Taliban attack Brit troops with explosive donkey

British troops in Afghanistan's Helmand Province will in future eye donkeys with suspicion after the Taliban strapped an improvised explosive device to an unfortunate beast of burden and sent it "galloping" towards a military camp. Major Richard Streatfeild, of the 3rd Battalion the Rifles Regiment, said the insurgents had " …

[cowbutt]

Been watching Chris Morris' "Brass Eye"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nvfQw8UCDE

[Anonymous Coward]

Playmobil....

or it didn't happen.... c'mon it's ALMOST Friday......

Or I'll take a photoshop of the angelic one....

I'm easy to please.

[Anonymous Coward]

poor asinus

"No-one was hurt"

if you don't count one poor donkey...

[N2]

Regretably

The donkeys fate had been decided by the Taliban,

Thankfully someone realised what was going on and took appropriate action, no doubt saving their own life as well as many others.

Pity there was no one with a 338 or .50 cal sniper rifle to take out the insurgents.

[SuperTim]

Kick Ass!

Now appearing in Full Metal Donkey Jacket!

Barack Obama suggests a new wave of troops in "Shock and Ee-Awe!"

I bet they have a lot of Am-mule-nition!

...................I know, i am putting it on as we speak!

[Anonymous Coward]

The original Trojan horse

It's been done before.

[Anonymous Coward]

The original Trojan horse...

It's been done before.

[mafoo]

BowPow

The russians did it with dogs...

[Svantevid]

And Americans...

... did it with dolphins.

Which shows how intelligent the dolphins really are.

[Anonymous Coward]

LOL

And I thought it was only in role play games exploding donkeys existed.

Have they run out of people willing to kill themselves ?

[Anonymous Coward]

Definitly not for the first time

Exploding animal is a "common" practice, and already got a response by PETA

see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_animal

[Marvin the Martian]

"common" practice?

With two recorded instances in the last 30years, I see why you added "quotation marks" there. It's a special value of common I guess, close to "absolutely exceedingly rare".

[Jimmy Floyd]

Donkey heaven

The problem with employing suicide bombers is, presumably, running out of them eventually. Hence the donkey.

But, thinking back to The Onion's headline after 9/11, pity the poor donkey who - even if it had been successful - would have found itself in heaven without being surrounded by a number of virgins. Donkey virgins, presumably.

[Anonymous Coward]

Aaaah, Lester!

You owe me a new screen, or at least a can of screen cleaner....!

[Chris Griffiths]

Exploding Donkey?

It'll be concrete donkeys, Holy Hand Grenades and super sheep next!

(Thankyou Team17!)

[Peter Simpson 1]

Cows next?

"Fetchez la vache!"

[Chris Seiter]

History Repeats Itself

Maybe if they had used a wooden rabbit, or maybe a wooden badger...

[Anonymous Coward]

PETA

People Exploding Temperamental Animals

[Rob]

Best Bootnote for ages

Luv it, 'nuff said

[asdf]

rumor I heard

This explains why they had to cancel drivers ed classes in the area. The donkey died. Seriously though hasn't this part of the world heard we had a renassiance? If you can read this count your blessings you won the lottery of luck and were born to a pampered life. Also bless the brave men and women who brave this environment to protect our way of life.

[DZ-Jay]

Strange times, but then again....

>> "It is impossible to report a donkey IED up the chain of command without either a wry smile at the ridiculousness or a feeling that the world is slightly off its axis."

It is a strange state of affairs, indeed. However, just as I was beginning to be overcome by sadness and compassion, I was jolted from that state by the following, which is trully a gem to behold: "I'd rather go bareback than blow up my ass."

Thanks El Reg. That one has to go to the top of the charts!

-dZ.

[Charles Calthrop]

neigh joke

They should enrage naomi campbell and send her in with a stack of telephones. See how the taliban like phone based explosions.

what's the difference between a donkey and a clothes horse

one's a pack horse which expoldes after its bush is set on fire...the other's a donkey BOOM BOOM

[Craig Milo Rogers]

IED Means...

IED means Improvised Explosive Donkey, right? SInce the article didn't quite come out and say it.

[Lyndon Barry]

Wait

"Nobody" has come out with IED having a new defintion of Improvised Exploding Donkey??

[3kids2cats1dog]

Stealth Donkey

The Taliban got the target all wrong! Donkey have next to zero radar cross-section, they were actually targeting airfield. The fact that it toke a keen eye sniper to take out the incoming (instead of a radar guided missile) PROOFS that the Taliban have an advantage in terms of Stealth Tech!!!!

