back to article El Reg uncovers Tiger Woods tech angle

We at The Register would like to take a moment to formally denounce the media's despicable smear job of US golfer Tiger Woods over malicious and unproven claims that he cheated on his wife with — at last count — every single able-bodied cocktail waitress living in the Northern Hemisphere today. What right does does the media …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They already found a way to capitalise on it,people,news,one-sponsor-accenture-finds-a-way-to-capitalise-on-tiger-woods

  2. Anonymous Coward

    Tiger Woods...

    ... obviously hasn't heard of the Streisand Effect

    Of course I'm not suggesting that you google his name with that term at all.

  3. Anonymous Coward


    These people are not exactly the brightest are they...

    A quick Google for "tiger woods uk injunction" throws up an article explaining exactly what we can't see as the first result!

    And you could have put something funny under the blacked out bits (yes, I looked).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      hooray for net neutrality

      Good while it lasts.

      But don't worry, Mandy will take care of it in time.

      1. Scott 19


        As i pointed out below try seems to be blocked from UK IP addresses but a good old proxie and it works? The dark lord? you decide.

      2. Scott 19


        A bit more research and i've found this The national Enquier is blocking there site because of this libel ruling.

  4. disgruntled yank

    oddly enough

    Today's NY Times has an article about the possibility of England rationalizing its libel laws. Not necessarily that El Reg can't be skinned for mocking Tiger, so much as that Ruritanian A can't sue Ruritanian B in London because an English monoglot clicked on a Ruritanian-language website with A's harsh word's for B.

    But somebody should point out to Accenture that only two letters differ between "ultimate' and "intimate".

  5. Anonymous Coward


    Has what's not being said here on El Reg.

    As does TMZ.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That bloody Accenture advert

    Are those sheep meant to be Irish or Scottish?

    Oh and can I just have a niggle at Accenture for putting a bloody > over the letter 't'. I can? Thanks.

  7. Anonymous Coward

    El Reg beats the TSA

    Damn. I tried cut'n'paste over the redacted stuff. Just in case. Somebody needs to be fired.

  8. Big-nosed Pengie

    Tiger who?


  9. Big Bear


    Now when I search for Tiger Woods PGA Golf for Playstation as a xmas present, not only will I break this high court injunction and I will be sent to Gitmo to do time beside the Pentagon Hacker and those crazy militant Icelandic volcanic bathing pools of terror fundies, but I will also break numerous extreme pr0n laws that inundate this country, plus probably even bringing back the links will land me with the three strikes rule and my pathetic broadband connection will be cut out from under me, despite the guv'normint wanting broadband to be in every house in the country like electricity and whatnot...

  10. Anonymous Coward

    A new woman came forward today...

    .. that's like nine women who've seen Tiger's wood.

  11. Doug Jenkins

    We aren't out of the Woods, yet...


    From the Bushes into the forest!

  12. Jeremy 2


    You mean you didn't hire the TSA's Official Redactor to write this story? Shame...

  13. Anonymous Coward

    I have heard a scurrilous rumour...

    ... to the effect that there exist nude photographs of Mr. Justice Eady. A sobering thought.

  14. ratfox

    Actually, the guardian seems to have slipped

    Maybe they think they are allowed to report that the US media are reporting that the UK high court has blocked the publication of XXXX XXXXXXXX of XXXXX (almost slipped there). It is true that at some point, not talking about the subject sounds like sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "la la la not listening"...

    Anyway, one more victim of the Streisand effect. You have to admire the futility of it all. Who gave the order? Are they actually trying to ramp up the attention on the case? I would have thought Woods would want to keep out of sight for a bit...

  15. Jeff F.
    Thumb Up

    Thanks to El Reg

    For doing your part to entertain, inform and showing the naughty bits of tech.. I love "The Register".

    Where else can your read about the latest super computing chip, and the latest self-destructing chump.

    You folks are the best ! Thanks for that.

  16. Simpson

    Damn those PDFs!

