back to article NuLabour 'Bribo' laptop pops up on eBay

One enterprising eBayer is offering buyers the chance to get their hands on a "spanking new, gleaming Bribo laptop, complete with instruction sheet showing you where to place your X when the time comes". The Bribo laptop, as seen on eBay The listing explains: The government has declared that it will soon issue 270,000 of …

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  1. John P
    Coat

    Ookay...

    Is it April already?

    Mines the one with the postal vote in the pocket.

  2. The BigYin

    Well done that person!

    Wish I had thought of this. Very well done indeed.

  3. Eponymous Cowherd
    Unhappy

    You have to admire Labour's neck

    Claiming they have the policies to drag the country out of the shithole they have spent the last 13 years digging it into.

    1. Bassey

      Re: You have to admire Labour's neck

      Yeah! 18-month waiting lists, 45 plus to a classroom, non-existent trains, no nurses and no-police. Can't wait for the Tories to return and bring back their peculiar take on the good old days.

      1. Gavin Park Weir
        Thumb Down

        Re: You have to admire Labour's neck

        No one is saying the Tories will fix anything (apart from the Tories). What we hope is that they will continue to be rubbish but cost us less in tax.

        Angry Ginger Man

    2. N2 Silver badge

      Sooner or later

      The Labour government runs out of everyone else's money, just like we crawled out of their last disaster in the seventies & regrettably theyve been allowed to govern for far too long.

      One term for the socialists is more than enough.

      & likewise, I admire their brass necks with their vote buying scheme.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Joke

        er what

        labour socialists? your having a laugh aren't you they are sop central the fence post is inserted in their posterior (along with their heads)

  4. LinkOfHyrule

    Hahaha

    Joking aside, maybe the govt. wants all computers in use by the populous supplied by them so that they can install loads of tracking software and desktop wallpaper of Gordon Brown winking etc

    1. Tony Humphreys
      Coat

      Arrrgggggg

      Your post made me vomit, then I re-read the last line and realised I read the last bit wrong!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Joke

        A bit of...

        ...Freudian slippage there? Hm? Want to talk a bit about your father, do you?

      2. LinkOfHyrule
        Happy

        You're welcome

        *winks*

    2. N2 Silver badge

      spelling?

      winking

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Winking? Disableist!

      Just because he's blind in one eye doesn't mean he can't blink just as well as the rest of us, you horrid reactionary bigot!

  5. Martin 37

    Ebay's famous sense of humour

    What will they think of an auction which actually says the item bid for will not be sent out?

    1. TeeCee Gold badge

      They'll use the provided excuse.

      The bit about promising your postal vote will get it removed for illegal vote-trading*.

      They won't have to take it down for speaking the Great Truth That Must Go Unsaid.

      *Let's just hope for the sake of the prankster that Inspector Knacker sees the funny side or he could be getting his collar felt real soon now.

  6. Paul_Murphy

    Worth a look on ebay

    Just looking at some of the questions and answers.

    Very well done.

    ttfn

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    remember the guy who posted this

    soon he will disappear

  8. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Here's No Joke Targeted at No 10 . It is Just Dessert

    "You have to admire Labour's neck ... Claiming they have the policies to drag the country out of the shithole they have spent the last 13 years digging it into." .... Eponymous Cowherd Posted Friday 15th January 2010 12:36 GMT

    Eponymous Cowherd,

    If you would rather bury them in "the shithole they have spent the last 13 years digging it into" with the simple use of IT you can always exercise the options here ..... http://tinyurl.com/Chilcot ... and it is an interesting ZerodDay BetaTest of Public Intelligence vs Apathy Levels and the General Awareness of ITs Latent Overwhelming Powers as a Virtual Governance Tool which they could eventually Control Remotely, as their Communications Skills improve and Total Information Awareness Supplies increase.

    It may be that many are Totally Unaware of what IT can do Magically with Media, with just the simplest of Clear Unambiguous Directions and/or Instructions in Multiple Choices of Free Will Expression, and that would leave them Severely and Criminally Disadvantaged and Easily Abused and Used as Slaves and Expendable Tools by Others more au fait with ManIQ Manipulation.