DARPA need to investigate some kind of Anti-Stealth/Donkey death ray to counter the new Taliban threat.

[Richard 102]

So now we know ...

... what a Taliban tank is.

The thing is, they probably stole it from some poor farmer, for whom that animal was a significant part of his wealth.

[Tel]

Aww

Shrek will be most displeased

[Captain DaFt]

Re: Aww

"Shrek will be most displeased"

Ok, how soon before we here about retaliatory strikes against the Taleban by an enraged dragon?

[Tom 35]

Perhaps

if we built this large wooden badger...

[Daniel B.]

Shouldn't they be Exploding Sheep?

It was Concrete Donkey and Exploding Sheep, not Exploding Donkey and ... erm... wait... no sheep?

Oh dear! I'm not playing Worms, am I?

[Anonymous Coward]

Next it will be jijadi bunnies!!

I can here the Tommys now--"Wait!! That's no ordinary rabbit!!"

[The Flying Dutchman]

real soon now ...

... expect eMules attempting to blow up Mandelson...

[Anonymous Coward]

Lucky...

Lucky It wasn't a Bovine IED, now that really would have been A-Bomb-in-A-Bull.

[Anonymous Coward]

Did AQ release the donkey's martydom video yet?

You know, the one in which it says that it totally volunteered for the suicide mission and blahs on and on for ages about how great its god is and how everyone else is just dirty sinners and deserve it for not following the donkey's beliefs and all that smug self-satisfied crap they usually come out with? That's the normal procedure in these cases isn't it?

[Anonymous Coward]

Loving you....is easy cos your beautiful

Now all the taliban need to do is train John Stamos's brother Richard to hit the high F !

( South park humour )

[IR]

Not new

When I went to the middle east I had an ass explosion too.

[Anonymous Coward]

PETA

C'mon PETA!

Grow some balls! Go to Afganistan and protest the Taliban! Where are your convictions!

[Anonymous Coward]

"blow up my ass"

Most supermodels would more be expecting blow up their noses, I reckon.

- alternative punchline -

Is that the new Barbara Woodhouse donkey-training technique then?

- alternative punchline -

I've seen a website where a guy was blowing up some model's ass... or he could have been sucking, it's hard to tell from a still.

[Registard]

El ingenioso don Quijote de la Helmand y los talibanes

"..the gate guard noticed something suspicious when a group of men let the donkey go a short way from the camp and then hurried off."

Insurgents, yes. Taliban? How do you know the suspicious group of men were Taliban, did the donkey have a beard and wear a funny hat too?

'"He tried to divert the animal..."'

What, with a carrot? Or a stick?

[David Sidebotham]

On the other hand...

...we only blow up goats.

[Sordid Details]

Sums it up perfectly

"It is impossible to report a donkey IED up the chain of command without either a wry smile at the ridiculousness or a feeling that the world is slightly off its axis."

Well, there you have it. Why are we there again?

[Anonymous Coward]

Right lads cover me.

"Where is it? Behind the Donkey?"

"It is the Donkey!"

"You tit! I just soiled my combats!"

"That's the most cruel, bad tempered asinine you will set eyes on. That Donkey has a vicious streak a kilometre wide. It's a killer it will do you. Look at the bones."

"Go on shoot its head off. Donkey stew all round!"

"Arghhh."

"Run away, run away, run away!"

[Lockwood]

New tactic

The Taliban, having had their exploding donkey plan foiled, have decided to revise their strategy and placing devices in bovine rather than asinine animals.

This new strategy has been defined by an army spokesman as abombinabull

[Secretgeek]

"...desperate methods..."

Because driving a truck full of explosives into a checkpoint isn't desperate?

Sometimes I'm reminded how jaded we are.

[Anonymous Coward]

Reminds me of the Balad incident...

... in Iraq, not Afghanistan - and it was a cow just outside Anaconda AFB with Semtex up its bum, according to the soldiers who shot it.

[JC 2]

How Low Can You Get?

Taliban now sending in their wives with IEDs strapped on.

[Anonymous Coward]

Had to be done

Inky pinky ponky

Osma bought a donkey

Donkey died, Osma cried

Inky pinky ponky

[No, I will not fix your computer]

Re: Had to be done

No, it didn't, it really didn't