    Didn't bother reading the "article", but your dashes are showing.

    Damn google! Damn OCR!

    The redacted text makes it really funny, for 0.001% of the population.

  17. Anonymous Coward

    if ...

    you did a PlayMobil re-enactment - but hid the faces, obviously - would that constitute a breach of the thing we can't talk about?

    Mine's the one with the Toronto Star in the back pocket.

  18. Anonymous Coward

    Reg is late as usual

    The Mash has already spoken:,-says-woods-200912032277/

  19. Anonymous Coward

    I for one

    I, for one, welcome our ------------------! overlords

  20. Andus McCoatover
    Thumb Up

    Playmobil, natch.

    Go on - I dare you! Don't know if the playmobil kit has a golf club, but El Reg has proven it's got balls!

  21. Caustic Soda


    I hope Tiger's lawyers see this thread. I had absolutely no interest in what Woods has been up to, until he started abusing the English legal process.

    It took no time at all to find the "offending matter" on websites hosted overseas, dragging up in the search lots of comment along the lines of "what filthy perversions might Woods be trying to hide?".

    Big own goal Tiger - or should I say "double bogey"?

  22. Anonymous Coward


    I for one don't really want to see the "aleged" pictures of Tigers' Wood!

    1. Andus McCoatover


      I prefer to read comments from people who can spell. Like "aleged". Try "alleged". Try drugs. Try trainspotting. Try a spellchecker, if you're illiterate. Try the "preview" button, and read first. Try not being a fuc*king moron.

      Nothing personal.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In the rough right enough.

    Perhaps this story will turn up on 'Winkie-leaks' ?

  24. Richard Porter

    "world symbol of ultimate high performance"

    So what changes that?

    But doesn't the press just love to build somebody up so they can knock him down? The higher the pedestal, the further he has to fall.

  25. Anonymous Coward

    How does tghis work then?

    "The injunction issued Thursday notably blocks the media from even revealing details of the order itself. And because we're based in the UK, we are not allowed to say what exactly has been barred."

    So how does this work then? If I want to publish something (on the web say), then I obviously need to know if it contravenes the injunction so that I don't get in bother. Do I have to approach the court for advice? Obviously I can't just ask any other news outlet because they are not allowed to tell me! But who tells them? How did the Reg find out what can and can't be published?

    This is a serious question - does anyone know? Reg???

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re - How does this work then?

      The solicitors (Schillings in this case) basically spam every news/blog outlet with a "To whom it may concern" copy of the injunction. The copy of the injunction will also have a copy of the "confidential schedule" which is the part you're not allowed to tell anyone about. In theory.

      The UK isn't known as the libel capital of the world for nothing - our laws are farcical.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How does that work then?

    Who is covered by the injuction?

    Presumably only those who have have been served notice of it, or have read it.

    Otherwise, everyone would be forced to look on wikileaks to find out what it says otherwise they could not obey, which would be a ridiculous situation.

    (About as ridiculous as extraditing a citizen to a country that uses torture for something that was not committed on their soil and was only retrospectively made a crime.)

    All this talk of woods and gagging, makes me wonder if it's some sort of extreme porn. :)

    I was totally uninterested in the whole thing until this happened, the Streisand effect indeed.

    (OK apart from being amused that someone with the name TIGER WOODS was caught shagging)

  27. Adrian Challinor
    Paris Hilton

    So how do I know ....

    ... if accidentally break the injunction?

    Lets see. There is an injunction, but we are not allowed to say what has been injuncted, and cannot discuss the existence of the injunction even if we want to prevent ourselves being sued because someone else talks about the injuncted subject.

    So if I mention something here (... mumble mumble ... woods .... mumble mumble .... had his photo taken .... mumble mumble .... ) and el reg prints my comments, who gets sued? You or me?

    Wait, its me, I can see the black helicopters circling.

    Now the dilemma, do I go for Black Helicopters icon or Paris (who surely had never had her photo taken like that).

