back to article Virginia corrections officers on 'dog fondling' rap

Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers are facing misdemeanour animal cruelty charges, after one of them allegedly masturbated a "K-9" police dog while the others caught the action on video. According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Melvin Boone, 40, Cheri Campbell, 35, Anthony Eldridge, 33, Kelvin Thompson, 25, and …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    red rocket!

    red rocket sparky! red rocket!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How do you think AI works with dogs?

    No, AI is not the IT angle in this story. Ask any veterinarian how artificial insemination (the other 'AI') works with dogs. How many vets do you think have been arrested for this?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Somehow I doubt the dog thought it was being cruelly treated, probably enjoyed it. But one has to question the mental state of anyone who thought wanking their dog was a good idea.

  4. Hollerith 1


    A few domination issues to sort out, chaps?

  5. MarkOne
    IT Angle


    The officers name wasn't Keith Lard or Keith Laird was it by any chance?

  6. Greg J Preece

    Animal Cruelty?

    Eh? Jacking off a dog is cruel to the dog? Yes, it's a bloody odd thing to do, but cruel?

  7. Cameron Colley

    They're lucky they don't have the laws the UK does.

    Over here they would be found guilty of producing extreme pornography.

  8. Mike007


    your honor the prosecution claims allegations of animal cruelty, in my clients defence i would like to submit in to evidence the video in question - does it look to you like they are being cruel to the dog, or does it look to be enjoying it?

    cruelty? the dog is male, males like masturbation, dogs can't masturbate themselves, so he was just helping!

  9. Trevor 3

    An ideal time to use the...

    Monika Lewinski defense.

    Kids if you don't know what that means ask your parents.

    Scarily you are old enough to be born after the event, and yet old enough to understand the actual case.

    God I'm old

  10. wobblestar

    Common knowledge!

    I used to work in a police force. It was common knowledge that police dog handlers masturbated their dogs to "get their loyalty".

  11. Ally J
    Paris Hilton

    Perhaps an urban legend, but....

    (No, not *that* urban legend.) A law enforcement officer I know (I shall be no more specific) assured me that w*nking off the dog was a way of establishing dominance and ensuring the animal behaved itself. (He wasn't a dog handler himself. Ahem.)

    That said, it may be a practice that police officers do, but prefer not to be filmed doing. Like smacking protestors.

    Paris, for the inevitable dog/masturbation/filming jokes.

  12. twunt

    Keith Lard!

    He interfere's wi' dogs!

  13. Pete 8

    If it were

    a non-copper - this would have received different treatment, none of this namby pampy crap.

    Production of animal porn - highly objectionable material, doubtlessly commiting:


    Dog Masturbatory Camera Acts


  14. LuMan


    "dogs can't masturbate themselves"

    What?!?! Most dogs I've seen can lick their own s0dding genitals!! Is that not masturbating??? Christ on a bike I'd MUCH rather be able to do that* than just knock one out by hand!

    *Yeah, I know, 'give him a biscuit and he might let you' har-dehar!!

  15. Pavlovs well trained dog


    I think, if I was a male dog, kept far far way from the members of my own species who could assist me in matters ejaculatory, and lacking the thumbs to take things into my own hands, I think I might enjoy the odd assisted tug from my *cough* 'hand-ler'

    It's a strange and odd thing for a human to do tho

    strange strange strange indeed

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not a crime?

    Farmers milk animals all the time (milk as in cause them to ejaculate for the purposes of collecting semen) , so do zoo keepers, so why would this be a crime?

    Yes it might offend the morals of someone watching, but who is the complainant here?

    Cruelty?... Are they suggesting the dog was raped? OMG! The psychology trauma of the poor dog! He'll be in therapy for years.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Let me the first to say

    This article is the dogs bollocks, liquid filled and extremely sour.

  18. h4rm0ny

    Everyone has done this...

    You know how dogs love having their tummy rubbed? That's because it's sexually stimulating to them. Think about how a male dog has sex. If you've rubbed a male dog's tummy, you've masturbated it.

    This is stupid.

  19. Anonymous John

    Let's hope

    we don't get a Playmobil reconstruction.

  20. Jolyon

    Barbara Woodhouse


  21. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Your standard trick

    I know you publish these things so that people can ask where the IT angle is.

    In any case please note my choice of icon representing the "brute beast"...

  22. Mothballs
    IT Angle

    A pedigree chum

    All together now, "Nick nack paddiwack..."

  23. Oz


    I believe that greyhounds are regularly masturbated as it helps them perform better (on the track, that is). Why the others filmed it, is presumably down to the fact that they couldn't believe the bloke was actually doing it!

