back to article German shoppers slug it out with salami

A couple of German shoppers ended up in hospital last Saturday after an argument over a trolley ended in a full-blown scrap involving fists, a salami and a fearsome 4lb wedge of parmesan used as an improvised dagger. The action kicked off in an Aachen supermarket, as a 74-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman disputed …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Captain Hogwash

    Sounds like

    just another day at the Gloucester Asda.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    this one has i all, shoppers, salami, italian cheese (presumably the big one, were any noses broken?) and plods.

    The rest of the week i shall be in great anticipation (aka vorfreude) to seeing this in full playmovision!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well ...

    ... that's Lidl. Or was it Aldi?

    1. Stoneshop

      Those don't have a cheese counter

      And if they even sell Parmesan, it's not in big 2 kilo (0.476 Jub) chunks, just small pre-packed pieces.

  4. Tanuki

    You'd never get this sort of vile undisciplined behaviour in Waitrose.

    I'm horribly reminded of the IKEA Riots in Edmonton back in 2005, where several people were injured and someone had an ÄSSHÖL desk dropped on them in the crush.

  5. Dork Lard

    Playmobil Reconstruction Please

    Order now in time for Friday...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Oh come on, you can do better than that...

    German pensioner attacks shoppers with pork sword after losing trolleys...

    Paris, no stranger to the salami.

  7. Mark Broadhurst
    IT Angle

    Telegraph article

    Link to the article you nicked it from then ?

    and what has this got to do with IT ?

  8. Sir Sham Cad

    Yes but...

    What happened to the salami and the cheese? They're the innocent victims in all this! Where's Optimus Prime when you need him?

  9. breakfast Silver badge

    Missed opportunity

    I can't believe that they had salami available to them and yet used a Parmesan Dagger. Have they no appreciation for how much funnier it would have been to use the salami as a kind of pork sword?

  10. Scott Broukell

    Like Alan Coren always said ...

    "Sainsburys keeps the riffraff out of Waitrose."

    Presumably, Lidl (et. al.) keep the riffraffensich out of Tengelmanns.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Parmesan dagger?

    Picture, or it doesn't exist.

    Paris, coz she knows about edible 'daggers'

  12. Anonymous Coward


    The Lizard Army will send word out to their allies, the shopping trolley alliance, and humanity will descend into chaos. Kitschmas seems the perfect opportunity.

    I for one welcome our wobbly-wheeled overlords.

  13. BlueGreen

    @Well ...

    What was a cathedral with buttresses rising from the ancient cobbles outside, built from weathered blocks the size of a car with gargoyles gurning down at you from so far up you have to squint - and within, silence and peace but for a distant monk's murmuring on his knees by a single candle, and a old, old reliquary with bones of Charlemagne on show next to the quarter-price jaffa cakes. That's how I like to imagine an Aachen Lidl.

  14. NukEvil
    IT Angle

    Translation needed...

    At first, I was wondering why a 35-year old woman was fighting a 75-year old man over a trolley...

    Then, I realized the article was referring to a shopping cart.

    IT icon, because, even though there are a lot of definitions for a 'trolley', none of them have anything to do with IT...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Slow news day at the Reg??

    Don't we have enough unintentional comedy in the science and tech fields that we have to go searching for stories of people beating eachother with foodstuffs?

    Now, if one of the combatants had been injured by the unapproved use of a deli product and required some kind of advanced medical procedure or implant to save their lives, THAT would be sci/tech news!!

    1. Steve 114

      Gute Fahrt!

      Kase who came off Wurst?

      1. Anonymous Coward

        Surely this was

        a Wurst-Käse scenario

        1. Psmiffy
          Thumb Up

          This is

          the BEST RESPONSE EVER.

          THis man deserves and immediate reward, if only it was AC.

          I will however claim it for him.

        2. Hugh G. Rection
          Thumb Up


          I nominate AC for comment of the week.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    No Panzers Today - This Time It's Wurst

    Could you complement your stereotypes with a story related to Sauerkraut ? Maybe people lobbing sauerkraut tins at each other or something ?

    You could also run a story about those Mafiose Italians trying to kill the bad, bad Berlusconi. That would make The Economist wet their pants, also.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      What "stereotypes"?

      Are you claiming that it's a common stereotype that all Germans attack each other with salami and parmesan? Because I've never heard that one before. Nor were there any mentions of the war, tired old jokes about deckchairs round the pool, aside references to legendary efficiency, or any of the other things that I usually think of as sterotypes of Germany.

      So maybe they didn't mention sauerkraut because they weren't actually using any stereotypes at all and the whole thing is just in your own overly-sensitive imagination?

  17. rollseyes
    IT Angle

    So you say...

    Besides you probably being British - what does any of this have to do with the hand that feeds IT?

    A whole-hearty yawn across the pond (actually the really big one)...

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Dear racist bigot,

      You probably shouldn't open your mouth quite so wide when you yawn, because that must have been how your brain fell out, taking your sense of humour with it!

  18. Glenn Amspaugh

    All's well...

    "The cart at the centre of the incident was "undamaged", the Telegraph notes."

    All right then. Life can go on.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Wielding a pork sword at the age of 74 is quite an achievement, and it was his opponent who had the cheesy one, as well.

  20. Graham Marsden

    Why does this remind me of...

    ... the Great Tea Trolley Disaster of ‘67?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    They need some good self-defence classes

  22. Steve Roper

    So it seems

    that the venerable Lancastrian martial art of Ecky-Thump has finally made it to Germany!

    (+1 internets to anyone old enough to remember that reference!)

  23. John Hawkins
    Thumb Up

    What, no black pudding?

    Sounds like he could be a master of the ancient Lancastrian martial art "Ecky-Thump". Only not quite as he used a salami instead of a black pudding. Perhaps that's all they had?

  24. Dave 64 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    seeing as nobody else has mentioned this....

    ...I'd like to point out that Parmesan Dagger would be an excellent name for a rock band

  25. TeeCee Gold badge


    "Pensioner's Pork Product Parries Parmesan Poignard" perchance?

  26. The Beer Monster


    Some of you really don't get the "Bootnotes" bit, do you?

  27. Tom 11


    So a faimly of 3, attacked and assaulted an old man? shame on them, thats a disgrace, even If an old man farted in my face i wouldn't punch him, wtf!

  28. Yorkshirepudding

    shopping Kombat

    Discount Him!


    playmobile xmas present pleaaaaase!

  29. Richard 102

    In other words ...

    ... we now know where New Jersey learned its manners.

  30. YumDogfood

    Only oldies shop at Toom.

    Finish groaning and get over to Karstadt.

  31. Anonymous Coward

    so he wasn't happy to see them

    Else that salami would have been in his trousers where it belonged.

  32. asiaseen

    It's an old one but

    they obviously forgot their towels

  33. Roby

    thank god

    I'm just glad the trolley was undamaged.

This topic is closed for new posts.