Been watching Chris Morris' "Brass Eye"?
British troops in Afghanistan's Helmand Province will in future eye donkeys with suspicion after the Taliban strapped an improvised explosive device to an unfortunate beast of burden and sent it "galloping" towards a military camp. Major Richard Streatfeild, of the 3rd Battalion the Rifles Regiment, said the insurgents had " …
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The problem with employing suicide bombers is, presumably, running out of them eventually. Hence the donkey.
But, thinking back to The Onion's headline after 9/11, pity the poor donkey who - even if it had been successful - would have found itself in heaven without being surrounded by a number of virgins. Donkey virgins, presumably.
This explains why they had to cancel drivers ed classes in the area. The donkey died. Seriously though hasn't this part of the world heard we had a renassiance? If you can read this count your blessings you won the lottery of luck and were born to a pampered life. Also bless the brave men and women who brave this environment to protect our way of life.
>> "It is impossible to report a donkey IED up the chain of command without either a wry smile at the ridiculousness or a feeling that the world is slightly off its axis."
It is a strange state of affairs, indeed. However, just as I was beginning to be overcome by sadness and compassion, I was jolted from that state by the following, which is trully a gem to behold: "I'd rather go bareback than blow up my ass."
Thanks El Reg. That one has to go to the top of the charts!
The Taliban got the target all wrong! Donkey have next to zero radar cross-section, they were actually targeting airfield. The fact that it toke a keen eye sniper to take out the incoming (instead of a radar guided missile) PROOFS that the Taliban have an advantage in terms of Stealth Tech!!!!
DARPA need to investigate some kind of Anti-Stealth/Donkey death ray to counter the new Taliban threat.
You know, the one in which it says that it totally volunteered for the suicide mission and blahs on and on for ages about how great its god is and how everyone else is just dirty sinners and deserve it for not following the donkey's beliefs and all that smug self-satisfied crap they usually come out with? That's the normal procedure in these cases isn't it?
Most supermodels would more be expecting blow up their noses, I reckon.
- alternative punchline -
Is that the new Barbara Woodhouse donkey-training technique then?
- alternative punchline -
I've seen a website where a guy was blowing up some model's ass... or he could have been sucking, it's hard to tell from a still.
"..the gate guard noticed something suspicious when a group of men let the donkey go a short way from the camp and then hurried off."
Insurgents, yes. Taliban? How do you know the suspicious group of men were Taliban, did the donkey have a beard and wear a funny hat too?
'"He tried to divert the animal..."'
What, with a carrot? Or a stick?
"Where is it? Behind the Donkey?"
"It is the Donkey!"
"You tit! I just soiled my combats!"
"That's the most cruel, bad tempered asinine you will set eyes on. That Donkey has a vicious streak a kilometre wide. It's a killer it will do you. Look at the bones."
"Go on shoot its head off. Donkey stew all round!"
"Run away, run away, run away!"
Diplomats and soldiers were left grappling with appallingly inadequate IT and secure communications support as thousands of Afghans struggled to get help from the UK during the fall of the capital Kabul in August.
A massive shortfall in PC availability, lack of login for secure IT systems, disjointed IT systems and a desperate attempt to fall back onto printed paper methods all contributed to chaotic scenes at the newly merged Foreign, Commonwealth, and Development Office (FCDO), according to written testimony put before Parliament today.
"On the evening of Saturday 21 August, the soldiers were issued one FCDO computer for every two soldiers. These did not work because FCDO IT had not issued the passwords to unlock them. These computers were finally unlocked on the afternoon of Sunday 22 August. Until this, the soldiers worked with one computer shared between roughly eight people," said former desk officer Raphael Marshall in his evidence [PDF] to the House of Commons Foreign Affairs Select Committee's Inquiry on Government Policy on Afghanistan.
A second leak of personal data was reportedly committed by the Ministry of Defence, raising further questions about the ministry's commitment to the safety of people in Afghanistan, some of whom are its own former employees.
The BBC reported overnight that the details of a further 55 Afghans – claimed to be candidates for potential relocation – had been leaked through the classic cc-instead-of-bcc email blunder, echoing the previously reported breach of 250 Afghan interpreters' data through a similar failure.
An MoD spokeswoman said in a statement: "We have been made aware of a data breach that occurred earlier this month by the Afghan Relocation and Assistance Policy (Arap) team. This week, the defence secretary instigated an investigation into data-handling within that team."
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