  24. kneedragon


    Our informant Mike Richards notes: "You know, I'm almost certain Tom Baker never said that to Leela."

    Oh really? Tom would never be silly enough to film it, or do it in front of several other witnesses - I believe that - but did it happen?

  25. Graham Bartlett


    Clearly you're not a dog owner. As the owner of two female dogs who also like having their tummies rubbed (and no, I'm not rubbing anywhere else), I'm in a position to tell you you're talking rubbish.

    A dog lies on its back to display submission. By standing over it and rubbing its tummy, you're simultaneously acknowledging your dominance and (by doing something nice) showing that you're its friend. A dog lying on its back can also invite other dogs to stand over it in a dominant position, so dogs will also use this as an invitation to start a play-fight with another dog.

    The coat with the dog-biscuits and little plastic bags in the pocket...

  26. Graham Marsden

    Remember Rebecca Loos...?

    On the Channel 5 "reality show" called "The Farm" Ms Loos was given the job of masturbating a pig to collect its semen.

    These days, of course, it would probably be classed as Extreme Pornography...

  27. RainForestGuppy
    Thumb Down

    Reality TV???

    Didn't Channel Five show the bird, that David Beckham was alledged to have had a fling with, giving a pig a hand shandy live.

    I know if wasn't well received but it didn't get C5 in trouble for pornography, just crap TV.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I suppose ...

    It's better to have the dogs wotsits empty rather than Rover to start humping the prison govenor's leg

  29. Inachu

    Oh please!!!!!!!!!!

    People touch the sexual for every reason on the planet!

    There are jobs where you must help the horse and cow inseminate for selective breeding and you must sometimes have the skill set of a fluffer to let your stud breed with a customers horse.

    In this case if it was for fun and games then yeah punish the police but being a dog doing police work is stressful and getting a release will make the dogs perform better at their jobs.

    But would be better if they just let the dogs breen with other dogs at the station.

    There are countless videos I have seen on youtube where peopl let their dog hump their foot with total abandon so ..... ummmm yes I have not seen the police dog video.

    Perhaps I should view the video to see if the officer is guilty or not.

    Maybe a 30 day suspension of pay.

  30. h4rm0ny


    I have owned a dog. And he did get excited by having his tummy vigorously rubbed. Whether or not it applies to female dogs I don't know but I wouldn't rule it out - nature abhors needless complexity and if She leaves nipples on male mammals, I don't see why females can't share an erogenous zone. And your implied logic is faulty, no offense. Yes, dogs lie on their back to show submission. This has no relevance. After all, if you masturbate a dog more directly (i.e. with the dogs willy), it can be done while the dog is lying on its back. That the dog can lie on its back to show submission doesn't mean that it wasn't being masturbated.

    I'm not saying this so that people will stop rubbing dogs tummies by the way. I don't want to be responsible for increased frustration in the canine world. It's just an observation.

  31. John F***ing Stepp


    Did either of them lite a cigarette afterwords; 'cause really this anti-smoking thing is more important in the states.

  32. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

    I've never seen...

    ...Caesar Milan do that on the dog whisperer.

    Paris, Oh hang on, Ally J already said it...

  33. James O'Brien

    Ok This wont be posted more then likely but here goes

    Virginia Department of Corrections: Dog Botherers

    Are we sure this was an attempt to start a new reality show?

    "Grimes reckons Beasley will have a hard time making the charges stick."

    Umm eww? I didnt need that image in my head Lester.

    Though this does bring to mind the scene from NL: Van Wilder where they did essentially the same thing with a dog and eclairs.

    "Thompson's lawyer, Terry N. Grimes, said his client "plans to plead not guilty, but admitted to fondling the animal". He explained that his client was told by the others: "If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you'll have greater control over it."*"

    Yes this is the way we make a dog behave, turn it into our sex slave. . .Next we will have a video from them of a dog running around in a gimp mask with elecrodes clipped to its balls.

    Though I must say. . .Can we get a playmobile re-enactment? :P

  34. ElReg!comments!Pierre

    @Graham Bartlett

    "As the owner of two female dogs who also like having their tummies rubbed (and no, I'm not rubbing anywhere else)"

    I wonder how bestiality nipple-fondling is regarded in your country... If you're a Briton, you should probably hope that El Reg won't give your IP away to the plods. You dirty dog rapist, you.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Question is...

    How am I going to stop pi$$ing myself laughing next time I see a Police Dog Handler?