  28. Martin 71 Silver badge


    I don't really give a flying crap what some ridiculous sports personality did, but the courts are paid for by MY TAXES, what the HELL are they doing granting injunctions to this pillock?

  29. Spider

    Injunctions, what a great idea

    Injunctions are dead. They have shuffled off this mortal coil and are only of interest to lawyers and the dead tree press. Only way to prevent having images of you boning some waitress published is to.....Not have images taken of you boning aforementioned beer deliverer.

    As for Tiger, good work fella! Most other blokes would have as well

  30. Linbox


    There are two ways of looking at this story. Either;

    a) The Honourable Mr Justice Eady is an ignorant neo-luddite who hasn't been informed of this new-fangled internet thingymajig and as a consequence doesn't realise that ANYBODY, such as myself, can download and read his 6-page order plus 2-page covering letter from Schillings from a myriad of off-shore websites.

    OR ....

    b) Eady is working as an agent provocateur to undermine from within the useless, antiquated and frankly shit UK libel laws, to provoke an overwhelming demand from the public that the whole shoddy pack of donkey-balls be torn down and replaced with something more fitting a modern democracy.

    I hope it's (b).

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Nothing to hide, nothing to fear?

      Aren't you missing the obvious? If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear. Tiger Woods has something to hide and Mr. Justice Eady has materially assisted him. Hence:

      c) Tiger Woods is a terrorist and Mr Justice Eady is a supporter of terrorism.

      Simple logic, really! Now off to Belmarsh with him!

    2. asiaseen

      But 99.99% certain

      to be (a)

  31. jake Silver badge

    Grow the fuck up, ElReg.

    Yeah, Woods fucked up. Big time. I hope his soon-to-be-ex-wife takes him to the cleaners. But other than the two of them (and peripherally, various family members), who the fuck really cares? How does it affect anyone else, anywhere?

    Seriously ... Given that I grok the "odds & sods" thingy, how will this so-called "news" affect the life of anyone reading this story? Even a little bit? Other than the advertisers, that is ... And yeah, I get the "RedTop" aspect, too ... but c'mon. Don't we get enough of this crap everywhere else? Does nobody other than myself have a life of their own anymore?

    As I once advised an ElReg staff member, the only sex lives you should be worried about are those of your partner(s), and your own. In that order.

    Losing the tired "Paris" meme would be a good idea, too, for the same reason ...

    1. Scott 19

      Some helps www.

      If your unhappy with the news reporting here at El Reg may i point you toward doesn't have a red top to it so maybe better for your blood pressure.

      Keep up the good work El Reg tongue firmly in cheek with this one.

    2. Anonymous Coward

      It is a question who takes whom to the cleaners

      It is quite clear she gave him the traditional swedish morning after meeting of husband returning to breakfast. With a golf club.

      So if she takes him to the cleaners for this, he will have no choice, but to take her too for a GBH if not an attempted murder. A golf club used on a head is usually treated as the latter (it looks like he has a very wooden head, probably that is where his family name comes from).

      That is pretty much a stalemate. Pity about the kids which will grown in the midst of it.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Now what if ...

    ... el reg cousins across the pond posted the details in USA would we still be able to access them here in poor, poor, dreadfully poor old blighty?

  33. mafoo

    Injunction on reporting injunction

    He obviously needs to hire Trafigura's lawyers and get an injunction on reporting injunction - just to prove a point.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Just diversify

    Having seen the pics of some of his err.. golfing partners, my thought was I Wood as well. But then I'm not married, so don't have his publicists challenges.

    Must be plenty of promotional possibilities around Tiger and Wood, and his prowess on and off the course.

  35. SirTainleyBarking

    Tigger and Streisand effect

    Now thats one picture we won't see. A certain successful non caucasian golfer "Playing through the rough" with a certain jewish American singer of who has had a long an successful career in both stage and film

  36. Tom Paine

    Libel law reform

    Hopefully not too late to point out that, following some good campaigning work by Private Eye (who labour under a number of such NSL-like secret injunctions) and the Guardian (remember Trafigura?) a number of worthies including the blessed @bengoldacre launched a campaign to fix the ludicrous and execrable UK libel laws and bring and end to the particularly pernicious phenomena of libel tourism.

