Sh*t the bed, it's Comment of the Week

It's Friday, and across the internet is heard the thin cry from a thousand (OK, maybe a couple of hundred) hapless souls forced against their will to read Comment of the Week. O cruel fate! If only they were given choice as to what to click on. Well, too late now, bozos. It'll look like you've read it in the stats even if you …

[Major N]

1

Oh, The Intergalactic Laxative will get you from here to Mars...

[frank ly]

@Major N re. 1

That would be an interplanetary laxative actually. It is against Federation laws to use intergalactic laxatives within two light years of a planetary system.

[Daniel Wilkie]

Me

I think I deserve some cowballs because I think you're as cute as a button?

Pretty please? :p

[Dan 10]

Problemette

I would make a case for someone's particular comment, except that it appears that by allowing us plebs to reply to other comments, it is no longer possible (presumably to save screen space/repetition) to copy text from a comment? Admittedly, the crap ancient desktop build in this workplace means I'm still on IE6, but still....

[Jerome 0]

Wichita Lineboffin

I am a boffin for the agency

And I drive the oscilloscope

Lookin' in the lab for another infeasible artificial intelligence related breakthrough

With my skills in advanced robotics

I could work for Cyberdyne

But the Wichita Lineboffin

Still evaluates the spline

I know I've tried extensive weather control

And it don't look like rain

But if I can focus this microwave weaponry

You won't ever stand the pain

And I need a shark with a frickin laser beam attached to its head more than want it

And I want it to be capable of hovering in mid-air for extended periods whilst still maintaining its stealth capabilities

But the Wichita Lineboffin

Still evaluates the spline

[Anonymous Coward]

Huh?

Unless I've missed something, how is CoTFW Comment of The Week? Surely COTW or CoTW. AC in case I'm being very very silly.

[Count Ludwig]

"Like raaain on your wedding day"

Yes, WTF does that F in CoTFW mean?

[Jim 59]

Tyrun - (Back) into the Valley

We were amused by this late contender:

"I also remember crying at my computer to myself after hours of typing a certain program and nothing happening.

At least I don't do that at work [when] my code fails, I leave the room first."

[Carcass]

Remember Compute Magazine?

My first box was a Commodore 64. There was this magazine called Compute - they had a Commodore version that came with programming listings in not only BASIC but machine code - you could type in pages upon pages of hex codes on the gawdawful C64 keyboard. Only to have it often fail. The tears would be a combo of the failure of said application to run as well as pain lingering in my once-functional fingers.

Danm, though, I miss those days... (except for "EasyScript", which was anything but)

[Arnold Lieberman]

There's something so very wrong

about having a comments section regarding an article that is a comment on the comments sections of other articles...

[Fred 3]

<Title>

So say we all....

[Anonymous Coward]

CoTFW

That 'F' doesn't appear to correspond to anything in the phrase "Comment of The Week". I think I see what you did there.

[Steve Evans]

@Daniel

I don't think the "You're cute, do you come here often?" line is going to work on The Moderatrix.

Try more grovelling, pleading and begging; scatter with profuse apologies, the words "Maam" and "Mistress", and you might just get away with some red marks across your behind.

[Mike VandeVelde]

On the cosmic highway to the moon

We're on the cosmic highway to the moon

The bays are loaded and the engine's well in tune

Dad says at this rate

We should get there half past June

The earth is rather dreary

Since we singed the sky

On the cosmic highway to the moon

[zanto]

damn!

that's why i love this site.

[Hardcastle]

Cowballs?

I've yet to find any cows with balls. Bulls, yes, but no cows.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmm, I don't really think this item is working out

although I'll happily dish out the bonus points for "shit the bed", not least because it will piss off that American dude with the ultra-virtuous daughters who, one presumes, are properly toilet-trained. Unlike their father.

[Anonymous Coward]

here's a start on witchita lineman

I am a router for level 3

And I ride the back bone

Now I got peers down all my pipes I'll never stand alone

I get pounded by bit torrents

And botnets phishing with my lines

I'm a level three router

your packets are mine

... or something :)

[jake]

It seems to me ...