  36. Mathew White

    Animal Cruelty?

    Did the dog make a complaint or did it leave the officer a $5 tip...

  37. jake Silver badge

    No. AI doesn't work that way.

    I've been working with dogs and horses my entire life (close to 50 years). AI doesn't work that way, there is little or (preferably) zero human-animal genitalia contact. Too much room for error, and for contamination. Really, look it up.

    I've also worked as a consultant to the Palo Alto PD's K9 unit (went in to work on the network, stayed to help with the dogs). That is NOT a recognized method of dog control in any jurisdiction I'm aware of (and if any jurisdiction thinks it IS a good method, they need to be re-educated). In my opinion, this incident was simply hazing that got out of control.

    The officer in question should be cited for stupidity, and the other four placed up on charges for hazing.

  38. Dingo Mike

    Just pathetic...

    This is ridiculous. It is a very, *very* well known (but unspoken of) practice, amongst K-9 law enforcement, trainers, and showdog handlers, to masturbate male (and even female) dogs who are in high-stress training situations. It helps them blow off excess energy, releases endorphines that help counteract the stresses they experience in their training, and helps consolidate the relationship between the handler and the dog that makes for a much more responsive partnership.

    Masturbating a dog is about as harmful as playing fetch with it; sure, the dog could suffer a relatively rare paraphimosis in the case of a male, or a possible mild vaginitis if female and the masturbator hasn't got clean hands, but then playing ball with a dog can result in all sorts of injuries as well. To turn this into a crime, to suggest that the dog was somehow hurt, is just ridiculous, and testament to the ultraconservative prudishness the USA suffers from, and other countries are starting to go the same way.


  39. Dingo Mike

    @ jake: In regards to AI...

    @ jake:

    Natural assisted matings, yes you are right. But AI? Do you even know what the acronym stands for? Semen collection for freezing and later use, or for breeding soundness examination (semen quality assessment), involved a lot of genital handling. Yes, it should be done in as sterile a fashion as possible in that case, but simply masturbating a dog is going to contaminate it about sa much as a dog licking its own genitals.

  40. M7S

    Its just Ruff Justice

    If the office goes to prison, will he be someone's bitch?

  41. jake Silver badge

    @Dingo Mike

    Yes, I know what it means. Did you even bother reading mine? We ship the stuff all over the world, equine and canine, cryo-packed for your enjoyment. And no, no Vet I have ever worked with (and there have been quite a few over the years) has resorted to manual canine genital manipulation in order to get a sample for cryo. Why bother? Essence of bitch in heat is cheap, simply provide a proper receptacle and nature takes care of the rest. Same for the horses, although we usually have a mare (or twenty ...) in season, so the bottled stuff is unnecessary.

    On the other hand, if your vet enjoys it ... well, who am I to judge?

  42. Dingo Mike


    Ah, I see where you are coming from. I was speaking purely from the perspective of handling the genitals in some way during AI, not using masturbation as the sole method of collecting semen. Certainly, the old fashioned method of Crumping a stallion for semen collection isn't as effective as using a teaser mare and an AV, but it's still used in some practices. Dogs seem to produce a better ejaculate when appropriately massaged behind the glans; better in the sense that the sperm-rich fraction is ejected more thoroughly before thinning out, though I know some vets like to mix the second and third fractions in the belief that it actually helps preserve the semen better during cryo. Never really believed that myself.

    Still, back on topic: Masturbating a dog in and of itself isn't harmful. Period. To call this "animal cruelty" is ridiculous.

  43. jake Silver badge

    @Dingo Mike

    "Still, back on topic: Masturbating a dog in and of itself isn't harmful. Period. To call this "animal cruelty" is ridiculous."


    THAT said, in the not quite 50 years I've been breeding, training and working with animals, including my time training K9s and my time as an AKC judge[1], I have never, not once, ever, heard a professional suggest that masturbating dogs is a good training technique. I HAVE, however, heard of it being used to haze newbies. If your local group of dog folks think it's a good technique, I respectfully suggest that you have been had.

    Consider: Dogs "hump" to demonstrate they are Alpha. Bitches do, too. So do Alpha mares, Alpha milk cows, and Alpha sheep and goats. Same for any other pack or herd animal. If you allow them to "hump" you, you become their bitch. End of discussion.

    [1] Herding, working, sporting and hound groups (with a side of non-sporting when I was trying to get Standard Poodles back to sporting, where they belong) ... in theory, I can judge BIS, but I'm not interested in the politics involved ... and I have better things to do with my weekends these days. Probably did then, too :-)

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