back to article Taliban attack Brit troops with explosive donkey

British troops in Afghanistan's Helmand Province will in future eye donkeys with suspicion after the Taliban strapped an improvised explosive device to an unfortunate beast of burden and sent it "galloping" towards a military camp. Major Richard Streatfeild, of the 3rd Battalion the Rifles Regiment, said the insurgents had " …

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  1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  2. cowbutt
    Grenade

    Been watching Chris Morris' "Brass Eye"?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nvfQw8UCDE

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Playmobil....

    or it didn't happen.... c'mon it's ALMOST Friday......

    Or I'll take a photoshop of the angelic one....

    I'm easy to please.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    poor asinus

    "No-one was hurt"

    if you don't count one poor donkey...

    1. N2 Silver badge

      Regretably

      The donkeys fate had been decided by the Taliban,

      Thankfully someone realised what was going on and took appropriate action, no doubt saving their own life as well as many others.

      Pity there was no one with a 338 or .50 cal sniper rifle to take out the insurgents.

  5. SuperTim
    Coat

    Kick Ass!

    Now appearing in Full Metal Donkey Jacket!

    Barack Obama suggests a new wave of troops in "Shock and Ee-Awe!"

    I bet they have a lot of Am-mule-nition!

    ...................I know, i am putting it on as we speak!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    The original Trojan horse

    It's been done before.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    The original Trojan horse...

    It's been done before.

  8. mafoo

    BowPow

    The russians did it with dogs...

    1. Svantevid

      And Americans...

      ... did it with dolphins.

      Which shows how intelligent the dolphins really are.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    LOL

    And I thought it was only in role play games exploding donkeys existed.

    Have they run out of people willing to kill themselves ?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Definitly not for the first time

    Exploding animal is a "common" practice, and already got a response by PETA

    see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_animal

    1. Marvin the Martian
      Grenade

      "common" practice?

      With two recorded instances in the last 30years, I see why you added "quotation marks" there. It's a special value of common I guess, close to "absolutely exceedingly rare".

  11. Jimmy Floyd

    Donkey heaven

    The problem with employing suicide bombers is, presumably, running out of them eventually. Hence the donkey.

    But, thinking back to The Onion's headline after 9/11, pity the poor donkey who - even if it had been successful - would have found itself in heaven without being surrounded by a number of virgins. Donkey virgins, presumably.

  12. Brian Morrison
    Grenade

    Aaaah, Lester!

    You owe me a new screen, or at least a can of screen cleaner....!

  13. Chris Griffiths
    Grenade

    Exploding Donkey?

    It'll be concrete donkeys, Holy Hand Grenades and super sheep next!

    (Thankyou Team17!)

    1. Peter Simpson 1
      Grenade

      Cows next?

      "Fetchez la vache!"

  14. Chris Seiter
    Thumb Up

    History Repeats Itself

    Maybe if they had used a wooden rabbit, or maybe a wooden badger...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    PETA

    People Exploding Temperamental Animals

  16. Rob
    Heart

    Best Bootnote for ages

    Luv it, 'nuff said

  17. asdf
    Joke

    rumor I heard

    This explains why they had to cancel drivers ed classes in the area. The donkey died. Seriously though hasn't this part of the world heard we had a renassiance? If you can read this count your blessings you won the lottery of luck and were born to a pampered life. Also bless the brave men and women who brave this environment to protect our way of life.

  18. DZ-Jay

    Strange times, but then again....

    >> "It is impossible to report a donkey IED up the chain of command without either a wry smile at the ridiculousness or a feeling that the world is slightly off its axis."

    It is a strange state of affairs, indeed. However, just as I was beginning to be overcome by sadness and compassion, I was jolted from that state by the following, which is trully a gem to behold: "I'd rather go bareback than blow up my ass."

    Thanks El Reg. That one has to go to the top of the charts!

    -dZ.

  19. Charles Calthrop
    Coat

    neigh joke

    They should enrage naomi campbell and send her in with a stack of telephones. See how the taliban like phone based explosions.

    what's the difference between a donkey and a clothes horse

    one's a pack horse which expoldes after its bush is set on fire...the other's a donkey BOOM BOOM

  20. Craig Milo Rogers

    IED Means...

    IED means Improvised Explosive Donkey, right? SInce the article didn't quite come out and say it.

  21. Lyndon Barry
    FAIL

    Wait

    "Nobody" has come out with IED having a new defintion of Improvised Exploding Donkey??