    Write to your MP now!

  37. Martin 6 Silver badge


    The libel courts aren't paid for out of taxes, they make a fortune.

    All those foreign stars arriving and paying thousands/day QCs to sue each other in London is a big foreign income earner.

    Now that UK industry is stuffed, the invisible earnings in the City are stuffed and there are no tourists because we keep shooting them - fees paid to libel lawyers are probably the UK's only source of hard currency.

  38. gollux
    Thumb Up

    Wilt Chamberlin II

    Living the ultimate pro sports star's dream. Go get'em Tiger!

    You've got a ways to go to break that score. You're good in the rough, so that increases the pool you have to select from!

    I want to report "The Register" for not using TSA approved redaction. Those black blocks must reveal something other than a string of hyphens, preferably useful information already known by the people you're trying to hide it from, and only surprising to apathetic "Joe Q. Public" who believes the line "I'm from (FEMA|Homeland Security|FBI|et al gov agencies) and I'm here to help you.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Didn't they used to be called Norwich Union?

    1. Jan 0 Silver badge

      More like the Batelle Memorial Institute

      You're thinking of a small shop in London Street, Norwich called Aviva,

      whereas Accenture used to be the huge and well known Anderson Consulting.

  40. Jefe Mixtli


    Come on guys... where is the PlayMobil re-enactment of Tiger's late night drive through the neighborhood?


  41. Foxhill

    Gag this

    Well luckily for us the injunction itself in all its detail has been up on Wikileaks for a coupla days

  42. Anonymous Coward

    That ain't fair!

    I just looked at the source of this report...

    There's nothing under those censor boxes! Booo!!!

  43. Martin 6 Silver badge

    Long term Solution

    All the papers have to do is ignore the end of the injunction.

    Never mention Mr Wood's name again - when he wins some golf match, just list the winner as [blank].

    See how much his endorsements are worth if his name doesn't appear anymore.

    They can hardly sue for not mentioning him!

  44. tony trolle

    any truth the new tigger woods golf game

    is being named as 2000 and 10 inches ?

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward



    perhaps we should be more concered that the Trifigura/Carter Ruck thing is back

  46. Anonymous Coward

    The injunction was granted on the basis

    that the information has not been widely published.

    Last time I looked, the world wide web was, er, world wide. Injunct that if you can.

    Anyway, it's not as if I actually WANT to see any nude pictures of famous golfers...

  47. Doug Glass
    Paris Hilton

    Tiger's Wood

    If you're going to be dumb, you'd better be touch.

    The whole thing gives new meaning to the phrase tiger wood.

    Paris because, well, just because.

  48. Scott 19

    This story

    Is coming form TMZ and The National Enquirer, try and connect to The National Enquirer as it seems to be blocked from the UK, Prince of Darkness blocking a US web site my LHC tin foil hat is firmly in place now for china style blocking of the interweb, try a proxie and it works, strange???

  49. Anonymous Coward

    Shyster lawyers

    I suspect the lawyers know that they can't really stop people from finding out about the xxxxxxxxx. What I think they are doing is shafting their client for some of his millions. Considering that so much is going on I doubt that TW personally knows that the injunction doesn't really stop anyone from seeing the xxxxxxxxx even if he knew that Schillings were doing what they are doing. Its more likely that his lawyers in the US are getting money in allowing the UK lawyers to make some money.

  50. Martin 6 Silver badge

    @Grow the fuck up, ElReg

    It's not about Woods, nobody gives a fuck about some golfer.

    The point is that an American celebrity screws around, every news outlet in America carries the story and pictures - but because of our 3rd world legal system he can order everybody in Britain to ignore it.

