back to article No more UFO reports please, says MoD

The UK Ministry of Defence (MoD) has decided to close down its UFO reporting service, saying that it is an "inappropriate use of defence resources". The Ministry has closed down the voicemail and email addresses formerly available for reporting sightings. The MoD's page, How to report a UFO sighting, was modified last week to …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Anonymous Coward


    If a little grey man from Zeta Reticuli abducts me tonight and tells me that others of his kind are planning to invade, what am I supposed to do now?

    1. MinionZero
      Black Helicopters

      @"a little grey man from Zeta Reticuli abducts me tonight"

      I think we are all far more likely to be abducted at some point, by our own government people, the way its all going, in black uniforms or suits.

    2. Daniel Garcia 2

      Take your Medicine

      and sleep.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      ...Twitter it and the Guardian will run a full page probing feature with commentary by Stephen Fry.

    4. Anonymous Coward

      Take your effin' meds, that's what.

      HTH !

  2. 7mark7

    It's obvious.

    "It would seem likely that some other branch of government - or other public-spirited body - will now need to take on the task of maintaining the national UFO archives into the future. "

    Step up Peter Benjamin Mandelson.

  3. Anonymous Coward

    Now we've lulled them....

    into a false sense of security, man the saucers!!!

    1. Mark Broadhurst

      Last week would have been better.

      Why am I only finding out about this now its shut ?

  4. Chris Bradshaw


    Shouldn't this come under the Foreign Office anyway? Of course, after the UFOs attack it would be a DoD problem, but until then ...

    OT: We need multiple icon capability - I'd put alien, welcome, bullhorn, helicopters, grenade, fire and tombstone (in that order ;-) )

  5. Anonymous Coward


    The simple fact is that if an alien had the technology, to visit us then they wouldn't dick around "buzzing" us. They'd either wipe us out as vermin, say hello properly or decide that we're too dull to bother with and bugger off again.

    Yes, aliens may exist, but we've got no evidence, and "wanting to believe" resulting in the MOD wasting vast amounts of money chasing the odd weather balloon/effect/reflection is just dumb. I'm glad this sort of nonsense has been pushed off my tax bill, we've got better things to be doing.

    Like paying someone to revise the phrase "Mostly Harmless"

    1. The Mole 1


      "The simple fact is that if an alien had the technology, to visit us then they wouldn't dick around "buzzing" us. They'd either wipe us out as vermin, say hello properly or decide that we're too dull to bother with and bugger off again."

      How do you know? Generally you are likely to be right that as a civilization the aliens would do what you have said but I think that Douglas Adams may have got it right, rich alien thrill seekers intentionally pick out people in deserted places and abduct them for a joke, or perhaps it is an experiment to see how long they can get away with it for... or perhaps they don't exist, but until (and if) we actually meet them we can never categorically say how their minds work and what they would or wouldn't do.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Heard somebody talking about this on R4 over the weekend

      He made the good point that Aliens apparently travel hundreds or thousands of lightyears, get all the way here and then, erm, don't bother actually landing.

      If they were 'here', they'd be here.

  6. Gulfie

    I for one welcome...

    ... oh, hang on, there's nobody to welcome after all...

  7. Wonko the Sane

    Beware, Ye Brits

    Clearly this means that MoD has been compromised by the Pod-People from the Central Alien Galaxy of Zook. The National Health Service has already been compromised, how else to explain the failed IT projects; the Zookians can not abide an efficient NHS since that would uncover the extent to the which the pods have been implanted. The Monachy was taken over years ago until Princess Di threatened to blow their cover. Charles ears are actually satellite dishes for receiving their nefarious signals. And his preoccupation with architecture...just the sort of thing to cover up the electronic brain-mapping equipment meant to keep tabs on Brit brain function.

    The surveillance cameras on every street corner and in every loo report back vital functions to the Great Zook. Aliens are recording every bit of information for a Grand Moronic Convergence scheduled for the next planet alignment. The combined gravitational influence plus the total informational awareness of the aliens can only point in one direction...the French. Repent now ye Brits, thy doom approacheth!!

  8. Anonymous John

    First Torchwood.

    Now the MoD.

    We're doomed!

  9. David Edwards

    OH MY GOD!!!!

    Just as I clinked on this link, my iTunes selection started playing a track for War Of the Worlds!


    Mind you, swine flu will stop em.

    1. Fred 24

      and you think...

      ..thats a coincidence?

  10. Llanfair

    How to get it open again

    We need everyone to say "Take me to your leader" to cows and post boxes :-)

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      re:post boxes

      Great film - highly underrated in my opinion :D

      Oh we are the morons...

  11. Blue eyed boy
    Black Helicopters

    The joke has run its course

    so now our alien overlords have instructed their puppets in the MoD to close the whole shebang down. So when we see one of their saucers, there'll be nobody to say it must have been a balloon, a flight of birds, Venus shining unusally bright or something equally mostly harmless.

    I see black helicopters taking off and receding into the far distance. Hang on - no helicopter can climb like that or manoeuvre like that. Could they just possibly be

  12. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    We don't comment and even if we have to, we leaft doubt.

    "The MOD has no opinion on the existence or otherwise of extra-terrestrial life. However, in over fifty years, no UFO report has revealed any evidence of a potential threat to the United Kingdom."

    Talk about a non-denial denial. Get Fox Mulder on the horn!

    That rushing sound you hear are Alpha-Level sentient von Neumann machines visiting through GCHQ's "donut" blueside portal. Prepare to be rightsized.

