present to notice. This has been going on for years so it can only be still being done by design.

    * yes I saw what I did there. I tried not to but I couldn't help myself.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      It's not quite magic, but it *can* do what even high powered floodlights and bottle of dettol can't.

      When NSFW is no longer relevant (v. important) and should you be interested in such things ,look up "flesh mesh photoshop", and you can see how trivial it is to render a full layer of clothing invisible through the use of genuinely harmless and professionally useful filters.

      I dare say if that level can be done in five minutes by someone looking for titillation, it's pretty trivial to pull of something more discrete/scandalous for up to and including a shed load of photo nabbing money.

  29. Richard 120

    I would.

    I'm pretty sure there are lots that also would.

    I don't get it though, it's just sex, why should she be hounded about that sort of thing when worse attrocities are allowed to continue. I mean why on earth is there a "Lord" Mandleson, come to think of it why is there a Peter Mandleson, how has he continued to be allowed to exist?

  30. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: RE: D'oh

    Of course it's not by design - at least not all the time. It's an occupational hazard for a girl - you can't always tell what's going to be see-through under different lighting, and you often assume black covers everything. Also, some women are just berks who don't learn.

  31. smudge
    Paris Hilton

    Cannot profit from the footage?

    And they're paying him £100K?

    You're telling me that's not profit?

    Paris, cos she must be cheaper than that.

  32. SimpleUser

    Yes... @ AC, Posted Friday 15th January 2010 12:36 GMT

    That makes two already.


    1. neb
      Thumb Up

      @simpleuser , Friday 15th January 2010 14:02 GMT


  33. Juan Inamillion
    Thumb Up

    @Sarah Bee

    Re: You are being short sighted

    Top stuff Ms Bee <sigh> made my Friday.

  34. lukewarmdog

    occupational hazard

    Not wearing a bra is an occupational hazard?

    Not in my place of employment.

  35. Andrew 99


    she's bi-sexual, so says wikipedia. As I understand it, bi-sexuality is a spectrum, rather than an orientation.

    Anyway, I've often thought the sex hormones were raging for celebs. why else would they forget knickers and other undergarments on a regular basis. And in my narrow minded view, such talented folks can be a bit - unbalanced. So I'd rather view them with compassion rather than salaciously.

    I really wonder why its important enough for everyday folk to think its news?

    anyway, as its been already noted, better variations of the said act can be had on late night tv.

  36. Gil Grissum

    She'll be fine

    A sex tape didn't hurt Kim Kardashian. It might actually make Lohan more popular with the male audience. I will certainly be looking for it. This could be the best possible thing for Lohan. No one takes her seriously and she needs to move past the whole Disney image thing anyway. She really8 needs an action movie with plenty of tight sexy outfits, big guns, and alot of violence. Worked wonders for Megan Fox....

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Not all men would want that threesome

    I wouldn't object to a threesome as long as neither of the females are Lindsay Lohan. She is absolutely not my idea of f***able!

    Apart from that, we now expect a sudden home computer infestation of trojans/virii when the emails start arriving in inboxes with links to "download the Lohan sex tape".

  38. Blake St. Claire

    @Sarah Bee, Re: RE: D'oh

    > Of course it's not by design - at least not all the time. ...

    (Where do "Reply to this post" submissions go? To the author, or into a black hole? Or is it just that the Moderatrix didn't find any redeeming value the first time I submitted this comment? But considering the quality of some of the other posts in this thread I'm surprised mine didn't pass muster.)

    Anyway--- Amused to see an admission that it's not always unintentional. I've been wondering for some time about all the women I encounter working behind high counters, wearing a low cut blouse and push up bra, who always seem to find a reason to lean forward. E.g. to write a note or dial the phone on the low desk behind the counter.

    Not that I'm complaining or anything.

  39. Shane 8
    Paris Hilton

    is it out yet?


    mmm i think we need a Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton combined image now :D

  40. armyknife

    Hmm, what to watch this or 6 1/2 weeks ?

    Needs to be a 'celeb in desperate publicity stunt' icon/'smilie'

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down


    47 seconds of Lohan pleasuring some dude's wang? I don't think so.

    Gimme a call when its her and another starlett.

  42. Jemma

    ... once again, with bitching.... (apologies to Joss Whedon)

    To be honest who on earth cares...? the poor girl couldnt act her way out of a paper bag once puberty kicked in and her career has sunk further than the Titanic..

    As to her bi-sexuality - if you saw the creature she was dating I think its more a case of bi-desparation. Even I couldnt work out what gender it was supposed to be and im sorta an expert in such matters.

    This is quite simply someone the media hates being pilloried - in her case i dont think thats a good idea on the media's part because shes been very close to the edge for a while - unpopular as she is, there are going to be some very important media heads rolling if shes pushed to the point of doing something stupid and succeeds in the attempt (by that I mean suicide).

    Its been seen time and time again - most recently with with Michael "what an apt surname" Jackson - who hasnt been on planet earth with the rest of us since he was about five years old. In his case he went from kiddie-fiddler to tragic icon in about 45 seconds once the news came out... merely so that people could cash in on it. Don'tcha just LOVE the human race?...

    And Sarah, much though I respect you I think you are being a little harsh - she may have been stupid but when you are starved of affection (which reading behind the lines recently, in her case, is a pretty good bet) going through hell, and fighting an eating disorder (been there and still fighting that myself) you will make bad calls ... not to mention shes probably not had the time or up until now the requirement to learn the same way as the rest of us normal lasses that the latin nomenclature for men should be something like Homo Sapiens Assholii...

    1. Steve Roper

      Homo Sapiens Assholii?

      Rest assured you misandrist cow, the feeling is mutual.

  43. Anonymous Hero 1


    They're all a bunch of sick paedophiles! Lusting after this girl... do they think it's alright just because she's a celebrity? She used to be a CHILD! What is wrong with people?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      'She used to be a CHILD! What is wrong with people?'

      Didn't everyone !!!!

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Paris benefitted from her sex tape? Increased her publicity, no doubt about that, but Paris doesn't have a career (other than being a useless loadaed, skilless napsh*t) to worry about.

    And given India's opposition to any thing sexual, look at the furore concerning Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty, any kissing outside of marriage - even a greeting kiss - is treated as adultery and a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment. So you can be sure the Indians will be up in arms about a full blown sex tape of Lohan, so it will probably destroy any career she has that involves India.

    Foolish girl for allowing it to be filmed.

  45. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    @Gill Grissum

    "She really8 needs an action movie with plenty of tight sexy outfits, big guns, and alot of violence. Worked wonders for Megan Fox...."

    Worked pretty well for Sienna Miller too.

  46. John Smith 19 Gold badge

    Sarah Bee@11:44

    "She's going to have to just er, take it on the chin, and wait for it to blow over"

    Naughty, naughty, very very naughty

    Mine's the one with the old Shamen CD in it.

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is there a link yet?

    Ms Bee,

    I sense you're hold something back. Tell us how you really feel.

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