  22. 3kids2cats1dog
    Alert

    Stealth Donkey

    The Taliban got the target all wrong! Donkey have next to zero radar cross-section, they were actually targeting airfield. The fact that it toke a keen eye sniper to take out the incoming (instead of a radar guided missile) PROOFS that the Taliban have an advantage in terms of Stealth Tech!!!!

    DARPA need to investigate some kind of Anti-Stealth/Donkey death ray to counter the new Taliban threat.

  23. Richard 102

    So now we know ...

    ... what a Taliban tank is.

    The thing is, they probably stole it from some poor farmer, for whom that animal was a significant part of his wealth.

  24. Tel
    Alert

    Aww

    Shrek will be most displeased

    1. Captain DaFt
      Happy

      Re: Aww

      "Shrek will be most displeased"

      Ok, how soon before we here about retaliatory strikes against the Taleban by an enraged dragon?

  25. Tom 35

    Perhaps

    if we built this large wooden badger...

  26. Daniel B.
    Coat

    Shouldn't they be Exploding Sheep?

    It was Concrete Donkey and Exploding Sheep, not Exploding Donkey and ... erm... wait... no sheep?

    Oh dear! I'm not playing Worms, am I?

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Next it will be jijadi bunnies!!

    I can here the Tommys now--"Wait!! That's no ordinary rabbit!!"

  28. The Flying Dutchman
    Pirate

    real soon now ...

    ... expect eMules attempting to blow up Mandelson...

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Lucky...

    Lucky It wasn't a Bovine IED, now that really would have been A-Bomb-in-A-Bull.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Did AQ release the donkey's martydom video yet?

    You know, the one in which it says that it totally volunteered for the suicide mission and blahs on and on for ages about how great its god is and how everyone else is just dirty sinners and deserve it for not following the donkey's beliefs and all that smug self-satisfied crap they usually come out with? That's the normal procedure in these cases isn't it?

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Loving you....is easy cos your beautiful

    Now all the taliban need to do is train John Stamos's brother Richard to hit the high F !

    ( South park humour )

  32. IR
    Happy

    Not new

    When I went to the middle east I had an ass explosion too.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    PETA

    C'mon PETA!

    Grow some balls! Go to Afganistan and protest the Taliban! Where are your convictions!

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    "blow up my ass"

    Most supermodels would more be expecting blow up their noses, I reckon.

    - alternative punchline -

    Is that the new Barbara Woodhouse donkey-training technique then?

    - alternative punchline -

    I've seen a website where a guy was blowing up some model's ass... or he could have been sucking, it's hard to tell from a still.

  35. Registard
    Grenade

    El ingenioso don Quijote de la Helmand y los talibanes

    "..the gate guard noticed something suspicious when a group of men let the donkey go a short way from the camp and then hurried off."

    Insurgents, yes. Taliban? How do you know the suspicious group of men were Taliban, did the donkey have a beard and wear a funny hat too?

    '"He tried to divert the animal..."'

    What, with a carrot? Or a stick?

  36. David Sidebotham
    Jobs Horns

    On the other hand...

    ...we only blow up goats.

  37. Sordid Details
    Unhappy

    Sums it up perfectly

    "It is impossible to report a donkey IED up the chain of command without either a wry smile at the ridiculousness or a feeling that the world is slightly off its axis."

    Well, there you have it. Why are we there again?

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Right lads cover me.

    "Where is it? Behind the Donkey?"

    "It is the Donkey!"

    "You tit! I just soiled my combats!"

    "That's the most cruel, bad tempered asinine you will set eyes on. That Donkey has a vicious streak a kilometre wide. It's a killer it will do you. Look at the bones."

    "Go on shoot its head off. Donkey stew all round!"

    "Arghhh."

    "Run away, run away, run away!"

  39. Lockwood
    Joke

    New tactic

    The Taliban, having had their exploding donkey plan foiled, have decided to revise their strategy and placing devices in bovine rather than asinine animals.

    This new strategy has been defined by an army spokesman as abombinabull

  40. Secretgeek
    Unhappy

    "...desperate methods..."

    Because driving a truck full of explosives into a checkpoint isn't desperate?

    Sometimes I'm reminded how jaded we are.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    Reminds me of the Balad incident...

    ... in Iraq, not Afghanistan - and it was a cow just outside Anaconda AFB with Semtex up its bum, according to the soldiers who shot it.

  42. JC 2
    Grenade

    How Low Can You Get?

    Taliban now sending in their wives with IEDs strapped on.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Had to be done

    Inky pinky ponky

    Osma bought a donkey

    Donkey died, Osma cried

    Inky pinky ponky

    1. No, I will not fix your computer
      FAIL

      Re: Had to be done

      No, it didn't, it really didn't

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