  9. KirstarK
    Thumb Down

    The vote thing will run foul of the law.

    Can't wait for plod to cuff this idiot.

    I work for a supplier of these machines and they are aimed at low income families without access to this technology (a serious disadvantage)

    The idiot has obviously never been poor.

    1. John Parker
      Stop

      Still completely unnecessary

      You can use PCs at any local library for browsing the internet, email, printing documents, writing CVs, jobsearch websites etc.

      So why are we sending out loads of free laptops? If the target families had a disabled family member so they cant' get to a local library I could understand, otherwise it's a waste of my tax contributions.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      go figure

      >>> I work for a supplier of these machines

      And at an overall scheme cost of an astronomic £1,111 per laptop being distributed to these low income families, no wonder you're firmly behind the idea. Big christmas bonus this year, hmm?

    3. neb
      Grenade

      re: KirstarK

      aye, cos low income families are barred from public libraries, schools etc

      give your head dobber a wobble eh?

      i have been poor, but i pulled myself up by my bootstraps and learnt shit

      then i got a low paid job and some life experience, then moved onto a better paid job, more experience etc

      can you follow that, can the L.I.Fs?

      get your arse off your sofa and get thee'sen educated

      twunts!

    4. seanj

      Supplier, eh?

      Then perhaps you can explain why we're paying for laptops, rather than handing out refurbished desktops which will dramatically lower the cost of ongoing maintenance?

      Or have I maybe answered my own question?

    5. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      EPIC FAIL....

      ....as per thumbnail.

      Begorrah - I'm a poet and I don't know it!

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Flame

      Bribed with government pork

      "Can't wait for plod to cuff this idiot."

      That's right: suppressing someone's opinion will teach those who stray from the accepted social norms of New Labour's template for all Britards. Next stop for the "public morality police" is Private Eye, is it?

      (I'm all for increased connectivity for everyone, but the taxpayer shouldn't be filling the coffers of Microsoft and various chums of the government/civil service via some speculative scheme whose benefits could quite readily be purchased otherwise and for less. But I guess there might not be so much "pork" in it for your employer.)

  10. Gary F
    Heart

    Genuis!

    So funny, but sadly trajic because it's so true.

  11. Dave Jones
    Thumb Up

    @KirstarK

    Would this be the low income families that sit on their arses all day on benefits watching Sky TV on their flat panel TV's while their feral kids run riot.....seems like the seller has pretty much hit the nail on the head with his auction.....

  12. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  13. lukewarmdog
    Badgers

    @KK

    Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?

    Baldrick: Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.

  14. georgeclooneylookalike
    Grenade

    Fucking A!

    Nothing more to add....

  15. Allan Rutland
    Pint

    Utter brilliance!

    The post of this on eBay is a star. The questions and answers are just blinding. Utter class and good on them!

    Definitely should be rewarded with a good pint!

  16. Seanmon
    Happy

    I wish to place on record....

    ...that I predicted this in these hallowed pages a couple of days ago.

    Yay. Go me.

    1. N2 Silver badge

      yep

      Me too

  17. dave 81
    FAIL

    Direct.gov advert

    This post reminded me on the "How great is your new labour government" Direct.gov advert that we are all paying for. Sickening the things labour spends our money on to buy their votes.

    Pity Tony abolished Hanging. Saving his own neck no doubt.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Blah, blah, blah, blah

    Blah, blah, Tory cliche, blah, blah, Labour cliche.

    I wish this country, its government and its voters, would grow the fuck up.

    Why do we still need these weird ideological divides?

    1. Eponymous Cowherd

      We don't *need* them

      They merely exist.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ideological divides

      Would you rather everybody thinks the same?

      Different people have different ideas. I would rather people (or groups of people, let's call them 'parties') discuss and argue these ideas, rather than accept a monolithic status quo.

      Great eBay post, btw.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Tax and Laws

      those are the two main reasons.

  19. Mark 18
    FAIL

    Bribo - Its already out there

    I have a work dodging, dole scaving chav acquaintance who has already received his Bribo. Apparently fell off the back of the lorry in a stop and search.

