Pig plague alert: Our safe sex guide

Cosmopolitan's recent advice on how to avoid copping a dose of pig plague while getting your rocks off - specifically by avoiding the missionary position - prompted the Vulture Central Public Health Bureau to compile an equally nifty cut-out-and-keep guide. Yes indeed, you can't be too careful in these high-risk times, and …

[Anonymous Coward]

Pure genius

You've made my friday once again!

[George Nacht]

I am not the one to throw big words around....

...but this is Playmobil Guide To End All Guides!

Or at least the right way to end every Friday.

Thank you very much!

[Polisson]

Your rating for this article

Surely, there's only one possible rating for this ....?

Paris, who else?

[Anonymous Coward]

Why oh why ...

... oh why, isn't there a Play Mobil re-enactments category in the Turner prize?

[Jay Castle]

Genius.

Simply put, you have made my Friday.

Thank you!

[Nev]

Pure Genius.

That is all.

[Anonymous Coward]

Bravo!

Now, purely in the interests of research, could does anyone have any handy links to said Natalie Portman nipslips?

[neb]

yay...

...its friday

[Anonymous Coward]

Hospital...

"...proceed directly to hospital, where the sterile environment means there's no chance whatsoever of you passing H1N1 to any intimate female friends or paparazzi who might want to visit"

But instead you'll probably end up with MRSA, or whatever this week's superbug is!

[Stu Pid]

You're right...

That isn't safe for work. I've just been sacked.

Coat, for obvious reasons...

[Anonymous John]

It's Friday!

I love Fridays!

[Anonymous Coward]

Goes beyond awesomeness into a whole new realm of jaw-dropping brilliance

One for the Reg's tame lawyer. Have we broken the new obscenity laws by even looking at this vital health information? If so, I can't wait for the trial.

(And is that Lewis inside the scuba outfit - the face mask was so steamed up it was hard to tell)

[Anonymous Coward]

Obnoxious, yer honor!

"since most Reg readers have never seen a woman naked"

I protest! Have too. Just not in the same room as me, that's all.

OK, alright, I'm leaving, no need for the cattle prod...

[David Adams]

Pure Class as ever.

Although I'll never be able to watch "Calamity Jane" in the same light after that first pic!!

[Anonymous Coward]

PLEASE!

Can we have one about photographers and the police state?

[Wommit]

Cosmo

should bin their article and link directly to this.

And I have seen a woman naked, I've got lots of er... pictures... of real females without their clothes on.

[Blake St. Claire]

What made this NSFW?

Did I miss something?

And BTW, I think you have way too many PlayMobile figures.

[Piro]

Unbelievably fantastic

... This is why I keep coming to El Reg, day in, day out.

[Pirate Dave]

Awesome

That was a great way to end the week. Well done Mr. Haines.

[Alex C]

More Plz

More like this please.

We had our office Christmas party last night and frankly I'm good for nothing today, so if you could churn out more of this sort of thing I'd be very grateful.

Ta

Alex

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey, where's the special?

No Optimus Prime this time, eh?

[Evil_Medic]

Lewis?

Does our friend Lewis Page know about these photos of his boudoir?

Pirates, as he will have you keel hauled if the answer is 'no'.

[poobumwilly]

PHWOAR!

I liked this so much I [Censored] my [Censored] until it was red raw!

... And then my secretary walked in! She was surprised and shocked at first until I suggested that she [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] her [Censored] [Censored] in the broom cupboard while I [Censored] my [Censored] [Censored] all over her [Censored] [Censored] and [Censored] [Censored] [Censored].

It was at that point that she showed me a side that I thought never existed! She said that she wanted me to [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] her [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] into a [Censored] [Censored] while she [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] and also while the office temp, Steve, [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] at [Censored] [Censored] and inserted seven [Censored] [Censored] [Censored], plus a hamster!

In short... Best. Friday. Ever!

[Ball boy]

Mr. Haines...

..you, Sir, have too much time on your hands.

More worryingly (tho' not to me I hasten to add) is your plastic perversion: is it legal for a grown man to own this many pieces of playmobile?

On a lesser note, why does the reverse cowgirl feature two women? As a bloke in IT, anything so adventurous is clearly beyond my wildest imagination and I demand an explanation. In full. Preferably with a video accompaniment.

Thank you Lester - Rockall lives on, albeit in spirit.

[sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD]

Best playmobil...

Ever...

However are you guys going to top this one, one wonders.

[Anonymous Coward]

Lester, you've beat all your past efforts

And here I am spouting off with happy ejaculations of congratulation. It's a little wet out, getting my coat....

[Jason Yau]

Does this

count as extreme porn?

[Thomas 4]

I salute you, Mr Haines....

Just when I thought the content on El Reg couldn't become any more depraved, you once again, excel yourself.

o7

[Anonymous Coward]

Clothing Required?

All your models are wearing clothes. Have I been doing this wrong?

[Dayjo]

Hah.

You guys are blood sick.