back to article 'Do You Want To See My C*ck?' asks budding author

The world of books is buzzing about a new publishing sensation to rival Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol, industry sources have revealed to The Register. A groundbreaking proposal from new North West author Duncan Webster arrived at the office of publishing giant Random House last week, but quickly leaked to rivals and has sparked …


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  1. TimS
    Paris Hilton


    Surely this has to be one from the Timewaster Letter series?

    Paris? Well....

  2. Anonymous Coward

    funny idea... it might just work...

    You can tell its a Friday,

  3. GrahamT

    I'm disappointed

    I thought this was an article about chicken farming.

  4. Dave Murray

    You can say one thing for him...

    he's got balls!

  5. Prag Fest
    Jobs Halo


    I'll have a look.

  6. SuperTim

    I had that idea already.

    I walked around with a picture of calum best under my raincoat!

  7. Anonymous Coward

    Is the sequal...

    "Stop Fannying About"

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The worrying bit is

    We're all going to laugh at the stupidity of the idea, then some publisher will pick up on it, make millions and before we know it Duncan Webster will be on every TV panel show and radio comedy in much the same way Dave Gorman keeps dining out on the back of one good idea rather than any actual comedy ability.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    This seems to be the sort of author who should be directed to such luminaries of the publishing industry as the Writers Literary Agency, in the fervent hope author and agent enjoy a life-long business relationship. For the rest of us, I am sure that more conventional approaches will work far better, if we're any good as writers.

    (I do think that the turn-round time some publishers give for submissions is excessive. At least this guy knows they've read his letter.)

  10. Lionel Baden

    yeah i loled

    this is definatley for christmas pressies when you dont know what to get somebody !

  11. Anonymous Coward



  12. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge
    Big Brother

    How long then

    before he finds himself on a List.

  13. Dr Jeep

    In the words of Jesse...

    "This week, I have mostly been showing people my knob."

  14. northern monkey
    Paris Hilton

    My suspicion is...

    ...that he'll be surprised how many people he can indeed show his cock, although an entire book devoted to the various cruising spots of his locality might get a bit boring (and shock a number of people as to what's really going on in their local library!)

  15. Anonymously Deflowered

    I have some suggestions for him

    1. Visit a young offenders institution and ask the same question

    2. Then a primary school

    3. Profit!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Celeb tie-in

    He's just ghost-writing it for Ewan MacGregor.

  17. alyn

    Sounds like a song

    Sounds like a song by Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, along the liners of "Do you f**k on first dates".

  18. D@v3

    More a case of

    Look at me, i AM a cock

  19. David S

    Ah, the good old days...

    ...when people like this simply wandered around in shabby macs and breezy trousers. What's his follow-up title? "Want a sweetie?"

  20. Alexander Kaye

    Alternate Title

    I've got something in my pocket for you.....

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Lame, but here's my 2 cents

    "As I said, doctors would be an easy start"

    Even easier, go to a gay bar.

    Maybe Paris could make a movie and.........oh, never mind.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    It would have to be very well written to be worth reading. I would investigate Mr Webster's writing talent before agreeing to publish. It takes more than a funny idea to write a whole book and I can see this getting old fast once the novelty has worn off.

    Wait.. I am wrong. People will buy that based only on the cover and the lulz.

    Also I would quite like to see his cock since I am wondering what it looks like now.

  23. 10to4

    Good idea

    Does he catch his victims out by revealing not the contents of his undercrackers, but instead a whips out a picture of James Martin, the well-known TV Chef and indeed, cock.

    Paris. I expect she'd like to see one.

  24. A J Stiles
    Paris Hilton


    Surely when you've seen one cock, you've seen them all ..... haven't you?

  25. Brock Linahan


    he must have taken his proposal to Bantam?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Nice idea

    I can imagine the breakfast TV book review now.


  27. windywoo

    There's always the old...

    Hole in the bottom of the popcorn trick too. Nudist beaches, nudist ramblings, professional Rugby...

  28. Anonymous Coward

    Depends on how it's written

    Yeah, sure he's showing people his cock. Ha ha ha.

    But it'd be interesting to see the different views on it- interviews with people around the world on whether or not it's considered a bit dodgy (even having asked for permission) to whip out one's todger. Even funnier to see peoples reactions when they've just said "yeah, I don't think it's that big a deal" and he asks if they'd like to see his...

    And if it's a crap book, he could do "Do I Look Good In SemiTransparent American Flag Drag" while touring the middle east for his next one.

    I don't think I'll get the original priapic-cover, I think I'll wait for flaccidback before I buy it...

  29. Bad Beaver
    Thumb Up

    well, I don't

    Sounds like a fun book anyway.

  30. The Metal Cod

    If He's Serious About Showing His Schlong

    Then he should join the Puppetry Of The Penis crew. Good thorough warm ups essential though or trying the Hamburger will put you in hospital.

    If, OTOH he wants to show how much of a prick he is then he should look into getting a job with Phorm...

  31. Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of an old joke...

    A hooker approached my window once and asked if I'd like Super Sex...

    I replied if it was all the same to her I'd have the soup.

  32. Ivan Headache
    Paris Hilton

    I was walking up Charing X

    Road a couple of weeks back and there in a bookshop window was a coffee-table sized volume (you know, about A3 sized) called "The Big Penis Book".

    The cover picture left nothing to the imagination. (Not as big as mine, naturally.)

    Paris because....

  33. David Barrett
    Paris Hilton

    Ill bet...

    Ill bet that this letter is taken more seriously than the FSF letter about how evil windows/Microsoft is!

    Id just put a video of it swinging around on you tube and start rick rolling people with it.. (actually its probably less irritating/offensive than the actual Rick Astley video anyway!)


    // 7


    \ \

    \ \

    _\ \__

    ( \ )


    Hope the ascii art knob finds you well.

  34. Christopher Martin
    Big Brother

    Seriously not worth it

    ... unless the aspiring author is so passionate about this idea that he's willing to quickly end up on a sex offenders' registry for it.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    If his name had been

    Howard Webster, he could've called it Howard's Bell-end.

    Paris, because she's still looking for the bell.

  36. TeeCee Gold badge

    Re: Sounds like a song

    The one that sprung to mind for me was "The Wanker's Song" by Ivor Biggun.....

  37. Graham Bartlett

    Beware who you flash too

    Reminds me of something my gran told us, ages back. Being a dog owner, she'd regularly meet other local dog owners on walks around the local woods. Anyway, the word went round the dog walkers that this lad was flashing women in these woods. An elderly friend of my gran's put a bit of a halt to his career though when he flashed her, she took a look and told him, "Young man, I used to work as a nurse, and I've seen a lot better ones than that!"

    Grannies With Attitude. Can't beat them. :)

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not really original.

    Adrian Edmondson explored this in his book "How to be a Complete Bastard" back in the mid-80s. The two main strands were, firstly, getting your nob to make history, so that it has to be shown on the news, and secondly, getting your nob on "That's Life."

    On the subterfuge front, I refer you all to Nick the Dick's "salami in a bun" stunt in the Tom Hanks film "Bachelor Party."

    On the music front, I nominate "The Dog, the Dog, He's At It Again" by Caravan, and "I Want to Show My Flower" by Hilltop John.

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