Sounds great until...
someone makes the phone call for the dying person, and the medics take their time because the person who made the call sounded just great!
Apparently respectable programmers in Japan claim to have developed an algorithm which can tell, merely by listening to a person briefly, whether or not they are about to die. The revolutionary doomsniffer software was developed by Kenji Ohshige and a crack team of boffins at the Yokohama City University. It was developed not …
"merely by listening to a person briefly"
caller : "I've been shot in the head"
computer : 90% death likelihood
caller : "I've had an accident with my trousers zipper"
computer : sniggers 5% death
Odds could be further refined by asking the simple question. "Are you about to die?" then analysing the bried 'yes/no' response.
Humanity saved, pints all round!
Seems that Nokia Networks and Siemens could've used that, rather than pissing about with Viterbi algorithms...Should've listened for the approaching ambulance siren instead.
Then I might still have had a job. Bugger.
-Seymour Bybus (Old Nokian's will know that monicker).
"correlating such factors from the calls as "breathing status" and "consciousness level" with the eventual result of the call - for instance, was the caller then found dead or dying by responding paramedics, or were they comparatively frisky."
So... if you're consiousness and breathing, chances are good. If you're unconscious and not breathing, renew your life insurance sharpish. Awesome breakthrough that is.
Doesn't sound too hard, I could knock that up in a couple of IF statements :)
>Being a Star Trek security guard who's never been seen before but is joining the landing party?
As Eddie Murphy (honestly he used to be hillarious kids before he started making 2 hour long kids toilet humor movies) says, "Bones, Spock, come with me. Yeoman Johnson you go that way by yourself down the dark spooky path." Boy this economy has me and many others feeling like Yeoman Johnson these days.
"Here, hold my beer, I wanna try something!"
"Let me show you what happened."
"Nah, I've done this dozens of times, it's safe."
"No need for all of that safety gear, it'll only take me a minute."
"Take the hammer, I'll hold the spike, and when I nod my head, you hit it!"
"Don't worry, they just say "Don't try this at home" for legal reasons."
Coat, because I'm out the door when I hear one of these from somebody.
"If the estimated life threat risk was higher than 10%, the triage form categorized patients
into A+ (the probability that the patient faced a risk of dying was very high), and an
ambulance, a fast response car, and a fire engine were dispatched."
And yet none of the questions they asked was "Are you on fire?"
And what, pray tell, is the use of such a tool ?
If I phone for help, I want it pretty damn sharp whether or not I'm going to die.
Up to now I have only had to phone for help twice - once for my mother, once for my daughter. In both cases, I was counting on the ambulance getting there as fast as humanly possible.
In both cases, the computer would have indicated that I'm not about to die. Would the ambulance have been slowed down by that ?
"Hey guys, you gotta get to this address, but take it easy, the victim's not dying, she's just in terrible pain."
"Gotcha Joe, I'll finish my coffee and be on my way."
No thanks, really. I prefer the method without death detection.
"It's just being in hospital then not being bankrupt afterwards is lots better than being, well, American. See?"
They are incapable of seeing. In their sad little bizarro uiniverse, see, not being able to pay means deserving to die. Make no mistake this is completely acceptable and moral to the sorry fucks, mainly because their definition of rationality is so sorely abberant, like all extremists.
I have developed a new system which can do the same as the japanese on but with a much higher degree of accuracy. It's essentially a voice recognition programme which looks for the phrases:
"Help i've just been stabbed"
"I wonder if that snake was poisonous"
"The house is on fire and i'm trapped under a beam"
and the all time favorite
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