    Pity Tony didn't employ Carter-Ruck, he could have banned any mention of the Iraq war or the inquiry.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Linbox & AC-Eady

    watch out with comments critical of Eady J, he'll probably pass an injunction saying El Reg can't publish them or admit the existence of the comments .. or indeed, of the injunction itself. Arkell v Pressdram should apply to this particular case, maybe?

  52. Gaz Davidson

    Sidewiki Leaks

    Try censoring metadata, fascists.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    It's the HIGNFY missing words round

    Any contestants?

    1. Eponymous Cowherd
      Paris Hilton

      HIGNFY: Guest Publication: The Register

      "A British judge has barred journalists in the country from publishing any **Playmobil reconstructions** that involve Tiger Woods and **the BOFH** or **Paris Hilton** — even though the material supposedly doesn't exist."

  54. ShaggyDoggy


    Those corporates ditching him would gain more public respect if they supported him.

    Oh wait ...

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    My my, that is interesting information on Wikileaks. Weak minded fools, thinking the injunction wouldn't leak. I shan't say what it is, or my comment will be rejected. But the last page has the interesting bit, after you wade through all the dull and indecipherable legalese.

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Accenture on Tiger (official response)

    NEW YORK; Dec. 13, 2009 – Accenture (NYSE: ACN) today announced that it will not continue its sponsorship agreement with Tiger Woods.

    For the past six years, Accenture and Tiger Woods have had a very successful sponsorship arrangement and his achievements on the golf course have been a powerful metaphor for business success in Accenture’s advertising. However, given the circumstances of the last two weeks, after careful consideration and analysis, the company has determined that he is no longer the right representative for its advertising. Accenture said that it wishes only the best for Tiger Woods and his family.

    Accenture will continue to leverage its “High Performance Business” strategy and “High Performance Delivered” positioning in the marketplace. The company will immediately transition to a new advertising campaign, with a major effort scheduled to launch later in 2010.

  57. Anonymous Coward

    Striesand effect

    Can I get an injunction against Kate Price Pictures being published?

    Anyway seems you cant get caught with your pants down any more....

    Fail for our legal system... what a sorry state we live in.

  58. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
    Paris Hilton


    Sorry I got a bit confused here, when I read about 'merkins using UK law to get their way to prevent publication of something they could not do in merkin-land, I thought I must make a comment about Gary McKinnon, but the comparison between the two is so bizarre that I am lost for words


    What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

    Santa stops after 3 Hos'

    Paris, who is also a golf fanboi, I know 'cos I've seen her get a hole in one with a big wood.

  59. Martin 6 Silver badge

    @Accenture on Tiger

    Funny really, because someone who fucks everyone they meet should be a perfect symbol for a management consultancy

  60. Assegai

    Moral relativity

    Going with management consultants is morally worse than going with prostitutes anyway.

  61. Anonymous Coward

    The injunction issued Thursday

    What injunction? thought saying that was prohibited..

  62. Militant Rodent

    What a waste !!

    I just spent £15 on a DVD for Xmas, 'Tigers Favourite 18 holes'.

    Bloody turns out to be about golf !!!

  63. gollux

    Accenture and Tiger are alike?

    is a global management consulting, technology services and outsourcing company?

    is a marital obligations outsourcing entity?

  64. Smite the Unbeliever

    El Reg breaching the injunction?

    I believe that El Reg is in breach of the injunction, as it (allegedly) prevents the publication of photographs of any naked parts of his body, and I can quite clearly see his face, hands, and even his arms totally uncovered in those advertisements.

  65. Anonymous Coward

    Ex Accenture Employee Angle

    Well - ya know... I was employed at Accenture through the Tiger woods era.

    One of the most posted pieces of Propaganda was a Poster that stated....

    Go on - Be a Tiger.

    Well, Accenture seems to have truly missed the boat here. They could have started a whole new campaign launch to truly tie Sir Woods and the company together.

    The Slogan..... Go on - Be a Cheetah

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