It seems to me that the comment of the week has been demoted to comment of the fortnight ... Or maybe I managed to miss last week's epistle (or clean forgot about it). Somehow I can't be arsed to go back and look.

[Anonymous Coward]

Uh- - vanity or what?

Mine own CoTW were the one about "aspirantly, aspiring aspirants" or something like that

(Shhh ... reasoning :-) )

[nyelvmark]

Yawn

If "Comment of the week" is "you have to work the first week in hand" - a joke that certainly long predates this organ, and possibly the entire history of the written word - then I have to wonder about the quality of the other comments last week.

Perhaps The Register might consider appointing a more mature person to the role of moderator for this column - someone over 18 years of age would be good - if, in fact, you have any staff that match that qualification.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Sh*t the bed, it's Comment of the Week

It's true I only just turned 17. Forgive me.

[GrahamT]

5+7+5 = 17

***"I shall be dealing with all the numpties in that thread who can't cope with the 5-7-5 format in due course."***

"It's true I only just turned 17. Forgive me."

Ms Moderatrix

Irony is your forte

We l'haiku so much

[Anonymous Coward]

Thank you, thank you *bows*

I am a he, yes.

I shall be magnanimous in my complete, utter, and thoroughly-deserved victory though. Here's your cowballs Daniel:

http://msp91.photobucket.com/albums/k298/djnth/JillBalls.jpg

[Anonymous Coward]

Addendum

@Hardcastle and any future pedants: You and I both know that cows don't have balls. Nevertheless, that's what comes up on Google Image Search for 'cowballs'. So either

1) They're American

or

2) The photographer doesn't like Jill very much.

You have to take it a you find it on the internet. Heifer loaf is better than none.

[unitron]

TFTFY

There was young man came from Dell

A computer he wanted to sell

Made in Poland, said he

and there's just a small fee

And you get Windows 7 as well.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ooohh

Commenty votey things, where did they come from?

[jake]

@AC 00:10

"Commenty votey things, where did they come from?"

Nobody knows ... It's probably best not to ask.

Methinks that manglement at ElReg is in need of reconfiguring ...

[Winkypop]

Balls!

That's all, I never win anything!

[ThomH]

@AC

I wouldn't worry about them; with the implementation pushing you to a different screen with no clearly marked way back (especially if you logged in on the screen immediately before), nobody much is going to use them.

[Coltek]

Why Should Britain Tremble...

And that's all.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Balls!

it is not the wining that counts, it is the taking part.

I would like to take this opportunity to say, this particular week has seem some marvellous entries, some stonking corkers, and there was certainly stiff competition all round.

So, Winkypop (if that is your real name), seek solace in that as the world spins another 7 times, so will your opportunity to claim the crown and scepter for, Comment of the Frigging Week.

[Eponymous Cowherd]

Infamy at last

I'm not poet.

And I know it.

***"I shall be dealing with all the numpties in that thread who can't cope with the 5-7-5 format in due course."***

Excellent. Always willing to learn. I'll let you know when Mrs Cowherd is out feeding the chickens.....

[Blake St. Claire]

Better than everything else

Is the admission by the Moderatrix that she has a pain chamber.

[jake]

@GrahamT

"Ms Moderatrix"

5, and a good start!

"Irony is your forte"

That is only 6 ... Instead, try "Irony is your forte, eh?"

"We l'haiku so much"

Contrived, 'orribly, 'orribly contrived. But this member of the Peanut Gallery approves :-)

[GrahamT]

eye ron ee is your for tey = 7 syllables

forte is two syllables, but I couldn't find the acute accent.

As long as Ms Bee doesn't demand sonnets or alexandrines, I think I can cope.

[jake]

eye ron ee is your fort = 6 syllables.

"Forte" is pronounced "fort". Take a fencing class.

[Anonymous Coward]

@GrahamT

> I couldn't find the acute accent.

I found it for you: é