Wow
48 seconds worth? Wish I could last that long, lucky girl!
World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape
Lindsay Lohan is said to be "devastated" that a 47-second video of her indulging in "adult activity" with a member of the opposite sex is about to get a worldwide internet release. The perpetrator of the kiss-and-tell outrage is reportedly "a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant" who has punted the clip to Hustler for £ …
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Friday 15th January 2010 11:43 GMT Anonymous Coward
You are being short sighted
I keep hearing how Paris benefited from her sex tape, but to be honest I don't see exactly what she has gained that is so great and that she couldn't have had otherwise: A couple of shitty and flopped films here and there, some low-rating shows for retarded teenagers with no hope in life other than winning the lottery and that's about it. You forget that she was very rich to begin with, so it wouldn't have been too hard to get these opportunities anyway, as money can buy you connections. The fact of the matter is that in the long run, the 'unsuspecting victims' of such tapes get burned by these things in my opinion, as they establish a slutty image.
Although for hopeless individuals like Lohan I think that indeed a short burst of fame is better than nothing, so this could well be staged.
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:22 GMT blackworx
At a guess
"to be honest I don't see exactly what she has gained that is so great and that she couldn't have had otherwise"
Media attention. Not so great to you or me but apparently some people need it quite badly. Or the gossip-mag-buying public need quite badly for them to need it quite badly. Or something.
Paris 'cos I'm about as insightful as she is.
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Friday 15th January 2010 11:43 GMT Penguin
You can't say things like that on the internet!
Dear The Register,
Hopefully you will have now received the bill for 1x Lenovo T61 that your wit has cost me as with your statement of, and I quote "it's Lohan who gets the eyeful" it is now coated in a mouthful of coffee (although the quality of the coffee is questionable, even before it was deposited onto said laptop.)
Crude? Yes. Funny as hell? You bet. El Reg, Bravo.
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Friday 15th January 2010 14:42 GMT Anonymous Coward
I can go one better
I had a Samsung X20 which was inoperable because some unidentifiable sticky goo had gummed up the keyboard.
I removed said keyboard, put it in the dishwasher (economy cycle) and hey presto - after 2 days drying out on a radiator it worked fine.
By the way - I don't think the unidentifiable goo was jizz, on account of it being a strange orange colour. But you never know with laptops do you?
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Friday 15th January 2010 11:44 GMT Sarah Bee
Re: You are being short sighted
I believe Paris accrued what is known as a fuckstack of cash in the years since the vid. She really made it work for her - she's very nifty in playing up to people's preconceptions about her. Not that I think she's secretly a classical scholar - she's just embraced a certain public image in a clever (and quite brave) way. She was lucky because she wasn't very well known at the time, and wasn't trying to be taken seriously as an actress. Since people's opinion of her is generally low, she plays to that, and knows that it can be an advantage - when people expect little of you as a frivolous slut, you can only surprise them.
It's sad for Lohan because she's trying to clean up her image and doesn't have that clean slut-slate advantage that Paris did. She's going to have to just er, take it on the chin, and wait for it to blow over.
Oof, I see what I done there. What a mess.
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:48 GMT Peter Kay
No, she's bisexual..
You don't stop being bi just because you're in a monogamous relationship..
Not all of us lust after threesomes, incidentally.
I'm still trying to calculate exactly how much a 'fuckstack' of money is - is it more or less than a shedload?
I feel slightly sorry for Lindsay, but she is very much in the public eye. Sometimes you just have to face the hard things and suck it up. An alternative is diversification into the publishing or fashion worlds - which would be better : book, khaki? ;)
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Friday 15th January 2010 13:19 GMT heyrick
Eh? 3-way?
Her "girlfriend" looks like an android to me.
Now Willow and Tara, that's a different matter. :-)
Yeah, I know, they aren't real people; less litigeous and equally likely to happen in reality - I mean who'd wanna have a threesome with LL & co? End up on some cheap glossy magazine. And what, show it to your friends? Is that how you'd classify having "made it"? Sheesh! There's a LOT more to life than that.