    My works laptop broke so I borrowed his Bribo for work for a couple of days. 2 weeks later I received a photograph of myself, presumably taken by its webcam along with a £60 fine+3 points for typing at 11 words per min. There is a pitiful limit of 10 it seems. I also received another £60 fine under Section 59 for typing too loudly, I presume it has a microphone too then. Not a bad spec hey. I was thinking of listing it on ebay for my acquaintance as he needed some cash so I took a photo, put my camera next to the laptop to transfer the images but the cd tray ejected at such a rate that the camera was flung across the room, through the window and some how landed in the front seat of a passing police car never to be seen again.

    On top of that, my electricity bill has risen from £0.42p to £1.15 per kwh (some “oh the government is amazing because its hugely infated the price in the name of saving the environment” leaflet was included with the bill) and when I plugged my external mouse in, it insisted that I needed to purchase two mouse houses at a cost of several hundred thousands of pounds, pay for the mouse to be cleaned costing another thousand pounds, subscribe the tv channel "naughty blond bombshell mice 12" and then lube up my bottom, sit on the dvd drive and press the eject button repeatedly. Oh how I enjoy being shafted by the government.

    But for some reason, my work dodging, dole scaving chav acquaintance had no problems at all with it and after a few adjustments, he could order weed, staffordshire terriers and tesco value lager off the net and the dvd drive dispensed steady stream of ten pound notes every Thursday.

    1. Paul_Murphy

      Is that sarcasm?

      Honestly - is it? I just can't tell anymore.

      tfn

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Uh-oh...

    Looks like the Tories or their fan club mean it this time round.

  21. Dale Morgan
    Unhappy

    the country is f*cked

    Labour are bribing people to vote for them, the torys are unelectable since the recent announcment by the shadow science guy that he wont take advisors seriously and sack them if he doesn't like the look of them, and the lib dems are a joke party who have left a trail of destruction in every city they've had power in

    It doesn't matter who wins the election, we'll all still loose

  22. Scott Wichall
    Thumb Up

    Did I laugh

    When i first saw this a couple of days ago. I am surprised ebay haven't pulled the auction yet tbh.

    And yes, this one does hit the nail right on the head.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Voting Labour Gives You Cancer

    and erectile dysfunction- I am sure I read that somewhere.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Worthless Shit

    Not referring to the laptops but to these NuLiebor arseholes.

    Funny priorities they have, there seems to be plenty of money for this crap, not to mention the helpline for useless loosers to whine at the debt they got themselves into by overspending on their credit cards at christmas.

    Not enough money however, to give some to the kids with terminal diseases to stop their hospitals closing.

  25. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Joke

    The Bribo Laptop

    Does what it says on the lid.

  26. tranzophobia
    Thumb Down

    The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

    Has the Daily Mail readership suddenly started to read the articles on El Reg? Even with the fact that the Bribo scheme was a bad idea bound to court critisicm, the genarlisations made about people on low incomes is pretty shocking.

  27. Bram

    Seriously people do not know the facts

    Everyone who has children and is in a single parent family or a low income family need something like this.

    -Firstly in the jobs at the bottom of the ladder do not pay you if you take a morning or day off

    -Parent evenings are becoming a rarer and if you have more than one child it is very dificult

    -Schools will soon be required to have all information accessible to parents in near real time to help tackle trunacy and performance

    If you have ever worked in a job that has shift work and not many benefits (the majority of the country) then being able to check your childs progress online is a blessing. I worked in a school where the trails were run and believe me its needed. Owning a PC is still a border line luxury and when all coursework and performance related marking is done electronically it makes perfect sense so stop complaining because the have-nots have. Its not like we're giving them Core i7 systems

  28. VulcanV5
    Heart

    @ bram and why things can only get better

    I absolutely agree with this post because it should shut up all those raving Daily Mail loonies who are flooding this comment section with their Right-wing drivel.

    Time and again I have seen how truly disadvantaged all poor people are where education is concerned, and it has saddened me that some parents still have to walk their children to school instead of being able to use a four wheel drive like everyone else I know.

    So I hope that Mr Brown will not stop at Bribo laptops but will also issue Bribo Land Rover Freelanders to everyone. It 's not like we're giving them Vogue SEs.

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