  13. Gianni Straniero
    Black Helicopters

    Please spam Nick Pope instead

    I had a look at the recently-declassified UFO files. The vast majority is made up of wearisome correspondence between wingnuts and put-upon civil servants. Very little UFO material at all.

    Of course that's only the stuff they decided to declassify. The *real* files are kept... etc... etc...

  14. Fred 24

    Perhaps they'll listen this:

    ..and reconsider. Pittttyyy fuuull huuuumans!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    a man from mars

    does this mean amanfrommars can know reactivate his fleet with impunity

    1. breakfast Silver badge


      The chances of anything coming from amanfrommars are a million to one.

  16. Markus Wallett

    If some1 says I wanna believe one more time I'll zap 'em with my remote control

    If something's a reality it doesn't matter what you believe. Only highly specialized compartments within the MOD are in the know when it comes to the "visitors". The vast majority of the MOD are in the dark. The MOD's official ufo desk was only there for public consumption -- it was a waste of time in the first place, although I'm sure it gave those in the know a greater purview of what was taking place across the UK.

  17. Havin_it

    At last, all becomes clear!

    All this time we've been cynically refusing to acknowledge any common cause between Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, and now it's staring us in the face. The pair of 'em are/were Reticuloid agents, charged with provoking us into draining our defence budgets until these cutbacks became inevitable.

    Now you know why bin Laden only puts in 10 poxy minutes' worth of grainy video appearance every six months or so: that's as long as he can keep his holographic image inducer powered-up for!

    Now the full-scale infiltration phase will begin, with them systematically replacing our national leaders. Mark my words, in just a few months' time you can expect Gordon Brown to suddenly all but disappear from public view. Oh wait...

  18. Sarah Davis

    silly earthlings

    "Non-committal", I've heard of that.

    Oh well, having no department must be better than a department that lies.

    It seems my work here is done!

    (mine's the one with the transporter control in the pocket)

  19. Charles Manning

    They can't do anything anyway

    No point in telling MoD because they don't have any weapons left.

    You'd do better to tell the Met who seem more capable of killing people these days.

  20. Anonymous Coward

    No problem

    By the time our mother ship arrives, you humans will be back in the stone age put there all by yourselves.

  21. MacRat

    Doctor Who

    I smell the seed for a future script.

  22. Steve Roper

    re: Grr

    "The simple fact is that if an alien had the technology, to visit us then they wouldn't dick around "buzzing" us..."

    In the first book of Julian May's Galactic Milieu saga (Intervention), the alien races of the Milieu spent 60 years doing flybys in Earth's atmosphere to get us used to the idea of extraterrestrials before finally making formal contact in 2013.

    While this is science fiction, it does describe one valid motive for extraterrestrials not making contact before scoping us out and making us aware of life elsewhere...

  23. alien anthropologist


    > I smell the seed for a future script.

    Cripes. Do you also swallow or what?

  24. Anonymous Coward

    It worked!

    Our master plan worked! Invade! Invade!

  25. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

    The most important question...

    Is SHADO going to keep operating?

    How are they going to be funded, now that the carriers are already looking somewhat dodgy?

    We must keep those vermin from soiling our precious Earth.

  26. CheesyTheClown

    Everyone knows aliens land in Kansas and Nevada!

    Seriously, it was a waste of time and money from the start. Everyone knows that aliens are only legitimately spotted by people using three abbreviated first names such "Jim Bob Joe" and the only people to actually ever get abducted are people "Mary Lou Smith" and they ALWAYS live in optimal space shit landing zones such Kansas and Nevada.

    Brits who think they've seen a UFO and actually believe it are just nutters. Can't find the real thing outside of "The Heart Land" of America. After all, what the aliens REALLY want is breakfast at Bob's Big Boy!

  27. Doug Glass


    "And what's all this rubbish about the Earth being round?"

  28. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Always the same with hapless UK officials

    So, the MOD has been infiltrated by aliens... big news, ha! The whole British Government has been riddled with Soviet spies throughout the entire Cold War and noone ever noticed.

  29. Ted Treen
    Big Brother


    " UFO report has revealed any evidence of a potential threat to the United Kingdom.."

    no intelligence report revealed any evidence of a potential threat to the United Kingdom from Iraqi WMDs & 45 minutes to launch, either.

    The greatest potential threat to the United Kingdom is HM Gov't & it's politicised supine sycophantic "Ministry of's"

  30. Yorkshirepudding

    Uhhhhhh LAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

    Keep an eye out for random cylinders folks!

  31. Ilya Stavinsky

    All UFO organizations are covering up the real facts about UFOs

    Not only the goverment cover up the existence of UFO but unfortunatly all UFO organizations including London UFO Studies group, MUFON etc, are covering up the real facts about UFOs that they live in our Earth's atmosphere.

    When I showed AFOs (Aliens Flying Object) in the night sky to 5 PA MUFON UFO field investigators, chief investigator Butch Witkowski, John Ventre (director of PA MUFON), well-known Ufologists, R. Dolan, P.Robbins, S. Friedman etc - at UFO conference (Montgomery county community College on 10/09/2009), - they were shocked to see them with naked eyes but since then none of them went public with my discovery. Why ? If they officially recognize my discovery then all UFO organizations will cease to exist, because now everybody can see AFOs motherships anytime, everywhere in the world.

    1. Rob 30

      just a name

      couldn't they just rename themselves from UFO* to AFO*, rather than disbanding?

This topic is closed for new posts.

Other stories you might like