back to article BOFH: Baitin' switch

"OK, let's just take a look then," our recent office addition says, clicking on the network management tool. "Ah, there's your problem - your port is only set to 10 megabits per second, half duplex. If I just change that to auto you'll notice a short outage while your machine's network interface readjusts itself to 100 meg …


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  1. Zebidee


    Something wrong with ebay?

  2. greenmantle


    'Rare as rocking horse shit'.

    Simon, you owe me a new keyboard, but I have a signed blank expense claims form to take you to the pub with!

  3. Jon Lamb
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    Back on top form

  4. alyn

    Bugger the switches - use servers

    A rackfull of Proliant servers falling on you will do a lot more damage. Then you can buy the latest quad-core jobbies to replace them.

    Where's my screwdriver?

  5. Rich Harding
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    Best one in ages

    LOL-funny all the way :)

  6. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Free Radical Regicide ...... Right Hornery Shenanigans

    BOFH for Virtual EU Presidency Detail. ....... Community Service. Who needs then a Dodgy Crooner and Hopeless Mate on a Bridge Pontificating at the Helm.

  7. Rick Giles
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    Top notch!

  8. Graham Dawson Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Oh crud...

    And I was just considering applying for temp work in IT support...

  9. Richard Bragg
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    That's more like it .

    nothing fancy just plain simple BOFH.

  10. neb

    once upon a time...

    ...i was that temp and its all coming back to me

    my lawyer will be in touch with the PTSD claim shortly!

  11. The Repulsive Monkey
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    Vintage BOFH

    Great to see BOFH back to his roots of bonding user self-destruction to system upgrades. If only I could get better toys by the shameless elimination of users.

  12. lukewarmdog

    well played

    To the very end.

  13. Lu
    Thumb Up


    see title

  14. Duckorange
    Thumb Up

    BofH: Final Destination

    Right from the first paragraph I knew poor, dead Graham would end the tale as a red, sticky, still-twitching pile of dismembered body parts, barely identifiable as human amid the metallic carnage.

    The joy was in the journey.

    Sorry, I haven't put anybody off their lunch, have I?

  15. Ian Ferguson
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    Best one in a long time

    If it gives me evil ideas for work, it's a good BOFH :)

  16. K

    BoFH rides again!

    only 1 word needed - AWESOME!

  17. bmuckknock
    Thumb Up

    Old times

    That is traditional BOFH

  18. Chris Beattie

    Good one!

    Simon, you are my hero!

  19. Eldnah

    Let's hope poor Graham survives ...

    ... after all, the lad caught on pretty quick. And he knows his stuff. Now, if he's sent back to the temp agency with a "Well Done!", when he's out of traction he might be hired into other departments --- said departments none the wiser that a spy is in their midst. As a temp he'll doubtless see the insides of IT departments at other firms ... the tentacles of the BOFH reaching far and deep.

  20. Nic Brough 1
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    I was just looking for a new way to get rid of a bean counter. I hadn't thought of encouraging them to investigate the hardware racks by fiddling with connectivity. It'll work though - they always yell when the pron^H^H^H^H online data feed slows down.

    <reaches for screwdriver>

  21. Craig 28

    Indeed it is traditional BOFH

    None of this implied impending violence we've had so much of at the end of the recent BOFHs, in this one someone actually *gets* it. The combination with the system upgrades is just the icing on the cake.

    The strength of BOFH for me is where you know that violence *has* happened, not that it is *probably going to* happen.

  22. Darkside

    Blood sports

    Graham was given a sporting chance. They told him what was going on and he still put his head in that cupboard - evolution in action.

  23. Dave 129
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    Love it!

    Fan-bloody-tastic! Looks like the prospect of beer tokens paid off ;)

  24. Gerrit Tijhof


    And loving it :)

  25. Rosuav
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    > Sorry, I haven't put anybody off their lunch, have I?

    Nah. Anyone who is eating lunch while reading BOFH already knows what they're up for.

    But I have to confess. "Two in one day" - I'd be satisfied with two in one fortnight - new episodes, that is. This is the correct standard, though!

  26. Lykofos

    Oh yah!

    Ah the BOFH is back in classic form. No months long wait either. My week has been concluding an up note.

  27. Anonymous Coward

    Well Done!

    Time for your brew now.

  28. satburn


    Poor Graham... he was easy to spot as the "red shirts" in Star Trek.

    BNC FTW!!!

  29. Marty McFly Silver badge
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    The real BOFH has returned!

    Welcome back!

  30. Peter Fairbrother 1

    An argument against net neutrality.

    I hate to say it, but here's a good argument against net neutrality.

    For P2P, VOIP and (maybe sometime later) video, fast interconnect speeds are useful - but if everything else goes faster too. it's just another way for the lusers to f**k things up faster than they would otherwise.

  31. Il Midga di Macaroni

    Graham given a sporting chance?

    Graham was given more than a sporting chance - he was given the whole story! Normal trainees don't get anything like that. I was almost expecting him to join the team for a moment there...

  32. Adrian Esdaile

    BNC, the good ole days

    Ah, I got all misty-eyed and teary at the mention of coax; back in the day I had a whole collection of terminators, including one beauty with a momentary-disconnect switch in the end of it.

    Endless hours of fun making segments suddenly vanish!

  33. James Condron


    Shove in the BOFH teaching students 'rm' and you have the ultimate old school. Truly excellent stuff; the oldest is the funniest. And the messiest.

  34. Anonymous Coward

    Movers to replace

    "Now we’ve done what we could about this,” I add. “My assistant here managed to back a van over a couple of boxes of them during the building move - which was quite tricky as they were being carried by the movers at the time - but we have stacks of them to replace"

    At first, I understood that the movers, not the switches, were the ones with stacks of them to replace. How cruelly funny.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    for a short time...

    I thought perhaps the PFY was getting ready to be replaced.

    Glad to see hes not. (But should be)

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Worth waiting for...

    Just make sure the next one comes out, on time, next FridAaaaaaarrrgghhhhh

  37. JRandomPerson


    ... potentially bright young lad I thought.

    C'est la vie (or should that be c'est la mort.)

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Teaching rm?

    You mean rm that is short for readmail?

  39. Amos


    Of course it is.

    ... and xmail is short for ex-mail ...

  40. wyrm
    Thumb Up

    lol wut

    nobody mentioned a succesful implementation of cascading switches yet?

    Simon for president :-)

  41. Nate H.


    The perfect ending to the week. Thanks SImon!

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