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:22 GMT Robert Carnegie
Don't worry, Ms Lohan
Everybody ****s.
(Well, my apologies to people who want to **** but haven't yet found the right person. Or animal. Office furniture. Whatever.)
Maybe your popularity with some prissy to freakish Americean moral organisations will take a dive. But it will blow over. In perspective it'll be just one little hump in an otherwise successful career.
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:27 GMT Sceptical Bastard
@Sarah
Moderatrix, we saddoes love it when you talk dirty - even if it's only by innuendo :)
As to that 'particular sex act' perhaps there's a clue in the next paragraph... "Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing..." Ahhh, Fergie enjoyed a good footing didn't she? No. It can't be that because El Reg reveals that "it's Lohan who gets the eyeful."
Hey! Have you guys *seen* the clip?
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:50 GMT Eponymous Cowherd
Commando Limbo
A number of years ago Mrs Cowherd and I were holidaying on St Lucia. During the requisite limbo competition one young lady was *most* reluctant to join in. The reason became glaringly obvious when, after much haranguing by the host she eventually did.
The *really* funny bit was the bloke next to us filming it all on his camcorder. He didn't bat an eyelid, just kept on filming. I assume the viewfinder didn't have the resolution to show what had been revealed, and as there were no TVs in the rooms he wouldn't see her in all her glory until he got home.
I get this image of him inviting all of his friends and elderly relatives round to look at his holiday vid......
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:34 GMT Harry the snot gobbler
Surprise!!
Oh boo hoo. Didums, I can't imagine the mental torment she must be suffering, the poor wee lass ... after all, we've all seen her beaver getting out of a car.
If you're going to allow yourself to be filmed bestowing an intimate blessing upon a rather long member of the opposite gender then don't be surprised if it rears its ugly head on the internet for cash, especially if you become as famous, hot and slutty as - say - Lindsay Lohan.
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Friday 15th January 2010 12:48 GMT Martin Milan
A little perspective, people...
So she (who is she anyway?) has been videoed having oral sex with some guy, who has then released the footage - and she's concerned about the effect on her image?
Let's be adult about this (unintended pun) - she's given a blow job. Big deal. Happening up and down the nation as we speak! Does this make her such a bad person?
Personally I think whoever released it just needs a bit of a moral ass kicking - but I don't see how this reflects on her.
I don't know what came over you all lol...
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Friday 15th January 2010 13:50 GMT Anonymous Coward
RE: D'oh
They have learned. And learned well.
A quick nip slip, tit flash, beaver shot, bikini-rearrangement or "homemade sex tape that was never intended to be seen" gets exposure*, column inches* and their face (etc.) back in the news which gets them talked about and from that gets them work which gets them money.
Why do you think "celebs" have a tendency to wear black tops and no bras? under normal lights everything appears nice an respectable but under a quick burst of light (like a camera flash maybe) the top becomes see-through for enough time to get on film but not enough for anyone actually present to notice. This has been going on for years so it can only be still being done by design.
* yes I saw what I did there. I tried not to but I couldn't help myself.
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Friday 15th January 2010 15:45 GMT Anonymous Coward
Photoshop!
It's not quite magic, but it *can* do what even high powered floodlights and bottle of dettol can't.
When NSFW is no longer relevant (v. important) and should you be interested in such things ,look up "flesh mesh photoshop", and you can see how trivial it is to render a full layer of clothing invisible through the use of genuinely harmless and professionally useful filters.
I dare say if that level can be done in five minutes by someone looking for titillation, it's pretty trivial to pull of something more discrete/scandalous for up to and including a shed load of photo nabbing money.
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Friday 15th January 2010 13:54 GMT Richard 120
I would.
I'm pretty sure there are lots that also would.
I don't get it though, it's just sex, why should she be hounded about that sort of thing when worse attrocities are allowed to continue. I mean why on earth is there a "Lord" Mandleson, come to think of it why is there a Peter Mandleson, how has he continued to be allowed to exist?
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Friday 15th January 2010 16:12 GMT Andrew 99
bi-sexual
she's bi-sexual, so says wikipedia. As I understand it, bi-sexuality is a spectrum, rather than an orientation.
Anyway, I've often thought the sex hormones were raging for celebs. why else would they forget knickers and other undergarments on a regular basis. And in my narrow minded view, such talented folks can be a bit - unbalanced. So I'd rather view them with compassion rather than salaciously.
I really wonder why its important enough for everyday folk to think its news?
anyway, as its been already noted, better variations of the said act can be had on late night tv.
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Friday 15th January 2010 16:18 GMT Gil Grissum
She'll be fine
A sex tape didn't hurt Kim Kardashian. It might actually make Lohan more popular with the male audience. I will certainly be looking for it. This could be the best possible thing for Lohan. No one takes her seriously and she needs to move past the whole Disney image thing anyway. She really8 needs an action movie with plenty of tight sexy outfits, big guns, and alot of violence. Worked wonders for Megan Fox....
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Friday 15th January 2010 22:40 GMT Anonymous Coward
Not all men would want that threesome
I wouldn't object to a threesome as long as neither of the females are Lindsay Lohan. She is absolutely not my idea of f***able!
Apart from that, we now expect a sudden home computer infestation of trojans/virii when the emails start arriving in inboxes with links to "download the Lohan sex tape".
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Friday 15th January 2010 22:44 GMT Blake St. Claire
@Sarah Bee, Re: RE: D'oh
> Of course it's not by design - at least not all the time. ...
(Where do "Reply to this post" submissions go? To the author, or into a black hole? Or is it just that the Moderatrix didn't find any redeeming value the first time I submitted this comment? But considering the quality of some of the other posts in this thread I'm surprised mine didn't pass muster.)
Anyway--- Amused to see an admission that it's not always unintentional. I've been wondering for some time about all the women I encounter working behind high counters, wearing a low cut blouse and push up bra, who always seem to find a reason to lean forward. E.g. to write a note or dial the phone on the low desk behind the counter.
Not that I'm complaining or anything.
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Friday 15th January 2010 23:20 GMT Jemma
... once again, with bitching.... (apologies to Joss Whedon)
To be honest who on earth cares...? the poor girl couldnt act her way out of a paper bag once puberty kicked in and her career has sunk further than the Titanic..
As to her bi-sexuality - if you saw the creature she was dating I think its more a case of bi-desparation. Even I couldnt work out what gender it was supposed to be and im sorta an expert in such matters.
This is quite simply someone the media hates being pilloried - in her case i dont think thats a good idea on the media's part because shes been very close to the edge for a while - unpopular as she is, there are going to be some very important media heads rolling if shes pushed to the point of doing something stupid and succeeds in the attempt (by that I mean suicide).
Its been seen time and time again - most recently with with Michael "what an apt surname" Jackson - who hasnt been on planet earth with the rest of us since he was about five years old. In his case he went from kiddie-fiddler to tragic icon in about 45 seconds once the news came out... merely so that people could cash in on it. Don'tcha just LOVE the human race?...
And Sarah, much though I respect you I think you are being a little harsh - she may have been stupid but when you are starved of affection (which reading behind the lines recently, in her case, is a pretty good bet) going through hell, and fighting an eating disorder (been there and still fighting that myself) you will make bad calls ... not to mention shes probably not had the time or up until now the requirement to learn the same way as the rest of us normal lasses that the latin nomenclature for men should be something like Homo Sapiens Assholii...
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Sunday 17th January 2010 04:48 GMT Anonymous Coward
Paris
Paris benefitted from her sex tape? Increased her publicity, no doubt about that, but Paris doesn't have a career (other than being a useless loadaed, skilless napsh*t) to worry about.
And given India's opposition to any thing sexual, look at the furore concerning Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty, any kissing outside of marriage - even a greeting kiss - is treated as adultery and a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment. So you can be sure the Indians will be up in arms about a full blown sex tape of Lohan, so it will probably destroy any career she has that involves India.
Foolish girl for allowing it to be filmed.
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